Jump to content

Crush on Doctor - Does he feel the same? [Update: Jan 2019 - Doc brushed me off]

ja123

By ja123,
in The Other Man / Woman

 Share Followers 2

Recommended Posts

  • Author
ja123

ja123

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I think it’s fine if you give holiday goodies like cookies or inexpensive chocolates for the office staff to share. But I wouldn’t give him personalized books or DVDs.

 

I didn’t feel comfortable talking about specific things here about that eye doctor I mentioned. But I did end up going back a few more times mostly for routine checkups. He was quite flirty in person (he would tell me I was such a special patient to him), but was very careful/professional in our email correspondence. I think he just enjoyed flirting with a patient he liked, or was waiting for me to make the move (he’s divorced as far as I knew then). But I lost interest playing such silly games at the end.

 

Yeah, I don't want any more games and he led me on.

 

As for your eye doc, he was looking to date you/have an affair with you or something. Without question.

 

Were you frustrated that he just didn't ask you out on a date? Or were you not attracted to him?

Link to post
Share on other sites
JuneL

JuneL

Posted
Posted
2 years wasted on this fantasy, surely you are worth more than this.

 

I wouldn’t think of it as a waste of her time. If it’s just an innocent crush, then this could be something fun and cute to spend your time on.

Link to post
Share on other sites
JuneL

JuneL

Posted
Posted
Yeah, I don't want any more games and he led me on.

 

As for your eye doc, he was looking to date you/have an affair with you or something. Without question.

 

Were you frustrated that he just didn't ask you out on a date? Or were you not attracted to him?

 

Oh he was quite attractive and a great doctor. The thing is, if he were not, I would find him creepy and unprofessional :laugh::p

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
BaileyB

BaileyB

Posted
Posted
Just odd that he didn't say, "Thank you, but no need for the gifts as I'm just doing my job as your doctor."

 

He shouldn’t have to say that - certainly not if you were respecting his role as your physician, not a potential love interest. It’s generally implied when people maintain healthy boundaries...

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
JuneL

JuneL

Posted
Posted
He shouldn’t have to say that - certainly not if you were respecting his role as your physician, not a potential love interest. It’s generally implied when people maintain healthy boundaries...

 

He shouldn’t have accepted those gifts, period.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ja123

ja123

Posted
  • Author
Posted

@Bailey, my psych told me no gifts, so he could've said the same. He could've said, "Thanks, but in future, no more gifts." I conclude he likes the gifts...

 

@JuneL, ultimately you found your doc's advances to be out of place. As for my doc (yes, I consider his comments about my boots should be red, and his having looked me up on the internet, etc.) he flirted with me, and it gave me the idea to have more.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ja123

ja123

Posted
  • Author
Posted

@besides, Bailey ... as the doc -- he should set the boundaries, no? I'm just supposed to be some whacky-chick-psych-patient-type. He should've taken the lead, if he were professional.

 

Oh no, the man totally led me on.

 

It's like another poster said ... he's probably interested but with the power to pull back at any time (with/without consideration for me).

 

So, now he's pulled back. Clear... just he didn't say no more gifts. Hmmmm weird, no?

Link to post
Share on other sites
TooBad

TooBad

Posted
Posted

Do you know what confirmation bias is ? Because all I see is 24 pages of you wanting to see something, people responding to what is essentially your side of the story, and you feeling justified in what you think is going on....

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ja123

ja123

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Do you know what confirmation bias is ?

 

Never heard of it. Will look it up.

 

My point now, though, is the doc lacked boundaries. It would be nice if you and bailey could see that.

Link to post
Share on other sites
BaileyB

BaileyB

Posted
Posted
Do you know what confirmation bias is ? Because all I see is 24 pages of you wanting to see something, people responding to what is essentially your side of the story, and you feeling justified in what you think is going on....

 

Exactly. Not to mention, blame shifting to doctor for “leading her on” and “not setting clear boundaries.”

Link to post
Share on other sites
JuneL

JuneL

Posted
Posted
Do you know what confirmation bias is ? Because all I see is 24 pages of you wanting to see something, people responding to what is essentially your side of the story, and you feeling justified in what you think is going on....

 

Personally I think there’s a bit of each. The OP certainly has over-interpreted the doctor’s actions. But the doctor could use better judgement. I think the doctor in this case just likes her as a patient. It’s a bit off to suggest he thought about having an affair. In fact, I’ve read somewhere that those married men who tend to flirt innocently with women are less likely to have affairs. But he’s a doctor treating a patient with mental health issues. He shouldn’t be accepting personalized and expensive gifts from her.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Garcon1986

Garcon1986

Posted
Posted
I think it’s fine if you give holiday goodies like cookies or inexpensive chocolates for the office staff to share. But I wouldn’t give him personalized books or DVDs.

 

I didn’t feel comfortable talking about specific things here about that eye doctor I mentioned. But I did end up going back a few more times mostly for routine checkups. He was quite flirty in person (he would tell me I was such a special patient to him), but was very careful/professional in our email correspondence. I think he just enjoyed flirting with a patient he liked, or was waiting for me to make the move (he’s divorced as far as I knew then). But I lost interest playing such silly games at the end.

---------------------------

 

 

So what if that brainy Isreali lady (the one you admire so much) was your patient and she was flirting with you...what would you do? ;):p

 

I wish an Israeli lady would flirt with me, except they only date Jews :p I would be kind and professional and document all precautions I took to avoid accusations of impropriety. Not worth the jail and loss of job. I am on the search!

Link to post
Share on other sites
JuneL

JuneL

Posted
Posted
I wish an Israeli lady would flirt with me, except they only date Jews :p I would be kind and professional and document all precautions I took to avoid accusations of impropriety. Not worth the jail and loss of job. I am on the search!

 

What if she gave you books and DVDs that she knew you love totaling $50-100 for the holidays? Would you accept??

Link to post
Share on other sites
pepperbird

pepperbird

Posted
Posted
Never heard of it. Will look it up.

 

My point now, though, is the doc lacked boundaries. It would be nice if you and bailey could see that.

 

 

 

 

Why do you blame him for your crush? What about YOUR boundaries?

 

 

 

From everything you say, it sounds to me like he did nothing wrong. You see what you hope is there, even if it's not.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Garcon1986

Garcon1986

Posted
Posted
What if she gave you books and DVDs that she knew you love totaling $50-100 for the holidays? Would you accept??

 

No gifts on my watch

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ja123

ja123

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Exactly. Not to mention, blame shifting to doctor for “leading her on” and “not setting clear boundaries.”

 

I am so not blame-shifting, Bailey. The most I have my fingers rapped for is picking up on signals. Come on, you've read this thread. You know he stepped out of being appropriate. Why is it so hard for you to acknowledge that I've been duped, not withstanding some wishful thinking on my end. He DID lead me on. Point. It takes two to tango.

 

Why do you blame him for your crush? What about YOUR boundaries?

 

From everything you say, it sounds to me like he did nothing wrong. You see what you hope is there, even if it's not.

 

Pepperbird, this man was my "main" therapy-provider until I figured he wasn't up to snuff (i.e. thinking he could get me off all my meds is just downright irresponsible) and I (yes, me myself) requested a psychiatrist.

 

What about HIS boundaries??? He was the care provider and self-proclaimed healer therapist to begin with, don't forget.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ja123

ja123

Posted
  • Author
Posted

@JuneL Yes, there was both... as I was sayign it takes 2 to tango.

 

@Garcon1986 I see you are on board with the psych, making it clear about gifts: no gifts.

 

@JuneL Yes, the gifts figure in the range of $50-$100. He thanked me for them, took what I gave last year, too (2 CDs & a Blu-ray), and the year before (a $30 watermelon and fancy fruit basket totally well-over 50 bucks). So he likes getting the gifts, clearly.

Link to post
Share on other sites
JuneL

JuneL

Posted
Posted

In any case, I believed I have raised this issue before: You should be treated by a psychiatrist plus a psychologist for your mental health and alcohol issues. If you have broken your arm, shouldn’t you be treated by an orthopedist instead of a general doctor?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ja123

ja123

Posted
  • Author
Posted
In any case, I believed I have raised this issue before: You should be treated by a psychiatrist plus a psychologist for your mental health and alcohol issues. If you have broken your arm, shouldn’t you be treated by an orthopedist instead of a general doctor?

 

Absolutely, I agree with you.

 

But the doc WANTED to treat me for my mental health & addiction issues, he said people drive from 3-4 hours to see him about their depression and he also said he is some kind of related specialist in his home country.

 

Anyhow, he flattered me a lot. Made me feel special e.g. said he'd call me every day over the weekend to check up on my drinking.

 

Then,

he backed out ....

 

If anything, had I any regular self-esteem like some other woman, I would've been quite outraged as I'd innately "know" that I deserve better.

 

That's my issues popping up to the fore... taking crap off of men.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ja123

ja123

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Oh, and he DID know I was in an abusive relationship ... but never asked how long ago it was ... just unilaterally pronounced that I'm not ready for a relationship. Smelled of self-interest, if you ask me.

Link to post
Share on other sites
basil67

basil67

Posted
Posted
Oh, and he DID know I was in an abusive relationship ... but never asked how long ago it was ... just unilaterally pronounced that I'm not ready for a relationship. Smelled of self-interest, if you ask me.

 

Given all you've been through - you don't sound like you are ready for a relationship. I think it's a statement of fact on his part rather than self interest.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
JuneL

JuneL

Posted
Posted
In any case, I believed I have raised this issue before: You should be treated by a psychiatrist plus a psychologist for your mental health and alcohol issues. If you have broken your arm, shouldn’t you be treated by an orthopedist instead of a general doctor?

 

In fact, physicians have been sued for failing to refer to patients to specialists in situations they’re not competent in treating.

 

Of Competence and Referrals: When a Doctor?s Failure to Refer a Patient to another Physician Constitutes Malpractice? | Bill of Health

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ja123

ja123

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Given all you've been through - you don't sound like you are ready for a relationship. I think it's a statement of fact on his part rather than self interest.

 

I will concede.

 

Plus, not sure if I ever want a relationship again, TBH. Only interested in something casual with someone who's not in my face every day.

Link to post
Share on other sites
JuneL

JuneL

Posted
Posted (edited)

He may be some kind of related specialist in his country, but he doesn’t have a phychiatrist license in your country.

 

But the doc WANTED to treat me for my mental health & addiction issues, he said people drive from 3-4 hours to see him about their depression and he also said he is some kind of related specialist in his home country.<SNIP>

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Link to post
Share on other sites
 Share
Followers 2
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...