Can this be fixed? Can we reconcile?

[EmbarrassedToBeHere]

Hi Everyone. I'm new here and could really use advice. I also posted this in the breakups message board...

 

I started talking to a guy in October. I had seen him online (okcupid) a few times over the last year, I was always too shy to send him a message because I thought maybe I wasn't his type. One night, while I was at dinner with a friend, she decided to swipe right on him. Turned out, he had swiped right on me as well, and he sent me a message that same night.

 

We texted and talked on the phone for about a week, before we set up our first date. Our first date was very comfortable, though I was extremely nervous. We kissed good night and I thought he was the last person I was ever going to kiss.

 

We dated for about six-weeks before he told me that it was not going to work out for him. He is in school full time and also works full-time. We talked every day, and saw each other at least once a week. We talked about meeting each other's families at Thanksgiving and we made plans well into January 2017. He said that he started to feel smothered by my texting habits - As soon as I felt him pull away (he was stressed with school and I think pulling away was his coping mechanism because he had mentioned that he does not know how to express what he's feeling when he's stressed), my reaction and instinct was to come on stronger. The less he replied, the more I texted him. He had asked me to be patient with until he was done with finals in December, and said that once Finals were over, he wanted us to spend more time together. But, him pulling away freaked me out.

 

On the sunday night that he ended things, I called him once, I texted him four times, and sent him both a facebook message and a snapchat message (because I wanted to see if he was looking), all within 30 minutes. He called me and said that it wasn't going to work for him because that kind of communication made him feel really uncomfortable. He then unfriended me on Facebook and asked me to respect his wishes; I haven't spoken to him since (nor have I tried). Also, I should add that as soon as he hung up, he unfriended me on Facebook. He's 33 and I'm 32...

 

It's been a week and I can't stop thinking about him. Is there any way to fix this? Can I text him and hope for a miraculous change of heart? Or should I cut my losses and move on?

[Brian03]

Your situation sounds very similar to mine. You think everything is going your way and then you feel your plans slipping away.

 

It really only takes a minute or so to send a text to someone and it is annoying when someone want reply, when they had been replying earlier.

 

I would go by the strategy ignore. He may have a change of heart, but wait for him to contact you. He will regret his decision, if he feels that you belong together. Yes, I know it hurts, but continue to enjoy your life and seek some new hobbies, meet other people.

 

. I think texting again would probably scare him even more. All you can do is see if he has a change of heart.

 

I wish you all the best, we can get through this!

[nightfox]

To be honest, I think that this was a really short relationship for him to act as

 

distant as he has. I truly think that there is something else at play here. I

 

mean, why unfriend you on Facebook? Either he's trying to say that you bother

 

him that much or doesn't want you to know something else is going on. I

 

wouldn't worry about reconciling with him, if I were you. This sounds very fishy. He does not sound like someone who is worthy of

 

your pursuit.

 

 

Like the previous poster said, take your mind off of him. Surround yourself with

 

family/friends, do old/new hobbies---anything; just occupy yourself and stay

 

busy. When the right person comes along, you won't have to wonder what/how

 

they feel and you won't have to beg for their attention, either.

Edited November 25, 2016 by nightfox

[Satu]

No matter what you might think, this is not the right man for you.

 

You're not a good match.

 

So you should let him go, and be open to meeting someone else; someone who is a good match for you.

 

 

Take care.

[NopeNah]

No..There's no amount of texting you can do after someone says they feel smothered and you continue to smother. Best to accept it as over and get on with things.

[Corda1983]

I think the only thing you can do is let it go, move on and if he comes back to you after December go from there.

 

When people pull away, you should do the same. It's hard, I know, but if someone is unsure or not feeling it no amount of texting/calling will change that, particularly not in the first few weeks or months. If there is anything there, he will come back. Otherwise, it's best to just focus on yourself and move forward.