Crush on Doctor - Does he feel the same? [Update: Jan 2019 - Doc brushed me off]

[JuneL]

There are a couple of separate acts of potential misconduct for this physician:

 

First, if one could simply get rid of her addiction by making some empty promises, then we certainly wouldn't see so many treatment programs and so many obese people struggling so much to lose weight. Did this guy even realize he's not qualified to treat your substance abuse?

 

Second, this guy had been playing with your fragile emotions. If he didn't even realize this, then he's ignorant and incompetent as a physician; if he did all this intentionally, then it's a big violation of his professional conduct.

 

OP: Can you at least share all this with your psychiatrist during your next visit?

 

 

Just to make it clearer...

I was supposed to promise him not to drink on the Thursday I saw him (which I didn't). Next week (this past Thursday) I was supposed to promise him I wouldn't drink on Thursday and Friday ... the week after that no drinking on Thurs/Fri/Sat...etc

 

 

Anyhow, I did better than that and drank one day off, one day on. Instead of not drinking for one day of the week and drinking the other six. Not sure why he wasn't pleased with that effort.

[ja123]

Thanks, June!

 

 

I agree with what you've said.

 

 

It sure isn't enough to look into his eyes, make a promise, and magically voila - cold turkey - the underlying problems will also go away.

 

 

My next appointment with my psychiatrist is the first week of April. I do not want to get my doctor fired, so I don't think I'll make mention of it.

 

 

I'll my doc for a 3 month script and see how he reacts... I think he'll be glad to get rid of me. Hopefully I can find a new doc (preferably female) even in another town.

 

 

I think the other dynamic that may be going on here is that I've "disobeyed" him (I.e. not taking his suggested med, and continuing to drink), I also thinks he likes me, can't have me (due to professional ethics) so he's lashing out at me.

 

 

What do you think?

[JuneL]

Thanks, June!

 

 

I agree with what you've said.

 

 

It sure isn't enough to look into his eyes, make a promise, and magically voila - cold turkey - the underlying problems will also go away.

 

 

My next appointment with my psychiatrist is the first week of April. I do not want to get my doctor fired, so I don't think I'll make mention of it.

 

 

I'll my doc for a 3 month script and see how he reacts... I think he'll be glad to get rid of me. Hopefully I can find a new doc (preferably female) even in another town.

 

 

I think the other dynamic that may be going on here is that I've "disobeyed" him (I.e. not taking his suggested med, and continuing to drink), I also thinks he likes me, can't have me (due to professional ethics) so he's lashing out at me.

 

 

What do you think?

 

I honestly don't have much to add, besides (again) strongly encouraging you to seek professional help for your alcohol addiction and get rid of this unprofessional physician. Good luck!

[ja123]

I honestly don't have much to add, besides (again) strongly encouraging you to seek professional help for your alcohol addiction and get rid of this unprofessional physician. Good luck!

 

Thank you!!!

 

 

I'm working on both and have done really well this week so far!!

[ja123]

I went to my doc on Thursday. He was impressed that I made a big leap in weaning myself off the hard liquor by switching to beer.

 

 

Today I had my last beer and I'm feeling ok. Actually, I'm pretty proud of myself!!!

 

 

I debated the doc as to whether I'm a real alcoholic. I told him no I wasn't but that I used to be codependent, so the flipside of that is dependency. But that I could be dependent on other stuff. I told him that if I told him something about me that he'd never see me the same way again. Then the phone rang ... it was a call from the hospital he had to take, so I was saved by the bell. I've never told a professional this though.

 

 

Anyhow, I sense a real attraction to me on his end. I was ready to go in there, get my script and ask for a 3 month renewal (or at the very least not see him for a month), BUT he wants to see me again this week. Just so I can come into his office and promise him that I won't drink for the next 2 weeks.

 

 

The doc definitely wants to see me.

Edited April 3, 2017 by ja123

[ja123]

I didn't go to my doc as he asked this past week; although I did call his secretary to let my doc know that I succeeded. I just felt like slowing things down a bit.

 

 

I'm still not drinking! Yeah!

 

 

Anyhow, I've been researching transference and countertransference and we've got more going on than that. It was clear to me when we first set eyes on each other.

 

 

I'll see him this week!

 

 

Am I an awful person?

[ja123]

I saw my doc yesterday ... and I was really nervous. I think about him a lot.

 

 

Anyway, it's time for a pap test, so I asked if I could be referred to a Gynecologist. He said "Why?", in an authoritative voice. I said, it's because I need a cervical DNA test to check whether my HPV (the cancerous-causing type) is gone and you need a GYN to do that.

 

 

Anyhow, he agreed and referred me to a woman GYN. So, at least I won't be getting my "thrills" if you could call it that from his giving me a pap test.

 

 

I think about him a lot. And the more I think about him and more distant and nervous I get.

 

 

He told me yesterday that my body's tense. I said, yes, and raised my shoulders to indicate my tenseness.

 

 

He has prescribed 3-30 minute walks on the beach per week and 3-45 minute gym sessions per week.

 

 

I see him in two weeks.

 

 

P.S. I haven't been drinking and he said that that really made his day.

 

 

I also told him about my mild OCD and he said there's a drug for that, but now that I'm seeing the pysch that he won't prescribe it without the psych's approval.

 

 

I get the impression that my doc wishes he were the only doc treating me and wonders why I've asked for 2 specialists now.

 

 

He IS very smart, my doc. But with my brand of depression, I really think a psych is in order and the psych agreed.

 

 

I have a major crush on my doc, and I worried that I'm pushing him away and that he's maybe frustrated with me.

[cocorico]

I have a major crush on my doc, and I worried that I'm pushing him away and that he's maybe frustrated with me.

 

He's probably frustrated that you're still crushing on him. If he has the merest shred of integrity or professionalism, he knows how dangerous that can be. A quick roll in the hay with a vulnerable patient cannot possibly be worth losing his licence to practice, possibly losing his family and having to deal with the fallout of an even more dependent patient.

 

The more professionals you see in addition to him, the better. Let them wean you off your fixation for him so that you can heal properly.

[ja123]

He's probably frustrated that you're still crushing on him. If he has the merest shred of integrity or professionalism, he knows how dangerous that can be. A quick roll in the hay with a vulnerable patient cannot possibly be worth losing his licence to practice, possibly losing his family and having to deal with the fallout of an even more dependent patient.

 

The more professionals you see in addition to him, the better. Let them wean you off your fixation for him so that you can heal properly.

 

 

 

Do you think it's that obvious I'm crushing on him? I've done everything to hide it, even when he said he'd call me at home then for me to call his office re: checking in about my drinking. He didn't end up calling me, nor did I him.

 

 

My feeling is that he, too, has a crush, and yes doesn't want to jeopardize his family-life and practice, so he might want rid of me as a patient so he's not tempted.

 

 

But, then, that doesn't explain his incredulity regarding my request for a GYN. I think he wanted to do the pap test and feels his role as my primary care physician is being diminished by my seeing specialists.

 

 

What gives with that?

 

 

It's contradictory ...

[ja123]

I can't get my doc out of my mind.

 

 

I'm going to do something the next time I see him to see whether he bites or not.

 

 

Thursday I was particularly nervous because I thought about doing it then.

 

 

Feedback anyone ??? ... I don't want to switch docs if there's not going to be a social relationship afterwards, so I have to tread carefully.

Edited April 15, 2017 by ja123

[JuneL]

Sorry I haven't been responding to this thread for a while. Many of us have already repeated the same advice over and over again. But it seems that things are going around in circles regarding your situation with this physician, if not getting worse.

 

I think what you need right now is a good female therapist, one who is both qualified and professional.

 

Very best wishes!

 

 

I went to my doc on Thursday. He was impressed that I made a big leap in weaning myself off the hard liquor by switching to beer.

 

 

Today I had my last beer and I'm feeling ok. Actually, I'm pretty proud of myself!!!

 

 

I debated the doc as to whether I'm a real alcoholic. I told him no I wasn't but that I used to be codependent, so the flipside of that is dependency. But that I could be dependent on other stuff. I told him that if I told him something about me that he'd never see me the same way again. Then the phone rang ... it was a call from the hospital he had to take, so I was saved by the bell. I've never told a professional this though.

 

 

Anyhow, I sense a real attraction to me on his end. I was ready to go in there, get my script and ask for a 3 month renewal (or at the very least not see him for a month), BUT he wants to see me again this week. Just so I can come into his office and promise him that I won't drink for the next 2 weeks.

 

 

The doc definitely wants to see me.

[ja123]

Hi June,

 

 

Thanks for responding.

 

 

I saw my doc last Thursday and conducted myself like a patient - we had an intimate conversation about my mind (which I led and told it in terms of story and metaphor) - I didn't get the feeling that I wanted to end up in bed with him, nor did I feel he was flirting with me, as I often feel.

 

 

It was cool ...

 

 

So maybe all this is taking it's course and finishing up on it's own.

 

 

It'd be easier that way, really.

 

 

Thanks again for all your feedback!

[ja123]

Anyhow, I still can't get my doctor out of my head.

 

 

He would be the perfect affair partner.

 

 

I see him next week and will update you.

 

 

Thanks for listening/reading.

[VeveCakes]

 

 

He would be the perfect affair partner.

 

 

 

Is there such thing as a perfect person to ruin a slew of lives with?

[ja123]

This sounds sick. I'm not planning on ruining lives.

 

 

OMG! THAT would be awful!!!

[deadsoul]

This sounds sick. I'm not planning on ruining lives.

 

 

OMG! THAT would be awful!!!

 

Having an affair would ruin lives. His. His wife. His children. Most of all, yours.

 

Read the board about all the affairs. Most of them wish they've never started.

 

You seem very obsessed with this guy. I'd seriously get a new doctor and tell your psych everything you've been feeling about your doctor. Based on what you've written, she can't repeat/report the info you tell her.

 

Good luck OP.

[ja123]

Having an affair would ruin lives. His. His wife. His children. Most of all, yours.

 

Read the board about all the affairs. Most of them wish they've never started.

 

You seem very obsessed with this guy. I'd seriously get a new doctor and tell your psych everything you've been feeling about your doctor. Based on what you've written, she can't repeat/report the info you tell her.

 

Good luck OP.

 

 

 

I guess my post got moved to the other woman section from general.

 

 

Anyhow, I saw my doc last Thursday. My feelings are changing and he's definitely giving me the cold sholder now, as he offered a script and told me to come back in 6 weeks. This is very unlike him - he usually wants to see me every 1-2 weeks and it was I who extended the visits to a month.

 

 

Anyhow, at the beginning of our appointment I handed him a pack of giant pumpkin seed to grow giant pumpkins. This is for you and your family, I said.

 

 

Thanks for responding Deadsoul, but an affair seems feasible in the sense that I've become emotionally unavailable now, so if it's kept secret I don't see how anyone could get hurt.

 

 

I mean you have to be prepared for some sadness b/c AP and I will definitely breakup. But, the sadness wouldn't last long, so long as you're ready for it at the beginning.

 

 

I can't really tell my psych b/c I already signed a paper saying he could communicate with my doc.

Edited May 16, 2017 by ja123

[deadsoul]

I guess my post got moved to the other woman section from general.

 

 

Anyhow, I saw my doc last Thursday. My feelings are changing and he's definitely giving me the cold sholder now, as he offered a script and told me to come back in 6 weeks. This is very unlike him - he usually wants to see me every 1-2 weeks and it was I who extended the visits to a month.

 

 

Anyhow, at the beginning of our appointment I handed him a pack of giant pumpkin seed to grow giant pumpkins. This is for you and your family, I said.

 

 

Thanks for responding Deadsoul, but an affair seems feasible in the sense that I've become emotionally unavailable now, so if it's kept secret I don't see how anyone could get hurt.

 

 

I mean you have to be prepared for some sadness b/c AP and I will definitely breakup. But, the sadness wouldn't last long, so long as you're ready for it at the beginning.

 

 

I can't really tell my psych b/c I already signed a paper saying he could communicate with my doc.

 

You will not be emotionally unavailable. You can tell yourself that all day. But you will become attached. And the "if it's kept a secret..." part....? You're better than that. You don't want to take that risk.

 

You are at that crucial point where you could step away from this and this may be the point you look back on some day and wish you took a different path.

 

I wish you luck, OP. It sounds like you have it all figured out.

[BaileyB]

Your doctor will never have a personal relationship with you because he would lose his license to practice medicine. A personal relationship with a patient would undeniably be against the code of ethics.

 

Not going to happen because he would lose his ability to practice medicine - nevermind the fact that he is married. If you were my patient, I would be encouraging you to find another doctor because your professional relationship is very unhealthy.

 

You really should move on. I wish you luck as you work with your psychiatrist to focus on your own mental health and the issues you are dealing with in your life.

Edited May 16, 2017 by BaileyB

[Quiet Storms]

I agree with what has been posted so far. He does not want to have an affair with you, and even if he did, he would not do it as it would ruin his career. You are fantasizing and it's not real.

 

Please get some mental health care. You do need it.

 

I'm a physician, and in my case, I can assure you that after 30+ years of practicing, this doesn't happen. No one who cares about their career would let it happen. If people in this profession wanted to have an affair, there are a million-plus others available to them -- they do not have to resort to their patient population, and they never would. It would be like committing suicide.

[herodgrant]

I'm sorry, but you're coming across as quite delusional and out of touch with reality. You think he has a shoe/foot fetish because he mentioned your shoes once? Come on. And where did you get the idea he was turned on by supposedly hearing of you having risky sex? This is crazy and you need help.

[herodgrant]

And why did you call him Pygmalion? I've read the play but I have no idea what you mean. It's just too odd.

[ja123]

You will not be emotionally unavailable. You can tell yourself that all day. But you will become attached. And the "if it's kept a secret..." part....? You're better than that. You don't want to take that risk.

 

You are at that crucial point where you could step away from this and this may be the point you look back on some day and wish you took a different path.

 

I wish you luck, OP. It sounds like you have it all figured out.

 

You are right, Deadsoul .. I become emotionally involved.

[ja123]

Your doctor will never have a personal relationship with you because he would lose his license to practice medicine. A personal relationship with a patient would undeniably be against the code of ethics.

 

Not going to happen because he would lose his ability to practice medicine - nevermind the fact that he is married. If you were my patient, I would be encouraging you to find another doctor because your professional relationship is very unhealthy.

 

You really should move on. I wish you luck as you work with your psychiatrist to focus on your own mental health and the issues you are dealing with in your life.

 

I am looking for a new family doctor ... I might have to see him one more time, but I don't want to have a professional relationship or a personal one with him ... I've seen the light.

[ja123]

I agree with what has been posted so far. He does not want to have an affair with you, and even if he did, he would not do it as it would ruin his career. You are fantasizing and it's not real.

 

Please get some mental health care. You do need it.

 

I'm a physician, and in my case, I can assure you that after 30+ years of practicing, this doesn't happen. No one who cares about their career would let it happen. If people in this profession wanted to have an affair, there are a million-plus others available to them -- they do not have to resort to their patient population, and they never would. It would be like committing suicide.

 

Thank for the feedback ... please read above post to Bailey.