Is there anything wrong with our marriage?

[MuddyFootprints]

"It wasn't until a couple years into the marriage, when he wanted to try for our second baby, that it felt like we were moving too fast. I mean, it doesn't matter now. I can't go back in time and change it, and we've been married for 8 years."

 

"We have 5 kids - ages 1, 2, 4, 6 & 7."

 

I'm having some difficulty processing your timeline.

 

Not to mention, your multi-quoting skills are amazing after two posts. You're smart. You'll figure this out.

Edited November 21, 2016 by MuddyFootprints

[BaileyB]

With all due respect, your husband is an abuser. What you have described is very typical - he is smart and he has had complete control of you and your relationship since the beginning. The way he has isolated you and intimidated you... It's really frightening.

 

You should try to reconnect with your family - you will need them. Will they help you if you contact them? You should also seek the advice of a counsellor and a lawyer - to learn your options.

 

I personally, as hard as it will be, would rather be the unemployed single mother to five kids than stay married to a man who abuses me in the way your husband abuses you. He sounds like a nightmare.

Edited November 21, 2016 by BaileyB

[lucy_in_disguise]

I don't know... I think it's a gross overreaction to call this abuse. OP needs to reconnect with her family and learn to stand up for herself in her marriage, but it's unclear IMO how things would pan out if she was actually capable of standing her ground. Her husband is not violent and does not sound verbally abusive. They have an unusual family for this day and age but having a large family and homeschooling your kids is not unheard of and a goal many aspire to. It just doesn't sound like it was her goal, and she has failed to communicate this to her husband. Some people aren't good listeners and its possible he would be willing to compromise if he realized the depth of her unhappiness. Maybe some therapy would help before suggesting she go straight to divorce.

[Methodical]

First, if you have to ask if there is something wrong with your marriage, then there is. Otherwise, you wouldn't question it.

 

Secondly, you can fulfill your "wifely duties" while on birth control.

 

Lastly, tell him your body has been through a lot and needs a rest from carrying babies. If he balks at that, then you aren't high on his list of priorities.

[olivetree]

I don't know... I think it's a gross overreaction to call this abuse. OP needs to reconnect with her family and learn to stand up for herself in her marriage, but it's unclear IMO how things would pan out if she was actually capable of standing her ground. Her husband is not violent and does not sound verbally abusive. They have an unusual family for this day and age but having a large family and homeschooling your kids is not unheard of and a goal many aspire to. It just doesn't sound like it was her goal, and she has failed to communicate this to her husband. Some people aren't good listeners and its possible he would be willing to compromise if he realized the depth of her unhappiness. Maybe some therapy would help before suggesting she go straight to divorce.

 

Abuse does not always take the form of physical violence and verbal assault.

 

Kate has also always submitted to whatever her husband wants. I wonder what he'd do if she didn't.

[aileD]

Abuse does not always take the form of physical violence and verbal assault.

 

Kate has also always submitted to whatever her husband wants. I wonder what he'd do if she didn't.

 

Agreed. Kate, call a domestic abuse hotline or talk to someone ...they may be able to help.

 

Start standing up for yourself ok? (((Hugs)))

[dpass]

I don't know... I think it's a gross overreaction to call this abuse. OP needs to reconnect with her family and learn to stand up for herself in her marriage, but it's unclear IMO how things would pan out if she was actually capable of standing her ground. Her husband is not violent and does not sound verbally abusive. They have an unusual family for this day and age but having a large family and homeschooling your kids is not unheard of and a goal many aspire to. It just doesn't sound like it was her goal, and she has failed to communicate this to her husband. Some people aren't good listeners and its possible he would be willing to compromise if he realized the depth of her unhappiness. Maybe some therapy would help before suggesting she go straight to divorce.

 

Re-read this line and tell me if that doesn't seem abusive.

"Once he closes that bedroom door he makes me feel like a prostitute in my own home." - Post #24

 

Yes, this man may suck at listening and be selfish by nature. That's entirely possible and maybe the OP has rarely tried to talk to him about it. But why hasn't she talked to him about it? If it's because she is afraid of his reaction than that is a problem. If it's because she has no self-confidence or backbone, than that is an issue as well. IMO, it's both and the latter likely stems from the way he treats her.

[dpass]

OP, he has you pumping out kids back to back. You've expressed that he has a Pregnancy Fetish, so when does it stop? Is he going to continue to impregnate you until you can no longer conceive? You could have another 7-8 kids based on your current timeline. Keeping you tied to and dependent on him is likely part of the thrill.

 

You are pregnant with your SIXTH child. Figure out what you are going to do about it. I would not tell your husband that you are pregnant. Give yourself time to figure out what you want to do. Figure it out or before you know it you'll be expecting your 10th child.

 

Sex is absolutely NOT only for the man. Woman can, and do, enjoy sex. You have a selfish husband who doesn't want to please you. All he wants is for you to be his personal sex slave. You blow him after sex "until he's happy"? Hell no. If anyone should be getting after sex action, it's the woman. He tried to pleasure you and you didn't like it? No, he purposely conditioned you to think you wouldn't like it, then did a crap job to confirm that belief in your head. You go sleep with nearly any other man and you will realize how wrong that was.

 

If you want to leave, than start making steps to do so. Re-connect with your family, they will support you. Find support groups for single mothers. Enroll your children in a public school. He will have to pay a large sum in child support, you can likely live off of that while you finish your schooling. He will also be responsible for at least half of daycare costs, sports costs, etc. He controls the finances, so you need to start sneaking and hiding money. Don't do ATM withdraws, too obvious. Instead when you get groceries ask for cashback. It is just added to the total, but IS on the receipt so ditch that.

 

If you are unsure, than ask him to go to marriage counseling with you. Start standing your ground but be prepared with an exit plan if things go bad.

 

Your kids are far better off coming from a broken home than an abusive home. He may not physically abuse you or the kids, but he is teaching your sons how to treat a woman and teaching your daughters how to be treated.

[BettyDraper]

You can also open a separate account that your husband isn't aware of and stash money there.

[BettyDraper]

I don't know... I think it's a gross overreaction to call this abuse. OP needs to reconnect with her family and learn to stand up for herself in her marriage, but it's unclear IMO how things would pan out if she was actually capable of standing her ground. Her husband is not violent and does not sound verbally abusive. They have an unusual family for this day and age but having a large family and homeschooling your kids is not unheard of and a goal many aspire to. It just doesn't sound like it was her goal, and she has failed to communicate this to her husband. Some people aren't good listeners and its possible he would be willing to compromise if he realized the depth of her unhappiness. Maybe some therapy would help before suggesting she go straight to divorce.

 

Really? Okay, let's look at the facts:

 

1. The OP feels like a prostitute in her own home.
   
2. She has no access to family income.
   
3. Her husband demands that she have unwanted babies
   
4. He controls her every move.
   
5. What her husband says goes.
   
6. He seems to have a pregnancy fetish and uses the OP to fulfill those fantasies.
   
7. The OP is forbidden to use birth control.
   
8. He doesn't care whether or not she enjoys sex.
   
9. Hospital staff who barely knew this couple had a social worker get involved. They also ordered her husband to leave the room.
   
10. Several loved ones have expressed concerned about how dictatorial the OP's husband is.
    

 

A woman does not need to be hit or spoken to disrespectfully for abuse to occur.

[RecentChange]

 

When I had my second daughter, the hospital staff sent a social worker to talk to me and made my husband leave the room. After that my babies were born at home. It took me so long to see it. .

 

Wow, this was your huge red flag. All the alarm bells and whistles that yes, there is something horribly wrong about your marriage. This is not what A PARTNERSHIP based on love, trust, and honor looks like.

 

There is so much wrong here, I am not sure what, if any of it is right.

 

As for sex, of course, like all of his other controlling lies is wrong. If anything sex is for women. We are the ones that can have multiple orgasms after all. I would argue that women might be capable of experiencing more pleasure than a man does during sex.

 

That of course requires a conscious partner who is actually concerned about, and places a priority on her pleasure.

 

Not a selfish, controlling jerk like this.

 

Ugh, and he even lawyered the marriage contract to rob you of any power. He was despicable from the moment this relationship started.

[BettyDraper]

I know how hard it is to walk away and the fact that you have five children complicates this situation even more. However, if you don't leave you will find yourself becoming even more isolated. Is saving face worth living a gilded cage? You mentioned a daughter-what would you tell her if she was in the same situation?

 

If you live in Toronto like I think you do, there is easy access to social services which less populous areas do not have. There are many foundations, charities and housing organizations designed for women who are in similar circumstances.

 

At some point, a victim will leave when she has had enough. I left home without a dollar in my pocket because I was weary of being abused. Being poor was worth my freedom. I guess you need to get to that point.

[olivetree]

OP, he has you pumping out kids back to back. You've expressed that he has a Pregnancy Fetish, so when does it stop? Is he going to continue to impregnate you until you can no longer conceive? You could have another 7-8 kids based on your current timeline. Keeping you tied to and dependent on him is likely part of the thrill.

 

You are pregnant with your SIXTH child. Figure out what you are going to do about it. I would not tell your husband that you are pregnant. Give yourself time to figure out what you want to do. Figure it out or before you know it you'll be expecting your 10th child.

 

Sex is absolutely NOT only for the man. Woman can, and do, enjoy sex. You have a selfish husband who doesn't want to please you. All he wants is for you to be his personal sex slave. You blow him after sex "until he's happy"? Hell no. If anyone should be getting after sex action, it's the woman. He tried to pleasure you and you didn't like it? No, he purposely conditioned you to think you wouldn't like it, then did a crap job to confirm that belief in your head. You go sleep with nearly any other man and you will realize how wrong that was.

 

If you want to leave, than start making steps to do so. Re-connect with your family, they will support you. Find support groups for single mothers. Enroll your children in a public school. He will have to pay a large sum in child support, you can likely live off of that while you finish your schooling. He will also be responsible for at least half of daycare costs, sports costs, etc. He controls the finances, so you need to start sneaking and hiding money. Don't do ATM withdraws, too obvious. Instead when you get groceries ask for cashback. It is just added to the total, but IS on the receipt so ditch that.

 

If you are unsure, than ask him to go to marriage counseling with you. Start standing your ground but be prepared with an exit plan if things go bad.

 

Your kids are far better off coming from a broken home than an abusive home. He may not physically abuse you or the kids, but he is teaching your sons how to treat a woman and teaching your daughters how to be treated.

 

All of the above is absolutely true.

 

Plus, the part in bold.... of course you didn't enjoy it. How can you enjoy something sexual that someone obviously doesn't want to do for you? I bet you would enjoy sex and feel comfortable receiving pleasure from someone who respects you and wants to give it to you.

[lucy_in_disguise]

Really? Okay, let's look at the facts:

 

1. The OP feels like a prostitute in her own home.
   
2. She has no access to family income.
   
3. Her husband demands that she have unwanted babies
   
4. He controls her every move.
   
5. What her husband says goes.
   
6. He seems to have a pregnancy fetish and uses the OP to fulfill those fantasies.
   
7. The OP is forbidden to use birth control.
   
8. He doesn't care whether or not she enjoys sex.
   
9. Hospital staff who barely knew this couple had a social worker get involved. They also ordered her husband to leave the room.
   
10. Several loved ones have expressed concerned about how dictatorial the OP's husband is.
    

 

A woman does not need to be hit or spoken to disrespectfully for abuse to occur.

 

I'm not saying their dynamics aren't screwed up. Obviously, she should not be feeling like she doesn't have control over her body. But, it takes two to establish those dynamics. If she has been rolling with his decisions for years, it is going to take some time to reverse that trend.

 

She absolutely needs to learn to stand up for herself. The choice to take birth control, whether to have more children, whether to home school them, and how to manage the money - obviously that should not be all up to her husband. But, she is a grown woman and I believe at least some of the responsibility to take back control lies with her. I believe before jumping to divorce, she owes her husband the chance to adapt to a different dynamic. Why are we assuming her he is going to harm her if she stands her ground? She has always bent to his will so there is no telling how things would pan out if she insisted on doing things differently.

[BaileyB]

There is absolutely not a doubt in my mind that this is an abusive relationship.

 

The fact that the social workers came to talk with you in the hospital tells me that they knew something was wrong. The fact that your husband refused to leave you alone with medical professionals and insisted on home births after that visit demonstrates that he knows that too. He is isolating you Kate. This is very, very manipulative and very wrong.

 

Also, the fact that he manipulated the situation such that you married in the US and sign a marriage contract in a state that does not allow spousal support (which I'm not sure is legal. I trust that your husband may very well have known what he was doing but I wouldn't take his word for it) shows how manipulative and controlling this man can be.

 

Never mind the fact that he dictates that she homeschool the children, that he tells her what she does and does not like in the bedroom, that he is demanding in the bedroom, and that he has a pregnancy fetish and wants her to be pregnant despite her wishes and regardless of her physical and mental health...

 

I don't use the word lightly but if this doesn't qualify as abuse, I'd like to see your definition. This man is frightening - he has taken away her options, made his demands, and convinced her that she can not and should not want anything more from life.

 

But, there is help for you Kate. There are always options. You just need to gather your strength, find some support, and make the decision that you will not live under his thumb for one more day... It won't be easy. But, with the support of your family and others, you can do it - if you decide it is best for you and your children.

Edited November 21, 2016 by BaileyB

[BettyDraper]

I'm not saying their dynamics aren't screwed up. Obviously, she should not be feeling like she doesn't have control over her body. But, it takes two to establish those dynamics. If she has been rolling with his decisions for years, it is going to take some time to reverse that trend.

 

She absolutely needs to learn to stand up for herself. The choice to take birth control, whether to have more children, whether to home school them, and how to manage the money - obviously that should not be all up to her husband. But, she is a grown woman and I believe at least some of the responsibility to take back control lies with her. I believe before jumping to divorce, she owes her husband the chance to adapt to a different dynamic. Why are we assuming her he is going to harm her if she stands her ground? She has always bent to his will so there is no telling how things would pan out if she insisted on doing things differently.

 

An abused spouse owes NOTHING to her oppressor.

 

What makes you think that the OP's husband will even allow the trend to be reversed if he is insanely controlling?

[Birdies]

This is 100% abuse! Reading your response just made me burst into tears. Your husband has you utterly under his thumb and it's so heart-breaking.

 

PLEASE get back into touch with your family - you need someone in your corner. Also, please have a lawyer look at your pre-nup. It would be highly unusual for "marital assets" (all the money that was made during the time of your marriage) to go to your husband. Most courts divide that evenly, regardless of who earned it and whether it's in a joint account or his personal account. (Note - the fact that he controls all the money and you don't have access is financial abuse! He is keeping you like an indentured servant.) If you don't have a copy of the pre-nup, at least go have a free consultation with a family court lawyer to ask their opinion. And start setting

money aside as previous posters have suggests.

 

Also, please ignore the woman who seems to think this treatment is your fault. This is literally textbook emotional abuse. You could not script a more abusive situation unless he also hit you. This is WRONG and not your fault!

 

You deserve to be treated with respect. This man has been emotionally abusing you for the entirety of your marriage.

Edited November 22, 2016 by Birdies

[Kate416]

If I tried to contact my family I honestly don't know if they would help me. My parents retired and moved across the country. I rarely talk to them and see them once a year at most. They hate who I'm married to and hate me for marrying him. They think they failed as parents. My parents are well off and part of me thinks they'd expect I'm just after money. I don't know what to tell them other than I'm sorry for not listening....

 

My husband doesn't care about medical advise. My 1st and 2nd born are 11 months apart. After my 2nd daughter was born my doctor said to wait to allow my body to heal. She said to wait 2 years before becoming pregnant again. I have separated muscles and it can't be fixed until we're done, it makes my pregnancies really uncomfortable, not to mention it looks terrible. It went in one ear and out the other. I assume it's breastfeeding that suppressed ovulation, or my body revolting, as after the first two it was "harder" to conceive. I think it was 16, 9 and 14 months to conceive with daily unprotected sex. My first two were first try.

 

I've always been afraid, though I may not have admitted it... to get birth control. There is no way to do it without my husband finding out, and he has questioned me when it took longer to conceive. I made a lot of appointments to get an IUD but got scared. Going to doctors also isn't easy with little ones, who also tell their dad everything. Right now, he doesn't know that I'm pregnant.

 

I don't want girls to ever be in a relationship/marriage like this, or my son. The logically side of me says to get out and show them better. I want to be strong enough for them.... but I'm not. And it makes me feel like a terrible mother... They love their dad. He is really good to them, just not me...

 

It's not that the State doesn't allow spousal support, it's that they allow you to waive it if signed by two separate lawyers. So we both waived the right so neither would lose original assets. At the time, I would have gone into a well paying career, my parents were going to hand down their property to me as they retired and moved and my parents are well off and their assets eventually become mine. My husband makes a good salary and comes from a very wealthy family. We (or he, I don't know anymore) thought it was a good choice. It also was agreed that we would leave the marriage with what we went into it with and maintained. The house was already his, every cent is his. Basically all I own is 1/4 of the value of one car. We agreed on separate bank accounts. I don't care about leaving with nothing, it's putting my kids through it that's hard...

 

Living in this city (yes Toronto) I've learned there are more options available for help. I have to find the strength to take that help and reach out...

 

I do want to speak to a lawyer it just scares me unnecessarily because I feel like it will get back to my husband. Either he'd see the cost or word would get back to him. Which is stupid to even think, because there are something like 50,000 lawyers here and it's not even the same area of practice. I talked to someone today, and was told it my be able to be fought because he clearly had more knowledge than I did, we don't live in that State or even country and the situation significantly changed. It was also recommended to stay as long as I can and keep a journal of everything. What he does, says, uses. A complete daily log. And not to leave (forfeit) the house unless it's unsafe. Though he practices in a different part of the country so I don't know if it's the same.

 

/

 

Sex is part of our routine, like locking the door or turning off the lights. It's something that has always just been done without reminding or thought. The kids get put in bed and the bedroom door gets closed. Tonight I said no... and he kind of lost it. Not at me, he never has. But his face was furious and he was shaking. All he said was "what" and "are you kidding me". He left and drove off somewhere. He punched a hole in the garage, I think. The garage is under the house so I didn't hear anything, but that hole wasn't there earlier.

 

Saying no was the hardest thing I've had to do. Just saying no to sex.... with my own husband. I had to say it a few times before he even heard me and shook the entire time. I couldn't make eye contact. If I can't even say a simple "no" how am I suppose to be able to leave... I'm shaking typing this. I stared at this screen for an hour before typing.

 

My stupid mind keeps going to, well he didn't yell at me, he didn't hit me, he didn't force himself on me, he's never laid a hand on me, he's rarely raised his voice at me, maybe we can work it out. I know he shouldn't be mad at all, but it's like that fact is omitted just because he didn't beat me.

[NuevoYorko]

Whether it's abuse or not, you don't have to have another baby just because he's insisting on it. Get on birth control.

[Mandolin]

Kate,

I have been a longtime Loveshack lurker as I think there are some very wise folks posting here. I learn a lot just from reading through different threads - but I have never been compelled to register and post until now.

 

I happen to be awake for some reason and saw how late your last post was. I don't know if you're still awake but in case you were - I just wanted to say how much courage I know it must have taken to say what you did...and I wanted to send you good vibes and a hug because I know shaking things up can be scary, but so so important. Breathe deep and take it one step at a time.

[Kate416]

Kate,

I have been a longtime Loveshack lurker as I think there are some very wise folks posting here. I learn a lot just from reading through different threads - but I have never been compelled to register and post until now.

 

I happen to be awake for some reason and saw how late your last post was. I don't know if you're still awake but in case you were - I just wanted to say how much courage I know it must have taken to say what you did...and I wanted to send you good vibes and a hug because I know shaking things up can be scary, but so so important. Breathe deep and take it one step at a time.

 

It's nearly 3AM and I can't sleep... I haven't been able to sleep for a few days. I have to be up and starting my day in a few hours. My husband still hasn't come home since leaving tonight and I'm nervous and sick wondering about when he will, what he'll say, what he's doing... I'm so shaken up from what I did and scared it was the wrong choice.

[Mandolin]

I thought the adrenaline might be keeping you awake but I am hoping you did get some sleep. I know that kind of numb feeling that hits when you first stand up for yourself.

 

For what it's worth, I do think you did the right thing ... and what he does in return will tell you a lot. Hang in there and keep posting - you have support here! Hugs

[BaileyB]

Kate, you are a strong, strong lady. Good for you - the first small step to standing up for yourself.

 

Needless to say, your husbands reaction is not normal for a man who is told "No, not tonight." You should be concerned. You tested the water and saw an explosion of frustration and anger. Thankfully, it wasn't directed at you this time, but I would be careful. I would say, it is very likely that your husband is not used to not getting whatever he wants.... Especially from you in the marriage. He simply did not know how to deal with that. His reaction speaks volumes.

 

Two other things -

 

I think you may be surprised by your parents response if you contacted them. I know, some people can be harsh. But, if one of your children ever made a mistake and then came to you, asking for your assistance, would you not move heaven and earth to help your child? I know that I would and I know that my parents would do the same for me. A parents love is unlike any other in this world... I'm just saying, don't discount your parents without talking to them. Perhaps, they are just waiting for the day you realize your mistake and ask for their assistance.

 

And, I would bet money that with a good lawyer, you could contest the marriage contract. He did have more knowledge than you and with the age difference, I wonder if you can argue that you didn't realize what you were signing and were in fact, coerced into signing the document. You should be eligible for spousal support, child support, and marital assets should be shared. Your husband was very manipulative and deceptive in how he approached the home/the contract. I'm sure it's scary to see a lawyer, but you must do it. Best to know and understand all your options.

 

I wonder, if you are ever able to find the ability to visit a woman's shelter, if they would be able to help you seek a legal opinion. I'm sure they are well versed in the law, or rather have connections to legal aid, and this may be a support for you.

 

And finally, talk with Betty Drapper and seek support when you can. If you are contemplating leaving, or staying, YOU need some love and support and you DESERVE nothing less. It's out there for you, but only you can seek it.

 

You are a brave, brave lady. You have nothing to be ashamed of and you have done nothing wrong. You were young, vulnerable, and he manipulated you masterfully. But, you are finding your voice. You are strong. I have such admiration for you - please keep posting because we are here to support you.

 

Your friend, in Winnipeg.

Edited November 22, 2016 by BaileyB

[kailah]

Tonight I said no... and he kind of lost it. Not at me, he never has. But his face was furious and he was shaking. All he said was "what" and "are you kidding me". He left and drove off somewhere. He punched a hole in the garage, I think. The garage is under the house so I didn't hear anything, but that hole wasn't there earlier.

 

If he didn't have a violent reaction to her shouldn't you guys be giving him the benefit of the doubt that things can change? She said no for probably the first time in the marriage. Almost decade of her being so submissive that he has always gotten his way. She mentioned that his family is wealthy, he probably grew up entitled and with everything he wanted. If they have never tried to work it out, I would think that should be tried before divorce. You can't expect change to magically happen overnight.

 

Obviously his reaction whenever he went home would be important, and how he handles being declined in the future. He didn't know how to deal with it but maybe he can, and would, learn.

[BetheButterfly]

Lately he has been wanting to try and get pregnant again. I'm kind of at a breaking point right now, it's just a lot to handle. We agreed to stop at 3 or 4 kids, and space them out more. I'm young, we could take a break for 5 years and be fine to try again. His reasoning is that he doesn't want to have kids after 45.

 

If you don't want to get pregnant again right now, stand up for yourself and tell your hubby something like this, "Hey! I don't want to be pregnant right now, thank you very much."

 

I personally think it's great for you to want to enjoy your kids. Out of curiosity, how many kids do you currently have in diapers? Personally, I have seen kids in large families ignored because the emphasis is always on the youngest one, and I think it hurts the kids who don't get as much attention. Some kids who don't get much attention will act badly just to get negative attention; this is something I've personally noticed in some big families (not all large families). Other kids who don't get much attention tend to withdraw, which is difficult too.

 

 

I'm taking a pregnancy test tomorrow, and if it's negative I want to stop trying for a while.

 

If it's negative, stand your ground. You live in modern times; you have a right to decide if you want to get impregnated right now or not.

He's not happy about that. He has been getting pretty upset with me for wanting to stop or take a break,

 

Wow. What is it with him, is he competing with another man over how many kids he has???

 

even though we agreed to less kids than we have. I LOVE my kids and I love being a mom. I'm blessed that I'm able to stay home with them. But there is only so much that I can handle without losing my sanity.

 

That's beautiful. I'm barren and i can't get pregnant. My hubby and I are planning to foster and adopt, but my hubby is not yet ready. I pray that soon he will be ready! I hope to adopt siblings, so they can stay together.

 

 

An issue is how much he is pushing for a 6th baby. More than just wanting another, it seems intense - like I'm suppose to just go along with it. Sometimes he makes me feel like I'm just a vessel to give him babies. Like that's my sole purpose in life.

 

To put it bluntly, I would feel like a baby-making machine too, if my hubby were pushing me to have a baby all the time, even when I want to just enjoy the babies I already have. (Again, I'm barren; I don't have any babies right now.)

 

When we fight, he says how easy I have it and shouldn't be complaining. How hard he has to work so I can stay home. But he only says that when we're fighting, on regular terms he never says that and knows how hard I work.

 

Taking care of 5 kids is not easy. I know; my sister has 7 kids (5 biological, 1 adopted, 1 foster). Even when she just had 5, it wasn't easy. Having a lot of kids is hard work, and lots of laundry, lots of diapers, lots of discussing the importance of sharing, lots of homework helping, lots of dishes to wash, the list goes on and on, as I know you know. Blessings and hugs, Hard Working Lady!!!

 

I feel bad even writing this, like I'm betraying the relationship. I'm sure there is nothing wrong.

 

I wish that your husband respected your feelings. Have you tried explaining that you want to enjoy the babyhood/toddler years of the children you have, before adding another child?