KaloKali70 Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years. We’ve been doing long distance for a year now since he accepted a temporary position abroad. We have been making it work since we always communicate and he is able to travel back home five times a year. He has 1.5 years left on his assignment. We broke up in August after fighting about not spending enough time with each other when we’re physically together. We had been apart for a month and a half and had not spoken to each other in that period. Then he reached out to me and we slowly started talking again. For the past month, we had been texting and calling each other every day. He said he would be in town soon—and he is at the moment. Yesterday, we met hoping to rekindle things, but on the verge of getting intimate with him, he confessed he has been seeing another woman during our break, someone over there. They slept together a few times. He told me everything—how they met, how long they were together (just days right after we broke up). I asked if he loved her—he said no. As of now, he technically hasn’t broken up with her yet, so he resisted from continuing. He didn’t want to have two women at the same time. I had mixed feelings—I was feeling both rejected by him but somehow ok that he wanted to do right by her and call it off first before we really got back together. He broke down and apologized and said he was “weak” at that time and that's why he ran to her. He had been going through a lot of stress from work plus a health issue and our break up. On top of that, he hasn’t managed to make any real friends there yet. I also understand that we weren’t technically together at that time, so I can’t hold anything against him. But now I am worried. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing and where we stand. Of course I still love him and would love to continue a relationship, but I know we have a lot of work ahead in rebuilding. I am scared—does he have feelings for her because of the emotional outlet she provided in that difficult time? From his perspective, would it be easier to continue on with this new and convenient relationship as opposed to going back to an old one that needs work and with me thousands of miles away? I feel badly that I couldn’t be there for him and he had to go to her. And just maybe, he is sorry for the stress he put me through before and would rather let me go (out of love). Last night, he said he wanted to break it off with her before restarting anything with me. But I have fears—what if he changes his mind? What if he picks her because she’s there, it’s convenient, and he needs the companionship? I am not saying I cannot be there for him—we had gotten through so much with each other by our sides. It’s a sticky situation now. It’s really up to him now, but should I make it easier for him and let him go and pursue this new relationship? Also, I don't think we could be just friends after this. If he chooses her, it would really be the end of anything between us. Edited November 21, 2016 by KaloKali70 Link to post Share on other sites
ElizabethIII Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 He has had sex with another woman and you still want to be with him and still love him? You ask whether he will pick you or not. Have some self respect and do not do the "pick me dance." How degrading to sit around wondering how to get a guy who has cheated on you, to choose you. You choose to end it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted November 21, 2016 Share Posted November 21, 2016 He doesn't deserve you, and you deserve better than him. Please don't let people treat you badly. It's never worth it. Take care. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 I think you should choose someone else. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
xyz12345 Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 As someone who was recently in a similar situation please take the advice others are giving you. Move on. It's hard. But he has shown his true self. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Kelley Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 I have been there trust me, and the best decision I ever made was walking away. I put myself first and let him choose the woman he cheated on me with! Guess what when I had moved on he tried crawling back, but the door remained closed. Anyone that can cheat on someone they claim to love is a scumbag and they only love themselves. You loved him enough not to cheat on him, sleep with someone else, he doesn't love you period. Wake up and see you are letting a scumbag decide if he wants you! You should be saying I choose myself, I will heal and do better than a cheating scumbag like you! Link to post Share on other sites
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