HeCantBreakMe Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 HCBM, I am not sure how to respond to your last post. As a guy I can tell you while my intial reaction to a woman engaging in adultery is disgust but towards a man engaging in adultery more towards hatred. Single guys towards single girls just disgust. Marriage has so many moving parts, so many hidden assumptions that it is easy to lose tract of romance. I recalled reading years ago the biggest mistake couples make is not realize the quality of their children's home life was based on the quality of the relationship between the parents. I think in a nuance way this is true. Completely agree Jersey. I didn't understand this until recently. Link to post Share on other sites
lovinDKT3 Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 It is not as simple as saying my husband isn't communicating with me and we have lost the emotional connection. Just as we women find it difficult to go there sexually without the emotional connection, our husband's find it difficult to connect emotionally without the physical connection. So who stops the downward spiral? Too often, it becomes easier to avoid our role in the relationship, it is much easier to point the finger. Both spouses play a role when communication breaks down. Playing tic for tat is immature and counterproductive. If we are being totally honest here, the no sex thing is sometimes more of a punishment or tool to control the partners behavior, and not so much about a lost emotional connection. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 HCBM, I am not sure how to respond to your last post. As a guy I can tell you while my intial reaction to a woman engaging in adultery is disgust but towards a man engaging in adultery more towards hatred. Single guys towards single girls just disgust. Marriage has so many moving parts, so many hidden assumptions that it is easy to lose tract of romance. I recalled reading years ago the biggest mistake couples make is not realize the quality of their children's home life was based on the quality of the relationship between the parents. I think in a nuance way this is true. Jersey, Do you believe that the children's future relationships will reflect the parent's home life during their childhood? Poppy. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Jersey, Do you believe that the children's future relationships will reflect the parent's home life during their childhood? Poppy. This is an interesting question because my marital relationship ended up being exactly like my parents homelife I don't even know how because our M didn't start that way. I imaging my children will suffer greatly in their own relationships because of what has been modeled to them these last 5 years it breaks my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Hi Poppy, Yes I do, unless we are aware of how it influences us both for the better, neutral, and the worst. I've posted in the past I have the idea, that I believe strongly, that the our past is both are past and future unless we change it. My father sensed/knew the last 30 or so years of his father's life they never spoke. I thought his father died at a young age, when my dad was 11 or 12. Not when I was 14. I never meet the man! Lady designer, change the narative them. How is the question which would make an interesting thread. Change it for yourself and change it for your children. My father's mother did. Don't know how but she laid the groundwork. Actually so did his dad as in "this is what an ******* does ". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 Poppy, Feel free to post my PM to you if you see something I left out of my post. I actually meant to paste it here as well. I PM as I wanted to make sure you got it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 You're kidding right? 2 a month? My best friend has what I consider a solid marriage (10 years, 2 young kids). There are weekends where he declines a boys night out because his wife wants to give him some lovin' And the reason she sets aside nights for lovin' is according to her "because if it's not me it can be someone else". Marriage is work. And "Vanilla" is being lazy. How many times you read on this forum a guy say "sex sex sex. All this sex from my wife, I can only take so much, let me find another sex partner"? Yes, twice a month with his wife if he was lucky. You do realize we (exMM, BS and I) are all older, right? 50s and 60s?. When I first started with MM, he could usually go 2-3 times a day. Near the end, his refractory period was almost two days. Vanilla isn't always being lazy. All three of us were raised conservative Christian in a small town. From an early age, parents, teachers, ministers, Sunday school teachers told her nice girls don't like sex and nice girls don't do that with their mouth. Masturbation is a sin. This is a belief system. It isn't easily changed. ExMM never really bashed her, but he did tell me the ONLY time he saw her vagina with the lights on was when she was giving birth. I was out with a group of women from my high school a few years ago. One woman got married over Spring Break (March) when she was 17, a junior. She wasn't pregnant, but her parents caught them having sex at Christmas and since "no other man would have her" both sets of parents insisted on marriage. This was the mid 1980's! Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 I think we wandered into lust vs love, good girl/bad girl, boy scout/hell's angel. Hard to reconcile as neither person knows how the other will react. Link to post Share on other sites
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