You don't need anyone

[Fair]

OK, I'll bite. What exactly do you resent? Who do you blame for whatever misfortune or unfair treatment you've suffered? What do you expect others to do about it?

 

I'd have to write a book about my life which I don't want to do. But I will say this... even though I know I'm going to be judged horribly for it...

 

I just always stood out in a positive way without trying... never understood why, and still don't... but I still do... people would be crazy about me.... then would come the jealousies of those watching, including my so called friends and family, along with an inordinate amount of rejections... and betrayals... they'd turn the people who liked me against me because... I learned the hard way... very few people have a backbone... they'd risk getting shunned by the group if they had anything to do with me.

 

It's like some people shine too bright, so your being bitten all your life for your positive traits... it's nothing you've done, you've never hurt anyone... you just have potential and a lot of it. I have looks, too, but that makes people even more venomous especially women even though the plain ones have the advantage. If you're too attractive men feel threatened...

 

I know people everyone loves like one woman.. the overweight, funny, bouncy girl... gets all the devotion in the world though she doesn't necessarily have the best character... doesn't matter. She's no threat. People can afford to love her. even people with downright evil characters fit in better than me... but again... they're no threat. People can forgive anything if you're no threat. If you're a woman you can't be too pretty, you can't be too smart... you can't be too anything..

 

Sure, it starts making you bitter. Here you are a good person, who treats people well and has good values... and the world hates you.

 

And it sounds like I'm arrogant but I never have been. Always took the high road for all the good it did. Doesn't matter what kind of person you are... the world is full of petty, small, mean spirited, mediocre people. It hates anyone who stands out.

 

There's more to the story I just wrote down what I think was at the root of it. And it's the experience of a lot of people, I think... but it's a source of pain that is just going to get you sneered at and in some cases lynched... so you can't even talk about it. I suppose I'll be chased off the forums by a sea of burning spears.

[LargoLagg]

I'd have to write a book about my life which I don't want to do. But I will say this... even though I know I'm going to be judged horribly for it...

 

I just always stood out in a positive way without trying... never understood why, and still don't... but I still do... people would be crazy about me.... then would come the jealousies of those watching, including my so called friends and family, along with an inordinate amount of rejections... and betrayals... they'd turn the people who liked me against me because... I learned the hard way... very few people have a backbone... they'd risk getting shunned by the group if they had anything to do with me.

 

It's like some people shine too bright, so your being bitten all your life for your positive traits... it's nothing you've done, you've never hurt anyone... you just have potential and a lot of it. I have looks, too, but that makes people even more venomous especially women even though the plain ones have the advantage. If you're too attractive men feel threatened...

 

I know people everyone loves like one woman.. the overweight, funny, bouncy girl... gets all the devotion in the world though she doesn't necessarily have the best character... doesn't matter. She's no threat. People can afford to love her. even people with downright evil characters fit in better than me... but again... they're no threat. People can forgive anything if you're no threat. If you're a woman you can't be too pretty, you can't be too smart... you can't be too anything..

 

Sure, it starts making you bitter. Here you are a good person, who treats people well and has good values... and the world hates you.

 

And it sounds like I'm arrogant but I never have been. Always took the high road for all the good it did. Doesn't matter what kind of person you are... the world is full of petty, small, mean spirited, mediocre people. It hates anyone who stands out.

 

There's more to the story I just wrote down what I think was at the root of it. And it's the experience of a lot of people, I think... but it's a source of pain that is just going to get you sneered at and in some cases lynched... so you can't even talk about it. I suppose I'll be chased off the forums by a sea of burning spears.

Yeah, I'm pretty much ready to throw a spear or two your way when I read that. Here's what jumps out at me:

 

then would come the jealousies of those watching, including my so called friends and family, along with an inordinate amount of rejections... and betrayals... they'd turn the people who liked me against me because

 

That reminds me of Hillary Clinton and the vast right wing conspiracy against her. She never contributed to any of it with her actions, it was always other people, always their fault. Nobody likes her either, not even the people that know her. She's a person that needs to be handled.

 

My general experience with people is that they don't care enough to conspire against you and turn people in your life against you. You may run into one or two in your lifetime, I'll grant you that. But everybody? No way.

 

By the way, if you're too attractive, most men feel INTIMIDATED, not threatened. So if men in your life feel threatened, there's something else going on. I guarantee it.

 

Moreover, I know people who seem to have all the luck in the world. They step in a pile of ****, and they come out smelling like a rose, time and time again. Most of them are some of the most loved people I know. Success and good fortune don't turn people off to you. It's how you handle it.

 

Remember that thing I said about the inability to be introspective? You seem like the poster child for that idea right now. Wanna give it another shot? Surely you can think of things you do that turn people off to you.

Edited November 25, 2016 by LargoLagg

[Fair]

nope. I can't.

[LargoLagg]

Then I think you have your answer, or at least the key to your answer and no doubt it is just as mystifying as "you don't really need anybody."

 

Even I, Mr. Popularity, can reel off about 5 things that I do which annoy people without even thinking about it. If nothing else, I want you to remember that introspection comment I made and the one about embrace, tolerate or avoid. Let those two things roll around in your head the next time you meet some new people.

 

Just for statistical purposes, about how old are you?

[Fair]

Listen let me tell you this. The more you're like other people the more likely you are to be accepted by them. I'm not saying "everybody hates me." I've just had so many bad experiences it's unbelievable. I was targeted in a workplace mobbing once... I repeat... a workplace Mobbing. can you imagine how that feels? it was hell, my health was nearly destroyed... I mean, everything, and do you know what I did to cause it? Nothing. I was this young, unattached, desirable female, that was all.

 

And it was not my dream job, I was working there while working for something better so was better educated, goal driven and independent. I had lots of men chasing me but wasn't interested in settling for just anyone and was busy so I was perpetually single and really... i'm autonomous by nature.. Didn't have kids didn't want any. Stuck out like a sore thumb. I wasn't boastful or arrogant... just different. surrounded by people who had gotten married, got kids, got miserable... imagining my life was better.

 

You look around one day and realize you have nothing in common with anyone. You've taken a different path while everyone you know is just doing what the next guy is doing. They envy you that courage. and you pay for it. i'm still paying for it. As an adult it's harder to make friends especially if you tend to bring out the claws in people before they've even had a chance to know you. If you don't have your own family you really don't have anyone. But I wasn't thinking of this.

 

What Gloria Steinem said rings true... that it's hard to remember it's not always personal... if a woman dares to aspire to something she gets it automatically... it was true at the beginning of the women's movement and it's true today.

Edited November 25, 2016 by Fair

[LargoLagg]

I'll share a little anecdote with you. I've got this friend, he got divorced recently, and started dating some women. After dating a handful, he found this one that he liked, and so my wife and I invited her to a party we threw, in an effort to get to know her.

 

She's almost 50, never married, no kids. I'm immediately thinking "what's wrong with her?", you know, because she's out of the mainstream. But, me being me, that's more of a question that I keep in my head, not a general disposition to her. I keep an open mind, and the question only gets revisited if I ever see behavior that leads me to believe I've figured it out.

 

At that party, I figured it out. She was clearly uncomfortable in a crowd of strangers. She didn't make any effort to meet anybody new, or to strike up a conversation other than she stayed in one place during the entire party, and when people rotated through that area, she'd toss in a few sentences about whatever they might be discussing. From what I observed, never once introduced herself.

 

A couple hours into it, they left. My buddy said that L was ready to leave because she didn't feel comfortable. I totally believed him.

 

After a while, people started to comment about her. I don't doubt that she acted exactly the same way as my friend took her around and introduced him to his friends, many of which I know. The general consensus was that she was unlikeable. For me, she was totally unremarkable. I wouldn't say I didn't like her, but I wouldn't choose to hang around her. That said, nobody was gunning for her, so I don't mean to equate your two situations, other than this.

 

Whatever her deal is, she has fallen into a pattern that she probably does not recognize. It reflects poorly on her. You may have unknowingly done the same.

 

All I'm saying is keep your eyes open, and keep this in mind. There is something that you're doing, I don't know what it is, but it's something. People do not react to people the way you describe without provocation.

 

Anyway, good luck.

[Fair]

You aren't responsible for how others treat you...ALWAYS. Workplace mobbing is just evil at it's finest... i don't care what someone might have done... at the end of the day it's not about the target... they engage in it for reasons of their own. They're miserable in their own lives ... or they're jealous of you... or they're just plain sadistic and want to try and hurt somebody. And there is such a thing as ending up in the wrong place at the wrong time. So your philosophy which seems to be one of "people are basically good, it CAN'T have been unprovoked," is in my opinion unenlightened and narrow and naive.

 

A lot of people have that mentality... I think it's just too threatening for them to face. They don't want to admit there's evil in the world, at least not anywhere near, it's no one they know, it's always someone else, or the person telling the story is exaggerating, or something.... and plug their ears. There's that saying... "the reason for evil in the world is that people are not able to tell their stories." I think Carl Jung said it. So true. I'm not saying i'm perfect, i never do anything wrong, but i sure don't have as much backward as you seem to think.

 

Anyway, thank you for taking the time to reply.

[Fair]

Oh, by the way, the woman at the party... one party and they all decide they didn't like her because she was too reserved. One party... they don't know her yet and they've already dismissed her.. it takes time for some people to come out of themselves... she sounds like an introvert, that's not a personality defect... but no compassion there... no understanding... no willingness to give her an actual chance. And Group Think. Yep, sounds about right.

Edited November 26, 2016 by Fair

[LargoLagg]

Oh, by the way, the woman at the party... one party and they all decide they didn't like her because she was too reserved. One party... they don't know her yet and they've already dismissed her.. it takes time for some people to come out of themselves... she sounds like an introvert, that's not a personality defect... but no compassion there... no understanding... no willingness to give her an actual chance. And Group Think. Yep, sounds about right.

no, this was a series of events after my party, separate people, separate observations, all eventually arriving at the same conclusion. I'm not sure how she acted there, as I wasn't at all of them, but I suspect she was not much different from place to place.

 

sorry if I was unclear

Edited November 26, 2016 by LargoLagg

[down hearted]

Oh, by the way, the woman at the party... one party and they all decide they didn't like her because she was too reserved. One party... they don't know her yet and they've already dismissed her.. it takes time for some people to come out of themselves... she sounds like an introvert, that's not a personality defect...

 

I agree, i mean if you don't know anyone it may be awkward for some to fit in right away. I sure as heck would feel uncomfortable for sure and I consider myself very sociable.

 

I do feel we always need others, some way or another, its kind of like problem solving, you may need a different perspective at times to figure out whats in front of us. I mean one of the main reasons we are all here in LS is just for that, to find guidance from others' experiences into our current worries/problems about our love life etc... at the moment.

As another stated, once we have all we need in our lives (financially stable, life in check etc...) we will always miss some company to share it with. But thats just me.

[Timshel]

Letting go is the most difficult thing to do.

Sometimes there is a place of ubiquitous that is so expansive, there it is. It includes everyone, everything...

 

Courage and honour are not earned with words or by judging any person's weakness.

 

Your friend made a mistake and it is for you to decide the depth of her friendship and if you will let it go....not to gain anything but to lose nothing.

[spiderowl]

It seems a really stupid thing to say to someone. How can anyone else know if a person needs someone to feel happy? I think what is meant is that you might be better off by yourself than with someone who is hurting you, but that is for the person themselves to judge.

 

Most people need to feel important to someone else, to be recognised and loved for themselves. It is not easy to find that kind of love.

 

There is also a feminist kind of argument that a woman doesn't need a man to feel complete. Yes, it is true in lots of ways - you can be your own person and be independent - but to make do without love is a strange idea and something else altogether. I don't 'need' a man to look after me, but I would love to have the opportunity to be with a guy who I feel happy with.

 

There is a difference between a practical need and an emotional need.

 

Having said the above, a job shared is a job halved!