5 month pregnant wife moved out

[marskier]

So here is my situation, I was married no kids and divorced my first wife for my now second wife who after our first kiss I truly feel in love with. I went through a hell of a divorce but knew in my heart I married the wrong girl. The girl of my dreams, the one who fulfilled every thing for me and our amazing love life was the one I was now leaving my first wife for and planning to marry her. Well I did. After about a year or so our amazing sex life really slowed down. We got engaged and bought a house together. Since moving into our new home our sex life became non existent. It was always an excuse with her, to tired, stress from work, to late, hated oral (never a problem before), and now i questioned if it was me or her? I always keeper myself physically fit esp. for my job as a firefighter. however we did have between both of us some bit of dating weight set in however i always looked upon her as every thing I was ever attracted to, wrapped up in one beautiful woman. Unfortunately we had a miscarriage about 9 months ago and that was taught one both of us, her so me than me but i tried to be as supporting as possible. Since then about 4 months ago she asked me to see my doctor for my up and down mood swings I was having that were taking a toll on both of us emotionally. I went on some meds that actually made things worse and it got to the point were she said she needed some time and said she was going to stay by her moms for a few days. Well a few days is now 5 months later and its been hell on both of us. I felt abandoned at a time of need by the one that should have been there for me. I since stopped all meds and feel much better however she has become more angry towards me. we come to find out at this time she is almost 4 months pregnant. Every time we talk its always a fight or argument. I can’t do anything right and she no longer says she loves me at the end of our phone calls. We used to text or call each other all day long and that has now stopped all together. I question and wonder in my mind if she used to do that with me all the time and no longer what has filled that void? Is it someone else? Is it the hormones from the pregnancy? She has nothing but anger and hate towards me now however i text her ever morning and evening saying I love you and let me know if you need anything. She has moved out to her moms not to far from our home and I always ask if I can come by, or drop off dinner, or anything else she needs and she always says no. Don’t come by, do not come over, as if she is hiding something or someone else. could it be she has someone else she is talking to or seeing? I don’t know what to do anymore… please help

[Marc878]

Sounds like an other man. Check your phone bill online.

 

I'd DNA the child.

[marskier]

heres the problem.. we have separate cell accounts.

[aurelius99]

Maybe she got what she wanted from you and now has no reason to stay. You'd be surprised how Machiavellian some people can be and feel no guilt about it. I once knew a woman who went out with a guy who was an accountant just because tax season was coming and she wanted help. She felt no guilt.

 

Anyway, I hope this isn't true in your case. But it does sound like she has a bun in the oven and that's all she wanted.

[whichwayisup]

heres the problem.. we have separate cell accounts.

 

Hire a PI. That's a sure way to know if there's someone else.

 

You two got together by having an affair, and now things are not the same as it was before. The intensity and sex has died down and sad to say it is possible the glue you thought would hold you two together isn't there on her end. You really seem to adore and love your wife but her behavior towards you isn't showing the same back.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Marskier, have you suggested MC and if so what has been her response. If her mind is completely closed to any type of rapproachment then I would suggest you offer to divorce her and see what her response is. Does your wife work? Are you currently supporting her financially? If so then I think she is having her cake and eating it too.

 

We only know your side of the story which of course does not highlight any negatives that you have. I guess one can really only assess the situation if one has the complete facts. If you would care to tell us a bit more about yourself including all your kinks and weaknesses then maybe some folks on here might be able to offer more to the point advice. However do speak to her about divorce and see what her reaction is. That will tell you a lot about where her mind is at. You might also implement the 180 to assess her reactions. Warm wishes

[Mr. Lucky]

You two got together by having an affair, and now things are not the same as it was before.

 

Bingo. Though the description was interesting, the OP never got around to say he was cheating on his then-wife with his current one.

 

marskier, can you be more specific about the "mood swings"? Were you verbally or physically abusive? Controlling or jealous?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Just a Guy]

Hi Marskier, how are things with you? After such a long and anguished post you've gone quiet. You have been given some advice but there has been no reaction from you. As I had suggested if you give us some more information about yourself then maybe folks can offer more focussed advice to you. Why do you think your wife has been angry with you? What exactly has been the interaction between you two? I cannot understand why she is upset with you if you have been bending over backwards to please her. You have talked of your mood swings but are these violent in nature? Do you get physically violent and abusive? I guess answers to these may give some indication as to where her mind is. You have said at one place that four months ago she asked you to see a doctor who prescribed some medicines which made your mood swings worse. She then told you she was moving out yo her Mum's place for a few days. Those few days are now five months. Your time line seems to be a bit skewed so I am not sure how much time is actually involved. Can you clarify on this point? Warm wishes

[kgcolonel]

Something struck me as i was reading this....she moved out 5 months ago and now she is 4 months along. Any chance the baby isn't yours? Sometimes, the WS will begin to detach using any and all imperfections in the BS to justify the separation and betrayal....her anger and resentment and need to separate would line up with this....again, just a thought.

[marskier]

sorry for the radio silence, I will try and some up a few questions. I left my first wife for my current who was well aware of my marital situation. My first marriage was short lived as I knew I was somewhat pressured into the marriage but quickly realized i was married to the wrong person. I left my first for my current who never thought I would but I did. We moved in together and then shortly after got engaged. We then bought a house together and things were good with the normal ups and downs any relationship goes through. Our sex life seemed to die all together and she made excuses for it. On the flip side my choice to pour another glass and relax downstairs rather than go upstairs to bed with someone that now became more of a roommate than a intimate partner became the norm. She always went up early to bed, always taking sleeping pills, and always never interested in anything sexually unless after a while I would say or ask about it and then she might entertain something at that point. As far as mood swings well I work full-time as a fireman doing a 24 hour shift sometimes with zero sleep. I would then have three days off and work another almost full time job from 830-430. I did this for 6.5 years. After time the non stop work, lack of sleep, demand of the jobs, and getting some what older started to catch up(now 35y/o). I expressed for about a year prior how I was getting burned out, but she never heard me I guess. My moods were up and down from what i believe lack of sleep and over worked. I was never ever physical but at times we had our verbal arguments. Both of us have said things that hurt and didn't mean but it happens and can't change it. I was for some reason always little insecure and she had a problem with that. I had a few reason but she did one time say if she was ever going to cheat that there would be know way I would ever find out. lets move to present time- she continues to push me away. I call or text morning, afternoon, and evening, asking how she's feeling and if I can bring her anything. Its always fine and No. She won't let me do a thing for her, will never call or text me at all, I ask her a few times a day via text/call if she needs anything and its always No.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Marskier, thanks for returning and clarifying on things. From what you have said it appears that the miscarriage your wife had was too traumatic for her and was the proverbial turning point in your relationship. You have said that your wife is pregnant again. Were you two intimate even after she moved out to her mother's place? If not then it is obvious she is carrying someone else's baby and that signals the end of your marriage. She also told you that if she cheats on you that you wouldn't know. Why would she say that? Also her cheating on you could be her way of telling you it is an exit affair. As they say if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck it is without a doubt a duck. Your wife has deserted you for over five months and from all accounts does not want to have anything to do with you. For all practical purposes she has signalled you that she is done. In my opinion there is no point flogging a dead horse. Ask to meet her face to face to discuss your future and tell her that if the two of you are done then you would like to move on. If she has the slightest desire to get back with you she will let you know in clear terms. If not she will give you ample indications of what she wants.

 

Continuing in limbo like this is only going to be debilitating for you and will take away from your ability to put your heart and soul into a very stressful job, that of a firefighter. I remember reading the account of another firefighter in this forum a few years ago. His wife was diabetic but she was a witch. She used him for her own purposes and was never really in love with him. She cheated on him with a coworker. That poor chap had been paying all her medical and other bills while she banked her pay and in the end she got the house they lived in and moved her lover in and married him. The poor guy had very little savings because he had spent most of his money to keep her in good health and comfortable while she was married to him. It seems firefighters are unlucky in love because of the nature of their jobs. It takes a special man to be a firefighter and a very special woman to be the wife of a firefighter. I remember seeing the movie Ladder 69 and I have the highest regard for your profession. If you search for your counterparts story you will find it. I don't remember the Guy's moniker but I think it was Fire buff or something like that. I think you would be well advised to start divorce proceedings as soon as possible. Warm wishes.

[Mr. Lucky]

As far as mood swings well I work full-time as a fireman doing a 24 hour shift sometimes with zero sleep. I would then have three days off and work another almost full time job from 830-430. I did this for 6.5 years. After time the non stop work, lack of sleep, demand of the jobs, and getting some what older started to catch up(now 35y/o). I expressed for about a year prior how I was getting burned out, but she never heard me I guess.

 

Why would it be her responsibility to address your work situation?

 

As often happens in a dysfunctional marriage, it seems both of you were preoccupied with your own agenda and life. There's really 3 entities in a marriage - you, her and the relationship. Might be both of you ignored the latter until it was too late.

 

She might be gone. You should start preparing for fatherhood and discussing how you'll co-parent your child. Might be time to accept that none of the rest is up to you...

 

Mr. Lucky