Bromeo is bitter and used up.

[Bromeo]

I posted my saga in the breaking up forum, but I need to drop this here so I don't send it via email to her.

 

"Remember breaking into my home, twice? After I asked you just to call me before getting your things so we could talk?

 

Remember the emails, calls, texts, gifts, poetry, and voicemail karaoke that you ignored?

 

Remember when I fought for months for us to reconcile, and you couldn't tell me you were seeing someone, let me go, or just communicate clearly with me at all?

 

Remember coming over to get the birthday diamond bracelet, making love to me, telling me you loved me, and then disappearing afterwards?

 

Remember when I came to see you that last Monday (Today) after a month, and poured my heart out, and you made fun of me to your loser bar patrons? Yeah, I heard you. "He's my ex, he's Gotta go!" And I still told you I'd marry you and have children. You told me I looked handsome, agreed to meet up later, and stood me up.

 

Do you use the phone that you stuffed me with a 500 dollar bill to call him on?

 

Did you use the gift certificates I bought you for your hair and nails to look pretty for him?

 

Do you share coffee in our mermaid mugs?

 

Do you wear the dresses and shoes I bought you to go out with him?

 

You may get married, and have children, and one day you will look back and regret how you acted towards me. Then again, you might not.

 

I will hurt now, grieve later, forgive much later, never forget, and never regret.

 

Yeah, right now I'm bitter. Real bitter. Tomorrow and each day after I'll get better, little by little.

[BAcK]

Whatever you do, do not send it to her. Having been in a similar situation myself, this is the worst you can do. It's good you vented it all on this forum. I once sent a similar text to my ex and i regret it to date. If only at that point in time, when she broke up with me, had i responded with a simple 'ok and goodluck' i would have kept my dignity. Do not fall in the vicious trap of trying to make her feel guilty. Nothing we do or say can make them change their minds.

Edited November 22, 2016 by BAcK

[Bromeo]

Thanks, this is what I did send:

 

After sleeping on it, I wanted to let you know that I had no idea you were seeing someone. I didn't know until I overheard you making fun of me to the bar patrons, and I would never have tried to impact that if I knew before showing up in the lions den.

 

Corey Wayne wrote: "You must love in way that the person you love feels free." I didn't understand this, and looking back did the opposite. I am living by this now.

 

I hope your future works out and makes you happy. I forgive you and myself for what happened between us, and although we could still feel our bond, I respect your decision. Believe me, I was just as confused as you. Loving you, yet scared to be rejected again.

 

My personal education includes patient acceptance, unconditional honesty, daily forgiveness, clear communication, and the power of letting go. I've spent the entire last month reading, reflecting, journaling, and making positive changes in my life. It is ironic and regretful that I cannot show you those, provide safety and security, and work to regain your trust.

 

Don't fault me for trying one last time, I loved you more than anyone else I've ever known. All I can be is a man who fiercely loved a mermaid.

 

Finally, the Brazilian poet Mario Quintana wrote:

 

"Do not waste your time chasing butterflies. Mend your garden and let the butterflies come to you."

 

I am mending my garden. Take care.

[keiji]

Thanks, this is what I did send:

 

After sleeping on it, I wanted to let you know that I had no idea you were seeing someone. I didn't know until I overheard you making fun of me to the bar patrons, and I would never have tried to impact that if I knew before showing up in the lions den.

 

Corey Wayne wrote: "You must love in way that the person you love feels free." I didn't understand this, and looking back did the opposite. I am living by this now.

 

I hope your future works out and makes you happy. I forgive you and myself for what happened between us, and although we could still feel our bond, I respect your decision. Believe me, I was just as confused as you. Loving you, yet scared to be rejected again.

 

My personal education includes patient acceptance, unconditional honesty, daily forgiveness, clear communication, and the power of letting go. I've spent the entire last month reading, reflecting, journaling, and making positive changes in my life. It is ironic and regretful that I cannot show you those, provide safety and security, and work to regain your trust.

 

Don't fault me for trying one last time, I loved you more than anyone else I've ever known. All I can be is a man who fiercely loved a mermaid.

 

Finally, the Brazilian poet Mario Quintana wrote:

 

"Do not waste your time chasing butterflies. Mend your garden and let the butterflies come to you."

 

I am mending my garden. Take care.

 

I think it would have been better not to send that, but now it's done. Please, leave it at that and carry on. Deep down, even if you're not aware of it, you're expecting a reaction, hoping that she feels guilty and rethinks the whole situation, but most of the time it doesn't happen, and even if it did, she's not beneficial to you at all. You sound like a nice guy. She doesn't.

 

I read your story in your original thread and the conclusion reminds me of my ex-wife's behavior, including the final mockery; in my case, I passed by her and the guy she cheated on me with and I overheard her say, "look, that's XXX", and she laughed. That's unforgivable and it hurts like hell. Someone who ridicules you after having lied and left you overnight instead of feeling guilt and compassion doesn't deserve you.

[Cheryl11111111111111]

I like this post. For me, the break up resurfaced a lot of unaddressed issues I had in the past. I think that's why I broke down the way I did. I look back, at my entire life, I thought I was doing okay and even at my best people would say I was off the rails. I think I spent my entire life surviving and getting by and I had no clue what goals or ambition was. I wanted things, I just accepted that wasn't for me. After a series of rejection, other options and being the last one picked sort of speak, I just said I am not meant for that. Something happened to me and I lost all sense of reality, but it probably was the best thing that happened to me. As I work through the next few years, I will like talking to me a lot more then I did prior to this all!

[Bromeo]

All, thank you for your kind words.

 

It has certainly been a couple hard months. I've experienced a ton of personal growth in the past four weeks. From reading, writing, reflecting, watching tons of Corey Wayne (my man), and making changes. I adopted the AA policy of brutal honesty, and have found that trust in my interpersonal relationships has improved.

 

Additionally, I have learned patience, that some days are better than others, to not force things (which I kind of did), and not to venture out until fully healed.

 

By contrast, she went and dated another man, admitted he was not anywhere as good as or better than me, made fun of him to my face, went and made fun of me, stood me up, said she was confused, told me I looked handsome, and generally acted like an immature drama queen.

 

This could have all been avoided with clear communication, which I gave, and was not returned.

 

Thanks for all the support, kindness, and opinions are always welcome.

 

Dave

[sorano]

bro, that was solid. I can relate.

[Bromeo]

Gents and ladies,

 

Thank you for your unconditional support. After many beers and long conversations, my support circle and I concluded that dating outside of your "class" or "caste" tends to be problematic.

 

Example

 

1. I dated a young lady who made 2-3 million a year as a senior partner. She tried to buy me, and it made me feel uncomfortable to the point I let her down easy. Trips to private tailors, first class trips to NYC, etc. it was too much.

 

2. The subject of this thread (let's call her emotionally immature and messed up, or "crazy" for short) makes very little money as a small town bartender. She would tell me how insecure I made her just by being me, and yet most likely feels very comfortable dating the small town union guy. I tried to help her start a business, go to school for accounting, and engage in positive hobbies that did not include drugs.

 

3. I have felt most comfortable dating in my peer group, advanced degrees, good jobs, and similar age. Crazy and I met online, where all bad relationships start, and our physical chemistry overcame the red flags above.

 

We see how that went down. Lol

 

I'm always interested in opinions. This forum has some amazing viewpoints.