Crush on Doctor - Does he feel the same? [Update: Jan 2019 - Doc brushed me off]

[ja123]

I moved and had to find a new family doctor.

 

 

Found one! And he's foreign, and tall, dark, and handsome.

 

 

I'm tall and dark, too. And we both stand out in a our white-bred small community.

 

 

As it so happens, I knew how to say "How are you?" in his language. He thanked me.

 

 

Anyhow, my healthcare card hadn't come though when I needed to see him and he insisted on not charging me ... saying he loves his job.

 

 

That was a lovely gesture.

 

 

So, I got to see him 3 times for free.

 

 

He's very nice and friendly, but I get that he's kind to everyone.

 

 

So, when I was last in, I brought some books to show him what I'm working on and I had a second copy of one and asked if he'd like to have it. He said yes without missing a beat.

 

 

Then, he said he has a book for me. It's called "Conscious Uncoupling". There's a section called becoming a Love Alchemist and the dust jacket flap was tucked in that section.

 

 

I feel silly for having such a crush ... but jazz was playing as I was heading out, I named the song and asked if he knew it, he said yes. Then he rubbed my arm by way of saying goodbye.

 

 

Could there be anything to this?

 

 

Silly and hopeful me.

[ja123]

I just want to add that I feel there's a spark ... but the man is a professional so he has to keep his boundaries.

 

 

He doesn't wear a wedding ring, but when I mentioned I had left over Hallowe'en candy, he said "same with us." Us, wife? Us, just kids ... IDK.

 

 

Also when I mentioned that I have a friend in visiting me from away, he said "well, she or {pause} HE ... blah blah" So, I clarified it was a HE. But it seemed he really wanted to know....

 

 

Am I being ridiculous?

 

 

How can this man give me a gynie exam in future. haha Maybe I'd better ask to see a female gynecologist or something.

 

 

Anyhow ... forgive me I'm just waking up.

Edited November 22, 2016 by ja123

[jen1447]

Sounds like he's def interested but I'd be careful about why and what for - the marriage possibility looms large.

 

Ppl also sometimes just push out feelers while reserving the right to withdraw them w/out notice, so keep that in mind too.

 

He's a gyno? Yeah that could be awkward ....or opportunistic depending on how you look at it.

 

(Actually in all seriousness I don't know of any gyno who doesn't maintain absolute strict professionalism bc there's pretty much no more sensitive category than that and they could go down big time at the slightest impropriety.)

[Leigh 87]

I just want to add that I feel there's a spark ... but the man is a professional so he has to keep his boundaries.

 

 

He doesn't wear a wedding ring, but when I mentioned I had left over Hallowe'en candy, he said "same with us." Us, wife? Us, just kids ... IDK.

 

 

Also when I mentioned that I have a friend in visiting me from away, he said "well, she or {pause} HE ... blah blah" So, I clarified it was a HE. But it seemed he really wanted to know....

 

 

Am I being ridiculous?

 

 

How can this man give me a gynie exam in future. haha Maybe I'd better ask to see a female gynecologist or something.

 

 

Anyhow ... forgive me I'm just waking up.

 

Hs has a wife.

 

When be said "us" he was referring to his family.

 

He probably did feel a spark but won't act on it.

[preraph]

You need to look around his office for photos of his family. Nearly all doctors have them in their office somewhere. Find out if he's taken. Remember there are ethics conflicts here too. So if you find out he's single, you'd need a new doctor.

[thecrucible]

haha I've thought about this because there is a dentist in town I think is kind of cute. I sometimes see him when he's not at work so maybe I should try and find out if he is single then? Anyway I wonder if there is a way you can find out more about him and do some digging. I like someone's idea about looking around his office. Then again he could be married so you'll have to do your digging carefully.

[ja123]

the marriage possibility looms large.

 

Ppl also sometimes just push out feelers while reserving the right to withdraw them w/out notice, so keep that in mind too.

 

 

I think you're right. He's seems to be putting out feelers. The way he looks directly into eyes, it's like he's piercing through me.

 

 

He's a gp but has and interest in psychology. I'm actually seeing him because of depression (which is controlled, I might add) and am in major transition right now. As a gp, he can do my pap smear, but I'm not due to have it 'till the beginning of next year.

 

 

Every time I see him, he sets me up with a new goal. He's incredibly proactive. He got me to join a gym. I told him I was going to go with a friend, but he said "no, you'll go by yourself". He's a dominant man. I told him he's Pygmalian, and he's softened up a bit since then. He knows about some of my past (i.e. having been in an abusive relationship), and he told me the past doesn't matter and to leave all negativity in his office.

 

 

He doesn't know about my sexual life (i.e. dabbling in swinging and BDSM), but I'm tempted to mention it. I don't want him to see me as some type of pure, little girl, and I'm curious as to what his reaction would be. But, I'm leaning toward not doing it. But, I'm very attracted to him, so I'm frightened of crossing the line.

 

 

I also think you're right in saying he reserves the right to withdraw at any time. I'm vulnerable right now, and he's a sophisticated man.

 

 

 

He probably did feel a spark but won't act on it.

 

Yes, I'm sure he knows he cannot act on it.

 

 

You need to look around his office for photos of his family. Nearly all doctors have them in their office somewhere. Find out if he's taken. Remember there are ethics conflicts here too. So if you find out he's single, you'd need a new doctor.

 

Hahaha I've already had fantasies about announcing to him that I'd be finding a new doctor so I can go have a coffee or a glass of wine with him. In his examination room, there aren't any photos. But his private stuff is behind with the secretaries, there's no way I could see it, as it's blocked off from patients.

 

 

haha I've thought about this because there is a dentist in town I think is kind of cute. I sometimes see him when he's not at work so maybe I should try and find out if he is single then? Anyway I wonder if there is a way you can find out more about him and do some digging. I like someone's idea about looking around his office. Then again he could be married so you'll have to do your digging carefully.

 

Find out more about the dentist! You never know.

 

 

As for me, I worked in pharmaceutical marketing and met a lot of doctors. There was one cardiologist who offered me food off his own plate while I was waiting with him to be interviewed. Later, when I HAD to interview him at his office, I actually asked him to dinner to a fancy restaurant to share a gift certificate from one of the companies. He said yes, then called to cancel. I could never look at him again. Ended up inviting a girlfriend to dinner which was maybe what I should've done in the first place. Anyhow, my point is is that after that experience, I'm not going to make the first move with a doctor.

 

 

I just can't get THIS DOCTOR out of my head. I see him regularly. He set it up so I see him every 2 weeks and said I could call him anytime. I've stepped backed and booked an appointment in a month (not two weeks) as my head is spinning right now and I get the impression he'd like to see me more often.

Edited November 23, 2016 by ja123

[ja123]

A gynie exam ...

 

 

could be awkward ....or opportunistic depending on how you look at it.

 

Hahaha This cracked me up! It would definitely be not clinical on my end ... I'd feel terribly guilty, like I'm the one taking advantage.

 

 

haha I should have him do it just for the hell of it. It makes a story! I'm soooooooo bad ....

[jen1447]

A gynie exam ...

 

 

 

 

Hahaha This cracked me up! It would definitely be not clinical on my end ... I'd feel terribly guilty, like I'm the one taking advantage.

 

 

haha I should have him do it just for the hell of it. It makes a story! I'm soooooooo bad ....

 

Sure sounds like it.

[preraph]

Well, JA, if he's not taking you to his office, then you'll just have to ask him if he's married. Most people who have kids will eventually mention them just in conversation, so a good easy way to find out is ask him before a holiday what he's doing for the holiday. Then he will say "We're going to my wife's mom's house" or "We're staying at home," and you say, "How many kids do y'all have." Or he says "I think I'm going to my parents' house." And that sounds more like it's just him. Anyway, try that.

[ja123]

That's a great innocent way to bring it up into conversation, preraph!! Thanks for the tip, I'll try it!

[GunslingerRoland]

A good doctor is way harder to find than a good lover.

 

Don't ruin a good thing.

[mikeylo]

Doctors are the biggest flirts. They have power and are in a dominating position. You can try but I doubt he will take anything further. I would suggest to pay his fees. Not a good sign,if you want to get the gist!

[whichwayisup]

So, let's say since you are crushing on him so badly, he makes a move on you IN his office. You're flirting with him, giving him signals - He will be putting his professional reputation as risk. In his office he's giving you an internal (does he have a 3rd party, usually a nurse or an office worker who is a woman join during the exam down there?) if he doesn't bring someone in, what if he starts doing more than just an internal? You still be crushing on him or would you feel used and taken advantage of? BE CAREFUL for what you wish for. Fantasy and crushes are one thing, actually acting upon it in these types of situations is dangerous and ..sorry to say, stupid.

 

Find another Dr, already it's weird and you're analyzing everything he says and making it personal like he's a true friend. He's your Dr not a friend.

[Shanex]

Most doctors I have known are clever (obviously they spent ten years studying), witty, funny and charming so if you add to the equation that says doctor is also handsome, odds are that he's very very pursued. Women like ambitious men, and I'll add a controversial point here: they love wealthy men and every doctor has his sh*t together. Think about it.

 

If he's married forget it.

 

Doctor was never my ''dream profession'', sure they make a **** load of bucks, but they work their asses off too. Anyway, I wish you well, OP, but your chance of dating a doctor are slim.

[ja123]

A good doctor is way harder to find than a good lover.

 

Don't ruin a good thing.

 

Haha You know, you make a lot of sense!!!

 

 

Doctors are the biggest flirts. They have power and are in a dominating position. You can try but I doubt he will take anything further. I would suggest to pay his fees. Not a good sign,if you want to get the gist!

 

Yes, I don't like that he's in a dominant position over me - he knows so much about me and I know very little about him.

 

 

He'd risk too much to take things further.

 

 

But pay his fees? Why? He's the one who wouldn't charge ME. And I don't get the gist. Please explain.

 

 

BE CAREFUL for what you wish for. Fantasy and crushes are one thing, actually acting upon it in these types of situations is dangerous and ..sorry to say, stupid.

 

Find another Dr, already it's weird and you're analyzing everything he says and making it personal like he's a true friend. He's your Dr not a friend.

 

Well, he's acting more personal then one would expect from a doc. And I've already put measures to lessen the attraction (i.e. I'll see him in a month and not in 2 weeks like he wants me to).

 

 

I actually had a gp at a walk-in clinic want to give me a gynie exam even though I had my period (his wife was a real gynecologist to boot), but I said "no" because I knew he was being a perve. In any case, I've been examined by male doctors without another person present and never had a problem. In this case, with my doctor, I'll ask to see a female gynecologist.

 

 

Most doctors I have known are clever (obviously they spent ten years studying), witty, funny and charming so if you add to the equation that says doctor is also handsome, odds are that he's very very pursued.

 

Chances are he IS pursued because he is a you described and he's very sophisticated.

 

 

It's not my goal to date a doctor per se, but someone I find an attraction to *the spark*.

[ja123]

I read a funny men vs. women poem at the doc's office and had a laugh with the secretary, when I was there the other day.

 

 

It was called The Shortest Fairy Tale Ever:

"Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl ‘Will you marry me?’ The girl said, ‘NO!’ And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The End"

 

 

She said she teases my doctor all the time with it because he's married.

 

 

I still can't help feeling he's got a thing for me: he wants to see me in two weeks, when he could see me in a month; he shook my hand and rubbed my arm; he wants me to bring in the film script I've been working on so he can see it.

 

 

Anyhow ... he IS married.

[ja123]

I saw my doctor today. Last time I saw him was a month ago (I had no choice but to see him as my prescription ran out). A month ago, I told him I'd been drinking since Christmas. He wants me to stop. It doesn't mix with my anti-depressants. Dahh I know better, but I've developed a drinking problem ... clearly.

 

 

Anyhow, though it was hard to admit, I was honest today and told him that I'm still drinking and that I've lied to people about my drinking (I.e. hiding it, or simply non-admission). So he wanted me to promise him that I would stop. I told him that I could make no such promise because I felt like I'd be lying.

 

 

So he wants to talk to me everyday, until our next appointment. The office is closed tomorrow but he checked my number and said he'd call me tomorrow afternoon and Saturday, too, but that he couldn't call on Sunday, then he wants me to call the office on Monday, etc.

 

 

This is to check in whether I've been drinking or not ... even if I drink he wants to talk to me. He also wants me to go back to the gym.

 

 

This is very kind of him, but is it just the Hippocratic oath or is he going beyond the call of duty because he likes me?

[Mr. Lucky]

This is very kind of him, but is it just the Hippocratic oath or is he going beyond the call of duty because he likes me?

 

Rather than mix the drama (real or imagined) of this relationship with your current struggles with alcohol, why not find a new doctor? And given your signs of problem drinking, why not attend an AA meeting or other support group?

 

Either one of those would be healthy choices...

 

Mr. Lucky

[mikeylo]

I personally have never heard a doctor doing this kind of calling up everyday.

 

You are not well. He could be grooming you.

 

Take care. Find a new doctor asap.

[ja123]

Thanks Mr. Lucky ...

 

 

I don't feel I'm a real alcoholic, so I don't want to go to AA.

 

 

He's a very good doctor, and nearby ... I don't want to lose him ...

 

 

But, I get what you're saying ... this is probably all in my head (imagined) so I'm creating drama (in my mind) for nothing.

[ja123]

I personally have never heard a doctor doing this kind of calling up everyday.

 

You are not well. He could be grooming you.

 

Take care. Find a new doctor asap.

 

 

 

I haven't heard of a doctor calling every day even on his days off either

 

 

But he really wants me to succeed and I did tell him that the counsellor that I talk to told me if I haven't the internal motivation to help myself, then rely on the external motivation of my doctor and her to get through this period, so I can stand on my own two feet.

 

 

Not sure why he can't call Sunday ... wife, maybe ... it does seem strange, but then I am to stat calling his office on Monday and he told me if he's not available then to tell his secretary whether I've had a drink or not.

 

 

Grooming me? Well, it's definitely making it more personal now that he'll be calling at home.

 

 

I didn't tell him the full details of what I did when I was drinking, last time I saw him, but I did tell him I'd met up with a couple of guys and that there was alcohol involved. He told me he didn't think I was ready for a relationship...

 

 

 

 

I also saw a pysch that he sent me to, and I was honest with the psych about the drinking and risky sex, so I'm not sure what the psych told him.

[stillafool]

Thanks Mr. Lucky ...

 

 

I don't feel I'm a real alcoholic, so I don't want to go to AA.

 

 

He's a very good doctor, and nearby ... I don't want to lose him ...

 

 

But, I get what you're saying ... this is probably all in my head (imagined) so I'm creating drama (in my mind) for nothing.

 

I hear denial is the first sign that you are. I think he is just being kind. He did tell you to leave the message with his secretary if he isn't available not that he would call you back. This man is married so I would suggest you get those dancing sugar plums out of your head.

Edited March 2, 2017 by stillafool

[ja123]

I hear denial is the first sign that you are.

 

This might be true for people, but I don't feel it's true of me because I haven't been drinking that long ... just heavy intense spurts over the last 2 years.

 

 

I used to work as a bartender and never had a drinking problem, then.

 

 

I think I'm drinking now because I'm not co-dependent anymore, but have unfortunately become the "dependent" now.

 

 

I could just as easily be addicted to something else, perhaps, but there's something about the alcohol that makes me feel good and strong.

 

 

Honestly, I've feel like a fraud if I went to an AA meeting. Those people really need help, so I don't want to waste their time.

 

 

This is a phase that I just need to get over.

[whichwayisup]

You need to get to AA, as well as finding another Dr. IF he IS liking you back, knowing he's your Dr and married, HE could be FIRED and never practice again for what he's doing, even more so since you're vulnerable and in a position where you're not making good choices (drinking while on meds and having no intention of changing that)!!

 

Anyway, let's just assume he's doing this because as a Dr he cares about his patient and wants to help - You'd be mixing up everything and assuming this and that, because of what you feel for him instead of focusing on yourself and getting healthy again.

 

Find another Dr. You've been through the wringer with one affair, why do this to yourself all over again?