Crush on Doctor - Does he feel the same? [Update: Jan 2019 - Doc brushed me off]

[whichwayisup]

This might be true for people, but I don't feel it's true of me because I haven't been drinking that long ... just heavy intense spurts over the last 2 years.

 

 

I used to work as a bartender and never had a drinking problem, then.

 

 

I think I'm drinking now because I'm not co-dependent anymore, but have unfortunately become the "dependent" now.

 

 

I could just as easily be addicted to something else, perhaps, but there's something about the alcohol that makes me feel good and strong.

 

 

Honestly, I've feel like a fraud if I went to an AA meeting. Those people really need help, so I don't want to waste their time.

 

 

This is a phase that I just need to get over.

 

People can become alcoholics later in life, right now you ARE one and it doesn't matter that you worked in a bar. You're in total denial and using booze as a crutch, masking what is truly going on inside of you.

 

YOU NEED HELP and are no better or worse than anybody else in AA. There are different types of alcoholics!

[whichwayisup]

I personally have never heard a doctor doing this kind of calling up everyday.

 

You are not well. He could be grooming you.

 

Take care. Find a new doctor asap.

 

And this Dr is totally taking advantage of a weak woman in a bad place. Shame on him. He should be reported...Makes me wonder how many others he's done this to...

[JuneL]

I find it odd that he would take up the task of monitoring your alcohol consumption upon himself, considering you are seeking help from a counselor/psychologist already. It's also quite strange that he would waive your fees all the time. And what's up with his suggestion that you are "not ready for a relationship"? He has totally crossed his boundaries.

[nowhereboy]

I'm sorry but what are you thinking messing with the idea of a married man anyway.

 

This whole thing is very uncomfortable.

[ja123]

@whichwayisup

 

 

I drove out tonight, ostensibly just for a drive, I got to where the liquor store is and I turned around. I was very proud of myself.

 

 

Then, I turned around again and went back. I bought a mickey. So, I'm drinking now.

 

 

I will re-read what you wrote and think about it.

 

 

I'd like to see how it goes with my doc before going to AA. One thing for sure is that I can't go to the local AA here as I may know people. People may know me.

 

 

I still don't consider myself an alcoholic, but I have the makings of one.

 

 

Talking with the doc daily (or his secretary) is a chance to head it off.

 

 

But, there is something unusual about his offering to call me. I'll take it for what it is for now and see whether things progress.

[ja123]

YOU NEED HELP and are no better or worse than anybody else in AA. There are different types of alcoholics!

 

I intend not to drink tomorrow, as the doc is calling.

 

 

I guess I feel worse than most people, as I'm intelligent, but stupid ... I know better than to drink heavily (emphasis on heavy drinking) with antidepressants.

 

 

Alcohol is a depressant, so ultimately it could be undoing the work of the antidepressants.

[whichwayisup]

@whichwayisup

 

 

I drove out tonight, ostensibly just for a drive, I got to where the liquor store is and I turned around. I was very proud of myself.

 

 

Then, I turned around again and went back. I bought a mickey. So, I'm drinking now.

 

I hope you put your car keys away. Don't drink and drive.

And one minute you were proud of yourself, then you went back and bought a mickey. Why?

 

Do you see now that you DO have a drinking problem and need AA? As well as good therapist? The choices you're making are not good and your life is spiraling down in bad way. I'm worried about you!

 

I will re-read what you wrote and think about it.

 

 

I'd like to see how it goes with my doc before going to AA. One thing for sure is that I can't go to the local AA here as I may know people. People may know me.

 

 

I still don't consider myself an alcoholic, but I have the makings of one.

 

 

Talking with the doc daily (or his secretary) is a chance to head it off.

 

 

But, there is something unusual about his offering to call me. I'll take it for what it is for now and see whether things progress.

 

No you ARE an alcoholic now.

 

Your DR can't help you. You need AA and a sponsor who 'gets' it and has been where you are.

[whichwayisup]

I intend not to drink tomorrow, as the doc is calling.

 

 

I guess I feel worse than most people, as I'm intelligent, but stupid ... I know better than to drink heavily (emphasis on heavy drinking) with antidepressants.

 

 

Alcohol is a depressant, so ultimately it could be undoing the work of the antidepressants.

 

Well you didn't intend to drink today either yet you turned around and then went back to buy booze.

 

You could end up in the ER if you don't stop!

[ja123]

I find it odd that he would take up the task of monitoring your alcohol consumption upon himself, considering you are seeking help from a counselor/psychologist already. It's also quite strange that he would waive your fees all the time. And what's up with his suggestion that you are "not ready for a relationship"? He has totally crossed his boundaries.

 

 

 

Yes, it is unusual that, as you say, he's taken it upon himself to monitor my alcohol consumption.

 

 

BUT, my counsellor ... who is trained substance addiction isn't available everyday, and she's not taking me in hand. He wants me to make a promise to him which I cannot for now, but he's trying. He only offered to call me when I refused a drug that helps curb alcohol cravings. I'm on enough drugs already for my crazy mind ... if anything he's trying to get me to go to the gym, so psych meds can be reduced.

 

 

I thought it funny when he mentioned that I'm not ready for a relationship. It sounded possessive, in a way, but that could just be my interpretation. He did give me that book, after all.

 

 

Regarding waiving the fees when I first didn't have my card (it was three or four visits), he's either really taking his Hippocratic oath seriously, or he likes me.

 

 

To be honest, when I first laid eyes on him and he on me ... I sensed that we had a mutual curiosity. But in our first session he said that I was depressed because I hate myself. He was just too tough, I felt; although he talk about natural methods of healing and I liked that.

 

 

Ever since I called him Pygmalion, he's really softened up.

 

 

As for the "psych" he referred me to, I meant to a psychiatrist ... as I had one where I previously lived. My hunch is that the psych told him about the risky sex that involved booze ... maybe that turned him on or something. I'm just making assumptions, though.

 

 

Like I said, I just want to take the help offered as I'm not doing so well on my own and see where it goes.

 

 

Having a fantasy romance is helping me. It's weird and maybe unhealthy?

[ja123]

Well you didn't intend to drink today either yet you turned around and then went back to buy booze.

 

You could end up in the ER if you don't stop!

 

 

 

OK. I'm scared now.

 

 

I have never driven while drunk ... or had a drink even. I'm totally against that.

[ja123]

I'm sorry but what are you thinking messing with the idea of a married man anyway.

 

This whole thing is very uncomfortable.

 

 

 

It's not my style to mess with a married man. But, I admit to having crossed the lined once. I was convinced with this particular man's story that his wife didn't want to have sex with him ... and, to be honest, after I did, I could completely understand the poor wife ... in any case, it was set up to be a one-off and not something ongoing.

 

 

Last time I saw the doc (a month ago) he admitted, like me, to really enjoy driving. He told me which town he lived in (far enough from here!) and said that the drive helped him leave everything at the office and concentrate on being a "Father".

 

 

We both smiled and I got the sense that he's totally in love with his kids and his role as their parent.

 

 

I respect that.

[SoulCat]

 

One thing for sure is that I can't go to the local AA here as I may know people. People may know me.

 

It's Alcoholics Anonymous

If there are people there who know you, they're there because they are in the same boat as you. They have an alcohol problem, an addiction. Just like you.

They are not there to judge you or to tittle-tattle on you.

 

 

Besides, it may just help you to see someone you know, someone you had no idea is an alcoholic because they seem to hold down a job and function reasonably well in life. It may just make you realise that that is exactly who you are too.

 

You really need help, and I really don't think your doc is the right person for you as you're already rather emotionally invested in him even though he's unavailable as he is your physician AND he is married.

Your alcohol issues are tricky enough to tackle without all the personal drama of becoming more and more attached and dependant on him.

 

 

Time to make smart choices for yourself.

Good luck.

Edited March 2, 2017 by SoulCat

[ja123]

Just to add, in general, I don't know whether my counselor's advice about relying on external motivation is the best advice.

 

 

Right now, I'm fantasizing about my doc and imagining telling him that I didn't have a drink on March 3rd...

 

 

Plus, I'll go to the gym.

 

 

He'll be proud of me and so will I.

[ja123]

@ SoulCat, thank you ... I'll only try AA if I can't get my act together in the next two weeks which Im intending on doing.

 

 

I can't make my mother ashamed, so it'll have to be an AA further away. I have more than myself to consider. Besides I'm afraid I'll just be the only gal amongst a room of men. And This IS a small town of tittle-tattlers. I don't trust the oath at AA to protect me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

In any case, this is an entangled situation RE: my doc.

 

 

Is it all in my mind or am I just imagining that he likes me, too??

[ja123]

It's also quite strange that he would waive your fees all the time.

 

 

 

OMG! It wasn't just the "first few sessions", it didn't occur to me that he wouldn't be getting paid for his weekend calls.

 

 

He must make a lot per hour, but I don't think the call will be long. It's just to check whether I've been to the gym or had a drink.

 

 

In any case, he must like me as a person, at least, otherwise he wouldn't have offered. He must think that I have potential and am worth it, right?

[JuneL]

OMG! It wasn't just the "first few sessions", it didn't occur to me that he wouldn't be getting paid for his weekend calls.

 

 

He must make a lot per hour, but I don't think the call will be long. It's just to check whether I've been to the gym or had a drink.

 

 

In any case, he must like me as a person, at least, otherwise he wouldn't have offered. He must think that I have potential and am worth it, right?

 

Do you have great support from friends and family? I'm starting to think maybe your physician thinks that you're in a particularly fragile or vulnerable position and is particularly concerned about your situation. In any case, I thought a psych might provide you with more appropriate help.

[ja123]

Do you have great support from friends and family? I'm starting to think maybe your physician thinks that you're in a particularly fragile or vulnerable position and is particularly concerned about your situation. In any case, I thought a psych might provide you with more appropriate help.

 

 

 

I've just come out to everyone: counselor (who thought I'd stopped, but I lied), psych (a couple of weeks ago and he wants to see me in a month), mother, doc.

 

 

I also came out to my cousin who knows our family history with alcoholism - but I've not come out to my friends.

 

 

I admitted to my counselor that when I was out of booze I drank my mother's and filled the bottles with water, until I could replace them.... pretty sad.

 

 

Anyhow, my cousin (woman) thinks my doc is just being a good doc.

 

 

She doesn't think there's more to it.

 

 

I'm feeling a little disappointed, really ... but it would be a mess if we were to get involved; however, maybe I wouldn't say "no".

 

 

I'm going to take his offer for what it probably is: a kick start (I.e. kick in the butt).

 

 

Thanks for helping, JuneL!!!

 

 

I'll update this post as things unfold.

[vanhalenfan]

Yes, it is unusual that, as you say, he's taken it upon himself to monitor my alcohol consumption.

 

 

BUT, my counsellor ... who is trained substance addiction isn't available everyday, and she's not taking me in hand. He wants me to make a promise to him which I cannot for now, but he's trying. He only offered to call me when I refused a drug that helps curb alcohol cravings. I'm on enough drugs already for my crazy mind ... if anything he's trying to get me to go to the gym, so psych meds can be reduced.

 

 

I thought it funny when he mentioned that I'm not ready for a relationship. It sounded possessive, in a way, but that could just be my interpretation. He did give me that book, after all.

 

 

Regarding waiving the fees when I first didn't have my card (it was three or four visits), he's either really taking his Hippocratic oath seriously, or he likes me.

 

 

To be honest, when I first laid eyes on him and he on me ... I sensed that we had a mutual curiosity. But in our first session he said that I was depressed because I hate myself. He was just too tough, I felt; although he talk about natural methods of healing and I liked that.

 

 

Ever since I called him Pygmalion, he's really softened up.

 

 

As for the "psych" he referred me to, I meant to a psychiatrist ... as I had one where I previously lived. My hunch is that the psych told him about the risky sex that involved booze ... maybe that turned him on or something. I'm just making assumptions, though.

 

 

Like I said, I just want to take the help offered as I'm not doing so well on my own and see where it goes.

 

 

Having a fantasy romance is helping me. It's weird and maybe unhealthy?

 

You mention that your counselor who is specially trained in substance abuse isn't available everyday...This is where AA would be beneficial to you. You could have a sponsor that you can call and work the program with everyday. You can attend meetings everyday, even multiple times a day if needed. The support is there and that is where you need to be. This doctor doesn't seem to be trained in addictions. Is he just a regular, general doctor? What is his specialty?

[ja123]

You mention that your counselor who is specially trained in substance abuse isn't available everyday...This is where AA would be beneficial to you. You could have a sponsor that you can call and work the program with everyday. You can attend meetings everyday, even multiple times a day if needed. The support is there and that is where you need to be. This doctor doesn't seem to be trained in addictions. Is he just a regular, general doctor? What is his specialty?

 

 

 

He's a family doctor.

 

 

If it doesn't work with him, I'll try AA or something similar.

 

 

I once belonged to a group in Montreal and it was for women codependents based on Melodie Beattie's books. But as far as I know there's nothing like that here. When I get myself fixed up, perhaps I could start a group ... but that's in the future.

 

 

I guess I need to be able to admit I'm an addict, but I enjoy it to a certain extent ... it makes me feel good ... AND connected to other addicts past and present, if that makes any sense(??). Maybe I'm just rationalizing or romanticizing when I'm going down the gutter.

 

 

The truth about my doc is, I'm confused as to whether he has sexual desire for me, as that's what I have for him. I'm not going to stop seeing him ... I'm just going to see where it goes, I don't care what happens BUT I will NOT make the first move.

 

 

People are complex and imperfect.

[jay1983]

Family doctor??

 

I was under the impression this was a psychiatrist.

 

Something's odd here. Maybe they do things differently in your country, but here a family doctor calling every day to check on you is....... Something ain't Right.

 

I'm not sure you're imagining anything, I'm not sure myself whether or not he's sexualy attracted to you.

Edited March 3, 2017 by jay1983

[ja123]

Family doctor??

 

I was under the impression this was a psychiatrist.

 

Something's odd here. Maybe they do things differently in your country, but here a family doctor calling every day to check on you is....... Something ain't Right.

 

 

 

Hi there,

 

 

This is Canada. I've never heard of it here, either.

 

 

In fact, I was a little taken aback when he suggested it, but he seems to be a spontaneous sort of person and perhaps spoke before thinking things through....

 

 

Or was he being opportunistic?

 

 

I hate to admit my dirty thoughts, but like I said before I will not initiate first ... AND ... it's starting to occur to me that maybe I'm some sort of addict who's replacing the booze with the prospect of a romantic (ne'er mind how illicit) relationship!!!

Edited March 3, 2017 by ja123

[jay1983]

I'd call you an intellect. I don't think you're crazy, actually I think you maybe right about everything. Not 100 about, but I'd put my money on you.

[MidwestUSA]

Just to add, in general, I don't know whether my counselor's advice about relying on external motivation is the best advice.

 

 

Right now, I'm fantasizing about my doc and imagining telling him that I didn't have a drink on March 3rd...

 

 

Plus, I'll go to the gym.

 

 

He'll be proud of me and so will I.

 

This is all so wrong I don't know where to begin.

 

This doctor should have referred you to someone for your drinking problem. He's putting his license on the line by setting up this informal 'check in every day' thing.

 

Do yourself a favor. Get a new doc, and get into AA as others have suggested. Your sponsor will fill the role that this doc is offering to play.

 

And.......he's married. You may find that your alcohol problem worsens as your dirty thoughts go unfulfilled. Get rid of him.

[ja123]

This is all so wrong I don't know where to begin.

 

This doctor should have referred you to someone for your drinking problem. He's putting his license on the line by setting up this informal 'check in every day' thing.

 

Do yourself a favor. Get a new doc, and get into AA as others have suggested. Your sponsor will fill the role that this doc is offering to play.

 

And.......he's married. You may find that your alcohol problem worsens as your dirty thoughts go unfulfilled. Get rid of him.

 

Midwest:

 

 

Today's first thought: it's as clear as day that he likes me. He could've referred me elsewhere. He's a sophisticated man who seems to have a good work/life balance, knows what he wants and knows how to get it, and knows what he doesn't want, too.

 

 

If he didn't like me, then he wouldn't have made the offer to call at home.

 

 

But like Jen said previously, he also reserves the right to pull the plug ...

 

 

So, I could end up getting hurt.

 

 

Put his license on the line? Surely he's not that naïve (???)

 

 

***************************************************

 

 

I guess I'm an addict and I can't let go of this romantic fantasy just yet as I cut the booze. But several of you have made really good points and I'll let this all sink in. Thank you!!!

 

 

I'll update this post later when he calls. (IF) he calls ...

[JuneL]

I notice you've been a little obsessive about this physician, and that's why I asked if you have a sound support system from friends and family. Do you exercise or meditate?

 

You might want to share with your psych about your sexual desire for your physician. I'd also like to reiterate that your psych should be the more appropriate professional to treat your addiction and depression.

 

I also don't understand how calling you daily can monitor your alcohol consumption; it's not like you can't lie to him!

 

 

Midwest:

 

 

Today's first thought: it's as clear as day that he likes me. He could've referred me elsewhere. He's a sophisticated man who seems to have a good work/life balance, knows what he wants and knows how to get it, and knows what he doesn't want, too.

 

 

If he didn't like me, then he wouldn't have made the offer to call at home.

 

 

But like Jen said previously, he also reserves the right to pull the plug ...

 

 

So, I could end up getting hurt.

 

 

Put his license on the line? Surely he's not that naïve (???)

 

 

***************************************************

 

 

I guess I'm an addict and I can't let go of this romantic fantasy just yet as I cut the booze. But several of you have made really good points and I'll let this all sink in. Thank you!!!

 

 

I'll update this post later when he calls. (IF) he calls ...

Edited March 3, 2017 by JuneL