lobsterbabe Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 is it normal to get jealous to your SO's kid? well actually im not jealous at my bf's daughter. im a little upset that he doesn't shower me as much attention and affection as he does towards her. and he's not as affectionate with me when she's around (he doesn't see her as much)... like, he can't even hold my hand. am i being irrational here? i've never been with somebody who has a kid and im trying to deal with it... sometimes im okay with it, but lately, im not so sure... and i tried explaining to him how i feel about it (with this being all new to me, he's not)... and he almost always seem to dodge it. okay, fine i understand she's only going to be here for a few more weeks. but c'mon.... we haven't made love in 10 days!!!!!!!!!!!!! we used to do it every day/night........ im pissed!!! i just feel like he made a 180 degree turnaround on me. what gives??? has anybody been in this situation before? dealbreaker or not? any advice? he's a good guy overall, eventhough some of the things he does bother the hell out of me.. sometimes, i feel like it would've been perfect if he didn't have any kid at all... then all of his attention/affection were on me... i mean, it's not like i ask for it every single day.. but lately, i haven't been getting any TLC whatsoever... and i like his daughter. im trying to befriend her. she and i just need to warm up to each other a little bit.... but still..... am i being too self-involved here??? Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 Originally posted by lobsterbabe is it normal to get jealous to your SO's kid? I'd say it's probably common, but I don't know if I'd call it normal. You have to understand that his daughter will always be more important than you. That's just the way it is, and the way it should be. She's a little girl who has almost no one but her mother and father. You're an adult who should be able to take care of herself. However, you have a right to feel neglected if he's begun ignoring you because she's staying with him. There's no reason he can't be affectionate with both of you. You should talk to him about why his behavior has changed while she's around. Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable having sex while she's in the house. That's perfectly understandable (for now) and so is him not to want to be too affectionate with you in front of her. But you should talk to him and let him know how you feel. Don't say you're jealous of her, because it doesn't sound to me like that's what your problem is. It sounds like the problem is that he's trying to downplay your relationship around her without considering how you feel about it. Let him know that you're willing to compromise, like being less affectionate and not holding hands while she's around, but that you'd like him to make an effort to still show that he cares for you in private. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 Children come first. Link to post Share on other sites
Iluvsiamese Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 Yes, and no. He is to be lauded that he is making the most of his time with his daughter. However, she does need to understand that she doesn't always take precedence over adults. If Lobsterbabe is a significant part of his life, then his daughter needs to know this and accept it. This is not to say that the daughter's well-being does not come first, but the child should not run the show. It doesn't matter if it is a relationship where the parents are married or in a relationship where the parents are split up and in new relationships. Anytime that the child becomes the one in charge, it is out of balance and it is heading for problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted July 14, 2005 Share Posted July 14, 2005 My guess.. This is probably the first time meeting for yourself and his Daughter? This may be the first time (if not the only time) your BF has introduced a Girl to his Kiddo and he (your BF) isn't sure about what is appropriate and what isn't.. He may fear his daughter will be upset with someone else in his life and he's trying to be careful but over compensating.. He may fear his daughter feeling jealous of the relationship he has with you so again he is being cautious to the extreme.. I would talk to your BF about this, let him know that while you understand he may be feeling uncertain about his daughters feelings and what is okay and what isn't... that this is also very new for you in more ways than one because you don't have any kiddos of your own.. Let him know that you like his daughter and would like to be her friend. Bottomline... IF you really are feeling that life would be better if your BF didn't have a kiddo you may want to re-evaluate the relationship as his daughter is forever... Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
jacquelyn Posted July 15, 2005 Share Posted July 15, 2005 Originally posted by Merin My guess.. This is probably the first time meeting for yourself and his Daughter? This may be the first time (if not the only time) your BF has introduced a Girl to his Kiddo and he (your BF) isn't sure about what is appropriate and what isn't.. He may fear his daughter will be upset with someone else in his life and he's trying to be careful but over compensating.. He may fear his daughter feeling jealous of the relationship he has with you so again he is being cautious to the extreme.. I would talk to your BF about this, let him know that while you understand he may be feeling uncertain about his daughters feelings and what is okay and what isn't... that this is also very new for you in more ways than one because you don't have any kiddos of your own.. Let him know that you like his daughter and would like to be her friend. Bottomline... IF you really are feeling that life would be better if your BF didn't have a kiddo you may want to re-evaluate the relationship as his daughter is forever... Good Luck took the words right out of my mouth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lobsterbabe Posted July 15, 2005 Author Share Posted July 15, 2005 yes, it was my first time meeting her (she's 11 btw). frankly, i don't think she has any problems of me being the gf. her parents have been divorced for many, many years now, with her mom getting remarried. also, i have talked to him about this already. and he told me that he wasn't comfortable being affectionate w/ me in front of her because he's not sure how she'll react... and i told him that i've never been in this kind of situation before. everything is new to me. and that he needs to be a little bit mroe patient.. and he said he's been very patient with me and that he's dealt with this many many times. all i was asking was to show me some kind of tlc, like at least hold my hand for once. and he couldn't do it. am i asking for too much??? i honestly don't think his daughter would have a problem. she's a smart girl and i think she just wants him to be happy... she and i are getting along just fine so far... i love his family already. i think they're wonderful people and i wish my family's just like his.... so i don't really have a problem with his family. that's not the issue here... whenever i try to have a talk with him, he tries to dodge it. and he thinks i should act like an adult as well, he thinks im being a brat about this whole thing... it's not fair for me you know. sometimes, i just feel like giving up about this whole situation. run away before i get deeply hurt... but my friends told me to just wait it out a little bit. i was very happy and content before. but now, we just seem to argue a lot these days.... is this normal? i just want honest opinions from you guys. am i being irrational and too self-involved? or do i have a right to feel this way? any advice would be appreciated... it's really hard for me to talk about this to my friends as none of them have been in my situation before... and none of them have any kids too.... so i would really like to hear from those who have been here before... thanks.. Link to post Share on other sites
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