ana889 Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 (edited) Hello, I'm new here and thanks for reading my post. I'll try to keep my 2 year story as short as possible. Anyway, there's this guy I met,not too far from me but in another country. We've been having out of this world moments and an amazing connection,we were a perfect match and i started loving him unconditionally. You know that feeling when someone truly loves you back, it sends you off to heaven,makes you not want to ever settle for anything less. He isn't married but has a long term girlfriend, I was also having a boyfriend at the time when our affair started, now I'm single and I don't regret it. After a while,as things started to get serious and very intimate and intense between us,he would make so many plans and build our future in clouds as you can imagine, everything was like a dream come true for me. He kept promising to be with me but always delayed and in the end I figured out(but it was too late) that the only problem is that woman he's with. He says it's a dead relationship,there's no trust,he's unfulfilled and doesn't see future with her. He told me I'm the one. But why? If he has no courage of ending it with her after so much time! And now I finally went NC... I tried many other things before this, like meeting other men,being open to other options, going out, going no contact and then he begged me to return - nothing ever worked. He also wanted to try to be just friends with me but couldn't take the lack of intimacy that we had and not seeing me at all. So I had to leave, it's tearing my soul apart. I imagine my life there with him,i imagine the things he's been telling me about our future,i had really clear ideas to contribute and enrich his life,be his partner in everything. He always spoke about how much he desires that and is frustrated that we aren't together already and apologizes for making me wait so long...but on top of that he told me he can't end his old relationship,even though he isn't happy in it,he doesn't want to hurt his gf... he was agitated because i decided not to talk to him either. maybe we'll start talking again in some distant future,but for now i deleted him. what hurts me the most is that i found my ideal other half,and he ruined everything. Despite saying how special I am to him and that he cant let me go. If he told me he was happy with her and not thinking of breaking up,I would know there was no hope for me. But he kept giving me hopes again and again and breaking them each time... I never felt like this for a man, and now i feel this is so hard to find and i'm afraid i'll never find someone so compatible as he is to me(i have high standards) and that's why I can't stop grieving. It took me many years to find someone like that and it never happened again afterwards....Why do men do this?? My emotional life is in ruins. pass me a link if you find something helpful, and thank you once again. Edited November 24, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 snip maybe we'll start talking again in some distant future,but for now i deleted him. what hurts me the most is that i found my ideal other half,and *he ruined everything. Despite saying how special I am to him and that he cant let me go. If he told me he was happy with her and not thinking of breaking up,I would know there was no hope for me. But *he kept giving me hopes again and again and breaking them each time... Welcome to Loveshack. *This is a situation where no contact would be the best option. And remember: He isn't what he says. He is what he does. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means he might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete him from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. Take care. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
malvern99 Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 A man who truly loves a woman will tear down the sky if she asks him to. Everything else is just noise. If his words and actions don't match, believe his actions. Words are easy to say. Consistent actions are hard, and people only commit to actions if they truly believe. Cut him out of your life for good. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Hello, I'm new here and thanks for reading my post. I'll try to keep my 2 year story as short as possible. Anyway, there's this guy I met,not too far from me but in another country. We've been having out of this world moments and an amazing connection,we were a perfect match and i started loving him unconditionally. You know that feeling when someone truly loves you back, it sends you off to heaven,makes you not want to ever settle for anything less. He isn't married but has a long term girlfriend, I was also having a boyfriend at the time when our affair started, now I'm single and I don't regret it. After a while,as things started to get serious and very intimate and intense between us,he would make so many plans and build our future in clouds as you can imagine, everything was like a dream come true for me. He kept promising to be with me but always delayed and in the end I figured out(but it was too late) that the only problem is that woman he's with. He says it's a dead relationship,there's no trust,he's unfulfilled and doesn't see future with her. He told me I'm the one. But why? If he has no courage of ending it with her after so much time! And now I finally went NC... I tried many other things before this, like meeting other men,being open to other options, going out, going no contact and then he begged me to return - nothing ever worked. He also wanted to try to be just friends with me but couldn't take the lack of intimacy that we had and not seeing me at all. So I had to leave, it's tearing my soul apart. I imagine my life there with him,i imagine the things he's been telling me about our future,i had really clear ideas to contribute and enrich his life,be his partner in everything. He always spoke about how much he desires that and is frustrated that we aren't together already and apologizes for making me wait so long...but on top of that he told me he can't end his old relationship,even though he isn't happy in it,he doesn't want to hurt his gf... he was agitated because i decided not to talk to him either. maybe we'll start talking again in some distant future,but for now i deleted him. what hurts me the most is that i found my ideal other half,and he ruined everything. Despite saying how special I am to him and that he cant let me go. If he told me he was happy with her and not thinking of breaking up,I would know there was no hope for me. But he kept giving me hopes again and again and breaking them each time... I never felt like this for a man, and now i feel this is so hard to find and i'm afraid i'll never find someone so compatible as he is to me(i have high standards) and that's why I can't stop grieving. It took me many years to find someone like that and it never happened again afterwards....Why do men do this?? My emotional life is in ruins. pass me a link if you find something helpful, and thank you once again. High standards??? Your lusting after a cheater. I'm mean that's not really high. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ana889 Posted November 24, 2016 Author Share Posted November 24, 2016 (edited) I know you're right,but you find those things out much later. he is the embodiment of my ideal man,the only problem is that he's unavailable....my dreams were too strong,and i still dream of someone alike,who will be ready to be with me instead and more honest. i don't doubt his desires,but he turned out to be a real wuss with this. f****** coward and what's worse, he would do it again,if i gave him a chance Even worse is that I've been having thoughts of making justice and sending all his romance and dirty texts i've been receiving non stop to his GF. it's unbelievable what he's been sending me,so f****** real! we would be intimate together online when she was sleeping or even walking in the same room! i've been really tempted to break it all to her,even though i know i wouldn't achieve anything, maybe she would forgive him in the end. Would you do it? Edited November 24, 2016 by ana889 1 Link to post Share on other sites
imsosad Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 He is unavailable bcause he chooses to be unavailable. There is no cosmic tragedy keeping you from your ideal man. Is the man of your dreams so weak he can't sit his girlfriend down,do the right thing by her and tell her he's leaving? Im guessing no kids are involved, no mortgage, none of the things that make it very hard to break a marriage. People still do it, break decade long marriages. You need to knock some sense in to your own head and take a step back from the star crosees lovers narrative. If he really loved you, you'd be together by now. Stay NC. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
imsosad Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 In regard to sending her your evidence: First, ask yourself what you think of a guy that trears his girlfriend this way? Do you think he might do the same to you? It reflects on his character, not on their relationship. A decent man tells his gf that the relationship is dead, he doesnt wait until she falls asleep and get online to get it on with someone else. Do you have no reaction to the things he does? You are very obviously hoping sending her the evidence will break them up and then you can have him. If you do expose your A to her, they could either split up or stay together. Even if they split, it doesnt mean he'll be with you, he might be too pissed off with you. Otoh, his gf should know what he's up to, before she marries him or has his children, so even though your motivation is self serving, I still think you should send her the evidence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ana889 Posted November 24, 2016 Author Share Posted November 24, 2016 (edited) In regard to sending her your evidence: First, ask yourself what you think of a guy that trears his girlfriend this way? Do you think he might do the same to you? It reflects on his character, not on their relationship. A decent man tells his gf that the relationship is dead, he doesnt wait until she falls asleep and get online to get it on with someone else. Do you have no reaction to the things he does? You are very obviously hoping sending her the evidence will break them up and then you can have him. If you do expose your A to her, they could either split up or stay together. Even if they split, it doesnt mean he'll be with you, he might be too pissed off with you. Otoh, his gf should know what he's up to, before she marries him or has his children, so even though your motivation is self serving, I still think you should send her the evidence. I appreciate your insight. I don't know if he'd do the same, I'm a different person from his girlfriend,much more dominant. I know it would piss him off,because once I mentioned it to him in the heat of the moment and he went crazy,lol. He started panicking,telling me she could ruin his life and reputation,it would kill her to find out and other bs like that...He would never contact me again I'm sure, if I did that. If he doesn't call me anymore like he used to and beg me to come back to him I wont do it. If he starts nagging me again,I will. gladly Edited November 24, 2016 by ana889 1 Link to post Share on other sites
imsosad Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 You've got this backwards. He is not cheating on her because of *her* personality traits. No, he's doing it because of his. The fact that he panicked so much tells you he does not want to end things with her. He seems to be hanging on pretty tight,for someone whose relationship is so dead. Assume that most of what he told you is a lie, stay NC and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Guys will move the world for the right girl. Face it, you're not "it". He stayed (according to him) with his soul mate. The emotions, the intimacy, the sex, is better with her. 7 billion people in the world, and you actually thing a "cheater" is the One? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ana889 Posted November 24, 2016 Author Share Posted November 24, 2016 (edited) Guys will move the world for the right girl. Face it, you're not "it". He stayed (according to him) with his soul mate. The emotions, the intimacy, the sex, is better with her. 7 billion people in the world, and you actually thing a "cheater" is the One? Ok, you don't have to twist the blade so far, I know I'm better than her,visually alone. If i weren't he would've left me alone long ago. they've lived more,shared more,she's not virtual and that's the only advantage there. and a big one. i was doing the same thing as he did,behind my boyfriend's back,but at least i had the guts to break it with him in the end and let him be happy elsewhere. because my feelings for this other man were true, there was really nobody else who stood a chance next to him Edited November 24, 2016 by ana889 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Ok, you don't have to twist the blade so far, I know I'm better than her,visually alone. If i weren't he would've left me alone long ago. they've lived more,shared more,she's not virtual and that's the only advantage there. and a big one. i was doing the same thing as he did,behind my boyfriend's back,but at least i had the guts to break it with him in the end and let him be happy elsewhere. because my feelings for this other man were true, there was really nobody else who stood a chance next to him Are there kids involved? What is his age? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ana889 Posted November 24, 2016 Author Share Posted November 24, 2016 Are there kids involved? What is his age? like i said in the story,there is no marriage or kids in this case,they're only in a long term (domestic) relationship. he's 31 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 He is the man of your dreams, but sadly not the man of your reality. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 like i said in the story,there is no marriage or kids in this case,they're only in a long term (domestic) relationship. he's 31 Hes young and not married. He has no reason to stay other than wanting to. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Hes young and not married. He has no reason to stay other than wanting to. Exactly. He's where he wants to be, with the person he wants to be with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ana889 Posted November 24, 2016 Author Share Posted November 24, 2016 Even this being true, he did spend a hell lot of time with me and helped me in some of my pursuits...i really wish i ended this sooner,but it was just too good,i felt amazing spending time with him. of course he spoke of leaving her many times in the past just to tell me he can't do it in the end,and it lasts...he doesnt want the family shame,well,i'll leave him to his misery, or rather his girlfriend's. i feel like all of this is so unfair, the greatest injustice in my life... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 (edited) Trust me their be another injustice in your life. Remember when you got dropped by your HS or college sweetheart and you thought the world would end? It's all cyclical. There will be more struggle more pain. But the main thing is, you're coming out of this a better person. And make sure you don't allow this to happen again. Repeat to yourself. "I will not be your 'sometime'" Edited November 24, 2016 by BuddyX Grammar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Here is your link http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/406628-critical-readings-separation-divorce 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ana889 Posted November 24, 2016 Author Share Posted November 24, 2016 Trust me their be another injustice in your life. Remember when you got dropped by your HS or college sweetheart and you thought the world would end? It's all cyclical. There will be more struggle more pain. But the main thing is, you're coming out of this a better person. And make sure you don't allow this to happen again. Repeat to yourself. "I will not be your 'sometime'" Actually no, that never happened to me in the past. I never think the world will end and I will not take another injustice or pain,I don't deal with that or accept YOUR subjective truth. But the life that has been awaken in me by this man, the look in his eyes full of love and desire, i could see it clearly each time I can't and will never forget. Only he could fill my heart with so much unconditional love and bliss. I just really hope it can happen again with someone else in the future who will put ''us'' in the first place 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Ok, you don't have to twist the blade so far, I know I'm better than her,visually alone. If i weren't he would've left me alone long ago. they've lived more,shared more,she's not virtual and that's the only advantage there. and a big one. i was doing the same thing as he did,behind my boyfriend's back,but at least i had the guts to break it with him in the end and let him be happy elsewhere. because my feelings for this other man were true, there was really nobody else who stood a chance next to him It's not about you at all, it's about his ego and how you make him feel. That has nothing to do with YOUR ego and you belief that you're a better and prettier person than his gf. He cheats because he can and because he's selfish. Because he loves the attention and lust you give him, it's extremely powerful for him. Again, it's not about you it's about how you make him feel. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 (edited) You say that he's the man of your dreams, but in reality he's a lying cheat who treated you very shabbily. Edited November 24, 2016 by Satu 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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