Crush on Doctor - Does he feel the same? [Update: Jan 2019 - Doc brushed me off]

[JuneL]

My psychiatrist told me they're not supposed to accept gifts when I brought him a beautiful $25 plant... (I didn't tell him how much ut cost), but he was happy with it.

 

It's in my nature from my grandmother's days to give gifts to service people, including garbage men, like she did.

 

Admittedly, I put a little more effort and cash into doc's gifts, though.

 

I give holiday gifts to service people whom I know well. As general rule, I tend to be very generous to my cleaning lady. But I have only given gifts to one of my doctors, and my gifts were very thoughtful and yet deliberately inexpensive. It’s not only because she is not supposed to receive expensive gifts as my doctor, but also that (unlike my cleaning lady) the monetary value of the gift is not important to her. It’s actually much harder to come up with a thoughtful inexpensive gift than an expensive one.

[ja123]

I give holiday gifts to service people whom I know well. As general rule, I tend to be very generous to my cleaning lady. But I have only given gifts to one of my doctors, and my gifts were very thoughtful and yet deliberately inexpensive. It’s not only because she is not supposed to receive expensive gifts as my doctor, but also that (unlike my cleaning lady) the monetary value of the gift is not important to her. It’s actually much harder to come up with a thoughtful inexpensive gift than an expensive one.

 

That's really thoughtful of you...

 

It's just that I especially want him to have things that I have, I guess.

[sagamore]

Why do you need to give him the gifts if you’re just going to resign? Why not just mail the letter and move on? I don’t believe you’re going in there in January. If you wanted closure you would have gone for it by now. You’re delaying. Why?

[ja123]

Why do you need to give him the gifts if you’re just going to resign? Why not just mail the letter and move on? I don’t believe you’re going in there in January. If you wanted closure you would have gone for it by now. You’re delaying. Why?

 

I need one more prescription from him. Not psych-related.

 

And, of he does not want to see me, then I'd rather hear the news after Xmas

[sagamore]

You’d rather hear it after Christmas? Sorry, I don’t buy it.

 

If you really wanted resolution to this issue, you’d make that appointment ASAP, ask for the prescription and resign. Instead, you’re going to give a bunch of gifts and...what? Wait a few weeks? Hope they make him want to risk his license and get involved with a mentally ill patient?

 

You seem like a very smart person in terms of raw IQ. But this is some extremely poor decision-making.

 

What do you honestly believe is going to happen? How do you see this playing out?

[ja123]

You’d rather hear it after Christmas? Sorry, I don’t buy it.

 

If you really wanted resolution to this issue, you’d make that appointment ASAP, ask for the prescription and resign. Instead, you’re going to give a bunch of gifts and...what? Wait a few weeks? Hope they make him want to risk his license and get involved with a mentally ill patient?

 

You seem like a very smart person in terms of raw IQ. But this is some extremely poor decision-making.

 

What do you honestly believe is going to happen? How do you see this playing out?

 

I think he likes me, but he's not going to risk his license.

[sagamore]

Perfect. He likes you but his license is keeping you apart... That’s the scenario that allows you to keep obsessing about him even after you resign.

 

What would it take for you to believe that he didn’t, in fact, think of you that way at all? What would he have to say or do in order for you to think, “you know, maybe my brain was lying to me and I saw this all wrong?”

[JuneL]

Perfect. He likes you but his license is keeping you apart... That’s the scenario that allows you to keep obsessing about him even after you resign.

 

What would it take for you to believe that he didn’t, in fact, think of you that way at all? What would he have to say or do in order for you to think, “you know, maybe my brain was lying to me and I saw this all wrong?”

 

OP is a vulnerable patient with mental health issues, so I would think it’s the responsibility of the physician to set clear boundaries. If I were in his position, I would decline to accept her expensive gifts, refrain from engaging in conversations about their personal lives, refrain from commenting on her outfits, refrain from telling her about having googled her and watched her interview. No, I don’t believe the guy is interested in her romantically, but he has done things that can easily be taken wrongly by a vulnerable patient.

[sagamore]

No doubt it’s his responsibility. He has failed her already in that regard. My concern is that no matter how he sets the boundary, she may persist in seeing this as mutual unrequited lust. I wonder what it would take for her to know that there was no interest and this “relationship” was done.

[ja123]

OP is a vulnerable patient with mental health issues, so I would think it’s the responsibility of the physician to set clear boundaries. If I were in his position, I would decline to accept her expensive gifts, refrain from engaging in conversations about their personal lives, refrain from commenting on her outfits, refrain from telling her about having googled her and watched her interview. No, I don’t believe the guy is interested in her romantically, but he has done things that can easily be taken wrongly by a vulnerable patient.

 

Thank you for validating this, JuneL.

 

He should've drawn the lines more carefully, or set boundaries, I mean. I was just following his lead.

 

At least with this conversation that we're having, here, on this thread, I'm now not so certain I'll go buy him the gifts. But just give his secretary the chocolates and to him a card which, as usual, wishes him and his family wonderful holidays...

[ja123]

Perfect. He likes you but his license is keeping you apart... That’s the scenario that allows you to keep obsessing about him even after you resign.

 

What would it take for you to believe that he didn’t, in fact, think of you that way at all? What would he have to say or do in order for you to think, “you know, maybe my brain was lying to me and I saw this all wrong?”

 

He would have to say that he didn't feel the same way and drop me as a patient, or accept my resignation letter.

 

 

No doubt it’s his responsibility. He has failed her already in that regard. My concern is that no matter how he sets the boundary, she may persist in seeing this as mutual unrequited lust. I wonder what it would take for her to know that there was no interest and this “relationship” was done.

 

He blew the boundaries. I intend to give him my card with links to some of my work, so he can check it out. It'll have my personal contact email, etc. on it so he can get in touch (which I won't say, but will leave it up to him). Incidentally, if Bailey had my info, I have no don't she'd report me.

 

Now, if he himself tells me to go jump in the lake that I got the wrong end of the stick, I'll believe him and move on.

 

How will I move on? Probably just pick someone up at a bar for a one night stand. So, I'll cry, but at least I'll have had a laugh.

[sagamore]

Very glad you are re-considering the gifts. Good call. I sincerely hope that one way or the other you will be free of this man’s presence in your life very soon. I think it’s going to feel like withdrawal, so I hope you have support lined up. Being fully honest with your psych would help. And they’re not going to judge you. You think this is the first time a patient has fallen for a doctor? Girl, please - you may think you’re uniquely deviant (and maybe in some ways you are ) but this problem’s a dime a dozen! Talk therapy and being honest with your treatment team will help. Good luck.

[BaileyB]

Incidentally, if Bailey had my info, I have no don't she'd report me.

 

No, only if you were my patient.

 

I have a feeling that nothing much will come of this... As with many things, the fantasy is usually so much better than the reality. Take care.

[JuneL]

Merry X’mas!

So did you give the doctor any holiday gifts this time? Have you seen him since you last posted?

[ja123]

Merry Christmas, June!!

 

Hope you had a good one!

 

Yes, I actually did get the doc and his secretary gifts. I know... I know ... But I still feel the same. For the secretary, I got her favourite box of chocolates. For my doc, I got him a book about jazz, the Miles Davis CD, a Toblerone chocolate bar, and pistachios. As for the DVD, it hasn't arrived, so that will be next Christmas, I guess ... if not before if we meet privately.

 

I have to get some business cards made up to promote my short film. The card will have a link to the film as well as my personal contact info, including email. Then, I plan to go and casually give him one.

 

What do you think?

[JuneL]

Those few items together make a pretty big gift; he should have declined. I did give holiday gift to my favorite doctor, which was just something small and perishable.

 

 

Merry Christmas, June!!

 

Hope you had a good one!

 

Yes, I actually did get the doc and his secretary gifts. I know... I know ... But I still feel the same. For the secretary, I got her favourite box of chocolates. For my doc, I got him a book about jazz, the Miles Davis CD, a Toblerone chocolate bar, and pistachios. As for the DVD, it hasn't arrived, so that will be next Christmas, I guess ... if not before if we meet privately.

 

I have to get some business cards made up to promote my short film. The card will have a link to the film as well as my personal contact info, including email. Then, I plan to go and casually give him one.

 

What do you think?

[ja123]

He didn't have the chance to decline.

 

I just dropped it off with his secretary ... she took it.

[ja123]

Saw doc today for a legit issue.

 

He said thanks for the gift and that "we" particularly like the CD. His daughter plays sax.

 

Then, he proceeded in total doc-mode, yet more "detached" than usual.

 

Now I'm embarrassed, although, I didn't lose my cool.

 

Should I get him a gift next year, just to show that I don't care?

 

I do get a gift for the woman who talks with me via telephone every 2-3 weeks.

 

Psych already said "we're not supposed to receive gifts", but accepted the plant I offered. Although, I'll not get him any more gifts. Just a card.

 

Anyhow, I maintain that the doc did give me mixed messages, but now those messages have come to an end.

 

It's a non-starter. He drew the line.

 

Thanks for all your support. I realize that I've been annoying to some of you. But thanks to you, too, as it was part and parcel of trying to work it all out.

[Garcon1986]

There are lots of Italian or Greek hotty hotty olive colored men out there, you can find another! Just make sure you specify you want a casual relationship since you have your heart set on that sort of thing.

[ja123]

There are lots of Italian or Greek hotty hotty olive colored men out there, you can find another! Just make sure you specify you want a casual relationship since you have your heart set on that sort of thing.

 

 

Thank you, Garcon1986!

 

Yes, I'll make sure it's casual... I really don't want attachments.

 

Cheers

[ExpatInItaly]

Should I get him a gift next year, just to show that I don't care?

 

No. No more gifting.

[ja123]

No. No more gifting.

 

Why not?

 

I already have a Blu-ray for him, so I might as well give it to him.

[JuneL]

I think it’s fine if you give holiday goodies like cookies or inexpensive chocolates for the office staff to share. But I wouldn’t give him personalized books or DVDs.

 

I didn’t feel comfortable talking about specific things here about that eye doctor I mentioned. But I did end up going back a few more times mostly for routine checkups. He was quite flirty in person (he would tell me I was such a special patient to him), but was very careful/professional in our email correspondence. I think he just enjoyed flirting with a patient he liked, or was waiting for me to make the move (he’s divorced as far as I knew then). But I lost interest playing such silly games at the end.

---------------------------

There are lots of Italian or Greek hotty hotty olive colored men out there, you can find another! Just make sure you specify you want a casual relationship since you have your heart set on that sort of thing.

 

So what if that brainy Isreali lady (the one you admire so much) was your patient and she was flirting with you...what would you do?

Edited January 21, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[Orokotikki]

2 years wasted on this fantasy, surely you are worth more than this.

[ja123]

surely you are worth more than this.

 

Yes, I am.