Crush on Doctor - Does he feel the same? [Update: Jan 2019 - Doc brushed me off]

[whichwayisup]

To complicate matters, my step-father died last night and I'm the only child of my mother, she's alone now .. I am with her and doing a good job of holding her up ... no booze today. Anyhow, I may post about that in another thread.

 

 

Any suggestions as to how I should go about severing our doctor/patient relationship?

 

 

Should I ask psych whether he can take over prescribing? (Kind of hard to do without telling him about my crush)

 

 

Should I tell my GP that I'm looking for a new female doc and ask whether he can prescribe 3-6 months of renewals?

 

 

Thanks for any help/advice...

 

I'm sorry for your loss. Condolences to you and your mom.

 

DO tell your psych everything, including the crush. DO not involve your GP, you don't need to explain anything, he knows! Just go ahead and find a female GP to replace your current one.

[ja123]

Thank you Emily, June, and whichwayisup for your advice, feedback, and especially your condolences.

 

 

It's been a tough week in which my mother and I have felt quite lost.

 

 

I've been staying with my mother to give her strength and support.

 

 

Today, I called the offices of all the female GPs in my area. None of them are taking new patients. Apparently, 25 000 people are waiting for family doctors in our province.

 

 

I have an appointment with "my" doc this Thursday and will update you afterwards.

 

 

Thank you!

[Alex49]

Sounds like he's a flirt and since he's seen you for free, now expects something in return.

 

This happened to my wife and when she followed up on pursuing him he eventually had a police officer come to the house and warn her to stop contacting him.

 

It's been 7 years and she's still madly in love with this doctor (her OBGYN) but they no longer communicate. I don't blame him as much. Guys will be guys, but my wife is in dreamland with 5 psychics to prove it.

 

This has ruined our relationship and I'm looking to find a way out with 3 kids. What a mess with no end in sight. I've tried everything but she's convinced he's the right man for her.

 

Good luck with that, I'm moving on.

 

Most men just want to have a good time and cheat on their wives.

 

Good luck with your fantasy but I wouldn't get my hopes high. Most men are pigs after all and doctors are no different.

[JuneL]

Thank you Emily, June, and whichwayisup for your advice, feedback, and especially your condolences.

 

 

It's been a tough week in which my mother and I have felt quite lost.

 

 

I've been staying with my mother to give her strength and support.

 

 

Today, I called the offices of all the female GPs in my area. None of them are taking new patients. Apparently, 25 000 people are waiting for family doctors in our province.

 

 

I have an appointment with "my" doc this Thursday and will update you afterwards.

 

 

Thank you!

 

How are coping? How did the appointment yesterday go?

[JuneL]

Sounds like he's a flirt and since he's seen you for free, now expects something in return.

 

This happened to my wife and when she followed up on pursuing him he eventually had a police officer come to the house and warn her to stop contacting him.

 

It's been 7 years and she's still madly in love with this doctor (her OBGYN) but they no longer communicate. I don't blame him as much. Guys will be guys, but my wife is in dreamland with 5 psychics to prove it.

 

This has ruined our relationship and I'm looking to find a way out with 3 kids. What a mess with no end in sight. I've tried everything but she's convinced he's the right man for her.

 

Good luck with that, I'm moving on.

 

Most men just want to have a good time and cheat on their wives.

 

Good luck with your fantasy but I wouldn't get my hopes high. Most men are pigs after all and doctors are no different.

 

It does appear that every now and then, there is a thread here about the mutual attraction between a patient and her doctor (or dentist, for that matter). I suppose some of these health professionals just enjoy flirting with their patients knowingly. One would think that someone in that position should be particularly careful about not leading their patients on and keeping things professional.

[ja123]

Sounds like he's a flirt and since he's seen you for free, now expects something in return.

 

This happened to my wife and when she followed up on pursuing him he eventually had a police officer come to the house and warn her to stop contacting him.

 

It's been 7 years and she's still madly in love with this doctor (her OBGYN) but they no longer communicate. I don't blame him as much. Guys will be guys, but my wife is in dreamland with 5 psychics to prove it.

 

This has ruined our relationship and I'm looking to find a way out with 3 kids. What a mess with no end in sight. I've tried everything but she's convinced he's the right man for her.

 

Good luck with that, I'm moving on.

 

Most men just want to have a good time and cheat on their wives.

 

Good luck with your fantasy but I wouldn't get my hopes high. Most men are pigs after all and doctors are no different.

 

 

 

I'm really sorry that things with your relationship have been ruined because your wife fell in love with her doctor? Did they actually sleep together?

 

 

I can't say that I agree with the "boys will be boys" philosophy you purport. It sounds like the doc has some responsibility in this.

[ja123]

How are coping? How did the appointment yesterday go?

 

 

 

Hi June,

 

 

Thanks for the follow-up.

 

 

I went to the doc's office yesterday and when he was with his secretary, and I was in the waiting room, he made a two-second steady eye-contact with me.

 

 

Anyhow, I went to his office. Told him about losing my step-father and he said he was sorry and wanted to know more about him and my relationship with him.

 

 

He also asked about my drinking ... by this point he had pulled his chair over to sit directly in front of me and we talked while looking deeply into the others' eyes.

 

 

I told him I've been drinking every day and that that's why I didn't his office. He didn't flinch or respond or offer any explanation as to why he didn't call me like he said he would. It crossed my mind to call him out by at least asking, but instead I just looked into his eyes.

 

 

It's not the first time he's looked at my footwear (I think he has a foot or shoe fetish), anyhow he told be he wants me to stop drinking with realistic goals that I can achieve to build my confidence. He said if I had confidence "you could wear red boots, instead of black ones." I said I used to have a pair of red boots (true!) and we both laughed at the same time.

 

 

Anyhow, he had me promise him I wouldn't drink Thursday, which I didn't. Now I'm supposed to see him in a week when I'll promise not to drink Thursday and Friday, and then the week after and so on ...

 

 

My feeling is he likes me, too...

 

 

What do you or y'all think?

[jay1983]

Oh man, this is not good. He means well, but you're taking this and going else where.

[ja123]

Oh man, this is not good. He means well, but you're taking this and going else where.

 

 

 

Really? You don't think he's flirting with me?

 

 

Anyhow, maybe I AM blowing things out of proportion, that's why I'm posting here!

[PrettyEmily77]

Really? You don't think he's flirting with me?

 

 

Anyhow, maybe I AM blowing things out of proportion, that's why I'm posting here!

 

I vote blowing things out of proportions. Nothing you have described seems unprofessional, out of line or particularly flirty to me. He actually sounds like a caring doc tying to help, to be honest.

 

Maybe he's using what little positive influence he has on you to help you out of your addiction, which is exactly why you need to change docs (doesn't even have to be a female doc btw) - like I was trying to tell you a few posts ago, it wouldn't be good for you to associate how you deal with your alcohol addiction to how your doc acts.

 

Your health is more important than this unfortunate crush; if you are serious about sorting yourself out, you are going to need to snap out of that fantasy before it gets out of control.

 

Put your health first, ja.

[ja123]

Thank you, Emily. I want to snap out of the crush, get my stuff together, and just "flirt" with him like he does me without feeling there's anything to it. Just have an innocent laugh, in other words, and have it put a little jump in my step without it sweeping me away in fantasy.

[whichwayisup]

Wear black boots. In fact ,wear a pair of ugly running shoes.

 

And DO continue looking for a new Dr. Even if it's in another town.

 

This Dr is trouble and (I hope this does scare you) could rape you. Even though you *think* you want him, imagine him slipping it into you while giving you a physical. I'm sure you'd FREAK OUT. Give this a lot of thought. He's sick and unprofessional. Also think how many other women he's doing this to! Not only women, but young women, possibly teens who don't know any better.

[ja123]

Thanks whichwayisup.

 

 

He's Definitely NOT going to give me a pelvic exam ... I'm going to ask for a referral to a female GYN.

 

 

One thing I didn't think about though, is the possibility that he could be flirting with other women.

 

 

As for the shoes ... I did wear running shoes once, and he still looked at them.

[JuneL]

Thanks for the update. When is your next appointment with your psychiatrist and/or your counselor?

 

I'm not sure if you've already mentioned in your previous posts, but how much older is your doctor? I tend to take the view that he should have been more sensitive about the whole situation. If he's as attractive and personable as you have described, then I'm sure you're not the first and won't be the last to have a crush on him. It would be a different story if the patient just had some routine medical issues and only saw him a couple of times a year. But you are in a very vulnerable position emotionally; what he's been doing is at least quite insensitive...

 

 

Hi June,

 

 

Thanks for the follow-up.

 

 

I went to the doc's office yesterday and when he was with his secretary, and I was in the waiting room, he made a two-second steady eye-contact with me.

 

 

Anyhow, I went to his office. Told him about losing my step-father and he said he was sorry and wanted to know more about him and my relationship with him.

 

 

He also asked about my drinking ... by this point he had pulled his chair over to sit directly in front of me and we talked while looking deeply into the others' eyes.

 

 

I told him I've been drinking every day and that that's why I didn't his office. He didn't flinch or respond or offer any explanation as to why he didn't call me like he said he would. It crossed my mind to call him out by at least asking, but instead I just looked into his eyes.

 

 

It's not the first time he's looked at my footwear (I think he has a foot or shoe fetish), anyhow he told be he wants me to stop drinking with realistic goals that I can achieve to build my confidence. He said if I had confidence "you could wear red boots, instead of black ones." I said I used to have a pair of red boots (true!) and we both laughed at the same time.

 

 

Anyhow, he had me promise him I wouldn't drink Thursday, which I didn't. Now I'm supposed to see him in a week when I'll promise not to drink Thursday and Friday, and then the week after and so on ...

 

 

My feeling is he likes me, too...

 

 

What do you or y'all think?

[ja123]

Thanks June ... I don't see my psych until the first week of April. My counsellor is by phone, every two weeks, from Montreal.

 

 

My doc is within 10 years my senior ... maybe 5 or 6 years older.

 

 

He IS attractive, personable (and has a dominant-side ego!) which, like you say, must've made him have other women crushing on him, too.

 

 

It's true, I'm in a different boat than other patients who maybe see him twice a year. He's bumped my appointments up to once a week now.

 

 

So, I'll see him again this coming Thursday...

 

 

 

It does show insensitivity for him to say he'd call me at home and then NOT calling me!

 

 

I really think this is a two-way street, and that he likes me, too!

 

P.S. I did not drink today!

Edited March 18, 2017 by ja123

[JuneL]

You deserve a pat on your back for not drinking today :-)

 

I'm afraid you've misunderstood me. My comment about your doctor's being insensitive refers to his not being sensitive about your unhealthy attachment to him — he should have been more aware of it, considering you are at a very vulnerable stage emotionally.

 

 

Thanks June ... I don't see my psych until the first week of April. My counsellor is by phone, every two weeks, from Montreal.

 

 

My doc is within 10 years my senior ... maybe 5 or 6 years older.

 

 

He IS attractive, personable (and has a dominant-side ego!) which, like you say, must've made him have other women crushing on him, too.

 

 

It's true, I'm in a different boat than other patients who maybe see him twice a year. He's bumped my appointments up to once a week now.

 

 

So, I'll see him again this coming Thursday...

 

 

 

It does show insensitivity for him to say he'd call me at home and then NOT calling me!

 

 

I really think this is a two-way street, and that he likes me, too!

 

P.S. I did not drink today!

[ja123]

I honestly think he enjoys the fact that he has power over me.

 

 

I actually called him Pygmalion to his face.

[whichwayisup]

You deserve a pat on your back for not drinking today :-)

 

I'm afraid you've misunderstood me. My comment about your doctor's being insensitive refers to his not being sensitive about your unhealthy attachment to him — he should have been more aware of it, considering you are at a very vulnerable stage emotionally.

 

I think the Dr is fully aware of her attachment and knows exactly what he's doing. He's inappropriate, unprofessional and taking advantage of someone who needs help. There's something very wrong with him to do this.

 

Bolded! Congrats and keep going J!

[ja123]

Thank you June and whichwayisup for the encouragement to stop drinking.

 

 

Unfortunately, I'm drinking tonight, but not too much.

 

 

I have to agree with whichwayisup, though, I think my doc is a very sophisticated man and he knows that he's flirting.

Edited March 22, 2017 by ja123

[ja123]

I saw my doc yesterday.

 

 

He didn't want to hear anything going on in my life: the grief from losing my step-father or the successes such as taking care of my mother and getting a new client.

 

 

All he wanted to hear about was my drinking.

 

 

He was like an angry father ... It was a tough session..

 

 

For now I've stopped drinking.

[JuneL]

I saw my doc yesterday.

 

 

He didn't want to hear anything going on in my life: the grief from losing my step-father or the successes such as taking care of my mother and getting a new client.

 

 

All he wanted to hear about was my drinking.

 

 

He was like an angry father ... It was a tough session..

 

 

For now I've stopped drinking.

 

Some of us have been saying this all along: your physician is not your psychologist/therapist and he shouldn't have been so intrusive about your personal life to begin with.

 

You need professional help for your addiction; getting angry at your drinking problem is not going to make it go away.

 

This guy is unprofessional in any case.

[ja123]

Thanks, June.

 

 

He really did an about face on Thursday.

 

 

Here I already told him awhile back that I drank till I passed out, also with a couple of guys I met off the internet, told him I'm in some sort of midlife crisis and feel like partying.

 

 

And up until Thursday, he treated me with kidd gloves, was flirtatious (the red boot comment) he even suggested calling my house to check on me which he didn't.

 

 

Now he's saying that I'm an alcoholic, even though I drank less this past week and felt very proud of myself for doing so.

 

 

What bothered him is that I woke up in the middle of the night and had a nip because it was there.

 

 

He suggested putting me on some type of drug to stop the cravings, but as I'm already on so much medication I didn't want to. He seemed frustrated. I told him I'd only drink twice this week. He said "ok when do you want to come back" I said next week (need my script as well, then), so we agreed I could drink on Sat. and Wed. and he shook my hand.

 

 

He originally suggested he'd call me and I'd call him and I'd see him every but this didn't happen AND I was supposed to have appointments every week. So if feels like a major brush off that he asked ME when I was coming back.

 

 

I never saw him like that.

 

 

I felt he didn't want me as a patient anymore.

Edited March 25, 2017 by ja123

[ja123]

Just to make it clearer...

I was supposed to promise him not to drink on the Thursday I saw him (which I didn't). Next week (this past Thursday) I was supposed to promise him I wouldn't drink on Thursday and Friday ... the week after that no drinking on Thurs/Fri/Sat...etc

 

 

Anyhow, I did better than that and drank one day off, one day on. Instead of not drinking for one day of the week and drinking the other six. Not sure why he wasn't pleased with that effort.

[ja123]

This is how I'm left feeling:

 

 

 

I felt he didn't want me as a patient anymore.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Some of us have been saying this all along: your physician is not your psychologist/therapist and he shouldn't have been so intrusive about your personal life to begin with.

 

You need professional help for your addiction; getting angry at your drinking problem is not going to make it go away.

 

This guy is unprofessional in any case.

 

He is VERY VERY inappropriate. Somebody should report this guy.