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Had enough

Holly.

By Holly.,
in The Other Man / Woman

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Holly.

Holly.

Posted
Posted

Hi everyone, basically ive been seeing a man whos 45 im 22. dont judge please, anyway i met him on a chat site i used and we got on super well, i knew he had a gf (and 2 kids) but we got on super well and connected.We spoke day and night all the time and ive met him a couple of times for dinner and drinks and we had a blast.

But we always have an arguement at least once a week where its normally my fault or he wont speak to me for literally days and it really hurts me being ignored. Just seems that its always me in the wrong and he can never see my side so its always left up to me to sort things out, but by now ive just had enough of it all the arguing everything i feel super guilty as i know about his family he says he loves me etc but im not so sure as everytime we have an argument he threatens to get rid of me.

It physically hurts and i just dont know what to say to him anymore, i like him a hell of a lot and have feeling but i know its not for the best and im sick of him making me feel like crap, hes super controlling too ive confronted him about it and he denied it. i want to get rid but i dont think im strong enough as i really have fallen for him.

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stillafool

stillafool

Posted
Posted

There's nothing to get rid of. He's not yours and belongs to his gf and kids. He's not going to leave her and she and the kids will always be his first priority. You have to decide how long you are willing to put your life on hold to be his side woman.

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l8estnews

l8estnews

Posted
Posted

Sounds like you're just a side piece. Sorry, Hon. With the amount of argument you're having, there's really no way he'll leave his family for you. I bet he thinks you're just a child with your own whims.

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Grapesofwrath

Grapesofwrath

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The best thing you can do for yourself is end this relationship and never look back. He is cheating, is a blame shifter, picks fights with you, doesn't apologize, and pouts for days until you come to him to sort it out. All this from a 45 yo man.

 

You are strong enough. You can do it. Sometimes it takes a while for your heart to catch up to your head. It will, though, so you might as well get started.

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anika99

anika99

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Well you've just described an awful man. He cheats and lies, he's controlling, he starts arguments every week and blames it all on you which could be described as abusive, he thinks it's okay to use a girl young enough to be his daughter as a bit of fun on the side. He gets to have his gf and his kids and a whole normal family life while you are supposed to settle for little bits of him only and the bits that you are settling for aren't even making you happy because he likes to start fights with you and then punishes you until you grovel for his forgiveness.

 

This is what you are weak for? Ugh. You have some issues surrounding men and relationships. Not saying that as an insult, plenty of young women bring their childhood issues into their adult relationships. I did it too, but you have got to work on those issues because if you don't then you are just going to get used by men over and over again

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imsosad

imsosad

Posted
Posted

You do not seem to understand the situation you're in. He doesn't have enough time for you because he already has a partner and a family. He can pay attention to you when he's not busy.living his real life.

He says he loves you, but does he put actions to his words? Saying things is easy.

Look:

I love you,Holli.

See? Easy.

He lies to his family, cheats on his partner, tries to control you, argues with you and then manipulates you. What is it you like about him?

You say not to judge the age difference, but I think he deliberately chose you so young and naive,he has no trouble at all manipulating you. Id lie to see hm try his moves on someone his own age.

You really need to stop, it's just going to get worse. You can do so much better than this loser.

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sandylee1

sandylee1

Posted
Posted

Is there a reason you can't be with a single available man, where you aren't a secret?

 

Why do you need all this drama from a man old enough to be your dad?

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SeenNotHeard

SeenNotHeard

Posted
Posted

This is toxic for you. He is taking advantage of you at every level. He has commitments you are just a side piece and that is a fact. The ghosting of you when you don't "conform" is a somewhat standard playbook rule. Whenever you get a little "demanding" you are punished and managed. You then feel guilty and come crawling back not to make such demands again. Life is too short for this especially for someone so young like yourself. Please love yourself and do yourself a huge favour. Tell him enough is enough and mean it.

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Holly.

Holly.

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thanks for the replies. ive always dated older men but never THIS much older. i do agree with the replies and will end it but i think he already has, but then again he always waits for me to suck up to him after the argument.

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BuddyX

BuddyX

Posted
Posted

He'll be back for one more stab at this affair.

You made a mistake when you affiliated yourself with a man who has GF and kids. Talk about a red flag.

 

Do not respond. Period. If he becomes obsessive a simple text "I'm going to talk to your GF" will do.

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Bufo

Bufo

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Posted

Do not make the mistake of confusing any attempt at contact with you for any interest on his part of a "serious relationship". He's never going to be a serious partner for you. He views you as his compliant side piece who adds variety and excitement to his life --when he wants that an them only on his terms-- but rarely thinks of you when he isn't with you.

 

Does he keep your relationship a secret? Do you go out to dinner with him,

For example. Does he discuss his extended family with you? Have you met any of his family? His kids?

 

Do yourself a giant favor. Find out why you are attracted to older men. Power, money, prestige, sense of self worth through conquest of another woman's man? There could be many reasons but none bodes well for your future.

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freengreen

freengreen

Posted
Posted

The pain will only grow. Day after day...

 

End it before it hurts you any further. Always being the one holding on isnt fun I know, have been there. You wont beleive the releif after you cut strings loose.

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freengreen

freengreen

Posted
Posted

Ofcourse he isnt pleased.. you have taken 'power' off from him. How dare you cut off instead of sucking up another time?.... Glad you did :cool:

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CommittedToThis

CommittedToThis

Posted
Posted

Maybe it's me being Joe Paranoia again but I have to wonder if this OM perhaps suffers from a Cluster B personality disorder? The intense arguments, the push/pull, the humiliation, the controlling, the fact he's cheating on his current girlfriend and kids all adds up to a personality disorder in my opinion.

 

Holly, you say "you know it's wrong" so good for you ending it and do NOT get in contact with X again. He WILL contact you again, soon, for some nookie, I guarantee it, so be strong.

 

If he's a PD, you have no idea of the massive bullet you just dodged.

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aileD

aileD

Posted
Posted

I don't think older men have your best interests at heart.

 

You got used, good for you for standing up for yourself.

 

Just be smart and don't fall back into it

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whichwayisup

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted
Hi everyone, basically ive been seeing a man whos 45 im 22. dont judge please, anyway i met him on a chat site i used and we got on super well, i knew he had a gf (and 2 kids) but we got on super well and connected.We spoke day and night all the time and ive met him a couple of times for dinner and drinks and we had a blast.

But we always have an arguement at least once a week where its normally my fault or he wont speak to me for literally days and it really hurts me being ignored. Just seems that its always me in the wrong and he can never see my side so its always left up to me to sort things out, but by now ive just had enough of it all the arguing everything i feel super guilty as i know about his family he says he loves me etc but im not so sure as everytime we have an argument he threatens to get rid of me.

It physically hurts and i just dont know what to say to him anymore, i like him a hell of a lot and have feeling but i know its not for the best and im sick of him making me feel like crap, hes super controlling too ive confronted him about it and he denied it. i want to get rid but i dont think im strong enough as i really have fallen for him.

 

Okay, besides the obvious, he's in a relationship and has children with his partner, that makes them a family unit. ..

 

ALL the stuff I bolded, forget the fact he's older than you, it's HOW he is treating you! There's something wrong here, maybe you don't love and respect yourself enough to see that you're broken and have insecurities, this scummy man is manipulative and using you. How can he love and respect YOU, when you don't love and respect yourself? Please, ask yourself what it is you actually "love" about him and what makes him a great man?

 

I see a grown man taking advantage of someone half his age because he can. I see a grown man using a younger woman with self esteem issues and he knows how to play you like a fiddle.

 

Do your friends know? Your parents? Think long term, how will they react to this? Imagine bringing him home, with your 'step children' in tow.. Are you ready for that? Doubtful since you're young and still need to live life.

 

The above won't happen, he'll NEVER leave his family for you..And even if he does, he's no prize. He's a liar, a cheater, a manipulator and most of all, he's hurting you!! You are in a very unhealthy relationship. His age has nothing to do with this, you say you enjoy older men, fine - FIND one that is single and one that respects women and won't treat them like crap.

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Holly.

Holly.

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He's tried messaging me on two different phones again but I ignored and blocked I've literally told him twice now I'm done does he not get it ha ha feels good being in abit of power

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Bufo

Bufo

Posted
Posted (edited)

Of course he isn't pleased. He now has to implement Rule Number One with no guarantee of success. The rule states: it is always easier for the unfaithful

MM to keep the OW he has than it is to locate, groom and seduce a new OW.

 

Why do the work all over again when he is satisfied with the relationship with the current OW?

 

Please take a look into your motivations here. Why be with older MM? No future there. And one more point. Someday you may be asked by somebody about your romantic history. At some point there will be a gap or gaps which makes the inquiring beau suspicious. You won't want to lie but won't be happy to tell the truth either.

Edited by Bufo
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Holly.

Holly.

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So bad, I did a post about the man I was dating he was quiet abit older than me blabla had a gf n kids and i called it quits a week ago I was fine for the first few days but now I feel like **** I've seen him flirting with other women I thought I was different special you know ? Does this feeling ever go away I literally feel so bad and if I'm honest I'm jealous I don't know where else to vent

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aileD

aileD

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Hey so sorry you are hurting .

 

Unfortunately when you are used like this it does hurt. Anyone that's going to cheat on his partner with you is not a good person to begin with.

 

You have to understand that it's not that you weren't good enough or smart enough or pretty enough....it's that no one will ever be enough for him. He's already cheated on his primary relationship...he doesn't value people or relationships. Don't take it personally.

 

 

Get yourself into counseling. It will help you understand why you put yourself on a position to be taken advantage of and also why you threw your morals out the window for a cheating man.

 

Then you pick yourrself up, lesson learned, and go about with your life and the right person will find you. The right single person.

 

Talk to friends, go out, eat ice cream, cry a bit. But know you ARE good enough. And you deserve more

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whichwayisup

whichwayisup

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Posted
So bad, I did a post about the man I was dating he was quiet abit older than me blabla had a gf n kids and i called it quits a week ago I was fine for the first few days but now I feel like **** I've seen him flirting with other women I thought I was different special you know ? Does this feeling ever go away I literally feel so bad and if I'm honest I'm jealous I don't know where else to vent

 

Go read your other thread, you ended it with him back in November, my advice is still the same.

 

You don't have anything to be jealous about, this older manipulative man isn't worthy of your tears. Isn't worthy of your heart. He's selfish and doesn't care who he hurts.

 

Please, allow yourself to grieve the loss and heal. You're too young to be tied down in such an awful situation. If you can't deal with this on your own, consider counseling to help you cope and get strong so you can get him out of your heart.

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