Crush on Doctor - Does he feel the same? [Update: Jan 2019 - Doc brushed me off]

[gettinoverit]

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I know how you're feeling. I was predated (is that a word?!) on by my OBGYN of all people! Not 2 months after he delivered my baby, he made a move on me! This was not in the US or Canada, but in a country where doctors are considered Gods, and a male doctor of that nationality has WAY more status than some foreign girl. There was no one to report him to who would be interested, even if I was inclined to do so which I wasn't, because if I'm honest I reveled in the attention while it happened. My husband had cheated on me through all my pregnancies, and this last one, my sweet, kind, emotionally supportive doctor held my hand through it all while I cried, and eventually came in on his day off to deliver my son and saved his life. It was a messed up situation where I was starved of support and affection, groomed by a very clever man, in an extremely vulnerable position - but - I also let it happen because I enjoyed the attention.

 

My advice is to come to the conclusion you have already come to: walk away as far as you can. And while you can't, keep the relationship strictly business only. Lock your emotions down tight. but most importantly: don't beat yourself up too much. Like me, you were(are) in a vulnerable state. You fell for the charms. Yes, you knew what you were doing, but in the moment, with the emotions you felt at the time, it wasn't that easy, and hindsight is of course 20:20. Learn from the experience. It will make you stronger. This happened to me 10 years ago now. I worked through it all, and I have no regrets from the experience. Although it was incredibly hard at the time (I wound up ghosted by him and I know from social media that he moved on to another patient easier than me - I refused to allow him to go too far with me) - I feel a better, stronger, person from the experience. You will get through it all and be proud you have once you are on the other side. Good luck!

[mark clemson]

I was predated (is that a word?!) on by my OBGYN of all people!

 

...preyed on...

[ja123]

@gettinoverit

 

Thank you so much for your message and the understanding you showed. Yes, I was vulnerable (told him about the abusive relationship, etc.) but I did enjoy the attention, too, and I engaged.

 

I do have to find a new doctor and my need is urgent. I cannot go on being this man's patient. I don't want to open up to him and tell him about my health problems because he is, I believe, just as much trying to get rid of me as I am trying to get rid of him. He's very cold now and speaks to me with a tone of disdain in his voice.

 

I am so sorry you had to deal with the advances of your OB/GYN. You were vulnerable, too (so sorry your husband cheated on you during your pregnancies - later in life, I learned that my father did that - so it's not uncommon, but so terribly unfair!!).

 

You seem to have peace now in your heart regarding what happened with your OB/GYN.

 

Once I went to a walk-in clinic and the gp wanted to examine me when I had my period, even though his wife was an OB/GYN. I said no and never went back.

 

Anyhow, I bring that up to show that there are docs (who ARE in a position of power) who take advantage of the situation. It's cruel and confusing.

 

So, anyhow, it's over now, that is for sure....

 

I just want to find a new doctor.

[salparadise]

My own previous graduate school called me to the supervisor's office the very next day because they were monitoring my facebook account, where I posted a particularly exasperating situation with a patient.

 

Most doctors have some level of the "fear of God" against their licensing boards so nobody does anything too cavalier.

 

Did you seriously not realize that about a patient on FB is wrong?

 

Some doctors, and I'd venture to say most, do the right thing simple because it's the right thing to do, not avoidance of consequences. Avoidance of consequences and benefit/reward is the least mature motivation, i.e. childlike.

 

Stages of Moral Development

Kohlberg Moral Development