sandylee1 Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 How do all of you handle when someone wants to be alone and you have something your want to discuss? You say, I really need to talk to you about something, let me know/come and find me when it's a better time for you. Avoid saying things like "When you're ready to listen" "when you've stopped being childish /immature etc" Trying to have a conversation with someone in a bad mood, is not a good idea. You won't be heard. They won't listen (because they're not in the right frame of mind), and matters will just escalate. I'm not for one minute condoning what he did or blaming you, but the other most likely outcome that night, would have been a slanging match or one of you walking out. I know we all get mad at times, but certain conditions need to be present, for an effective conversation. I deliver marriage prep courses and this is exactly what one of the sessions covers with engaged couples. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 Hi LovemeBreakme, I think you are doing well. There is no need to wave a red rag in front of an angry bull. As Sandy says an angry person is not going to hear you. It is better to let matters calm down and then discuss whatever needs discussing in a calm and collected manner. Slanging matches do not solve problems. You are the person in the driver's seat. You know your husband and what his triggers are. If you avoid those triggers it is not as if you are tip toeing on eggshells around him. It is just plain common sense. The same would be true of your husband avoiding your triggers. What it amounts to is respect for each other and not stepping on each other's toes. Hope it all goes well for you both going forward. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Globug Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 I am glad you and your DH is working through this. Me and my husband have been together for 20 years with no abuse. In the last three years my father passed away at age 60, our 18 year old niece was killed in a hit & run and his brother was murdered. Grief has torn our world apart and this past summer there was an altercation that got physical. No one was hurt & we both stopped ourselves at the brink but it wasn't us. We have never been that way & I think it shocked & scared both of us. if anything it opened the door to work on things & truly talk about how we have been feeling & dealing with things instead of trying to take turns being strong for the other. I do not think there is anything wrong with hitting the pause button when upset. Does not mean you are scared of your spouse it means you want to fix things, not make them worse in the heat of the moment Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts