overwhelmed and tired

[Curls In Literature]

hi, i hope everyone is doing great.

 

so this is my very first thread here (yay lol)

excuse the typos/mistakes, im not a native speaker

 

anyway..(this turned out very long lol so be warned)

this is gonna sound stupid, but basically, i feel like ive lost trust in men but at the same time im ready for real commitment...but im not ?

 

i logically know that not all men are bad and you just cant generalize half the planet like that ...but idk.. something inside me wont believe it.

basically, i was hurt and played before (i was like 18 or something..almost 23 now) and after that as i grew i kept hearing all these terrible stories about women who had nothing but good intentions, were genuinely good women, were willing to die for their man if it came down it...and how they were chewed up and spit out by these men. very cold, heartless men.

i kinda remember one of a girl who waited like 11 years for her man to get out of prison (money problems. he wasnt a thug)she worked her *** off to support him and herself, she was still in college, had multiple jobs, helped take care of all the stuff with the lawers...etc and by the time he was out she was in her 30s and he was like "youre too old now....im just starting my life, i want a hot young girl" he did actually find one and that other girl was left with nothing...and thats one of the nicest ones...

 

it might not sound like it, but i want to trust a man and commit to him 100%...but i just cant. its like a vicious cycle...if he acts bad then, well he is bad...if he acts good then he must be bad but pretending for now. i know im young and this is very unhealthy but i just dont know what to do...

you might suggest a friendship with a male and all that, which i have, but because i know we are just friends im not as "defensive" around them.

 

i really want a good relationship and a marriage even,but when someone shows interest my first reaction is "BACK OFF! *hisss*" and THEN i start thinking about it, but usually he already feels rejected or ive verbally said no....*sighs*. am i just hopeless ? i mean it was only once that i was hurt and all these stories are of ppl that are not even in my life... why do i feel so "damaged" ?

what adds to it is that i cant even find a guy i like in my country, and im still hearing about ppl who keep getting hurt eventhough they only meant well

i really want the real deal, but im just sooo scared of getting hurt...and most guys here are not that "tempting" to begin with

 

in case youre wondering, parents are ok, no abuse or cheating..etc they do argue here and there but who doesnt lol

and i have a good relationship with my dad (not that great with mom though)

 

and please dont start with "Women do this and that too..etc" ...im straight...i would never be with a woman, i personally am not a cheater or a gold digger so i just dont care if there are mean women out there...they simply will never be a part of my (nonexistent) romantic life

 

funny story, i met a guy who felt the exact same about women and surprisingly it was a great conversation lol(it was just online though not irl, and i accidentally disconnected )

 

anyway, the real reason i joined is because ive been single for years, and its affecting me more than it should (my temper, stress level..etc) and i just want it to go away..i want to forget about being single or at least stop thinking about it that much

[Sweetfish]

As far as I know in the United states... you don't go to prison for money unless it's fraud. So nice pick there.I know a lot of women who get treated like dirt by men and guess what... that's because those guys who will treat you right are in the friendzone.

 

The less you date, the harder it will be to figure the mechanics of ppl. The lack of experience will catch you with you in age.

Edited November 24, 2016 by Sweetfish