About to leave...my story

[justjen]

I'm new here so I thought I'd post my story to see if I could get some insight and advice. My H and I have been married for 7 yrs. We were married at age 19. When my parents found out we were living together they flipped out and demanded we get married ASAP. We struggled through the years. For our 1 yr anniversary my husband didn't get me a thing. He didn't even bring home a card. We didn't have a lot of money, but I at least got him a card. I was very hurt by that.

 

After that happened, a few months later I ran into an ex one night when I was out with some friends. He was telling me how he still loved me and so on. I had a weak moment and we kissed. I felt really bad about it, so I told my H what had happened. I told him how sorry I was. He let me know that I'd betrayed him etc. I fell into a horrible depression. I could hardly get myself out of bed in the mornings. I hated myself for what I did. He told me he'd never forgive me for what I'd done and still says that to this day.

 

He came to me one night and told me he didn't love me anymore. I was in the pits of depression and I know I wasn't easy to live with. I was a mess. Then that on top of everything was really hard to take. I left that night. I stayed at my parents' house. I called him that night because I couldn't sleep. He told me he wanted me to come home. He did love me and he was sorry. I went back the next day. I started going to a business college soon after and I graduated. That gave me a little self-esteem back at least.

 

We had a daughter in 2002. Things were okay for a little while after that. He still wouldn't talk to me about anything though. We had no communication in our relationship. I tried to talk to him about that. I told him I felt alone. I need affection and I needed communication. I was a stay-at-home mom and had no adult interaction.

 

Recently things took a turn for the worst. I decided to work on myself and maybe he'd see my improvements and be inspired to do the same. I started working out and getting fit. I actually started to like myself again. I also thought that maybe if I were more attractive, somehow it would make him care about me or value me more. Well, that didn't happen. Things have continued to go down the tubes. I asked him to try counseling with me but he said and i quote, "Why the hell would I talk to a counselor when I won't even talk to you".

 

I told him a month ago I was thinking of leaving for a little while to get some space. I was hoping it would make him see what he had. Maybe we're both just taking one another for granted. I don't really know. Then my family convinced me to stay and try harder. I've stayed an extra month with him. Things are exactly the same as they were a month ago. I told him on Sunday that I would be moving out the following Saturday. He said he'd help me move. That's where we are at the moment. I'm leaving Saturday. I have the support of a few friends. That'll help a lot. I'm moving 3 hours away with our daughter to stay with my dad. I've promised myself that I'll at least give it a month there. I feel like I've given him so many ultimatums in the past and not followed through. He doesn't even believe me at all when I say I'm going. He won't believe it until he sees it with his own eyes.

 

I'm scared and stressed out. I've never done anything like this before and I certainly never thought I'd be in this position. I wish things didn't have to be this way.

[Leah]

Jen

 

"...It is too bad things have worked out this way, but it almost sounds like he was looking for an excuse ... something to hang over your head. Of course since I dont know all the facts I can't say this for sure..."

 

It's clear that you are a good person and try to be honest in your actions. You show this in the remorse you felt for the brief encounter with your ex boyfriend and subsequent kiss.

 

Sounds like things have really been stressed though even prior to this ... financially, which can cause EVERYTHING ELSE to get stressful.

 

"...We had a daughter in 2002. Things were okay for a little while after that. He still wouldn't talk to me about anything though. We had no communication in our relationship. I tried to talk to him about that. I told him I felt alone. I need affection and I needed communication...."

 

Communication can be a real problem with alot of men. They do NOT communicate in the same way that we do. They clam up, become surley and rude. My older brother, younger brother, and my son are all the very same. My boss's son is giving her fits for this very same reason .... communication issues !!

 

You've done quite a bit of self improvement it seems. You've furthered your education and try to work on your appearance, and that is wonderful !! Unfortunately, for some men ... it's like nothing you do is ever right.

 

I think this being the case, you may well be better off on your own for awhile. You certainly deserve a better life than what's being given to you right now, regardless of whether you provide it for yourself or you meet a new partner.

 

But when you do get out again to date or to meet people ... online or whereever you decide to meet them, make sure you find a man with whom you have shared commonalities and that your man is a COMMUNICATOR !! If they don't meet all of YOUR criteria, then dont pursue them.

 

As far as the problem at hand, all you can do is keep your cool and when Saturday comes gather your things and leave. I think it's probably of the utmost importance that you dont lose your cool and in this way it may cause him to stop and think ..."hmmm, what am I doing letting her go "

 

It may not happen the day you leave, but your behaviour will leave an impression that will stay with him and help to pattern all future thoughts he'll be thinking of you, so no matter what, just keep the cool.

 

Good luck to you.

[smile95]

Sometimes people need a little space. maybe you leaving a while will make him see what he really feels for you. If you really go, he will know you mean business. I wish you luck. I know how hard it is to not be able to communicate with your SO.

[justjen]

Thank you so much for the advice on keeping my cool when I'm leaving Leah. I think that's going to help a lot.

 

Thanks to you too Beth for the kind words.

[TUDOR]

Jen, sounds like you are in a tough place but I am having trouble seeing if leaving and a divorce are what YOU want. Almost sounds like you are trying to get his attention or prove that you will in fact leave if things don't change. Let's say the time apart causes him to miss you and fear loosing you and he tries to make changes....will that be enough for you? Or will it be a matter of too little too late? Don't mean to put you on the spot but some times leaving to get the changes you want give off the wrong vibe. He may think it is you that wants the divorce and wants out of the marriage when in fact you don't, you just want him to change and make an effort but he will just let you leave. Does that make sense?

 

If you truly want out then by all means do what you have to do. But if you still love this man and still willing to fight for your marriage then say that and do it. The only way to truly walk away from a marriage and be able to move on is knowing your exhausted all options and attempts to save it. The last thing you need is "what ifs" when the smoke clears to mess with your head. Just make sure of what you want before you do anything drastic.

[justjen]

Originally posted by TUDOR

Jen, sounds like you are in a tough place but I am having trouble seeing if leaving and a divorce are what YOU want. Almost sounds like you are trying to get his attention or prove that you will in fact leave if things don't change. Let's say the time apart causes him to miss you and fear loosing you and he tries to make changes....will that be enough for you? Or will it be a matter of too little too late? Don't mean to put you on the spot but some times leaving to get the changes you want give off the wrong vibe. He may think it is you that wants the divorce and wants out of the marriage when in fact you don't, you just want him to change and make an effort but he will just let you leave. Does that make sense?

 

If you truly want out then by all means do what you have to do. But if you still love this man and still willing to fight for your marriage then say that and do it. The only way to truly walk away from a marriage and be able to move on is knowing your exhausted all options and attempts to save it. The last thing you need is "what ifs" when the smoke clears to mess with your head. Just make sure of what you want before you do anything drastic.

 

Wow, you don't know how many times I've thought about exactly what you're saying. I have exhausted all my options I believe. I've been talk, talk, talking my head off about this with him. It never seems to matter. I told him this is not what I want. I wish it wasn't like this. I've also asked for counseling, but he won't go for that either. I really feel like this is my last option. I simply can't live like this anymore.

 

I do love him. He says he loves me. I'm tired of sacrificing my own happiness just to hold things together. I feel that I've done my work here and he's not given anything in return. Like I mentioned in my post, I feel so alone. I wish he'd just wake up and see what he's throwing away. But you can't change a person, they have to do that themselves. I know so far that he doesn't want to change.

 

Honestly...I don't know if it's too late or not. If he was to make these changes, it would take a lot of action on his part. He's told me time and again that he'd "work on it". I've never seen that actually happen. I simply don't believe him anymore. I think after I leave things will become more clear. That's my hope anyway.

[Leah]

if you still love this man and still willing to fight for your marriage then say that and do it. The only way to truly walk away from a marriage and be able to move on is knowing your exhausted all options and attempts to save it.

 

Sometimes we act, not because of what WE want, but because of what another wants.

 

Obviously, her spouse is having issues, and it sounds like, in this case, she's tried in a multitude of ways to please him but he is NOT going to be pleased.

 

That makes a statement to me.... and in light of his reluctance to co-operate with her efforts, she is going to be doing more harm than good if she stays and keeps on trying. He will only become more hostile and defensive.

 

She'd be better served to stop right now and give him what he wants, or what he THINKS he wants. He'll be more likely to come around if he isnt pressured, if he's going to "come around" at all.

 

When he does, she may find that SHE is the one who made the mistake with him.

[Lil Honey]

I agree with Tudor. Be sure this is what you "want" or need to do. You left once and came back when he said he was sorry, but he wasn't sorry enough to change, so leaving didn't accomplish what you had hoped. Now, you say that you will give it a month at your Dad's. Then what? Do you have a plan? Are you anticipating that hubby will ask you back? What if he doesn't? Is "giving it a month" another "threat" to "show him"? I'm not trying to be harsh, but if he thinks that all you are doing is giving empty threats, he will most likely think, as you are leaving, that you aren't serious and that you will be back.

 

Originally posted by justjen

I'm scared and stressed out. I've never done anything like this before and I certainly never thought I'd be in this position. I wish things didn't have to be this way.

 

I was married 24 years. Most of that time I spent scared and stressed out just thinking about how unhappy I was, how I would have to end it, and how I would get the nerve to do it. No one who takes their vows seriously thinks that they will be in this position and certainly everyone going through a divorce wishes it was different. Somehow you have to decide if leaving is really what is best for you. Have everything planned out, including realizing that you will be alone. At the same time, remember that being married can feel very lonely, too.

 

lil more happy

[Lil Honey]

A couple more things:

 

AGES ago, I read an Ann Landers column about a person considering leaving his/her spouse. I can remember Ann Landers' response like I had read it yesterday. She said that you have to take stock of your feelings. You have to decide if your life will be better/happier without him than with him. Strange how later on, I needed this response to help direct me . . .

 

It took me a looooong time to decide this. I think I was happy with kids around, but I had to think about how I would feel when they left.

 

Everyone is scared. You will know what you need to do when you can FEEL that you will be happier in one place than the other. If leaving is what you decide to do, it isn't easy, but your courage will build when you get so tired of being "this way".

[Leah]

I read an Ann Landers column about a person considering leaving his/her spouse. I can remember Ann Landers' response like I had read it yesterday. She said that you have to take stock of your feelings. You have to decide if your life will be better/happier without him than with him.

 

I wonder if person was considering leaving her spouse or if this was a person whose spouse wants her to consider leaving him

 

You know, there is a big difference ladies !!

 

If Jen has the option to simply consider whether or not she wishes to stay, then wonderful ... more power to her.

 

However, I think the point is this :

 

No matter what Jen does, this man is making it clear that HE does not want to continue the marriage, therefore, Amy would not have the option of simply deciding "well, do I really want to leave him?" ... he's already made that decision for her.

[justjen]

Originally posted by Lil Honey

I agree with Tudor. Be sure this is what you "want" or need to do. You left once and came back when he said he was sorry, but he wasn't sorry enough to change, so leaving didn't accomplish what you had hoped. Now, you say that you will give it a month at your Dad's. Then what? Do you have a plan? Are you anticipating that hubby will ask you back? What if he doesn't? Is "giving it a month" another "threat" to "show him"? I'm not trying to be harsh, but if he thinks that all you are doing is giving empty threats, he will most likely think, as you are leaving, that you aren't serious and that you will be back.

 

What I meant by "giving it a month" was that even if he begs me to come back, I'll give myself at the very least a month to be on my own. I feel that I had to promise this to myself so I wouldn't be tempted to come running back the second he says he's sorry.

 

I totally agree with the "empty threats" comment. That's why this time I'm leaving and not talking to my family about it until after I'm moved in with my dad. They talked me out of going last time, which made for another "empty threat". I don't know if moving out will help him get his butt in gear or not. But I'm sure it'll give me the space and time away that I need to figure out what I want.

 

Thank y'all for your advice. It's really helping me to hear others perspectives.

[justjen]

Well I've almost made it through my first week out on my own. Adjusting to the new town and job has been a challenge for both myself and my daughter. I feel fine during the day. In the evenings though, I've been feeling sick at my stomach. My dad says he thinks it's just stress. I notice I always get a headache right around that time too.

 

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I was just wondering if I was normal or a freak of nature. haha Maybe it's the thought of putting my daughter to bed and then going to bed alone that's stressing me out. I don't really know.

 

The important thing is that I've survived the first week. At the beginning of it, I wasn't sure if I would. I haven't missed my H much either. I was wondering if that's normal too. I mean...maybe I've been so busy that I haven't had a chance to. I thought after I left I'd be sitting here pining away for him. That's not been the case yet. He's called twice a day everyday. He said this week has been the longest week he's ever had in his life. I didn't tell him, but I feel that way too. He was saying it was because he was so bored without us there. I was thinking that because I've been adjusting to a whole new schedule.

 

Anyhow...just wanted to give ya an update and see if anyone else had gone through similar things after they left. Take care.--Jen

[stratman]

Hi Jen,

 

It sounds like you are actually doing very well.

 

 

I've been out of the house now for about 5 weeks. And like you, I don't really miss my spouse.

 

 

However, I have noticed that I've been MUCH more emotional since I left. And I'm not sleeping really well yet. Similar to you. But it IS getting easier. I'm starting to think about things that I would like to do that I couldn't before. I'm starting to enjoy my own company - I don't feel like I have to have someone with me.

 

And you have your daughter to keep you level.

 

 

For whatever it's worth, I honestly believe that if you're not happy, and if you're not stiving to become happy, then all you're doing is hanging out until you die.

 

 

So I applaud you. Be well, Jen.

 

Dave

[justjen]

Originally posted by stratman

Hi Jen,

 

It sounds like you are actually doing very well.

 

 

I've been out of the house now for about 5 weeks. And like you, I don't really miss my spouse.

 

 

However, I have noticed that I've been MUCH more emotional since I left. And I'm not sleeping really well yet. Similar to you. But it IS getting easier. I'm starting to think about things that I would like to do that I couldn't before. I'm starting to enjoy my own company - I don't feel like I have to have someone with me.

 

And you have your daughter to keep you level.

 

 

For whatever it's worth, I honestly believe that if you're not happy, and if you're not stiving to become happy, then all you're doing is hanging out until you die.

 

 

So I applaud you. Be well, Jen.

 

Dave

 

Thank you Dave. I hope things continue to go well for you. I met my H for lunch when I took my daughter to see him. I was surprised that I didn't have any emotions come up during this meeting. I don't really understand why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling. Like I stated before...I expected to be an emotional mess without him. That hasn't been the case yet.

 

I totally agree with your statement about happiness. Take care.--Jen

[Sal Paradise]

You cheated on him. Some people can't forgive that (I know I can't forgive infidelity). My advice is to move on.

[wannanewlife31]

Found out almost 2 years ago my husband was doing porn on internet and burnt cds since high school. How I found out was horrible.

 

When I met my husband I was not as wild as I was when I was younger I am now 32 I traveled a lot with my job and I just enjoyed finally a single life and was very happy with myself and where I was in my life. I then got a call from my mother and father (which I regret listening to) but she went on and on about how she was worried I was not going to be with men anymore and blah blah. To pray for a husband (she is not even religious) but anyway I met my husband the next day (did my mothers phone call had something to do with it?) I will never know

 

 

I met my husband and fell in love with the sweet man I thought to know and well lets just say I was not a prude and not afraid to show wild side of me. But one day I was cleaning up for him just what you do I guess when you are in love and I found a box full of porn , I was like well I never saw a box full that’s a lot and well I said that’s strange but at the same time I was not taken aback (does this make sense?) so anyway I said something to him in a joking manner and he said that he adopted the box from his Fraternity and that when he left that year he was the one to take the box (sounded good at the time) So anyway I was changing jobs after sept 11th and we were dating for a while and I moved in with him you can say but still had my own place we were getting serious. I found a job that was near our places and I forgot something at his place and had to run back upstairs before leaving for the new job. I then opened the door to hear the noises you hear in porn. I was in shock why? maybe because the box and then seeing him at 8 am and doing you know what to porn was just to much for me at that point and was not used to that extreme of a behavior but I will tell you the truth and the truth is I did not even think my lord what is he doing I was thinking well "I HAVE BEEN UNDER SO MUCH STRESS FINDING A NEW JOB DUE TO ME NOT WANTING TO TRAVEL SO MUCH SEPT 11TTH HAPPENED AND I LOST MY UNCLE AND COUSIN AND I JUST THOUGHT WELL I HAVE NO SEX DRIVE SO MAYBE HE NEEDS SOME"

 

 

 

Well in a million years I would never have thought I would have thought that way. Well that happened twice. Then I saw something like a website opened after that after marriage and I was pregnant but then I never saw anything again for awhile.

 

I Then found out about some debt prior to getting married forgot that one and he just said he partied a lot during college and was paying it off so he was had a great job so what business of it was mine he was paying it. I just wanted to make sure he was paying for it to get into to much of why I was not there yet I did not need to know since I did not know he had a problem.

 

I guess later on something was really pulling at me maybe call it intuition or maybe call it something is wrong. He was traveling like 5 days out of the week. He was acting weird. I was sop upset that he was gone for so long and I just had enough I started fights I was pissed and I was a tough ass and I was angry ( by the way I fail to tell you sooner that he had a freak for a mother and weirdo for a father and he was just plain weird family was driving me nuts) so I had a lot of stress with his mother and I finally gave him the last straw if he was to stick around he had to do something about his mother. So I assumed that the stress I was feeling for awhile was due to the stress him family was putting us through.

 

We went to therapy and I brought up the porno and then he sort of manipulated the whole thing and then the therapist thought he had low self esteem and that he needed more organization in his life so she thought her partner was great for this and she was sending him to see her for this problem. Well Mr. boy next door was able to find some sort of tie with this women (by the way my husband is a great liar and he looks like a teddy bear and manipulates you to think he does nothing wrong) so she finds out his dad drank for 20 something years and he is sober now and sees her in him because her father drank and so she takes his side and when we sat in a room all together began attacking me in the room and then told Steve I was crazy.

 

So he said to me well she thinks you’re crazy. So I said that’s fine. I then went nuts since I was told I was I lost my mind I just could not take it anymore I said something is just wrong so I found another therapist and she heard me and said have you heard of Sex addiction?

 

I said what? So she explained it to me I just listened and thought about it. I went to his lap top since he says he can’t use his lap top due to his job I just thought I would not find anything. I did he was at a bbq in our neighborhood block party type of thing.

 

I stayed home due to being crazy (joking) I just did not want to go out. So I found all this crap and I called him. I said come home I then told him what I found he said that was old he was cleaning the computer memory well I said I was not going to fight him at this moment. I went back to therapy told her and she set me straight. Things got bad. I just lost it. I went to Atlanta with him and my son my son was 1 year old at the time. I was really sick I just felt so much stress but I had pains in my lower belly. We were driving back from Atlanta and I said I have to go to the urgent care something is wrong with me.

 

I then said well I don’t have my cell phone and I speak to my mother everyday (I am an only child ) so I saw there was messages I checked it just in case she called and this women said hello Stephen this is so and so and the check you gave me bounced. So he said let me hear and he erased it but let me tell you that I don’t know what the hell I was thinking I just said who was that but I was in so much pain I just cant remember why I did not go after him so more about it at the time. I then went to the Dr and I had a severe OBGYN infection had to get antibiotics.

 

I went to the hospital before this trip and they did a test on me and it supposal came back positive for an STD I freaked out and I found that out when I got back and I was like what the hell is going on . So with all that I got home from being tested again and they said that was negative but I had this and that and that was so high up in my fallopian tubes that I probably would have trouble having children. That day I came home and my husband was not home as of yet he was stuck at the airport coming from Mexico on a trip. I then said on the cell phone he needed to get his a& (& (& home or else.

 

So there he was at the steps of my staircase and he broke down to tell me that he went to strip bars and took out a book on sex addiction that his father gave him when he left his home after college and I just went number after that I stopped listening and I just fell apart inside but was numb I did not cry or yell I just went upstairs to my office and I just looked at all my photos and thought that it all was a lie.

 

He told me he thought the girl that was a stripper gave him something due to the fact she had no underwear on. (Don’t think for one moment I believed him) I just thought this guy lost him mind. Boy I know strippers first off they don’t take checks (yes he said that phone call was from a stripper you should have heard the story on that one) then I said you don’t get STD that way.

 

So I said come back to me with the real story and then lets talk so I got the real story he went to massage parlors before I met him and he went once during our marriage ( I cant prove if it was more then once at this point) he then got caught.

 

my life was turned around I thought pastors could help us God could help us ( I don’t think anyone can this is not like drinking you cant smell it on him its not like drugs you cant see if his eyes are dilated) I just lost it I then one night just was to calm and I said to him that he had to leave he said why if I am going to a sex addiction meeting and he threw pants at me and said why don’t you go to a meeting he threw pants at me from upstairs so I said oh no you did not ( so while he was being stupid I took the keys off his key chain) I then called a 24 hour locksmith had the doors lock changed and he came home not being able to get in.

 

He rang the door bell and I finally opened it said you will wake up the baby and he then started to get arrogant and I then said if he did not stop I was calling the cops. So I did and there they are and I said he was trying to get in he told them the WHOLE STORY THEY WERE LIKE YOUR NUTS MAN!

 

I mean it was like an episode from cops I AM A SEX ADDICT I WENT TO MY FIRST MEETING AND BLAH BLAH BLAH they took him away.

 

So he was in jail his dad took him out I was like pissed off why did you let him out? That one I did not forgive for a long time. now with this whole thing happening I really went numb I left for NYC I stopped all credit cards that had my name on it and I closed accounts and made sure he could not use our accounts left him here with hidden money in areas so that if he needed it he could call me and I told him where to find it.

 

I left him alone for thanksgiving through the New Year alone.

 

I made him leave and stay with his friend 1 hour away but 2 hours when driving back and fourth to see our son. I just was not going back but my mom wanted me to try and see what I could save ( nuts ) So I did I tried and he says he has been sober for 1 1/2 years but ( don’t believe him) I don’t have proof just guts telling me.

 

I am planning on leaving him I am checked out emotionally and just looking forward to a new life. I have two kids with him.

 

Anyone have anything to say about this story I left out a lot to much to write.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

found out almost 2 years ago my husband was doing porn on internet and burnt cds since highschool. how i found out was horrible.

 

When i met my husband i was not as wild as i was when i was younger i am now 32 I traveled a lot with my job and i just enjoyed finally a single life and was very happy with myself and where i was in my life. I then got a call from my mother and father ( which i regret listening to) But she went on and on about how she was worried i was not going to be with men anymore and blah blah. To pray for a husband (she is not even religous) but anyway i met my husband the next day (did my mothers phone call had something to do with it ?) i will never know

 

 

I met my husband and fell in love with the sweet man i thought to know and well lets just say i was not a prude and not afraid to show wild side of me. But oneday i was cleaning up for him just what you do i guess when you are in love and i found a box full of porn , i was like well i never saw a box full thats a lot and well i said thats strange but at the same time i was not taken aback (does this make sense?) so anyway i said something to him in a joking manner and he said that he adopted the box from his Faternity and that when he left that year he was the one to take the box (sounded good at the time) So anyway i was changing jobs after sept 11th and we were dating for a while and i moved in with him you can say but still had my own place we were getting serious. i foudn a job that was near our places and i forgot somethign at his place and had to run back upstairs before leaving for the new job. I then opened the door to hear the noises you hear in porn. I was in shock why? maybe because the box and then seeing him at 8 am and doing you know what to porn was just to much for me at that point and iwas not used to that extreme of a behavior but i will tell you the truth and the truth is i did not even think my lord what is he doing i was thinking well "I HAVE BEEN UNDER SO MUCH STRESS FINDING A NEW JOB DUE TO ME NOT WANTING TO TRAVEL SO MUCH SEPT 11TTH HAPPENED AND I LOST MY UNCLE AND COUSIN AND I JUST THOUGHT WELL I HAVE NO SEX DRIVE SO MAYBE HE NEEDS SOME"

 

 

 

Well in a million years I would never have thought i would have thought that way. Well that happened twice. Then i saw something like a websight opened after that after marriage and i was pregnant but then i never saw anything again for awhile.

 

I Then found out about some debt prior to getting married forgot that one and he jsut siad he partied a lot during college and was paying it off so he was had a great job so what business of it was mine he was paying it. I just wanted to make sure he was paying for it to get into to much of why i was not there yet i did not need to knwo since i did not know he had a problem.

 

I guess later on somethign was really pulling at me maybe call it intuition or maybe call it something is wrong. He was travleing like 5 days out of the week. He was acting wierd. I was sop upset that he was gone for so long and i just had enough i started fights i was pissed and i was a tough ass and i was angry ( by the way i fail to tell you sooner that he had a freak for a mother and wierdo for a father and he was just plain wierd family was driving me nuts) so i had a lot of stress with his mother and i finally gave him the last straw if he was to stick around he had to do somethign about his mother. So I assumed that the stress i was feeling for awhile was due to the stress him family was putting us through.

 

We went to therapy and i brought up the porno and then he sort of minipulated the whole thing and then the therapist thought he had low self esteem and that he needed more organization in his life so she thought her partner was great for this and she was sending him to see her for this problem. Well Mr boy next door was able to find some sort of tie with this women ( by the way my husband is a great liar and he looks like a teddy bear and minipluates you to think he does nothing wrong) so she finds out his dad drank for 20 something years and he is sober now and sees her in him becuase her father drank and so she takes his side and when we sat in a room all together began attacking me in the room and then told steve i was crazy.

 

So he said to me well she thinks your crazy. So i said thats fine. I then went nuts since i was told i was i lost my mind i just could not take it anymore i said something is just wrong so i found another therapist and she heard me and said have you heard of Sex addiction?

 

I said what? So she explained it to me i just listened and thought about it. I went tp his lap top since he says he cant use his lap top due to his job i just thought i would not find anything. I did he was at a bbq in our neighborhood block party type of thing.

 

i stayed home due to being crazy ( joking ) i just did not want to go out. So i found all this crap and i called him. I said come home i then told him what i found he said that was old he was cleaning the computer memory well i said i was not going to fight him at this moment. i went back to therapy told her and she set me straight. things got bad. I just lost it. I went to Atlanta with him and my son my sonwas 1 year old at the time. I was really sick i just felt so much stress but i had pains in my lower belly. we were driving back from Atalanta and i said i have to go to the urgent care somethign is wrong with me.

 

I then said well i dont have my cell phone and i speak to my mother everyday (I am an only child ) so i saw there was messages i checked it just in case she called and this wome said hello Stephen this is so and so and the check you gave me bounced. So he said let me hear and he erased it but let me tellyou that i dont knwo what the hell i was thinking i just said who was that but i was in so much pain i just cant remember why i did not go after him so more about it at the time. i then went to the Dr and i had a severe OBGYN infection had to get antibotics.

 

I went to the hospital before this trip and they did a test on me and it supposly came back postive for an STD i freaked out and i found that out when i got back and i was like what the hell is going on . So with all that i got home from being tested again and they said that was negative but i had this and that and that was so high up in my falopin tubes that i probably would have trouble having children. That day i came home and my husband was not home as of yet he was stuck at the airport coming from Mexico on a trip. I then said on the cell phone he needed to get his a&(&(& home or else.

 

So there he was at the steps of my staircase and he broke down to tell me that he went to strip bars and took out a book on sex addiction that his father gave him when he left his home after college and i just went numbe after that i stopped listening and i just fell apart inside but was numb i did not cry or yell i just went upstairs to my office and i just looked at all my photos and thought that it all was a lie.

 

He told me he thought the girl that was a stripper gave him somethign due to the fact she had no underwear on. ( dont think for one moment i believed him) i just thought this guy lost him mind. Boy i know strippers first off they dont take checks(yes he said that phone call was from a stripper you should of heard the story on that one) Then i said you dont get STD that way.

 

So i said come back to me with the real story and then lets talk so i got the real story he went to massage parlors before i met him and he went once during our marriage ( i cant prove if it was more then once at this point) he then got caught.

 

my life was turned around i thought pastors could help us God could help us ( i dont think anyone can this is not like drinking you cant smell it on him its not like drugs you cant see if his eyes are dilated) I jsut lost it i then onenight just was to calm and i said to him that he had to leave he said why if i am going to a sex addiction meeting and he threw pants at me and said why dont you go to a meeting he threw pants at me from upstairs so i said oh no you did not ( so while he was being stupid i took the keys off his key chain) i then called a 24 hour locksmith had the doors lock changed and he came home not being able to get in.

 

He rang the door bell and i finally opened it said you will wake up the baby and he then started to get arrogant and i then said if he did not stop i was calling the cops. So i did and there there they are and i said he was trying to get in he told them the WHOLE STORY THEY WERE LIKE YOUR NUTS MAN!

 

I mean it was like an episode from cops I AM A SEX ADDICT I WENT TO MY FIRST MEETING AND BLAH BLAH BLAH they took him away.

 

So he was in jail his dad took him out i was like pissed off why did you let him out? that one i did not forgive for a long time. now with this whole thing happening i really went numb i left for NYC I stopped all credit cards that had my name on it and i closed accounts and made sure he coudl not use our accounts left him here with hidden money in areas so that if he needed it he coudl call me and i told him where to find it.

 

I left him alone for thanksgiving through the new year alone.

 

I made him leave and stay with his friend 1 hour away but 2 hours when driving back and fourth to see our son. I just was not going back but my mom wanted me to try and see what i could save ( nuts ) So i did i tried and he has supposly been sober for 1 1/2 years but ( dont belive him) i dont have proof just guts telling me.

 

I am planning on leaving him I am checked out emotionally and just looking foward to a new life. I have two kids with him.

 

anyone have anything to say about this story i left out a lot to much to write. I am really wanting to leave has anyone been through this?