LoverofWrestling Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 Now personally, I don't consider flirting to be cheating but I know that other people may see it differently. Within your own relationship, is flirting cheating or not? Or do you feel that it depends on various factors? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 Well "flirting" has quite a broad definition. Are we talking a few more facebook likes than normal, or full on lingering stares, hair twirling, hand holding and thigh stroking? There is a whole spectrum in between. Assuming some kind of mid-level flirting, I would not necessarily call it cheating but it is disrespectful and inappropriate and I would not put up with it. I've never really been one for dictionary definitions so whether it comes under the category of cheating is neither here nor there to me. Human relationships are not black and white, and behaviour can't (and shouldn't) be categorised so broadly. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoverofWrestling Posted November 22, 2016 Author Share Posted November 22, 2016 Pete, I meant flirting as in making what could be seen as flirty comments towards another person rather than anything physical. Both my husband and I still flirt but we never let go beyond that. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 Pete, I meant flirting as in making what could be seen as flirty comments towards another person rather than anything physical. Both my husband and I still flirt but we never let go beyond that. Very few people NEVER have any flirtatious moments or never say a word that could be considered as such. But your comment about never letting it go too far needs some caution. That needs to be followed by never putting yourself in a position of it going too far as well. Saying something that could be construed as flirtatious with your husband present or in a group is a little different than if you are alone at lunch with a man for business. And understand. Probably 95% of people who DO let it go too far would make the statement that " I would never let it get out of hand". And those that do cheat in probably close to the same percentage would make a similar statement. You might want to read a book called ' Not Just Friends". It will explain I think the answers to some of your questions or curiosity 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 You know it is funny... I could care less when my wife flirts but when I overtly flirt she has a problem with it. I guess she is a little insecure and she probably has reason to... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JoeSmith357-1 Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 Now personally, I don't consider flirting to be cheating but I know that other people may see it differently. Within your own relationship, is flirting cheating or not? Or do you feel that it depends on various factors? It depends what EXACTLY you are doing that you think is flirting... Is it salacious texts, sexts, nude text pics to some dude Is it facebook messengers, snapchats, what'sapp or some other covert type communication? Is it ongoing sustained communications with you and someone of the opposite sex? On a daily basis? Multiple times daily? Middle of the night texts, snapchats, messages... Some people, mainly women... have a hard time setting boundaries when it comes to stuff like this. And a harder time admitting it when they not just cross it, but leap past those boundaries into a full blown emotional affair... So you tell us, what do you mean by this?? I like to operate under the assumption that relationships are hard enough without trying to complicate them by doing stupid stuff like this... You aren't in high school anymore, stop the stupid drama, grow up and let your relationship thrive or fail on it's own, don't throw fuel on the fire I have a lot of experience with this stuff and as you can tell, i'm pretty opinionated on the subject, but you will find a lot of people agree with me Asking you to not flirt and grow the **** up isn't controlling too, in case one of you try to play that card And if one of you don't like the behavior, it should be stopped, or expect a one-way ticket to being single again... then you can go after the dude(s) you were flirting with... you might find they find you less attractive as a single girl though 2 Link to post Share on other sites
vanhalenfan Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 I don't believe that flirting is cheating, BUT, flirting can easily lead to cheating so I don't really tolerate much of that while in a relationship. I've been cheated on before where flirting was the gateway, so this is why I feel this way. It's a red flag for me because of my past experience. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Both my husband and I still flirt but we never let go beyond that. Well if you're both happy with that arrangement then who cares what anyone else thinks? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 I don't think flirting is acceptable while in relationship. It's ok to have contact with the opposite sex, be friends, joke around, share interests or even give compliments, but all the double entendre stuff or trying to act all sexy and cute in front of each other is cheating for me. Maybe not as heavy cheating as real physical or emotional cheating, but still unacceptable. The same way I would not mind a guy liking a photo of a female friend where she is for example with a cute animal, at her graduation, with her new car, doing some cool activity etc etc as opposed to her taking a seductive selfie, showing cleavage, posing in a bikini and similar. We all have different boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Pete, I meant flirting as in making what could be seen as flirty comments towards another person rather than anything physical. Both my husband and I still flirt but we never let go beyond that. Yes, but whilst you know how you view it, harmless banter and fun I presume and anyone getting the wrong idea will be shut down immediately, you cannot assume that your husband thinks the same way no matter what he says to you, nor can you know what effect your husband has on the women he is flirting with. Too many unknown variables and it is why many people tend to have firmer boundaries as regards flirting with potentially "available" members of the opposite sex. Link to post Share on other sites
DK_Casus Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 To me, cheating is more about dishonesty and betrayal than being attracted to others - or wanting to be desirable to others. In my world, it's a fact of life that attractive people are attractive - and there's nothing we can do to change that. We can pretend it's not true - and making an effort never to engage with an attractive person in a "flirty" manner could be part of such a delusion. Flirting is such a subjective thing - and it's all but impossible to define when something goes beyond a normal conversation or interaction and becomes flirting. As such, I think the debate is sort of academic. To me, cheating is about hiding things from your partner - or breaking whatever emotional contract exists in your relationship. That will vary from relationship to relationship - and we all know about the open versions. So, if the flirting is intended as the "first step" towards anything like that - then it would be cheating. However, I wouldn't have a problem telling my girlfriend that I flirted with some woman in the grocery store. As long as it was just part of a natural interaction. If we try to restrict that, it's the same as saying we can't find other people attractive or look at them. It's part of our world. I've never cheated on anyone - and I don't see it happening under any circumstances. That's not because I'm not attracted to other people - it's because I've made a conscious decision about not wanting to hurt or risk my partner for something much less valuable or important to me. Well, when I've had a partner, that is But I refuse to live a lie or be deceitful. While I would never openly flirt with another girl as some kind of strategy - I could easily smile at one, or say something nice about her - and I could certainly be attracted to her. It's nice to be sexually affirmed - in or out of a relationship. So, if I stood up on a pedestal and said I would never flirt - I would be setting everyone up to witness my inevitable failure to live up to it. Key is to keep any communication open and honest. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 There is flirting and there is flirting. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Some people are secure enough in their relationships to not let it bother them, some aren't. It is as simple as that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JoeSmith357-1 Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Some people are secure enough in their relationships to not let it bother them, some aren't. It is as simple as that. And some people are naive enough to ignore all the red flags and let flirting become EA's and then PA's... There is literally no reason whatsoever to flirt if you are in an exclusive relationship. NONE By doing so, you are telling your partner that your desire for attention and external validation means more than your existing relationship So I ask the question back to you... why do you do it If you aren't wanting to bang down the guy and are not interested romantically or sexually with the guy, what exactly are you getting out of it? Are you not getting this kind of attention from your partner? If so, get out of that relationship. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorenza Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Funny how people say you're insecure, if you let your partner's flirting bother you. Yeah they flirt to get validation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 And some people are naive enough to ignore all the red flags and let flirting become EA's and then PA's... There is literally no reason whatsoever to flirt if you are in an exclusive relationship. NONE By doing so, you are telling your partner that your desire for attention and external validation means more than your existing relationship So I ask the question back to you... why do you do it If you aren't wanting to bang down the guy and are not interested romantically or sexually with the guy, what exactly are you getting out of it? Are you not getting this kind of attention from your partner? If so, get out of that relationship. Was your lesson learned concerning your former GF who took advantage of your good nature while carrying on skullduggery right under your nose earlier this year, Joe? If memory serves me, you had not only red flags, but you had a gigantic red Hindenburg exploding at Lakehurst when it was descending to it's mooring lasts. And you struggled mightily and had to stomach a boatload of pain before you decided enough was enough. Hopefully it did not leave you as jaded as it would have to many of us, myself included. What I said was, that some people are secure in their relationships to where it does not bother them. Some aren't. There is nothing wrong with that. Each of us has our threshold as to how much BS we will take from someone who purports to love us, and part of that is how much we resent our partners flirting. I am a textbook example of what not to do when you reach that threshold and wish to lash out. Personally I am not that comfortable with it but after what happened to me I take relationships much less seriously and am perfectly fine with leaving one instantly if I feel boundaries have been crossed without explanation. No one should have to play policeman to their own lover. Others may take a less drastic course. As for me, nope. But like anyone else I am human, so as much as I would like to say that partners flirting does not bother me in the slightest I would be lying if I said so. If someone has a higher threshold for that behavior, than they are a much more brave person than I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoverofWrestling Posted November 25, 2016 Author Share Posted November 25, 2016 This was more just a general question rather than being specific to my marriage. I love how some folks jumped to conclusions about that LOL. I don't think that just because someone flirts with others, that it's a bad thing or that means s/he is going to cheat. I also don't believe that necessarily means that either person is looking to cheat/get out of their present relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 This was more just a general question rather than being specific to my marriage. I love how some folks jumped to conclusions about that LOL. I don't think that just because someone flirts with others, that it's a bad thing or that means s/he is going to cheat. I also don't believe that necessarily means that either person is looking to cheat/get out of their present relationship. Again there is flirting and there is flirting. It is not that flirting took place it is how where when which whom why when what was done needs to be reflected on before a ruling is made on appropriate and harmless and inappropriate and dangerous. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted December 1, 2016 Share Posted December 1, 2016 Yes, for me it is, unless it's just friendly banter-type "flirting" (very very mild and as long as both sides are not in it for going further than that). In most cases, however, that is not true, so I do consider most cases of flirting to be cheating. My EX flirted and was flirted with by a co-worker who even gave him a present on his bday and he took a pic of himself with said present and sent it to her, saying that she'd like to keep it as a souvenir.. there was a lot of flirting going on between them, under the guise of discussing work/moaning about the boss. I wasn't about to tolerate it. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Now personally, I don't consider flirting to be cheating but I know that other people may see it differently. Within your own relationship, is flirting cheating or not? Or do you feel that it depends on various factors? Easiest way to find out how it works in your relationship is to do it in front of your partner or spouse. The answer will be forthcoming presently. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 We both flirt. The boundary would be where the flirting becomes intent to actually seduce, vs. just play word games. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JoeSmith357-1 Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 We both flirt. The boundary would be where the flirting becomes intent to actually seduce, vs. just play word games. And how exactly would your partner know this... that's the problem. There are some things you just don't do or say unless the intent is to seduce... you can deny this, say it's not true, you are lying to yourself, and everyone else Link to post Share on other sites
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