Will this be the road to estrangement... [Update Nov 2018]

[anna121]

Tying OP's problems with her daughter to her experience of being a betrayed spouse is incredibly unfair.

 

OP - I think some people react strongly to your thread because you don't have the all-suffering, endlessly compassionate, roll over and beg to be kicked attitude that some think is the mark of proper parenthood. You pull no punches, you use foul language sometimes and it puts people off. Your daughter is making v bad choices and it doesn't look like you helping her does anything to alleviate the situation.

 

That said, you really MUST stop getting involved in these long back and forth arguments with her. The next time she accosts you in the street, and just wants $$$, buy her some food if she looks like she needs it and go on your way. Tell her that if she cleans up her act you will be happy to talk, but not before.

 

Good luck.

[amaysngrace]

I am not sure what kind of relationship you have with your parents but its not cool dealing with an entitled brat. I didn't grow up this way. I got my share of ass whooping growing up and had a healthy respect for my parents.

 

Really? See I think being physically struck is the worst way possible to have sonebody respect you. It diminishes their self-worth if the person using physical force is in a position of power and a place of control.

 

There is nothing "healthy" about that at all. Quite the opposite actually. A sickness in my opinion to command respect from another in that way. I call it abusive.

 

I can't control who she grew up into being nor is is my issue and I will not let her disrespect me. She is lucky she is not in my face because perhaps I will stick my foot up her a$$ as opposed to the money I told her to shove.

 

You can't control anybody but yourself but if you want respect from others you should try to treat them respectfully. Cursing at them and using physical force against them isn't going to do that but this is something you either get or you don't. If you don't get it there is no way to remedy it because you aren't even able to acknowledge it even though it's obvious to others.

 

You would strike your adult daughter? Really? Then I guess it's best that she does stay away from someone who is so filled with anger that she would use physical violence against her as an expression of her love and believing it's actually doing something good for her child. Sick.

 

In regards to the infidelity I suggest you read the boards on here to get some insight as this to why this is not my fault and has zero to do with my D. Her mentioning this is an excuse to hate him for me. I don't need her to do that as we are past all of this and are happy. Marriages do overcome and reconcile as long as you have 2 people who are willing to do the work and a remorseful spouse.So mentioning this and telling me I need help was unnecessary and makes no sense.

 

Maybe she was just wanting you to be on her side and didn't quite understand how she became the enemy in all of this dysfunction.

 

Can I ask you what IS your fault? In all of these pages I see no ownership of anything on your end. Only blame. Only things like you're wonderful, you're great and what you've done for your daughter. You perfect Mama?

 

If anyone needs help its my D.

 

So help her.

[MuddyFootprints]

She can't help her daughter. Respect is a two way street. She doesn't respect her daughter, either

 

I'm kind of a helicopter Mom. I don't know half the drama she indulges in, in my kids' lives.

[Globug]

jnel I in no way shape or form agree with Amy in feeling sorry for your daughter but I do agree you showing that much anger & trying to get your daughter to see the light & why she is where she has messed up is not good for YOU. You are doing so great in not bailing her out & I am proud of you. You have come a long way but you still need to work on disengaging where she doesn't get anger from you. Tough love is not fixing things for them but still letting them know they are loved.

 

 

When she asked you to call the phone place for her telling her to put her big girl panties on was sorta combative. Better response might have been.

"Sorry sweetie I cannot do that for you but I have total faith you can call and get it figured out. Love you!"

 

 

As far as her brother wiring you money..that is putting you in the middle & you need to be out 100% to let her drop bottom. As ling as you are there in ANY capacity even if you are not helping it makes you the scapegoat. You need to tell her brother in future if he wants to help her out him and his sister will need to figure it out that you cannot be the middle man right now.

 

 

I am not trying to be hurtful but in some ways it sounds like you are engaging with her in the exact same manner she is engaging with you. Calling anyone a name regardless of how they are acting is not ok behavior. Two wrongs never make a right. There is no need to call your daughter a bitch, or calling her a fool. You are still engaging to much. So proud you were able to take her to eat when she met you at the train station but everything else...putting down her BF, making suggeations on what she could do with the phone...still investing to much. Seriously this needs to be your mantra:

 

 

"I am sorry sweetie. I cannot help you with that. I am sure you will figure it out though."

 

 

"Wow, that is rough. you are a smart girl though. You will figure it out."

 

 

"I am not in a place right now where I can help you with that but I know you will figure it out."

 

 

DETACH DETACH DETACH!!!!

 

 

Do not argue, do not get angry, do not make suggestions, do not call names, do not ENGAGE!!!!!! Until you get to that point she cannot and will not ever hear you.

 

 

Please know I am saying this out of love & NOT an attack on you. You are doing really good from where you were when I started reading on this board.

[amaysngrace]

She can't help her daughter. Respect is a two way street. She doesn't respect her daughter, either.

 

I agree.

 

It's hard to expect respect when you don't even have a firm grasp on what the word means.

[Whodatdog]

Respect has to be earned. Ive seen nothing that the daughter has done to earn her mothers respect. Her mom can love her unconditionally, but that doesnt include respect. Just the fact that she trashed her mothers house and didnt take care of her dog when she said she would be enough for me.

[jnel921]

I agree.

 

It's hard to expect respect when you don't even have a firm grasp on what the word means.

 

I do know what it means... but my daughter doesn't and lacks insight. The fact that our relationship is what it is, feels unreal to me.

 

i have spoken to her again this week although I didn't want to.

 

She let me know she got a phone and I told her congratulation's. She did try to press me to prepay for this on Monday and simply that told her patience was a virtue. I kept my cool and said I could not help her nicely. That she would figure out. She was not happy with that but that is what happened.

 

I have been trying not to engage in anymore negative conversations. As soon as she starts saying f words I let her know I cant talk anymore. I don't care for it. Honestly I don't call her at all. She reaches out to me only when she wants something.

 

When I talk about her here on this site I know I do not address her in the most loving of ways, I am upset over this whole thing. I do love my D. I am doing my best to keep living, staying healthy and dealing with the aftermath of all of this. Just trying to adjust living mostly without her in my life.

 

 

I am not going to blame myself for what she does and how she is. That is not my fault. No one said I was perfect. But I tried everything I possibly could to help her and nothing worked. I was a mom who wanted better for their D and gave her an opportunity and advice. Whether she took it or left it was on her. She cant expect me to open my arms ad hand her the world while she disrespected us an our home.

[amaysngrace]

So you take zero responsibility for any of the way things played out. I figured as much.

 

The only way you'd accept her is if she did everything exactly just the way you wanted her to.

 

Control freak much?

[jnel921]

So you take zero responsibility for any of the way things played out. I figured as much.

 

The only way you'd accept her is if she did everything exactly just the way you wanted her to.

 

Control freak much?

 

Amysngrace,

 

Seriously what is your issue? Do you have children, adult children? I don't post here to be judged. I appreciate the advice of others who may have more insight on this.

 

Perhaps you are like my D and don't like hearing the truth.

 

When you have kids they are your responsibility until they leave the home. While they live with the parents they should honor and respect their parents. They should obey the rules of the home. The parents are the ones who provide.

 

Any kid who believes they can do what they want and don't have to respect their family or house rules is out of their mind and disturbed.

 

As a parent I don't have to tolerate that and I don't. I am not going to allow her to force her will on me when what she is doing is wrong.

 

So if you don't want to add anything helpful or supportive please don't say anything at all. I really don't appreciate the personal attacks. First you want to mention the infidelity in my M as part of the problem and now I am a control freak? Madam you don't know me. If you did you would know that I am someone who is considered a wonderful person. I control my own life and won't let my manipulative D control me.

 

Saying no is not controlling her. Saying no means no more taking advantage.period point blank.

[amaysngrace]

It would also be in her best interest to want to be like me.

 

I've tried to help bring awareness to this situation from an outsider's perspective. I was genuinely trying to get through to you in any way I could and I apologize if my approach was too direct for you.

 

It seems as though you think you are perfect but I must say that part of being a good parent is recognizing just what your children's needs are and adapting to them in a way that gets through to them to help encourage that they become the very best they can be.

 

Belittling her in public, calling her friends losers, cussing at her and using physical force are certainly no ways to get the best result from anyone which sadly you're now seeing.

 

You want her to be more like you but unfortunately I suspect you are going to be the person she learned how not to be like from.

 

I wish you both well.

[jnel921]

I helped my kids the best i could. I have 2. She is the only one who chose drugs and guys over her family. Unfortunately this is a real issue that has nothing to do with me wanting her to be anything liked me.

 

I tried to help her realize her dreams, i paid for college, a car, esthetics school when she said this is what she wanted and then she ran off. When she came home after a few months we tried it again. she lied about not smoking and was chasing yet another guy. Found a job in another town where she knew we would have to drive and totaled our car on the first day of work. Then got upset with us because she didn't want to work, or clean or help around the house. We should hand her everything with no expectation.

 

That way of thinking doesn't make sense and I would never submit to that. Its been a while now. Not having her home is hard. But her being home is harder. There is a level of respect and even a healthy fear that you should have when it comes to parents and it just doesn't exist with her.

 

When I hear from her now its random texts to send me a picture of herself and maybe a rant of what she needs. I don't respond. She so desperately wanted a phone and tried to threaten me to pay for it. Now that she has done it on her own she has yet to call me. If I were important I would hear from her. She would want to share with me. But she doesn't. I don't call her because she owes me many apologies. I cant just overlook the disrespect.

 

Maybe this generation thinks they can do whatever they want their way but it wont be at my expense. I did my job. I did help her and that got tossed back in my face. I don't have thousands to waste but this is what she did to us and then left and expected us to continue to fork over cash and privileges that she would probably share with her friend. But that wont happen. They will need to figure it out like we all have.

 

I love my D and pray for her everyday. That's all I can do until she realizes what she has done to her family and to herself.

 

Her habits are an issue. Hopefully she will drop them one day.

[whichwayisup]

She is who she is right now, the drugs and whatever else she's into has changed her. She's not the daughter she once was. And that's NOT your fault. You can only do so much. (I've said this before but it's nice to acknowledge it and say it again.)

 

I'm hoping someday she'll have her wake up call/hit rock bottom and get the help she needs. But until that day comes, continue to detach and love her from afar. Addictions have stolen her identity.

 

I'm sorry for your pain and heartache. This isn't easy on you or anybody else in your family.

[jnel921]

Its been tough. My son is home this week. He deploys next month to the middle east. My D wanted to see him and called ranting, raving and crying because she didn't feel important. She said she didn't take a 12 hour shift thinking that she would see him. I told her he could meet her later on in the evening. But she said no. She goes to bed at 10 and needs to be rested for a long shift the next day.

 

At that moment I was like...oh really sounds familiar. But then she was like this isn't the time to make your point. But I was glad she sees it. My mom had sent her a check for her birthday and my son forgot to take it to her. They showed up to the house and I was surprised to see her there.

 

While I wasn't nasty and she didn't stay long this did create a big fight between myself and my H who felt she should have apologized before she walked in the door.

 

I agreed with him. But we had company over and this was not the time to say those things. She was in and out so it didn't phase me but it did bother him.

 

She didn't look well. She mentioned she bought her BF a phone and some apple watches. She said that she sold some of her shoes online and takes surveys sometimes for cash.

 

It was very disheartening. But I didn't say anything. Then she left. Afterwards I texted her about showing up and not apologizing in advance. She of course thinks she did nothing wrong. After I reminded her she was like yeah, ok, eventually. I didn't say anything else.

 

This morning she asked me for a bottle of perfume but I ignored that request.

 

I wish she could see how she is throwing her life away. Its hard to see one child thrive and the other take a dive. I don't wish this on anyone.

[MuddyFootprints]

Some kids thrive on direction, on discipline, they toe the line nearly every step of their lives.

 

Some kids question authority and seem to lack discipline. They create chaos and disrupt our own sense of rule.

 

Strong parents don't push our strong - willed children to "hit rock bottom" to suit our own convictions.

[jnel921]

What is rock bottom these days? I feel like that doesn't exist.

[BettyDraper]

I'm wondering why your daughter mentioned "not feeling important."

Do you think she struggles with being seen as "the problem child" while your son is viewed in a much more positive light? I'm not asking because I blame you for preferring your son's company-of course you do. He's easier to deal with. I'm asking to possibly provide insight into your daughter's behavior.

 

I was never good enough for my mother despite being a well behaved child who did well in school. As I grew into my teens, I had very little freedom and my mother became even harsher and often abusive while catering to my younger brother. I left home in my early twenties because I couldn't take the abuse anymore and it was making me want to kill myself. My parents treated me like an embarrassment because I had mental health issues rather than caring about my well being. My mom made it clear that she preferred my brother to me. It's easy to see why he was well adjusted; he was rarely disciplined and treated far better. Now that I am doing well, my mother would like to be friends but I don't think that would be healthy for me.

 

The people who need love and care are often the ones who deserve it the least. I know your daughter needs to learn to stand on her own two feet and feel the consequences of her actions. I just think that some kindness and understanding could go a long way. Coming down hard on her could just worsen the situation.

[jnel921]

Hi Betty,

 

First let me say that I love both my son and D equally. Raising kids is a hard job. While my son did not receive the same amount of punishments as my D I would say it was because for the most part he followed our rules and did his best to stay out of trouble. If he was doing something underhanded we never knew about it.

 

Of course there were more restrictions with our D. She just couldn't do anything and everything she wanted. We always thought of her safety first. As a young woman she is more vulnerable to things and of course we wanted to protect her. She of course thought this was us keeping a tight leash on her. Wanting to know where she is and with who is pretty normal for kids and parents but not with her. Of course this resistance only made us believe she was up to no good and had things to hide.

 

There was no reason to be this way unless she didn't care to hear how we felt about what she was doing. Right or wrong she was going to do whatever she wanted to do. Which has always was and is still the case. So with this said, as a parent and as her family we have no value. So why is she now so important? Its a two way street. Are we supposed to factor her into our lives and plans while she is off doing her own thing and is only interested when it benefits her?

 

Just today I mentioned to her that my son's GF invited me to lunch which I thought was sweet. My D calls ands asks me what time we were going. I told her I wasn't sure, why? She says because she wants to eat too. I had to explain to her that the invitation was extended to me. The young lady wants to get to know me and establish a relationship with me. That this was not a free for all where I would rudely add another person to the bill when I was invited.

 

My D is clearly very immature. She is jealous as well as she called her my new D. My D never wanted to anything with me and it wasn't because I never wanted her to. She chose her friends all of the time. Listened to them.

 

If she were better mentally I would want to have a better relationship with her as well. I would think that at point the things I told her made sense and that my protection was not abuse. Its me loving my D and keeping her safe. Not everyone has that.

 

As a young girl I remember getting a big butt whooping over heading out to a party where there would be older guys. My brother told on me and this was intercepted. My friends still went and one of them later on that evening was raped by 4 men that were at this party. While I was upset that I got in big trouble over this I appreciate my brother's big mouth and the butt whooping because at the end of the day that could of been me.

 

But of course the way we discipline our kids these days and try to protect them is governed by laws and our kids are smart enough now and told by their teachers to tell on us. This didn't stop my D from lying on us to get her way. She is just selfish. Until she grows up and realizes her wrongs things wont change. I am hoping whatever she experiences now will change her and hopefully mend our relationship so we ca forge a new one.

 

I hope that you can find a way to reconnect with your mom too. I am not sure what the extent of the abuse you say you endured, but perhaps you are misunderstanding the intention. Perhaps she can explain herself in a way that will help you to understand her POV.

 

As a kid growing up there is only but so much we know and understand. As an older adult I completely get where my parents came from and why they were the way there were. Do I hate them? No, I love them and enjoy the relationship we have now.

 

Good luck to you.

[BettyDraper]

Hi Betty,

 

First let me say that I love both my son and D equally. Raising kids is a hard job. While my son did not receive the same amount of punishments as my D I would say it was because for the most part he followed our rules and did his best to stay out of trouble. If he was doing something underhanded we never knew about it.

 

Of course there were more restrictions with our D. She just couldn't do anything and everything she wanted. We always thought of her safety first. As a young woman she is more vulnerable to things and of course we wanted to protect her. She of course thought this was us keeping a tight leash on her. Wanting to know where she is and with who is pretty normal for kids and parents but not with her. Of course this resistance only made us believe she was up to no good and had things to hide.

 

There was no reason to be this way unless she didn't care to hear how we felt about what she was doing. Right or wrong she was going to do whatever she wanted to do. Which has always was and is still the case. So with this said, as a parent and as her family we have no value. So why is she now so important? Its a two way street. Are we supposed to factor her into our lives and plans while she is off doing her own thing and is only interested when it benefits her?

 

Just today I mentioned to her that my son's GF invited me to lunch which I thought was sweet. My D calls ands asks me what time we were going. I told her I wasn't sure, why? She says because she wants to eat too. I had to explain to her that the invitation was extended to me. The young lady wants to get to know me and establish a relationship with me. That this was not a free for all where I would rudely add another person to the bill when I was invited.

 

My D is clearly very immature. She is jealous as well as she called her my new D. My D never wanted to anything with me and it wasn't because I never wanted her to. She chose her friends all of the time. Listened to them.

 

If she were better mentally I would want to have a better relationship with her as well. I would think that at point the things I told her made sense and that my protection was not abuse. Its me loving my D and keeping her safe. Not everyone has that.

 

As a young girl I remember getting a big butt whooping over heading out to a party where there would be older guys. My brother told on me and this was intercepted. My friends still went and one of them later on that evening was raped by 4 men that were at this party. While I was upset that I got in big trouble over this I appreciate my brother's big mouth and the butt whooping because at the end of the day that could of been me.

 

But of course the way we discipline our kids these days and try to protect them is governed by laws and our kids are smart enough now and told by their teachers to tell on us. This didn't stop my D from lying on us to get her way. She is just selfish. Until she grows up and realizes her wrongs things wont change. I am hoping whatever she experiences now will change her and hopefully mend our relationship so we ca forge a new one.

 

I hope that you can find a way to reconnect with your mom too. I am not sure what the extent of the abuse you say you endured, but perhaps you are misunderstanding the intention. Perhaps she can explain herself in a way that will help you to understand her POV.

 

As a kid growing up there is only but so much we know and understand. As an older adult I completely get where my parents came from and why they were the way there were. Do I hate them? No, I love them and enjoy the relationship we have now.

 

Good luck to you.

 

 

I believe that my mother had the best of intentions. She just didn't know how to execute them in a constructive way. I don't hate my mom. I feel sorry for her because she blindly continued the cycle of abuse. I also appreciate her positive traits. Though I'm not a parent, I believe that it is better to be too strict than too permissive when raising kids. My generation is filled with overgrown babies who expect the world to cater to them. I'm glad that my parents instilled some discipline and morals. They just didn't need to use severe beatings for small mistakes or constant put downs. I spent my childhood feeling terrified all the time. As an adult, I choose to remain distant from my mother because she still has a habit of making unprovoked rude remarks.

 

Parenting seems like a thankless job and it's full of many risks. I believe that parents simply do the best with what they know and hope for the best. I also agree that your daughter shouldn't be able to take advantage of you. I'm not sure what kind of lies she told her teachers about your discipline methods but that must have been heartbreaking. I'm wondering if the tighter restrictions you placed on your daughter but not your son led to resentment and this level of rebellion. I'm only saying this because giving a son more freedom can be perceived by a daughter as sexism and unfairness.

[jnel921]

Perhaps my D did interpret the treatment as sexism, I don't know. But if she saw that his behavior got him more freedom she should have done the same.

 

My mom used to say a lot of rude and hurtful things to me too. She'd compare me and my sister while we were together and say how fat I was. She would make comments about my inability to make big dinners for my husband. She would ask me if I was on a diet and just other dumb and hurtful things. Honestly I chalk this off to ignorance. Perhaps her mom should have slapped her across the mouth when she was mouthy. I believe my mom always resented her mom for enjoying life and men. She used to compare her to me often. But I didn't care because we all choose to live how we do.

 

So an update on my D....

 

Right now she is ready to talk to us about the future. I am sure she is not happy with her life right now and she has asked to spend more time with me over the past couple of weeks which of course I was over the moon about and the best part was that it was drama free.

 

I am taking it one step at a time because I do not want any misunderstandings about either of our intentions. i think my son coming home for his visit and the time we spent together as a family stirred something in her heart. Let's see.

[Hecan]

I would not wish your situation on anyone !!! But I have say reading through your posts it appears that you have allowed her behavior to bring yours down to her level but you are the adult. I can't say I would respond better but please consider getting help yourself. Your responses indicate you have lost the handle on yourself as well. A very sad situation.

Please get help. You are no help to her or yourself ..

[jnel921]

I would not wish your situation on anyone !!! But I have say reading through your posts it appears that you have allowed her behavior to bring yours down to her level but you are the adult. I can't say I would respond better but please consider getting help yourself. Your responses indicate you have lost the handle on yourself as well. A very sad situation.

Please get help. You are no help to her or yourself ..

 

Yes Hecan,

 

Its been tough and yes I have been to therapy. Right now she wants to be at home but she wants to be selfish and I cant do that. I told her not to expect much from me if this is the way she wants to do this.

[jnel921]

My D asked to meet with us 2 weeks ago and apologized for her behavior and asked to come home. We had a long conversation and came to a certain agreement that could work in both our favors.

 

Right now she has been home for a few days and I don't feel the same peace I did when she was not here. She has already told us some lies and we wanted to speak to her BF to be clear about our house rules and her use of our car. We scheduled 2 meetings but he bailed on both. It seems he wants her to be his taxi and we aren't having that being he doesn't care to be in our presence. She had the car for 3 days and drove 128 miles total. when we asked where she went she said she went nowhere. Now we will limit her car use to just work.

 

I have not made any promises to her. I do want to see how this plays out. If she can respect and be responsible. I feel she is missing the mark most times. Not by much, but she is. I guess I can interpret this as trying but I have yet to feel like it will be smooth sailing.

[BettyDraper]

My D asked to meet with us 2 weeks ago and apologized for her behavior and asked to come home. We had a long conversation and came to a certain agreement that could work in both our favors.

 

Right now she has been home for a few days and I don't feel the same peace I did when she was not here. She has already told us some lies and we wanted to speak to her BF to be clear about our house rules and her use of our car. We scheduled 2 meetings but he bailed on both. It seems he wants her to be his taxi and we aren't having that being he doesn't care to be in our presence. She had the car for 3 days and drove 128 miles total. when we asked where she went she said she went nowhere. Now we will limit her car use to just work.

 

I have not made any promises to her. I do want to see how this plays out. If she can respect and be responsible. I feel she is missing the mark most times. Not by much, but she is. I guess I can interpret this as trying but I have yet to feel like it will be smooth sailing.

 

It's nice that you're giving your daughter another chance. Of course you're being cautious given what she has done in the past.

 

Does your daughter pay for gas or any other automobile related expenses? If so, do her adult contributions mean anything in terms of her freedoms with your car? What mileage is acceptable in your eyes? Your daughter should be saving up for her own car if she wants to drive wherever she wants.

 

If your daughter is missing the mark, then boundaries and consequences need to be expressed again.

[whichwayisup]

My D asked to meet with us 2 weeks ago and apologized for her behavior and asked to come home. We had a long conversation and came to a certain agreement that could work in both our favors.

 

Right now she has been home for a few days and I don't feel the same peace I did when she was not here. She has already told us some lies and we wanted to speak to her BF to be clear about our house rules and her use of our car. We scheduled 2 meetings but he bailed on both. It seems he wants her to be his taxi and we aren't having that being he doesn't care to be in our presence. She had the car for 3 days and drove 128 miles total. when we asked where she went she said she went nowhere. Now we will limit her car use to just work.

 

I have not made any promises to her. I do want to see how this plays out. If she can respect and be responsible. I feel she is missing the mark most times. Not by much, but she is. I guess I can interpret this as trying but I have yet to feel like it will be smooth sailing.

 

It's a good start on some level. Of course trust has to be rebuilt and she has to try her best to earn your trust and stop lying. Just take it day by day and hope for the best and maybe don't expect too much too soon.

[jnel921]

Since my D has been home. While she has steady work the issue is more so about contributing to the household. I have asked her for $30 a week which she had a fit about and we got into a very big argument. She said I am not giving you s***.

 

I told her that she is an adult and we are treating her like one. That she needs to respect our home and help pay bills. I told her until she gave me some money I would not allow her to use my car and if she didn't give anything at all she needs to go.

 

This set her off. She came at me and starting pointing her finger and hitting me on my head with it. Then I got up and grabbed her by the shirt and told her to never put her hands on me again and told her to get out. She stormed off . She texted me an apology for putting her hands on me then called me to say she hated me and then said she was killing herself. Later she walked in the house went upstairs crying, screaming and throwing things and said it again and again. Saying she hated her life.

 

I called the police who came over and told her that what she was saying was grounds to take her to a hospital but she kept saying I do extra and make her upset. They didn't take her anywhere but she had the nerve to ask them for a ride to her BF's house which they didn't oblige. t obvious the girl has no fear of authority and I do not trust what she can do next to me. I believe she acted this way to try and manipulate me and it wasn't going to happen.

 

The police told her she was 20 and free to leave. I told her the same. I wont object anymore. I am not going to be manipulated and allow her to be a freeloader in my home. She will not threaten me to get what she wants.

 

She was picked up later on by the BF. Before she left she asked me what time was I leaving on Thanksgiving to see my parents and that she wanted to go with me. On Thanksgiving where we barely spoke. At the dinner table my brother in law had to drag out of her what she was thankful for. Which honestly I felt was nothing. I dropped her back off at the BF's apt and then Friday morning she texted and then told me to withdraw $30 from her account.

 

She wanted to come home and I told her that I wasn't going to deal with her outbursts anymore of when she thinks she can't have or do whatever she wants. That there will be consequences to her disrespect.

 

I am also trying to get her dad to help and give me CS again to save for school but he insists on either handing my D money that I will never see or lowballing me. So looks like I will need to go to court again. Just very frustrating.

 

The peace I had before is gone and I don't like this feeling. Maybe coming home was a mistake.