How The Eff To Get A Boyfriend After 35

[SilverLining]

I refuse to sleep with anyone on the first date. I don't typically hold to the 3 date rule - I don't particularly like rules. I do it when it feels right, which is typically after a few dates. Within the first month, most definitely. I have a sex drive that might be a big higher than average? I'm not sure.

[anduina]

My impression is that you interview guys during your correspondence and dating. Instead of interviewing them, maybe you can relax and try to enjoy getting to know them?

[Sweetfish]

So can I be politically incorrect? I want to derail from the normal responses.

I would suggest a chunk of your issue may be the culture and demographic you reside in. I did live in Chicago a little bit so I do know connecting with people can be a little difficult.

 

But I'm going to derail and do not take it personal.

 

Judging by your post, sincerity and openness to the world your probably a good women. Your kind of caught in a bind you really shouldn't be in, but I have a question I'd like to ask as well

 

My last boyfriend said I was the best girlfriend he had ever had, and pretty much everyone else I have ever dated has said that even though things may not have worked out, I could not be faulted as a person. I have always been loving, affectionate, generous, understanding, romantic, and reasonable.

 

a lot of people are genuinely surprised that I am single - my ex boyfriends are surprised I am still single!

What happen to these boyfriends? You noted that you pushed many people away. I"m not trying to be mean, but i'm laying the cards of reality out. If you pushed these guys away that means you've broken some hearts or maybe they broke yours for the last 5 years. I don't know?... but now its to the point your dating ugly guys and you shouldn't be dating guys your not attracted to specially if you say you have a healthy sex drive.

 

Its to the point that your saying you wouldn't go back to some exes...but you wouldn't mind going below your standards in the online world.

 

- but the point is that no one is willing to learn any of these things about me because no one is willing to put in the time and effort to get to know me. And even if they did, I'm well aware that I can be ignored for someone more attractive. That's just how it is.

I read many post in here where women are confused to why they are being ghosted online and its because the tables have simply turned in the man's favor. Its now these women who have to approach and feel rejection or disappointed. In your 20's you had a sea of men looking for you and trying to get your attention. You had boyfriends you pushed away. Now your subjected to whats left. Jaded men burned in the past, players or weirdos. You're simply experiencing exactly what young men go thru when they are below the age of 35.

 

 

Lets say Im an average decent looking male who is 37.

I have an education. a decent high paying job

A house with mortgage and nice car.

Have a nice profile and I don't look like a push-over.

Fit and have a nice dog or two.

 

Why would I look for a woman in her mid or late 30's?

At this age what will a long term relationship do for me?

and getting married at this point is like playing Russian Roulette with a fully loaded chamber.

 

A guy who has been thru the game or taken to the cleaners by his ex-wife who is well established is going to have his heart and wallet on guard or become jaded as you said. Men have so much more to lose in a relationship and if they are going to play such a game they know they can get women 10 years younger.

 

Being in Japan you should know this.. Once a Japanese woman is 35 or older her odd of getting a date or married are slim to none. Because Japanese men love youth... to the point that some women alter their voice and behavior to appear more childish like to attract men. This may be a bit different out of the city..but Its no different here in the states. The other slim hope is if she is a Geisha as it just projects that a man is high status or she finds a foreign man.

 

There are plenty of young men who are GOOD men willing to literally kill them selves to death for a woman and create a family and children. I just think many women step over these men in their 20's or want the guy with an edge. Women are looking to get the top 10% of men these days and when you get one of these guys that are the top 10%... (hell lets say 20%) every year he ages and as long as he keeps him self decent, intelligent and socially engaged his chances of cheating on you with a younger women are HIGH.

 

 

In Japan this was so prevalent.. I remember seeing many men with two cellphones. It wasn't until later I found that many older Japanese men would have a side chick and many times the wife knew it...but it was ok as long as she didn't see it. I'm not advocating this behavior... But because a Japanese woman looks falls off after a certain age and they are no longer desirable by men.

 

I think we need to understand that women have a biological clock...but its HIGHLY over looked that men want a young fertile biological oven.

 

 

A lot of men here say you look great and you say you have an education and kind and passionate. But a lot of men in a good position start acting entitled specially when the power shift and the dynamics of dating shifts in their favor.

 

The quality of men is dropping.

More women are graduating school and will not date down.

Less men are going to college.

More men are opting not to get married

The pool of strong men is sinking.

 

This is the dating dynamics i'm noticing and i believe you will see even more single women as the expectations are just too high.

Edited December 26, 2016 by Sweetfish

[shoplocal]

IMO, OLD is used more by guys who are looking for a quick hook up because it takes little effort. Who wants to deal with lazy losers.

 

Agreed. This is most men on OLD. (But not all!)

[shoplocal]

Whew!

 

SilverLining - you remind me of me in some ways. Which is a bummer. We both put walls around ourselves that are so automatic we aren't even aware of it...and men aren't the type to go hammering those walls down.

 

You need to really examine yourself and figure out what those walls are, whether you want to keep them, and if not, how to break them down. Some examples of walls are:

* being too good/caring/helpful/etc

* dressing or grooming yourself differently from your social peers (unless you've got great style or you're punk/goth/some other niche, this seems to keep men at bay)

* physical awkwardness, like poor coordination, resting bitch face, etc

* not being sexual enough

 

I list these walls because I know I struggle with them and I suspect you have at least one. But if you're not aware of it, then you can't deal with it.

 

You have a pretty face and assuming you're not too heavy, you probably are physically attractive to most men. You sound like a really good person...but good women don't attract men. Not one of the women I know, who are routinely in relationships or in solid marriages, could be described as nice or good. Not even if you made a list of their top ten qualities. They're not bitches or evil or bad, they're just not pure and good. You know what I mean?

 

I am sending you hope and support from Boston. Good luck. Keep your chin up. Try not to let lame-o's on OLD bum you out too much. And re-consider your willingness to drive into Chicago. I'm biased because I'm a city girl, but if I had a car, I'd drive out of the suburbs at every chance.

[Miss Clavel]

Oh no...Elizabeth...

 

Maybe we both need to move to where dating is easier. Is there any such place?

 

alaska has a 100 to 1 ratio of single men to single women. just sayin. that's where my cousin met her husband. he was working on the pipeline and she was working in a bank. they moved back to the states after the wedding.

 

and no he's not a neanderthal, bearded carnivore. he just happens to love the outdoors.

[IfonlyIknew]

Okay I sent you a PM with his facebook, his brother (David - same last name) is single as well he's a bit younger (30).. so take your pick Lol I think Matt would be the better fit though.

[SilverLining]

Sweetfish - I really appreciated your post. It did make me think.

 

What happened to my exboyfriends:

 

- married with kids, but is a friend. He considers me 'the ex' that he compares other women to. He has a very high opinion of me, but we were first loves. We were engaged once upon a time.

 

- used to be friends, but he stopped talking to me when he got a girlfriend. He had a high opinion of me as well.

 

- is now married with a kid. We were engaged and this is the relationship that destroyed me. He thinks I am a great person and was a great girlfriend, but he had issues with communication that ruined our relationship.

 

- loved me for over 10 years but when I tried to date him it didn't work out. I don't want to hurt him anymore. He has a high opinion of me and we still talk, but sporadically because again, I don't want to hurt him.

 

- married with a kid. He told me he was pretending to be nice to get me to like him.

 

- was in love with me but I felt he was too pessimistic and he constantly **** all over my profession. He can be extremely cruel when he wanted to be. He did have a high opinion of me but I've stopped responding to him because of the cruelty.

 

- was a great boyfriend but wanted to explore polyamory and it isn't for me. We are still friends and he has a high opinion of me.

 

- in love with me now, I don't feel the same, I don't want to hurt him. He has a high opinion of me.

 

- just told me he was in love with me today. We had major physical problems and I can't go back to that. He has a high opinion of me, obviously. He said I was the best girl he has ever dated.

 

And peppered in between are guys that I'm not in contact with anymore, guys I dated short term, guys overseas, guys that wanted to date me but I didn't feel attraction for...etc etc etc. I'm not a mean person, I don't cheat, I am loving and giving so people don't normally dislike me when we break up. However I think it's obvious that there's no one there I can really get back to.

 

You know, I can easily, easily date guys who are in their early 20s. I look young for my age and am usually mistaken for about 25-27. But I don't normally date guys that age, because...usually the maturity and the life experience isn't there. So when you bring up dating women in their 20s, I just...I don't get it. I don't get the allure. I do get messages from very hot young guys in their 20s and I know it's all about sex. A lot of those guys think it's awesome to hook up with a girl my age. Some of those guys specifically prefer women my age. But I want someone more on my level. And sure, there may be jaded men out there, and men who want women who are younger than they. But I also think there are a ton of men who want someone who is also on their level. Yes, in Japan there is a fetish with youth. And you know who gets left behind? Attractive women who aren't really that old, who are educated, confident, smart, and cultured. And I think they are a hell of a lot better than some 23 year old giggling moron. In fact, there are plenty of western men who specially come to Japan to date those women. They are amazing and they deserve to be treated as such.

 

Specifically, I think immature men who have something to prove go back for younger women. I think confident men who have their **** together and who are intellectually curious, emotionally stable, and realistic in life want an actual partner and not an ornament. The reason that people in Japan cheat so much is because they do not really have the same type of romantic relationship that we have here in the states. The men work long hours and are away from home often. The women are in charge of the money and the household. The women cheat just as much as the men, or they refuse to have sex anymore - Japan has a high number of people who identify as asexual or who just lack interest in sex. I have a lot of friends who married women who, once they had kids, decided not to have sex anymore. Not every couple, but it happens. All this to say that there is certainly many more culture issues at play here than 'men like youth'. Maybe YOU prioritize a young woman, but I know many men who prioritize a strong connection no matter what the age.

 

However, I do think it is fair to say that men might have better choices at this time than women.

[SilverLining]

Alaska eh? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

[Sweetfish]

The dynamics of reality and what we perceive or wish to believe are two different things.

 

You know, I can easily, easily date guys who are in their early 20s. I look young for my age and am usually mistaken for about 25-27. But I don't normally date guys that age, because...usually the maturity and the life experience isn't there.So when you bring up dating women in their 20s, I just...I don't get it. I don't get the allure. I do get messages from very hot young guys in their 20s and I know it's all about sex. A lot of those guys think it's awesome to hook up with a girl my age. Some of those guys specifically prefer women my age. But I want someone more on my level.

 

So you have young guys looking for women your age because possibly they seek mature women and you kind of in a slight way shamed young women and see them as not alluring to older men. Yet, you praise that you look young. You say you want someone on your level, but you assume the younger guys are only looking for sex?

 

As you progressively get older it will be harder for you to find the guy you want. Its a reality women just refuse to see. This is why you created this thread.. no?

 

It is much easier to find a decent quality man around your 20's as most of these men will wed before they are 30

 

And sure, there may be jaded men out there, and men who want women who are younger than they. But I also think there are a ton of men who want someone who is also on their level.

I beg to differ.. I think your missing the target. With the divorce rate at 50% and 80% of the divorces are triggered by women as a collective. This is just divorces...I cant imagine in the dating pool what the percentage of women as a collective dumping men vs women. Lets combine this with women only perusing 20% of the top tier men on online dating media. You really think men online are going to spend the time to read an online profile and custom make a message were 80-90% of the response will come back empty. He could be doing this for months and only getting back 1 or 2 messages.

 

Maybe you should make an online profile as a man and pursue women.

 

Again, with out a doubt. You are expressing exactly what I wrote. You are now pursing men with empty responses and the men you don't want you decline them. Because men at that age who are decent and well-rounded and sociable have the advantage now. They become the top 20%

 

 

Yes, in Japan there is a fetish with youth. And you know who gets left behind? Attractive women who aren't really that old, who are educated, confident, smart, and cultured. And I think they are a hell of a lot better than some 23 year old giggling moron. In fact, there are plenty of western men who specially come to Japan to date those women. They are amazing and they deserve to be treated as such.

Again.. you missed the target. Men have a fetish with youth (with exceptions). That's just Japans way of displaying it. They get access to more women because of money and power which makes men look attractive. Yes, I agree there are many educated and confident smart older Japanese women. But as another poster said what do they have to offer? Exactly same that a 25 year old male has to you. Men and women needs are different that's why you cant pin point that allure

 

I've never seen 40 year old cheerleaders at a football game nor at Hooters. Men and womens desires are just different.

 

Specifically, I think immature men who have something to prove go back for younger women. I think confident men who have their **** together and who are intellectually curious, emotionally stable, and realistic in life want an actual partner and not an ornament.

Where you thinking this 5 years ago? I think some women ride a gravy train and feel that because they are a woman they can get a man and settle down when they want to and I just don't think its the case. You are now seeing the small fraction of quality guys as your progressively get older. You say you can easily get a guy online.. which is a total one 180 from your original postwhich made me raise my eye brown... but the reality is you cant find a decent guy who meets your criteria.

 

Its the Media and Hollywood that make us believe that having the hot young girl is the end goal. Its the Magazines that force women to wear makeup and slim down and cut fat. Men are not buying breast implants. Women are? They are the ones making the value of youth rise like a worthless penny stock.

 

guess what... Japans birthrate is alarming and its mostly because men are becoming jaded to the point they don't want to marry, date, or have a girlfriend. You do realize the economist of japan joked about taxing good looking men to give ugly men an advantage so women will find them more appealing.

 

I'm giving you the reason to why its not so easy to land a great guy anymore and you your self said you had men chasing you when you were younger and that its not the same anymore.

 

I'm giving you another perspective of what some males feel, so that when you go on a date with these guys.. you know what their perspective MAY be of women.

 

on that note here is a short video

 

Edited December 31, 2016 by Sweetfish

[Mrlonelyone]

 

- in love with me now, I don't feel the same, I don't want to hurt him. He has a high opinion of me.

 

What is love?

 

I ask because if you can answer that you may open the door to just loving this guy back. Problem solved.

 

Everyone I have loved as an adult have been people who did not impress me physically at first or second or ever. I fell in love with their personality.

Love may be thinking the world of someone, and wanting to protect them from hurt.

 

Just a thought.

 

On and to the poster above who described moving back from Alaska as moving "back to the states"...Alaska is one of the states. IJS.

[2005tahoe]

All I can say is, I could have written that post.

 

I dont know what to do either.

 

I get guys who ghost and then come back to get sex or I dont get anyone.

 

 

 

Not all guys are like this, I have had the same luck with meeting the ladies. Everyone I meet either ghost or want just sex, I actually want a relationship that will lead to marriage.

[ElizabethIII]

Not all guys are like this, I have had the same luck with meeting the ladies. Everyone I meet either ghost or want just sex, I actually want a relationship that will lead to marriage.

 

I dropped off the thread for a while but back.

 

I do want a serious relationship but I just got another one who is leading me on.

[SilverLining]

Hi ElizabethIII! It's nice to see you again. Happy New Year! 2017 is going to be a better year for all of us. I just know it.

 

Sweetfish - I lived in Japan for a few years so I think I know a bit about this.

 

I have many, many male friends and a lot of them would be really insulted to hear you talk about how men all want young girls. A lot of men do not want that. A lot of men want equal partners. And frankly, I'm insulted that you somehow think women don't like youthful men or find young men attractive. Women are highly visual, just like men, and appreciate the male form. Men are more focused on physical beauty, but it's not all about youth. Are we obsessed with youth? Sure - but most of that is fantasy. Sure, I know some guys that would like to be with a young, pretty girl, but most of my male friends BY FAR recognize that even if they were with the young pretty girl, they would be annoyed and bored because the mindset and experience is not on the same level. And I don't disparage young men who want to date me as 'just being about sex' if that's not what they are about, but the truth is that a LOT of young guys 21- 25 are interested in fooling around with women in their late 20s to 30s because according to them, the sex is usually better and you don't have tons of drama. This is why more than half of the messages I receive online are from guys of that age group.

 

You misunderstand me. I'm not slighting younger women or younger men. I'm saying that we all grow and become wiser and more experienced, and most people want someone on their level. When I was in my 20s I wasn't going to date someone in their 40s. I was on a different wavelength as is natural. I was going out, dating around, experiencing the world, making mistakes, being crazy. That's how it should be. I was figuring myself out. And sure, there were older men who wanted to date me, but I'm sure that they would think going out to the club and hanging out with 20 year olds screaming and taking selfies and puking and saying stupid things would get pretty damn old after awhile. Most mature men with their **** together take a look at that and say, "Yeah, you are hot but I need something more than that to be happy." And that's as it should be too. Now I'm on the other side, in my mid-30s, and no, I don't want to spend my nights at the club and be around other 20 year olds because I'm done with that part of my life. I look young, so when I go out I am approached by these younger guys. That's a statement, not a boast. I do not want to date 20 year olds. I want a mature, kind man who has his **** together. You could argue that you can find that with someone in their late 20s but then you have to deal with whether or not he is ready for marriage and kids, all of which I am ready for.

 

As for online dating, my roommate is male and I'd say less than average attractiveness. He's had a LOT of success. He's dated maybe 5 women in a short space of time and he's in a relationship now. In the same length of time I've been contacted a LOT more but those contacts generally don't go anywhere. No, I'm not contacting the top 20%, and in fact I'd argue that men are the ones who contact the top percentage of women in general because men are a lot more physically focused.

 

I saw your video. I found that the woman looked gorgeous. She didn't look old. She was youthful, fun, but also well-rounded, independent, capable, strong. To my eyes, she's a million times more attractive than your average 20 year old. To me there's just no comparison. And I bet that when she does end up with someone, she will be happier. Most people who want to marry, do eventually marry.

[Fugu]

I'm educated, well traveled, and a great person but I just seem to be alone all the time. It's been this way for years. When I was in my mid20s I was in a 6 year relationship that just destroyed me, and I spent the next 5 years or so casually dating and pushing people away because I just was not ready to be vulnerable again. Now I'm ready, and have been ready, but it's just not happening.

 

When I was overseas I was living in Japan, which is pretty well-known for western women having difficulties dating. When I got back I ended up moving in with my friend in the Chicago burbs. This is a nice area, but nothing is going on here - everyone just goes to the city, which is a drive and then when you factor in traffic and expensive parking...ugh. I lost touch with a lot of friends when I went overseas, and many of them moved away, which means I only have a handful left, none of which can really introduce me to anyone single and interesting. My family live in another state and never introduce me to anyone. I've tried bars in my area and in Chicago, but I'm always overlooked for younger, cute girls...not that I blame the guys, I used to be one of those young cute girls too!

 

I've tried online dating, but I generally get tons of messages from guys that I am not attracted to at all...and I'm trying to be really openminded by not going for 'hot guys', just average men...overweight and bald can be ok if the personality is good. When I message guys I don't tend to get a response. When I finally AM talking to someone he immediately starts talking about sex, or he has nothing going on in his life besides watching football and drinking beer, or responses are like 1-2 words and I'm incredibly bored. I really try to talk to these guys, I ask them questions and I try to steer the conversation to fun things but eventually we both give up and stop talking to each other. Meeting guys tends to go nowhere. I went on a date and he said he was really attracted to me and was happy that I seemed so smart. We talked for hours and had some really interesting conversation. Then he messaged me for an additional 2 hours after the date. Then...nothing. A guy before that met me, said he was really interested in me, asked me out again and again said he was interested, asked me out again...and then stopped talking to me. No idea why - I asked if we were still going to go out and there was never a response. The guy before that - we chatted on the phone, he said he really wanted to meet me, when I tried to set something up there was silence.

 

I know I'm not the most insanely beautiful and interesting person ever, but I have had a lot of men tell me that I'm attractive and that they can't understand why I am still single. Those men are always attached though - friends, and exes. So, there has to be someone out there for me? I'm not a headcase - in fact I've had more than a few guys tell me I was great to be in a relationship with, or that I was laid back and fun...my last boyfriend told me I was the best girl he had ever been in a relationship with.

 

What are other girls doing? What are guys doing? Can any men on here explain why all this ghosting is happening?

 

I know I'm late in responding but I'm wondering about your social life at the moment. Are you connected to a social scene of any kind? Dating always seems to get tougher as you age (men and women) just because so many people our age are already in marriages or relationships. Even if they're divorced some men might have kids and tend to shy away from committing to a relationship of any kind.

 

I'd probably give the same advice for any person of any age: stay engaged in a social scene of some kind. Not clubbing or anything like that, but just being active in volunteering or your hobbies and interests.

[Sweetfish]

I have many, many male friends and a lot of them would be really insulted to hear you talk about how men all want young girls. A lot of men do not want that. A lot of men want equal partners. And frankly, I'm insulted that you somehow think women don't like youthful men or find young men attractive. Women are highly visual, just like men, and appreciate the male form. Men are more focused on physical beauty, but it's not all about youth. Are we obsessed with youth? Sure - but most of that is fantasy.

 

You totally took what I said out of context and I also highlight your contradictions.

 

As noted... a lot of women I come across REFUSE to believe that after 30-35 the chances of picking up good quality men will continually decrease and drastically decrease after 40. They still believe they are still prime as if they are in their 20's and early 30's.

 

You can definitely find a great man without a doubt.. it just becomes harder and maybe its better. Who knows?

 

Most men on average like beauty and I highly doubt your many male friends are looking at porn with women in the 35-50 range. Breaking neck for a 40 year old women or going to strip clubs that show case older women. I am not saying older women are not beautiful or not good looking.But please explain why women wear make up and men don't? Because most women seek beauty and youth. Its a Billion, if not trillion dollar business making women look younger.

 

and you your self pride your self in your youthful looks. Not to sure how your insulted...but its not my fault. Its reality. Also, your wrong. Most men do not mind a partner who is not equal. It is mostly women on average who want a man equal or higher value than she is or brings something to the table.

 

When I was in my 20s I wasn't going to date someone in their 40s. I was on a different wavelength as is natural. I was going out, dating around, experiencing the world, making mistakes, being crazy. That's how it should be. I was figuring myself out. And sure, there were older men who wanted to date me, but I'm sure that they would think going out to the club and hanging out with 20 year olds screaming and taking selfies and puking and saying stupid things would get pretty damn old after awhile. Most mature men with their **** together take a look at that and say, "Yeah, you are hot but I need something more than that to be happy." And that's as it should be too.

Really? This is how it should be? Most of the population going crazy between 20 and 34 and then deciding between 35-40 who they are going to marry and settle down with? Not all women are taking selfies, puking and doing stupid things. Reality is there are a ton of men that have their **** together that are starting and focusing on their goals and career at a very young age. You completely reinforced what I said prior and you step over these guys in your prime years.

 

Now in your current age bracket "your wavelength" many men who got married and/or have been burned and divorce are in the same position you were in when you were in your 20's or with women that swooped them up and now they are married.

 

Now I'm on the other side, in my mid-30s, and no, I don't want to spend my nights at the cluband be around other 20 year olds because I'm done with that part of my life.

Now that your burned thru the prime years of your life partying and experimenting you have a small window to find a great guy and one you connect with and after 40 your chances of getting married are at staggering 23 percent and men after 40 usually don't get married or do not want kids.

 

As for online dating, my roommate is male and I'd say less than average attractiveness. He's had a LOT of success. He's dated maybe 5 women in a short space of time and he's in a relationship now. In the same length of time I've been contacted a LOT more but those contacts generally don't go anywhere. No, I'm not contacting the top 20%, and in fact I'd argue that men are the ones who contact the top percentage of women in general because men are a lot more physically focused.

That's because male looks are not what attracts a women to a man on OLD. Its the content on his page. You prove this by saying you get a lot of hot males sending you messages online and you avoid them.

 

Im not saying you as an individual are only look for the top 20%. women as a collective look for the top 20%. You are now forcing your self to look beyond your previous dating habits to acquire a decent male counterpart . This in essence falls into play every single point that I have made and you still refuse to agree;)

 

Men do not contact the upper 20% of females and are more open to looks and content... Every major dating sites have dumped their figures and prove this time after time.

 

The problem i've seen in western society more often is modern women's needs change too often.. at 18 they want to fall in love.. at 25 they want to club/party and then they burn out and want a family. Men do the same...but its often women. The other scenario is the women marries young and her needs change and cheats or dumps the guy.

 

I don't need to prove this..

 

go tot the "The Other Man / Woman" forums and scroll down and notice almost every thread start is a female.

 

Go to the "breakup forums" and scroll down and almost every thread start on average is male.

 

This is the dating dynamics you are in.. this is why its hard for you to get a boyfriend after 35. I'm letting you know why. The only thing everyone has said is "your pretty, you should have no problem"

 

I am the only one that has given you any substance to why.. living in Japan which I lived in Akasaka prefecture as well should have clue you on to this dynamic of aging women.

 

10 years ago you said you had no problems. Right? You became smarter, well rounded, travel, and so-on? So shouldn't you attract better men? Theoretically yes. The factor is your age... Based on your looks and needs.

Edited January 3, 2017 by Sweetfish

[Been]

Your trying too hard. And not to be mean but your telling me in a city that size you can't find ANY man worth dating?

Also,this is based on what I've read, your attitude might not be the best-you seem a little mean from what I've read and people can sense that. Just my 2 cents.

[Purepony]

If the op is the girl in the Avatar pic the men in your state are blind !

[Purepony]

The same can be said Bout women in la

You gotta have money or an expensive car...

[Gold Pile]

In the days leading up to Valentines Day, make a big show of being depressed, tell everyone and anyone that you're feeling deprived. I guarantee that someone like me, if not me himself , will show up with a box of old chocolates and a bundle of lawn clippings, or perhaps even real flowers. Maybe even some cheap booze inside a classy bottle.

 

Should that fail, just stay home and drink with your lights on and shades up. Me or some lesser dude will probably knock on the door.

[SilverLining]

I'm mean? Oh my goodness! I don't think so - I usually get into trouble because I'm usually too nice! I AM straightforward and confident though. I can see how it might be a little intimidating, but in general i'm extremely thoughtful and kind.

 

I'm not in the city - I'm in the burbs. There are lots of men, but they are 45 min to an hour away plus traffic plus parking. Im open to dating someone in the city but a lot of guys aren't open to dating someone in the suburbs. I can't afford to move to the city - I teach in a low income school and it comes with a severe paycut. When I lived in the city it wasn't so much of an issue.

[Shining One]

I'm not in the city - I'm in the burbs. There are lots of men, but they are 45 min to an hour away plus traffic plus parking. Im open to dating someone in the city but a lot of guys aren't open to dating someone in the suburbs.

Are you willing to meet men halfway on commuting? If so, this is something I would try to make clear somehow. Personally, I usually avoid dating women who live far away because the majority of women I've dated expect the guy to do most of the driving. I'm okay with handling most of the driving if the woman is within 30 minutes or so. Of course, if the woman is willing to do some driving too, then I'd be willing to give further distance a chance.

[Sweetfish]

I'm mean? Oh my goodness! I don't think so - I usually get into trouble because I'm usually too nice! I AM straightforward and confident though. I can see how it might be a little intimidating, but in general i'm extremely thoughtful and kind.

 

I'm not in the city - I'm in the burbs. There are lots of men, but they are 45 min to an hour away plus traffic plus parking. Im open to dating someone in the city but a lot of guys aren't open to dating someone in the suburbs. I can't afford to move to the city - I teach in a low income school and it comes with a severe paycut. When I lived in the city it wasn't so much of an issue.

 

I don't think your mean lol. Im guess you were a teacher in Japan. Usually, its not Tokyo, but some city far away from the city of Tokyo. Being mean would not get you far? Were you in the JET program did you do 4 years?

 

I don't think you have problems attracting men..but your initial post comes across as such. If a guy is living in the city and by him self he is probably doing pretty well. When I was living in Chicago the houses and apartments as you get closer to the city are expensive and if those are the guys your shooting for they are certainly not going to go to the Burbs... not during winter lol.

 

I think things will look better after winter.

[SilverLining]

I am willing to do most of the driving actually, and you are right that I should probably make that more clear...I have a roommate and so I usually commute to the guy's area. My last boyfriend lived an hour away and I'd go there on weekends and a few times during the week. It isn't ideal, but you do what you have to.

 

I lived in Tokyo for a few years teaching at an international school, not JET. I was also an exchange student there, and went back in between my exchange student years and teaching years to travel. I also taught in the Middle East at a public school.

 

I think you are right, Sweetfish. Currently I cannot afford to move to the city, and I'm not sure I would want to. I am living in the burbs because my friend is here and I do not have to pay rent - a huge bonus for me. It definitely would be easier if I did live in the city, though...

Edited January 9, 2017 by SilverLining

[bluefeather]

I'm currently talking with a guy that I think isn't that attractive...

 

All I can think of is that I have rotten luck and these guys start talking to someone they think is more attractive...

 

...my roommate is male and I'd say less than average attractiveness.

 

Sup with all that..?