Crush on Doctor - Does he feel the same? [Update: Jan 2019 - Doc brushed me off]

[oldbutcurious]

Women with options get husbands.

 

Duh.

 

As if getting a husband is winning half a thousand dollars of lottery.

Save

[stillafool]

Duh.

 

As if getting a husband is winning half a thousand dollars of lottery.

Save

 

It must be the way women like you run after them.

[anika99]

Have fun girl, go for it. I just noted some here are just jealous, and don;t have a life.

 

Playing middle age priests, duh!

 

How old are you? You sound very immature. The OP has problems with severe depression and alcohol abuse. An affair with a married man would surely hurt and damage her. She needs love and attention from people who truly have only her best interests at heart. A romantic relationship with a married doctor will not help her, it will only damage her. Telling her to go for it seems extremely short sighted and immature.

 

Please put some thought into your feedback. You're entitled to your opinion but it would help if you would also include your logic behind what you say. Why do you think she should go for it? What makes you believe that an affair with a married Doctor would be helpful and good for her? I'm not being sarcastic, I'm truly curious to know your reasons behind this advice.

[ja123]

Thank you again for your responses ... I am, unfortunately drinking right now and it's 1:15 pm here.

 

I want to tell you everything I'm thinking, though I'm sure I'll be blasted ... maybe that's not a bad thing. Maybe I deserve it.

 

Anyhow ... let me finish this drink....

[ja123]

Regarding drinking, psych said I'm doing well overall and to keep going to AA.

 

Doc asks for a goal everytime I see him and it's tiresome, I end up feeling guilty. I have good days and bad. More and more good days though. Last time he asked how much I would drink until our next appointment (in a month), I said well I'm going out one night so I'll probably have some wine, is that good for you? He nodded, but looked disappointed.

 

My therapist with whom I speak via telephone knows that I've been drinking and has encouraged me to stop as the booze works against my anti-depressants.

[ja123]

Regarding depression, as my former psych (who retired) said I have a PhD in Depression.

 

I'll try to explain it to you this way ... it's like the perfect storm of depression:

 

- existential depression

- biological depression

- environmental depression (past and present)

 

I've done a lot of work on the past issues, but my depression is cyclical and will come again.

 

I wasn't followed after my former psych retired, as it's really hard to get psychs and family docs ... I then suffered my worst depression, untreated, and came close to taking my own life. It was Depression with Psychotic Features,; otherwise known as Psychotic Depression.

 

Finally, I got treated when I found a family doc in Quebec then was at hospital for a couple of days in emerg. ... I really should've been hospitalized, but I'm so highly functional, no one believed I was in as bad a way as I was. I waited over 24 hours to be seen, and finally asked the psych on duty if he could see me as I was disintegrating.

 

When I moved to Nova Scotia, I found this doc (the family doc I have a crush on). He told me he was going to get me off meds. I said nothing at the time, as it's not my style to disagree overtly with authority figures (quite frankly I was feeling lucky to even HAVE a doc and felt like I was really vulnerable with my hat in my hand type-of-thing), but I thought his optimistic statement to be naive and irresponsible.

 

I was the one who asked for the psych, as I know I need to be followed or have access to a psych who knows me in case I get into trouble and require swift intervention.

 

Just to let you know, even though my behaviour can be dumb at times, I'm really smart ... and I am the one who suggested my current drug treatment which the all agreed with as it's a different class (SNRI) as opposed to the SSRI which had stopped working years ago.

 

Unfortunately, my former psych ... and I!!! .. were not aggressive enough with treating it. But, then, as my current psych said: it's a double-edged sword ... that I'm creative because of it and that's something that should be celebrated. But, then there's the destruction ...

 

My doc, Dr. M on whom I have the crush, ironically wanted me off meds all together, but recently ADDED ANOTHER: methylphenidate aka Ritalin or Biphentin, as is the brand I'm on.

 

Well, he did a GREAT JOB, and psych agreed to try it and suggested raising it. WELL it's really helping. I have more energy, I'm doing positive concrete stuff, and surprisingly I have less desire to drink.

 

So BRAVO to doc ...

 

So, on one hand I want to keep my doc. He really is a terrific doc.

Edited September 30, 2017 by ja123

[ja123]

More to come ... I will respond to your individual posts. I really appreciate your input.

[ja123]

Sadly I thought we were getting through to you. This whole situation is so unhealthy and you know this too!

 

Stop feeding your feelings for your soon to be ex DR. Cancel that appt and don't ever look back.

 

Yes, you are right. I know this, too.

 

We've, BOTH, gone past the point of having a normal Doctor-Patient Relationship.

 

I risk not getting good service now. He might want revenge or something.

 

We originally agreed to have a partnership in my treatment, but it was HE who was establishing the goals which I guess he thought I needed. He wanted me to be "WELL" in a way I'll never be, nor want to be.

 

The odd thing about mental illness is that it takes away a lot, you wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy when you're in the thick of it; BUT, it gives you positives that might not be readily apparent to your average person. It's amazing, but there's a huge price to pay.

 

I was going to cancel the appointment Friday when he wasn't there, but I didn't. Instead, I printed some articles which I know he'll be interested in.

 

Yes, I must cancel the appointment ... he's a good doc ... sucks that he led me on.

[ja123]

I thought you were going to cancel the appt and move on with your life. He is not interested plus he is married. Move on. Wait until you get a new therapist. There is more than one so if the female doc is booked up spend your time finding another. Stop obsessing about someone who doesn't want you.

 

I will cancel this week, and come back here to confirm that.

 

I'll write all the female docs and hope to get one.

 

I want to get health insurance (if I can!!!) to help pay for my meds, so might need a doc's evaluation beforehand. My doc already has the blood work which is very good. I don't think he'd want to bother helping me to get it at this point. He's angry with me.

 

And now that he's angry with me, it seems he doesn't "want" me.

 

BUT, he'd not be angry if he hadn't wanted me to begin with. He'd be indifferent. Don't you agree?

[ja123]

:lmao:Are you serious? No one here is jealous of someone who is so desperate they have to run after a MM that doesn't want them. Women who have lots of options don't have to date MM. Women with options get husbands.

 

Stillafool - you seem like a really normal good person/guy.

 

I take you as a barometer, if you will.

 

I guess, I could have options if I wanted to ... I guess after all the pain and hurt (abusive relationship for almost 9 years) that I don't want a husband at this point.

 

I'm too scared, quite frankly.

 

And someone "unavailable" would work; although, I really wouldn't want to be the other woman, per se. But life can be complicated and people can be complex.

 

I'm disgusted that my mom was the other woman, but then I wouldn't be here.

 

At this point in life, maybe because I'm older and want my freedom (haha ... older folk might value that more than than the young!) If I were to get married and not live WITH my husband. Upstairs/downstairs, nextdoor neighbours ... throw in a bit of swinging from time to time to shake things up ... who knows? Get a sailboat!

 

I guess I'm just plain weird.

[ja123]

I've decided to pour myself another drink and this is what I'm listening to:

 

It's got some 80s New Wave influence to it.

 

I hope you'll enjoy it, and not get messed up.

 

The only way I'd not get messed up is if I were to stop being his patient and we only met for a few designated number of times. Otherwise, if it were ongoing maybe I would get attached, BUT maybe not if he were to understand AND accept that I'd not be faithful and we just hooked up on occasion.

 

She's flirting and enjoying it. She might like an affair, short or whatever. I wish her happiness, and lots of fun.

 

It was a round about way flirting, I guess you could say. Subconsciously I told him about me, the sorta-ex BF (Mohammed on whom I might open another thread), swinging and BDSM for these reasons:

 

- needed help with anxiety regarding meeting Mohammed by accident in the Montreal metro;

- I thought doc was one of "us" (BDSMers) due to his comments on my boots

- wanted doc to know that I'm a sexual person (4 therapy & 4 flirting)

- wanted to know whether doc was interested by provoking him in some way to see whether he would initiate something.

 

Have fun girl, go for it. I just noted some here are just jealous, and don;t have a life.

 

Playing middle age priests, duh!

 

I think the doc is the one who's jealous actually.

 

For that reason, I truly believe now that he is interested.

 

If he were just a neutral, professional doc, then he'd be detached. He'd want to know why I agreed to prolong my stay in Montreal with Mohammed when it made me anxious. He might suggest an STI test. He might want to ascertain whether alcohol was a factor (which it wasn't) or whether I have other addictive tendencies.

 

I need a man who can appreciate all of my sides: including the Madonna, and the Whore.

 

I guess it's not him (my doc).

 

Or, maybe he said "it's difficult to be a doctor" because he'd have liked to have initiated something but has marriage and the Hippocratic oath which he cannot break because then his clean, simple, little world would fall apart. He, himself, might be thrust into existential depression. For that reason, I step back and am truly sorry. I think I've been a bitch.

 

A friend (the only one who knows about my crush, BDSM, Swinging) told me I ought to withdraw as his patient and ask point blank whether he wants to have sex with me.

 

I could start analyzing my doc now, but perhaps it would be in self-interest.

 

Better to play Devil's Advocate and agree with Stillafool that I'm not wanted and move on.

 

I normally do the spanking, but ought I be spanked?

Edited September 30, 2017 by ja123
Sorry if I come off as being facetious... :(

[ja123]

the repercussions of traveling down a dark affair abyss.

 

Please stop encouraging her to, 'have fun' with a married man, with whom; by her own admission, she states, she is "obsessed" with. You're encouraging emotional turmoil, self destruction & more obsession.

 

we offer dire warnings of potential outcomes because we've, 'been there, done that' & if we can help just one person not to follow in our path & mistakes; then at least something good has come out of what we went through.

 

Please remember this isn't cosplay, this isnt a game. This is someone's real life- with real repercussions that can alter the rest of her life, with the advice you give. Please take this seriously.

 

Thank you. I take your advice to heart. You've been somewhere I haven't.

 

I feel somehow I'm able to work out some of my conflicting feeling here. Thank you for listening and for your support.

 

I'm going to run.

 

It's come to the point where, even if it's just one-sided (which I don't think it is, but alas!) on my end that he cannot be my doc anymore.

 

Shouldn't I go into his office and at least admit that?

 

My psych told me to go back and talk with doc to get reassurance that I haven't let him down. But I HAVE let him down. I don't want to force doc into lying or to going into the unadventured waters of an affair.

 

This isn't just transference and counter-transference, we liked each other the moment we saw one another.

 

He gave me 3 free sessions, don't forget. And I bought him little gifts as a thank you and because it made me happy.

 

She needs love and attention from people who truly have only her best interests at heart. A romantic relationship with a married doctor will not help her, it will only damage her.

 

Thank you thank you thank you ... I have a tear in my eye. I DO need care ... I've been through so much and I'm in the process of getting better.

 

I don't feel I can trust doc now that he's angry with me.

 

Angry why?

 

I told him a while back that I was in a mid-life crisis and wanted to party, "no one here wants to party", I complained. He laughed and seemed delighted. In that moment I felt we bonded somehow. He shared with me his passion for driving, as one of my goals was to learn to drive stick (which now I can!) and for good films ... usually not your standard Hollywood fare.

 

Now I've gone off and told him I'm seeing a younger man to which he angrily responded "So THIS has been going on for some TIME now."

 

You know what surprises me most?

 

Is that my so-called "therapists, docs, etc." want to avoid the two most major topics I think about every day: sex and death.

 

And here I am on an anonymous forum, asking for help.

 

Somehow, you're all helping me though. I'm able to work things out with you all.

 

I am so appreciative.

 

Thank you!

Edited September 30, 2017 by ja123

[ja123]

I wish I didn't find my doc so hott.

 

I wish that we didn't have a connection.

 

I want to tell him that I'm not going to be his patient anymore and that, if ever it doesn't work out with his wife, he should look me up and we can go dancing! Maybe to something in the 80s vein ... we're not really that far away in age, I don't think ... although he's got to be 5 years older.

[ja123]

Gotta cancel scheduled appointment with him.

[lana-banana]

You seem to be acting out not just self-destructively, but in ways you know to be self-destructive. Every post in which you describe your feelings and the maddening desire to act on them comes across as a manic cry for help: "please, please, stop me!"

 

Do you ever experience racing thoughts, uncontrollable impulses, or dramatic mood swings? It could be this is a mood disorder manifesting itself in a variety of ways. Do you have friends or family who can stay with you and help keep you under control?

[ja123]

You seem to be acting out not just self-destructively, but in ways you know to be self-destructive. Every post in which you describe your feelings and the maddening desire to act on them comes across as a manic cry for help: "please, please, stop me!"

 

Do you ever experience racing thoughts, uncontrollable impulses, or dramatic mood swings? It could be this is a mood disorder manifesting itself in a variety of ways. Do you have friends or family who can stay with you and help keep you under control?

 

Thank you for responding.

 

When I was unfollowed and crashed out, finally, when I got help it was thought that I might be bipolar, due to my high-level of creatively, but I would be truly manic now if I were, as I'm not on a mood stabilizer but on 2 anti-depressants.

 

Do you have or know someone with bipolar or mania?

 

I guess I'm writing a lot more than usual for this forum, and in absence of response, is to get it out. The obsession, I mean. Find a way to make some of the sensible words on here become my own.

 

I DO want to stop, the obsession with my doc, but am conflicted and trying to work out my conflicting feelings.

 

Honestly, he might be very disturbed knowing that I'm obsessing about him so. (Sh*t - that says it all, as he's surely not obsessing about me, no matter his fleeting fancy). And I am certainly NOT a stalker. But, then it really isn't about "him" ... he's an idealized form of man for me and one that is "safe" as he's unavailable.

 

I will profess some anger in his having led me on, but what the heck ... I should feel complimented ... I can still pull!!!

 

My thoughts rush sometimes due to obsession, but I can slow them down ... if anything I drink to stop the thoughts or I'll just stare at the wall. The time spent that way seems somehow (sadly, perhaps?) very fulfilling. Love being in an empty space.

 

So sad, too, that my talents aren't expressed, but that I'm going into a hole of self-destructive behaviour.

 

Why am I not addicted to things that are better for my health and well-being?

 

Fear of success? Too familiar with pain to let go? Big ego, in spite of having low self-esteem? The paradoxes ...

 

I don't have the answer.

 

All I can say for now, is that I'm doing much better on the new med, and I feel like I'd like to let my doc know that he's appreciated as a doc and that he did a good job.

 

But I really don't want to face him ... I'm unsure whether I should write a letter, or what.

 

My therapist said to cancel the appointment, but keep him "officially" as my family doc until I find another so that I can get blood tests next year due to all the meds. SHE is a terrific female presence in my life, although it's by phone. Even she thought doc stepped outside of his boundaries when he said he'd call me at home to check on me. Then, he didn't call ...

 

The psych said to see him, but then the psych doesn't know the whole story. I'm aware it's an old boys club and it would be easy to paint me as crazy. (P.S. I have big boobs and psych's been stealing a glance here and there, although my tops are NOT cut low ... hahaha we're all human or animals, what?!!!)

 

I won't spill all the beans to the psych, as I don't fully trust him yet. He seems to have a very pleasant "veneer", who knows what lies beneath or whether he truly has my back. I'm better off with my old psych (retired) who said he'd give me a good kick in the arse. Sheesh, I had some good times with my old psych. haha

 

Perhaps there's a happy medium to cutting ties with the doc?

 

Here's an idea: drop into the office with articles that he likes, tell sec that the new med he put me on is really working and that I'm happy with the progress, then cancel the appointment due to "busy schedule" and then just not go back.

 

What do y'all think of that?

[ja123]

Do you have friends or family who can stay with you and help keep you under control?

 

No. I'm without a strong, solid social network since I moved down.

And mom just lost her husband a few months ago, so I'm the strong one.

 

I need to bite the bullet, clearly, and move on already.

 

I'm someone who likes closure, maybe I'm not going to get it in this case.

Edited September 30, 2017 by ja123

[BaileyB]

It really isn't about "him" ...

 

This is the first thing you have written that I actually agree with... This is not about him at all. It is all about YOU - and your mental health.

 

He would be VERY DISTURBED to know how you feel about him. You have a very unhealthy obsession with this man.

 

If you have a problem with alcohol, it's not a good idea to stay up drinking.

 

You clearly need to see your psychiatrist. Your thinking is very distorted and you are acting out in a very self distructive way... I hope you find the help you need.

[ja123]

This is the first thing you have written that I actually agree with... This is not about him at all. It is all about YOU - and your mental health.

 

He would be VERY DISTURBED to know how you feel about him. You have a very unhealthy obsession with this man.

 

If you have a problem with alcohol, it's not a good idea to stay up drinking.

 

You clearly need to see your psychiatrist. Your thinking is very distorted and you are acting out in a very self distructive way... I hope you find the help you need.

 

The expression of your view, though welcome, is harsher than necessary, no?

 

Plus, you didn't give any input as to whether I should just cancel the appointment and not go back, or what?

[BaileyB]

Not harsh, just direct.

 

Yes, you should cancel the appointment and find another doctor.

[ja123]

Not harsh, just direct.

 

Yes, you should cancel the appointment and find another doctor.

 

 

Well, we'll have to agree to disagree.

 

Your tone is not welcome, but your message has been noted.

 

For your message, I thank you.

[ja123]

Well, I wrote a very nice, diplomatic letter with pharmacy info to my pysch.

 

This is to ask him to be the prescribing doctor, as I'll need a prescription by the end of the next week AND I had discussed it with him during our last meeting.

 

I have yet to cancel doc appointment, but will do so on Tuesday after Canadian Thanksgiving.

 

I still can't help thinking that my doc had a huge reaction to the simple statements about my sexual transgression, namely that I practice BDSM and swinging on occasion. Maybe, too, that I'm dating a younger guy.

 

Because you have to admit that if it didn't matter to him, he wouldn't have reacted like he did, no?

[ja123]

Yay! Psych will be writing the script now AND i CANCELLED appointment with doc!

 

It feels really good to be free ... free of his judgments and innuendo!!!

 

 

Yay Me!!

[ja123]

F*ck ... I just want to walk into his office and tell him that I didn't leave because I didn't like him .... it's because I liked him TOO much.

 

Just want to throw out the doc/patient married/unmarried titles and just have sex with this man and go driving ..,.standard shift ... and listen to music!!!!

[ja123]

I'm feeling different today ... I'm really busy ... overloaded,,, and someone relatively close in our community has died....

 

Anyhow, I'm just looking forward to seeing the psych, speaking in the "I" and admitting that there was some transference on my end.

 

Not looking to psychoanalyze my doc or get him into trouble with his colleague...

 

Last year, I gave my doc and his secretary a present (as I did my therapist, but the psych was new so I just gave him a card) ... anyway, I'm unsure whether I should keep him as a doc or just go to a walk-in-clinic as it's impossible to gets docs, here ... maybe, I won't give him and his secretary a gift this year ...