S2B Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 She said the ultrasound showed it Were you there for the appointment? Have you seen the dr with her? go with her! You need to know for sure she's pregnant! I don't think the sex can be determined by 12 weeks - it should look like a little frog or seahorse. She may be lying. You need solid evidence. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Were you there for the appointment? Have you seen the dr with her? go with her! You need to know for sure she's pregnant! I don't think the sex can be determined by 12 weeks - it should look like a little frog or seahorse. She may be lying. You need solid evidence. It's generally 18 weeks before it can be determined via US. A very expensive test, called chorionic villus sampling, might determine it sooner. That test is usually reserved for AMA, when there is a good chance of abnormalities, and is quite expensive. Perhaps Ericka thought he'd be more receptive to a boy? Or maybe the seahorse was really, really well hung? But, yea, I'd question the whole pregnancy if she hasn't provided evidence. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 My Name is Scott. I am 33 years old and have been married for 7 years and have a 4.5 year old daughter. I have been with my wife since we were seniors in high school. This past March, I left my family and moved in with my brother. My marriage had many problems. I obviously love my wife, but things such as money, infertility, and me playing the child in a parent/child relationship made me snap. I was living with my wife and daughter in her parents house which was not a good situation. Through counseling my wife and I both agree that her entire family has an enmeshed relationship. She has two brothers who both have families and all work in the same family business. We are involved in that business as well. Walking out in March was the hardest thing I have ever done. I thought our marriage was done and I met another woman who is 25 years old. She is great and we get along very well. She seems like somebody that would be considered a best friend or “soul mate”. During this time, my wife has come to terms with alot of the issues that we had as a married couple. She has personally made a huge change in outlook on life that is more congruent with myself. At one point I broke off the affair with Erika and moved back in with my wife Kelly, but the my desire to be around Erika never faded. In return, i turned into a liar and started playing both parties. I am a people pleaser and don’t want to hurt anybody. During the summer, my affair partner became pregnant and I am so torn as to what to do. Kelly knows about this and she still wants to make the marriage work. Both Kelly and Erika want a decision to what I am going to do. I know I put myself in this terrible situation, but I have no idea what to do. On one hand I have a wife and child and on the other I have another woman that I love who is pregnant with my child. Growing up I would have never dreamed that I would ever be in a situation like this. I have gone to counseling and still struggle with what to do. I love two women and I am going to shatter one of their lives. I don’t know how to deal with this or get past the guilt of what is happening. I’m afraid of breaking my daughter and I am afraid of not knowing my son who is not even born yet. Erika is 12.5 weeks pregnant. I feel like I am killing everybody around me and I don’t want to have back and forth conflicted feelings anymore. I am currently staying at my moms house to do some soul searching, but I know a decision needs to be made soon. Please help me. I want everybody who is involved in this situation to be able to move on, but it all hinges on me. Thank you, Scott you already know the OC is a boy? wow, modern medicine is a wonder. i think you should leave your wife, again. leave your daughter. get a divorce and go and marry your soulmate. you wife and your daughter will just have to get over it. everything will be fine. you will have a fine son and a happy life. your old family will just have to look after themselves. after all, you're in love. with your soulmate. that comes before anyone and anything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
l8estnews Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Does it really matter if it's a boy or a girl? It's weird sometimes, when parents prefer gender of the kid in prioritizing.... Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Does it really matter if it's a boy or a girl? It's weird sometimes, when parents prefer gender of the kid in prioritizing.... It doesn't matter at all. What matters is the inconsistency. She can't possibly know the sex of the baby at this point. That calls her credibility into question, that's all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 You should stay with your wife and daughter. The damage has been done... but if you walk from your daughter at that age I think your looking for maximum damage...these years of a child are highly critical. Erika... to be honest.. you know her now, but what does the future holds. Your wife got her act together for the better of the family and marruage. These speaks volumes. You need to return the favor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Your wife got her act together for the better of the family and marruage. These speaks volumes. You need to return the favor. Is he doing her a favor by returning, especially out of obligation? Spouse or AP, not sure how either would or could trust the AP going forward given his focus on his own happiness and outcome. Saying he loves both is like saying he loves neither... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
eightytwenty Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 First.... I would decide who to be with. You left your wife, found someone new, that you "love". Which relationship is stronger? Who do you feel that you want to be with? Decide... If you decide to be with your wife, she needs to understand you will be helping the other girl, she has the baby and after esp in the first few months (they are the hardest). Do NOT go absent during the pregnancy and after. You need to be the supportive father/friend to her. That stress being put on your child from her being alone won't help. I could only think of the hurt that poor girl will go through. Be there, be supportive, and be a father. After she has the baby, she will needs breaks, either you need to be there or take the baby home (which I doubt because she'll be breastfeeding or not wanting to be away from her child) If you and your wife need to sleep on her couch do it!! Support her financially atleast half until she is able to go back to work. The baby will needs things as you know. If you go with the pregnant girlfriend then you need to get your wife to understand that you want a relationship with the daughter and make sure to be the best Dad. They can tell around 12 weeks, but they usually say it's too early to be 100%... Usually they'll do a sono to make sure she's pregnant, then one at 20 weeks when they'll tell you gender and make sure everything is good.. question that and make sure she IS pregnant. They do blood testing at 12 weeks and you can get the results of gender then, so maybe she does. Get a paternity test when the baby is born... If it was me, I wouldn't stay with the wife. The wife can change her tune, but will she stay that way? If you decide you can't flip flop on these women. Good luck and keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Is he doing her a favor by returning, especially out of obligation? Spouse or AP, not sure how either would or could trust the AP going forward given his focus on his own happiness and outcome. Saying he loves both is like saying he loves neither... Mr. Lucky OP knows his wife over 7 years and Erika for a couple months? I think if he leaves the wife the karma will be much greater. Ppl always click the first couple years and mirror each other. He has an obligation... to him self, his daughter, and wife. The guy here needs slack.. he screwed up big time... but the wife pushed him away.. looks the the OP has to be the bread winner and father/mother and tried for years to fix the marriage. Looks like the husband checked out and didn't think the wife would change. But ironically is making efforts. The real question is what would the OP would have done if Erika wasn't pregrant? You he go back to his wife and end the relationship? That's where you answers lay Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Scott, are you still with us? What's the update? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 The guy here needs slack.. He got some slack from his wife when she took him back after his initial affair. Her reward? He lied to her about the affair being over and continued to see - and eventually impregnate - his AP. If the OP did indeed deserve a second chance, that card has been played. Hard to suggest his wife sign up for Act 3... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lumberjack923 Posted November 26, 2016 Author Share Posted November 26, 2016 I am here...interesting thoughts from all of you ...Thanksgiving was tough not seeing my daughter Link to post Share on other sites
Hopefulandinlove Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 My personal thoughts are if your wife is willing to make changes (which she has) and you still love her (which you said you do) than you should try to make it work for your daughters sake. I hate to sound awful about the unborn baby, but that child doesn't know life with their parents together. Your daughter does. If you don't try to make it work for her sake, than what else could matter more? Link to post Share on other sites
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