Successful Romantic Relationship Patterns.

[Mysterio]

To me. At age 45. When I look at family/friends. Baring illnesses and accidental passing. I believe there is a strong pattern to successful relationships and ones that don't work in the long term.

 

If Couple A meets. Have sex and get pregnant within the year of their meeting. Live together and have a kid or any of those dynamics. They will not be together in the long run. Even if they marry.

 

If a Couple B meets and waits to have Sex by 6 months to a year. Gets engaged and married in 2-3 yrs and does not live together or have kids before that. They will most likely stay together.

 

All my friends that did it the so called boring way seem way together and more stronger. Than my other friends that did it the more so called exciting way.

 

Whats your take. Why does having sex before marriage and having kids out of wedlock not lock you in as much. As opposed to waiting and taking your time and not having kids and not living together before marriage.

 

 

Whats the big difference. By the way. I don't know any couple in my life that had kids out of wedlock and are still a happy couple that are still together, except one. That Couple won't get married until the female accepts my male friend's last name if they marry. Thats what he said.

[l8estnews]

I guess they build the emotional bond first? Those people who had sex first and had kids might have married only due to their "hots" for each other. Once that dwindled down the road, they start looking for younger, and fresher meats.

 

But those who prioritizes the emotional and the personality of the other person, and once established, cemented by physical intimacy, I guess that's what makes them really bond emotionally, and that will be a good thing in the long run.

[Mysterio]

Add to the fact that nothing goes well after Divorce. Not one friend of mine got Divorced and everything worked and they went their sepreate ways and it was all hunky dory. Maybe one or two at the most.

 

My buddy B got divorced and its been a long heavy road for him. Emotionally and financially. Even though technically his EX was cut and dry in the sense that he was officially divorced in a year.

 

To be honest. Everybody has sex before marriage for the most part. Its the not getting pregnant thing that messes them up. He lived with his Ex who was separated, not divorced when they got together and married her 13 months later, when she got her divorce from her first husband.

 

Its getting to the point where a lot of us have to really Think Tank our love lives. Can't really go in without knowing what is going on. My other friend G is living with his GF and does not know the status of his GF's Seperation/Supposed Divorce yet to happen. He is expecting child # 2 from her in 2017.

 

Thats insanity to me. Thats not happening to me. I don't care how great the girl is.

 

I say Emotional Connection and shared lifestyle. Sorry Sex can wait. I guess if you need to have sex as well. Might as well have a FWB on the side if you can't control yourself. Of course I am more talking about men than women. Or if you do have sex. be very diligent over Birth Control.

[Curls In Literature]

im 22 and i agree 100%

ive also noticed this

 

it could be many reasons....but on top of my head, maybe you dont feel "pushed" in the realtionship when you take your time with it

 

like if there is a baby, something inside you wants to stay just because there is a baby...not because you just want to stay

and a lot of ppl just want these movie scenarios, but they dont consider long term effects

 

idk its my guess ...i personally would rather do it "the boring way" and enjoy the long lasting excitement later better than just follow a whim and get hurt (and possible stuck with a baby lol)

[5x5]

To me. At age 45. When I look at family/friends. Baring illnesses and accidental passing. I believe there is a strong pattern to successful relationships and ones that don't work in the long term.

 

If Couple A meets. Have sex and get pregnant within the year of their meeting. Live together and have a kid or any of those dynamics. They will not be together in the long run. Even if they marry.

 

If a Couple B meets and waits to have Sex by 6 months to a year. Gets engaged and married in 2-3 yrs and does not live together or have kids before that. They will most likely stay together.

 

All my friends that did it the so called boring way seem way together and more stronger. Than my other friends that did it the more so called exciting way.

 

Whats your take. Why does having sex before marriage and having kids out of wedlock not lock you in as much. As opposed to waiting and taking your time and not having kids and not living together before marriage.

 

Whats the big difference. By the way. I don't know any couple in my life that had kids out of wedlock and are still a happy couple that are still together, except one. That Couple won't get married until the female accepts my male friend's last name if they marry. Thats what he said.

 

Well I'm 45 as well yet I don't share your opinion on this, I can't imagine ever having (or wanting) to wait 6 months to a year for sex at the beginning of a nominally sexual relationship. I think the longest I ever waited for sex was by the fourth date. Otherwise most of my sexual relationships started with sex occurring within an hour of meeting, through to the first or second date.

 

From the outside looking in, it can be very hard to determine if someone has a successful long-term sexual relationship. I also don't think longevity is a great measure for sexual relationship success either. Especially if you factor in co-dependant relationships, covert contracts, doormats, sexual infidelity and those that are sexless.

 

As to having a successful relationship, my wife and I have been very happy together, sharing a highly sexual (non-vanilla) marriage that has thus far lasted more than 17½ years. Yet we started living together over 20 years ago, about six weeks after we started dating (she asked me out). Which followed us sharing sex together on our third date, she asked for it. If my wife or I weren't interested in having sex with each other early on, there is no way either of us would have wasted our time continuing to date each other for very long.

 

As to having kids out of wedlock, I have a few friends who are still in 25+ year relationships with the same partner and children, who have not ever been married and or got married some time after the kids arrived. As far as I am aware they all still seem to be happy together.

 

Likewise I also know a number of people who waited to have sex and or kids yet their marriages failed in short order. So I think it is a misnomer to think that one approach guarantees success over another.

 

Its the not getting pregnant thing that messes them up.

 

If it comes to it an abortion can fix that.

[basil67]

What percentage of couples wait 6 months to a year to have sex? I would think they are as rare as hen's teeth. I know many long term married couples, but none who'd fit this criteria.

 

Given that they are so rare, why have you used them as a comparison?

[5x5]

What percentage of couples wait 6 months to a year to have sex? I would think they are as rare as hen's teeth. I know many long term married couples, but none who'd fit this criteria.

 

Given that they are so rare, why have you used them as a comparison?

 

I know some people from the baby boom generation, who waited for sex and plenty of them didn't have successful long-term sexual relationships.

 

As to many baby boomers, plus Gen X through younger generations in the Western world. I concur that those who wait for sex are as rare hens teeth.

 

Incidentally one of my wife's friends who is 44, has chosen to wait for marriage, as a consequence she is unsurprisingly still waiting.

[Mysterio]

Realistically. I will have sex before marriage. Its just that I will be hyper vigilant about there being no pregnancy, happening before marriage.

 

Two couple I know waited two yrs before having sex and they are at year 18 and 16 of being together married.

 

I do think there is a pattern that leads to success and failure. Just like I know at work who I work better with and who I don't.

 

I think the more honest and raw you are without putting on an act the better it is.

I notice more conflict when people are not straight with each other. To me. If a couple has kids out of wedlock or there is murkiness with one of them still being technically married. There seems to be more turbulence within the marriage when it does happen.

 

So once again. In my mind. If I slow down the sex by at least a month. Don't get a woman pregnant before I get engaged and married. I feel we will stick together. If I meet a woman and slack on birth control both sides and have child out of wedlock. We will not be together in the long run. I have seen this with family and friends. I know lots of Single women that have kids. Very few of the guys I know are single fathers.

 

My ex wanted to have a kid with me. 3 yrs after we broke up and I said no. I am not brining a child into this world without a game plan for their life. That includes seeing their parents as a functional loving team that can work out problems with each other.