Will this be the road to estrangement... [Update Nov 2018]

[Globug]

Stepping away and not enabling her bad behavior does not mean they are giving up on her. She is an adult now & she can make whatever decision she wants. Does not mean the parents have to fund it. They can be an ear to listen to her (which Jnel has been) a word of advice when she ask for it but that is all they can provide her at this time while she is on this path of discovering what she wants out of life. Jnel is just now learning how to let go & love from a distance. This is new to her & she is scared, hurt & just wants to fix her daughter which sometimes comes out as anger & sometimes she still is giving her daughter stipulations (IF you do this this & this I will give you this this & this) She will eventually get past this stage & be able to release her daughter, love her but not play the game or enable. You can love someone & not love their behavior. Jnel has not given up on her daughter. She is just slowly realizing it is out of her control & dropping the rope. She isn't there yet but she is getting closer.

Edited July 26, 2017 by Globug

[jnel921]

. She is just slowly realizing it is out of her control & dropping the rope. She isn't there yet but she is getting closer.

 

Thanks Globug,

 

Yes you are right. This has been going on for so long and I know the part i played in it. see that the people who shut her down immediately she dare not reach out to but when it comes to me she still thinks she can say and do as she pleases.

 

Last week I went with my neighbor to deliver the last of her belongings. The neighbor doesn't care for the neighborhood she lives in and asked me to go with her to make the drop off.

 

Prior to this she called me and asked me when this would happen. Which I reminded her that this arrangement was between her and the neighbor.

 

She then complained about her clothes being dirty and having no money to do laundry.

 

At that point I told her that she should speak to her BF about this and that I was sure she would figure it out. She then became enraged and demanded that I give her this money. I told her that i wasn't responsible for her and that she doesn't live in my home. I don't have to pay for anything. Then she pretty much told my F*** you I will find a way to get my own s*** nd hung up.

 

When I saw her I didn't say anything. I was annoyed because she had the neighbor waiting around for her. When it came time to give her the stuff she was MIA. Later she called saying she was at the apt but was going to shower and the neighbor told her listen, i guess you don't want your things. Either you come down and get them now or they will be thrown out. at that point she came downstairs with an attitude and I was disgusted. She looked at me said hello and then told me to have a nice day.

 

She tried calling me all week at work and I didn't pick up. She texted me that se needed to speak to me and that it was important. I stepped outside to call her and she started telling me about some break through bleeding she was having that she was concerned about. I told her to make and appointment with her gyn. Then she started mentioning how next month was her birthday. She immediately started to tell me how she wanted me to pay for her hair, nails and outfit so she can go out with her friends.

 

At that point I told her that I wasn't sure what upsets me more. The fact that she doesn't call me to just say hello and concern herself with my well being or the fact that she only calls when she wants something.

 

I told her I'd be giving her the same things she gave me for xmas, valentines day, my birthday and mothers day. Which is nothing. She got upset and said she came around for xmas. And i said yes to collect, and the gift I bought you was destroyed by the guy you were living with at the time.

 

Then she said for Mothers Day she asked me if I would be seeing her. But I told her that she should be the one wanting to see me and making that happen. If there was a gift she would have ensured it got to me. But she doesn't put any real feelings or emotions into it so its not important enough. So whatever she had she gave to her BF's mother.

 

The relationship she has is with her BF's mother and she can keep that. When I speak to her the conversations are not nice or respectful so I just want to keep my distance. I did what I could and I know I cant do anything else. She says she will be working by the time her birthday comes around and I told her good now you can afford the things you need to go out that night. I wont be giving you anything.

 

She has hurt me too much. I am not even sure how she can redeem herself from all of this. She stopped calling her father and the only time she texts her brother is to ask him for $ too.

 

It is a sad situation but I am now releasing that rope. Only because I see she is using it to hurt me and my H and I cant go through it anymore with her. I have filed domestic incident report when she tried to force her way into my home to get her belongings and will have her arrested if she is on my property.

 

I pray for her everyday hoping for something to change. But I just don't see it yet. I think as long as she is with the BF and his family enabling them both it wont change. She hasn't hit that rock bottom people talk about. She has crossed serious boundaries with my H and I that I am afraid that there may be no coming back from.

[Whodatdog]

I know it probably doesnt feel like it, but you've handled this amazingly well. How sad that she is still contacting you for money and to get her nails and hair done. She is now learning that her money will have to be used for things like doing laundry, like everyone else does. She isnt special, she has to pay her own way like you have done.

 

Im sure saying no to her has been really hard for you, but hopefully its getting easier and easier. She isnt even compromising even a little bit. Life will be tough on her for a while, but hopefully she will learn from the hard lessons she's being given.

[jnel921]

She is relentless. She asked for money again yesterday for laundry. I said no and this time she wished me death, said she hated my guts and that I was a cheap b**** and added that she would never speak to me again. Then she ended her text by saying I can cry to death.

 

SMH.... I don't give a crap what anyone says... drugs changes people and not for the best. Like seriously who is this girl? At this point I need to sleep with a bat near my bed.

[Whodatdog]

She is saying horrible things to you out of frustration. If she had half a brain she would figure out that being nice would be more productive. She is frustrated, unhappy, and a bit too pig headed to admit any of it. Why doesnt she ask her boyfriends mother for money? Or her boyfriend?

 

Stay strong, keep saying no, and dont lower yourself to her level of name calling. Hopefully one day she'll figure it out.

Edited August 19, 2017 by Whodatdog

[jnel921]

Thanks whothatdog...

h

I am trying to stay positive despite the horrible things she said. I found out her dad sent her the money and she texted me just last night how she did all of her laundry and will have a dresser before the weekend to place her things and how she feels accomplished.

 

I ignored this and didn't reply. I have nothing to say to her. Those angry hateful words are too much for any parent to bear. I think I am getting better at not reacting to this behavior.

 

You are right she is frustrated and hopefully will figure it out.

 

I had knee surgery 4 weeks ago and she has not bothered herself to ask about my recovery or was here to help me. Its all about her and her BF's family. She can keep them.

[UpwardForward]

I don't believe in 'tough love' where our children are concerned.

 

However, if you feel she uses any monies you would give her - for drugs, then you could just provide her with food, open invitation for a roof over her head, use of your laundry facilities, etc.

 

Otherwise, I would think the chances could be high that her situation could get far worse ... and she would not come groveling back to you.

[jnel921]

I don't believe in 'tough love' where our children are concerned.

 

However, if you feel she uses any monies you would give her - for drugs, then you could just provide her with food, open invitation for a roof over her head, use of your laundry facilities, etc.

 

Otherwise, I would think the chances could be high that her situation could get far worse ... and she would not come groveling back to you.

 

I have taken her and paid for food. I will not hand her cash. This goes to the BF and I am not playing those games. I'm sure if it was really bad se would be begging to come home. But she isn't. So I have to assume during the times she doesn't call me that she is fine.

 

I only hear from her when she wants something and I don't think its cool. How about calling me to ask me how I am? If she doesn't care about me then why should I care about how much worse it can get for her.

 

In a way I want her to experience something that will finally humble her. Right now she is still a jerk.

[turnera]

Then she ended her text by saying I can cry to death.

This sentence alone tells me that she thinks SHE has the power because she's the kid and you're the mom. Meaning, she believes she has a hook in you and you'll cry if you have to lose her.

 

Which means she's not grown up yet. She doesn't get it yet. All you can do at this point is distance yourself and let her grow up. If you want, you can reiterate to her what it would take for you to be willing to give her another chance, yet remain detached. She'll know the way home; it will be up to her to ever realize she can do it.

[turnera]

I don't believe in 'tough love' where our children are concerned.

I do. Authoritative parenting is the key and it does NOT have room for giving and giving without the child reciprocating.

 

However, if you feel she uses any monies you would give her - for drugs, then you could just provide her with food, open invitation for a roof over her head, use of your laundry facilities, etc.

She gave her that roof again, and she literally shat all over it. Well, the dog did. Same thing.

 

Otherwise, I would think the chances could be high that her situation could get far worse ... and she would not come groveling back to you.

 

See, that's the point. She NEEDS to learn the power of groveling - of humility. She is immature and selfish, as most kids her age are, but she hasn't learned enough about life to understand that she doesn't get to make the rules. Once she does, her life will be good again. It's her mom's job to teach her that. And if that requires not taking her in again while she spits on her mom, then that's what it requires.

 

Her daughter KNOWS what she has to do. It's she who chooses not to because she still thinks she has the control.

 

And if she's truly progressing into harder drugs, all the more reason for tough love.

[turnera]

I only hear from her when she wants something and I don't think its cool. How about calling me to ask me how I am? If she doesn't care about me then why should I care about how much worse it can get for her.

I will say, though, jnel, that your viewpoint is unrealistic. I was near 30 before I finally started understanding what love really means, what a mom means to me, how I should care about her feelings. And I'm sure I was pretty normal. It's not a kid's job to care about you. To respect you, yeah. But not think about your feelings. Not yet.

[jnel921]

I will say, though, jnel, that your viewpoint is unrealistic. I was near 30 before I finally started understanding what love really means, what a mom means to me, how I should care about her feelings. And I'm sure I was pretty normal. It's not a kid's job to care about you. To respect you, yeah. But not think about your feelings. Not yet.

 

Turnera, I don't know what kind of relationship you have or have had with your mom. I don't think expecting your child to love and respect you after bringing them into this world, providing for them and loving them to the best of your ability is unrealistic. What is unrealistic is how she made us the enemy once she decided she wanted to live life on her terms without earning a living or having her own.

 

BTW...she should think about my feelings.

 

Just today she called me and we got into a conversation about how she disrespected my husband because she was rushing him in the kitchen. I asked her if she treated her BF's mother this way. She said yes and I told her if she allows this then she is dumb. She turns around and tells this woman that I called her dumb and the woman tells my daughter to tell me to go suck a d*** because I don't know her. I was really upset about this and blocked her off my phone.

 

Later that day she found a way to contact me on my phone telling me that her stepmom disrespected her and how i needed to get on the phone and check her since I am her daughter.

 

So I was like... you mean the same way you checked your BF's mom when she told you I should go suck a d***. Girl bye.

 

so please don't tell me that my own daughter shouldn't care about my feelings because she should. Why should would instigate an unnecessary issue and then not feel any kind of way when someone says something disrespectful like that towards me is unreal.

 

I cared about my daughter for a long time even after suffering her BS. But I don't care now. She did that to us.

 

I don't know why some people are blocks of ice, lack insight and compassion. Just pure selfishness.

 

The not yet part shouldn't happen on my deathbed. I shouldn't have to earn that. I did already with all of my sacrifices.

[Whodatdog]

You are going to make yourself miserable if you keep carrying on about how you want your daughter to love and respect you after all you've done for her.

 

It doesnt work that way. If they do, its wonderful. If they dont, well, they dont. You cant force people to feel the way you think they should. As soon as you can release yourself from that expectation from her, you will be a lot happier.

 

Accept her for who she is, and dont expect anything from her, material or emotional.

[jnel921]

It's obvious that she doesnt. For the most part i don't expect her to feel anything.

 

What I do expect is for her to respect my space and personal boundaries. If she doesn't love and respect us then she should keep her distance as she has.

 

It is those moments that she calls asking and fighting with me demandin stuff is when I have to remind her of all that we have already done. How nothing is appreciated.

 

I'm not going to be miserable, she is. I am annoyed at her attitude. But you are correct I can't control this and am not trying to.

[knitwit]

jnel921, I am sorry that your daughter is continuing to use drugs and generally be so terrible to you.

 

I will suggest again that you check out a Naranon meeting, or even go to one of the drug/alcohol communities like SoberRecovery.com and read their friends/family forum.

 

Those forums are for you and others with kids, parents, spouses who are abusing drugs/alcohol. Your daughter sounds like the typical drug abuser.

 

You have every right to be angry at her lack of care and her selfishness. The thing is, it's hard not to take it personally. I can see that from your posts that it understandably gets you very upset.

 

If you can get to some good meetings, or get involved in the online communities, you'll learn that pretty much every active addict acts like your daughter. There is nothing special about her indecency. She is not especially terrible compared to any other drug addict. She is the norm.

 

This does not in any way excuse her behavior! I am stating it hopefully to show that is has nothing to do with you how you raised her, or even how she really feels about you. It's because she is a drug addict.

 

As long as she is in active addiction, she is going to act like this, and probably get worse.

 

You are right to hold your boundaries, absolutely! I think if you go into the recovery community, you will find a path to peace, even with your daughter being in active addiction. You learn to detach and hold you boundaries with love, and not the anger and stomach-churning angst that you're experiencing now.

 

Your daughter may one day find her way into recovery. She might have a chance to truly make it up to you and go on to rebuild a great relationship with you- I truly hope that is the case! As long as there is life, there is hope, IMO.

 

In the meantime, I think you can find some refuge speaking with other people who have faced exactly what you have and continue to face with your daughter. People who truly know what it feels like.

 

Your daughter might do this for years, decades even. Your anger, while justified and totally legitimate, can eat you up from inside. The stress can wreck havoc on your health over time. It can affect your other relationships. Over time, it can make you physically sick. You can probably feel it now, if you do a gut check. Addiction is horrible and it affects so many people beyond the addict!!

 

You can learn how to protect yourself in many ways in Naranon or other recovery forums. Naranon nearly saved my life and the life of my ex's parents. That is not an exaggeration. I was able to find peace. I was able to detach with love and put up very high boundaries. I also had good strategies for dealing with him, thanks to the group experience. I was safer emotionally and able to go ahead without too many expectations or resentments. It took time, but I got there. If you love someone who is addicted, you suffer. A good meeting is like a balm. It is like hive protection- everything there knows how you feel, what you're going through.

 

Addiction sucks. It is truly an evil, IMO. It causes tremendous destruction and illness.

 

I wish you the best of luck, and I hope your daughter does find her way into recovery soon.

[jnel921]

knitwit,

 

Thanks for your reply. Yes you are correct that its hard to take what's happening so personal. i know I am not alone in my suffering. Posting to a forum that is dedicated may help me more so I have went ahead and registered.

 

I want to enjoy whatever life I have left. Having my daughter was one of the best things that happened in my life...then she grew up and out of control.

 

I don't think anyone ever expects to go through this. There is a variety of people here who thought I was ridiculous to be as upset as I was when I first learned she smoked saying it wasn't a big deal. Everyone's experience is different.

 

She obviously got worse and her life isn't any better. I too hope that one day she will want to make a change and that she will one day have some kind of relationship with me. For now I am focused on me and dealing with my feelings.

 

I am thankful for the advice and ears I have here. It helps a lot.

[amaysngrace]

People only said you were making too much of this because we saw it as a control issue on your end and not an addiction issue on hers since it's marijuana that we are talking about it here.

 

At least this person did.

 

Plus your unwillingness to bend makes it seem as though your daughter may be very well justified in exercising some freedom at this point in her life if these are the very conditions in which she was raised as a minor living under your roof.

 

Add that to the fact that you're very adult while she is just recently one and that puts her at an emotionally intellectual disadvantage which is so obvious that it shouldn't need to be mentioned.

 

And since I've mentioned that I will also mention the unfair dynamic of your relationship that has you holding all the cards as you're middle aged and well-established and she is just a kid out of high schoool just starting out with nothing more than the clothing on her back.

 

To exert some kind of power over her in order to feel better about yourself isn't really all that big of a deal. I hope you know that. Nor is it very kind or loving as a mom.

 

Especially if she is sick and suffering from "addiction"

[jnel921]

People only said you were making too much of this because we saw it as a control issue on your end and not an addiction issue on hers since it's marijuana that we are talking about it here.

 

At least this person did.

 

Plus your unwillingness to bend makes it seem as though your daughter may be very well justified in exercising some freedom at this point in her life if these are the very conditions in which she was raised as a minor living under your roof.

 

Add that to the fact that you're very adult while she is just recently one and that puts her at an emotionally intellectual disadvantage which is so obvious that it shouldn't need to be mentioned.

 

And since I've mentioned that I will also mention the unfair dynamic of your relationship that has you holding all the cards as you're middle aged and well-established and she is just a kid out of high schoool just starting out with nothing more than the clothing on her back.

 

To exert some kind of power over her in order to feel better about yourself isn't really all that big of a deal. I hope you know that. Nor is it very kind or loving as a mom.

 

Especially if she is sick and suffering from "addiction"

 

 

 

Amaysngrace, I am sick and suffering over this. Not sure what you meant but the parents should always hold the cards when it comes to their kids. When is it okay for kids to run their parents? Entitled ones?

 

I was willing to negotiate with her over the years but she wasn't. To many pot smoking is not a big deal, but when it affects your personality and how you deal with people and life that is an issue. That was my issue with her. She was changing. Involved in criminal behavior. Getting in trouble all of the time. Talking to us like garbage. Stealing from me. I cant post videos here of her rants and fights that she gets into with all of us. She does need help. we offered and she doesn't want it.

 

I am not going to hand her money because I am at an advantage. She knows I have it. I don't appreciate her calling me a cheap b****. because this is what she says all the times I say no. Giving it to her would be enabling her cause. I cant have her in my home because she doesn't respect us or our home. She threw a full plate of food at my husband and has threatened physical violence towards me. Enough is enough.

 

She has mental issues she needs to fix. I tried to set her up with counseling and she didn't want to go. There is nothing left for me to do. I had a child and she refused to grow up. She thinks she knows it all so let her figure it out.

 

Yes I am almost 50. I gave birth to her so maybe she should have trusted my life experience and advice. I wanted the best for her and was never trying to steer her wrong. What she did was disappointing and I cant control that. She has to figure it out.

 

She snapped, ran away more than once and we were always the enemy. Her choice not mine.

[amaysngrace]

You set up counseling for her when? Now? As an adult?

 

You don't see that as being controlling?

 

Look if you don't want to help your kid just say so but to keep dangling carrots in front of her nose to get her to do exactly what you want her to do and to be exactly who you want her to be is just wrong.

 

If she has a mental illness you should have gotten her help for that when she was a child, not get angry at her now for self medicating because she has needs that were neglected to ever be properly addressed.

[jnel921]

You set up counseling for her when? Now? As an adult?

 

You don't see that as being controlling?

 

Look if you don't want to help your kid just say so but to keep dangling carrots in front of her nose to get her to do exactly what you want her to do and to be exactly who you want her to be is just wrong.

 

If she has a mental illness you should have gotten her help for that when she was a child, not get angry at her now for self medicating because she has needs that were neglected to ever be properly addressed.

 

I set up counseling because she suggested it. She did not want to go to a detox program and said she could kick the habit herself. When the time was approaching her appointment I reached out to her to confirm if she still was willing to go. She told me she would do it but only because I wanted her to and I cancelled the appointment.

 

I am not trying to control my D. All we have don't for her is try to help her all of her life. She made the choice to do all that she is doing. I cant change that. I can only control what happens under my roof. When she was living there she did more than disrespect me and my home. She has threatened physical violence and has become violent.

 

I don't need to dangle any carrots. My D knows how we can help her. What privileges come with living respectfully in my home. But she clearly does not want to do that.

[jnel921]

This week she showed up at the train station when I got home from work. I was surprised to see her. She walked me to my car and wanted to speak to me. She admitted she had nothing. Was clearly upset with me and sked me why I would not help her. I was clear that she is living with her BF. She made an adult move by leaving my home without being prepared. If the BF and his family were so open to receiving her why aren't they helping her?

 

From our conversation she clearly is very immature and then started to get upset when things weren't going her way. She kept insisting she needed a phone. I told her to ask her BF who broke it to replace it. I was tired of hearing how she is asking everyone and excusing his behavior.

 

Her birthday is coming up on the 19th. She pretty much made a demand of what she thinks I should give her. What she asked of everyone. But is upset that her father and myself are not willing to give her anything. She didn't want to hear that. Nor did she want to hear that she is not special. I reminded her that in the past few weeks she wished me and my husband death, told me should could care less about me and how I could cry to death. Not sure how I am supposed to have warm feelings after all of that.

 

 

She told me she would be receiving some money from her stepmothers brother. I told her that if she really needed a phone to invest in a month to month cheap plan. But she keeps insisting on replacing the broken iPhone and trying to reopen a phone bill that at this time she owes over a thousand dollars for 3 separate phone lines. One belonging to her BF.

 

I told her that I would not help her with anything that indirectly would help that fool. He needs to be a man and step it up and get a job and pay what he owes. That she should stop begging us to help the. He is not her husband and they have no kids. Although she was complaining he is doing nothing she chooses to stay with him.

 

She completed a training to take care of elderly people. She says she needed the phone for this. Which was why I suggested the cheaper option. It makes sense as she is not actively working yet or is getting a steady paycheck. I reminded her that no matter what she pays with gifts the next amount is due in 4 weeks. Where is that money coming from? She got upset and started telling me to shut up and at that point I told her she was disrespectful and that I didn't want to get into it either. She is out of the house and old enough to figure it out.

 

She told me that she didn't think she could ever come home. That it was ridiculous to earn her keep. How I should just let her have the car, pay for school. The house is hers too. She should be able to have anyone over and if this was an issue she would sneak them in anyway. She will never stop smoking. She can do that out of the house. But still thinks she can drive safely. She said she would never speak to my H because she hates him. He kicked her out and according to her put his hands on her. Which is a lie. She said she didn't like how he cheated on me in the past. Which happened almost 5 years ago and is documented here, however i kept this from my kids and she found out last month when she was using an old phone of mine that had saved messages.

 

I spoke to her at that time and let her know how we fixed our relationship and how he loved his family enough to want to R. However she was still making a bid stink when she herself cheated on her BF with his friend. So what makes her special. She expects people to forgive her and everyone else is bad? Really immature. I told her my M wasn't her business and that we are more than happy together. She is upset that he doesn't care for her treatment of the both of us.

 

After a long pointless conversation where she obviously didn't listen, I stopped and bought her something to eat and took her back to where she is staying. I really don't want to talk to her until she says something that will help herself.

[Whodatdog]

You are teaching her a very hard lesson, and she's having a very difficult time dealing with it.

 

Actions Have Consequences.

 

Maybe one day she'll get it. She can't expect to treat people, especially her parents, like dog crap, and then think they will just hand over anything she wants.

 

No, she is not special. If she wants a phone bad enough, she will figure out how to get one. And no, she doesnt need an expensive Iphone...sounds like worthless boyfriend will just take it or break it again. Theres many cheap options for phones nowadays. Just because you are breathing doesnt mean you deserve an expensive phone and a free plan...especially with owing so much on her previous bill.

 

Tough lessons. But she needs to learn them.

[jnel921]

So I got a text from her telling me I was right. Her phone bill is $1,800 and there is no point replacing the phone if she cannot pay the bill. Then she proceeds to ask me to call the cellphone company to cancel her account. At this point I told her that she needed to put her big girl panties and handle that.

 

She was the one who went there and opened this account and added 2 lines for two unreliable people. Not my doing. Of course she was upset. I think she wanted me to call and if there were any charges she assumed I would pay. But I am staying away from all of that. I told her if she leaves it alone it will only get worse and she may not even be able to find a place to live one day.

 

I hate that she doesn't listen and all the I told you so's just piss her off. But she pisses me off more thinking she can make mistakes at this age and expect me to help her fix them. I am not going to. I have retirement to think of and save for.

 

Her brother wired me money to give her and we got into an argument over it. I asked her to go to our bank to withdraw to avoid fees as she doesn't think about how this is charged on both sides. She got an attitude and said she didn't care.. I told her it was my bank account and that if she didn't I would remove the money and close it. I am not going to be charged with overdraft fees when I already explained this to her. She go upset and told me she was trying to control herself from cursing me out. At that point i told her to shove the $$ up her a$$ and leave me alone about all of this.

 

I blocked her from my phone. I saw that she did withdraw from our bank later that day. If she just would have said okay mom I can do that then we would have avoided the nastiness and arguing. But unfortunately my last words to her was that I am done dealing with a b**** that has no respect for their mother. Leave me alone.

 

This is where we are. Nowhere. Its sad. I would be happier if my D wasn't a fool and disrespectful. I told her this. Her response was we cant always get what we want.

 

I told her yes, so make sure you remember that every time I say no to your requests. Enough is enough.

[amaysngrace]

You tell your kid to shove stuff up her *** and then wonder why she disrespects you?

 

Personally I think you need a lot of help. The men in your life cheat on you and I sense that you're threatened by her. You wouldn't have made that comment about her butt and boobs hanging out unless it bothered you.

 

And why do you keep saying "my" home. Isn't it her house too?

 

That poor kid.

[jnel921]

Amysngrace,

 

I am not sure what kind of relationship you have with your parents but its not cool dealing with an entitled brat. I didn't grow up this way. I got my share of ass whooping growing up and had a healthy respect for my parents. If you have ready any of my posts you will see that my daughter is not an angel and I have dealt with this the best way I can. So now it's time to let go and let God. If she wants to act grown and sleep in another mans bed and yet ask me to continue to support her she is out of her mind.

 

She has not done anything to prepare herself for the future. She is irresponsible. She has just completed a home care attendant training and this was her first week working. I got a call yesterday that she didn't go in. What does that say?

 

If she has no money or a job at this point she only has herself to blame. I wake up everyday and have a job I work hard in and will not hand over my money to her undeserving and disrespectful a$$. She has crossed every boundary that you should not cross with your parent.

 

I can't control who she grew up into being nor is is my issue and I will not let her disrespect me. She is lucky she is not in my face because perhaps I will stick my foot up her a$$ as opposed to the money I told her to shove.

 

In regards to the infidelity I suggest you read the boards on here to get some insight as this to why this is not my fault and has zero to do with my D. Her mentioning this is an excuse to hate him for me. I don't need her to do that as we are past all of this and are happy. Marriages do overcome and reconcile as long as you have 2 people who are willing to do the work and a remorseful spouse.So mentioning this and telling me I need help was unnecessary and makes no sense.

 

If anyone needs help its my D. She needs to stop drugging and drinking and perhaps she can get her life where she wants it. I will not enable her by giving into her BS.