kurt_walker Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 My wife and I have been married just over a year now. We share a beautiful daughter together and live on our own sharing a neighborhood with family and friends.. lately we have been facing some real challenges financially and emotionally, When its good its seventh heaven but when its bad its almost unbearable, We have spoken about what the problem could be and it always comes down to family and friends.. My wife continually chooses her family over me.. She's constantly on the phone with them texting and visiting them at least once or sometimes twice in a day!, helping them weather it financially or morally which I guess is neither a bad thing but when it’s to the detriment of your home and marriage I just feel your immediate family (husband and kids) and your home should come first, I love my wife with all my heart and do my best to be the man she needs but I sometimes feel that all this could be the result of my leniency and could be possible that my kindness to her and her family has not been taken for a weakness and I am been walked all over. I work 8 hour shifts a day and when I get home I have to not only tidy up and sort out the dishes etc.. but I have to cook a meal because my wife is ether too busy on her cell phone to pay any attention to the home but most times she’s at her mother’s place the entire day, after work I gota pick her up before I get home.. Resulting in us returning to an untidy home and an uncooked meal. When I get home I’m tired, my wife says she’s tired aswel but from what? Discussing other people with her aunts and mother the entire day over coffee? Is that more important than your own home? Been home for your husband? Its just sooo frustrating and the more I try to speak to her the more its turn around and I feel like I’m been selfish and un reasonable, every time my wife and I fight she ether goes to her mothers or her dad’s for counsel so the only times they hear about me is when things are tough so the only things they know about me are negative so its only fitting that nobody respects our marriage, I don't expect her to cut them off, but I don't expect to have to battle them for time. I do understand that when we marry our spouse, we also marry the family, however, we must also maintain appropriate boundaries, currently her family does not seem to respect us as a married couple at all and are not respecting any of our boundaries, but I strongly feel that is because my wife is not setting any with them. Im just so tired and run down right, I don’t know what else to do. Please if possible can you share your thoughts and advise, I could rely use some. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Kurt, You are being abused my friend. I think you know that. (1) for an adult married woman to be that ridiculously involved with healthy relatives is not normal. If they were sick, maybe. So for starters she needs some IC to figure out why (2) does her family like you??? There have been cases on here where family actively tries to sabotage a marriage, all the way from bad mouthing you to fixing her up with ex boyfriends she may have lost touch with. You sure she is just sitting at home with Mom having coffee all day??? (3) Just for information, google "signs your wife is cheating" and see if any are appearing, especially locking her phone, no transparancy, or no sex. If signs are there DENIAL is your worst enemy. At the one year mark in a marriage, the two of you should be chasing each other around the house. Something is truly amiss here, and she is not going to bother telling you what so you need to take the initiative and find out what. Personal;ly, with this crap at one year, I'd start with a VAR in her car to find out who the hell she is talking to and what she is saying. I would NOT confront her yet if you get a "bad" feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 If you do too much in a marriage you will get taken advantage of and lose respect. You're headed into dangerously territory. Marriage should be balance st 50/50 In this case you are the problem for letting it happen Read up "No More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF download Better wake up before it's too late. See this all the time!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kurt_walker Posted November 24, 2016 Author Share Posted November 24, 2016 If you do too much in a marriage you will get taken advantage of and lose respect. You're headed into dangerously territory. Marriage should be balance st 50/50 In this case you are the problem for letting it happen Read up "No More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF download Better wake up before it's too late. See this all the time!!!! wow, this is a real eye opener, i will read up the "No More Mr Nice Guy" I have this sick feeling in my stomach because i know you are right and i knew i was been taken advantage of for some time now and deep down i knew that i am the only one to blame for this.. I guess iv just always felt that it would be appreciated instead its been taken for granted. Thanks again.. big eye opener Link to post Share on other sites
Author kurt_walker Posted November 24, 2016 Author Share Posted November 24, 2016 Kurt, You are being abused my friend. I think you know that. (1) for an adult married woman to be that ridiculously involved with healthy relatives is not normal. If they were sick, maybe. So for starters she needs some IC to figure out why (2) does her family like you??? There have been cases on here where family actively tries to sabotage a marriage, all the way from bad mouthing you to fixing her up with ex boyfriends she may have lost touch with. You sure she is just sitting at home with Mom having coffee all day??? (3) Just for information, google "signs your wife is cheating" and see if any are appearing, especially locking her phone, no transparancy, or no sex. If signs are there DENIAL is your worst enemy. At the one year mark in a marriage, the two of you should be chasing each other around the house. Something is truly amiss here, and she is not going to bother telling you what so you need to take the initiative and find out what. Personal;ly, with this crap at one year, I'd start with a VAR in her car to find out who the hell she is talking to and what she is saying. I would NOT confront her yet if you get a "bad" feeling. I trust her in that respect.. i know she is not the cheating type.. spoilt...most probably.. but like i said earlier, I allowed this to happen.. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 I trust her in that respect.. i know she is not the cheating type.. spoilt...most probably.. but like i said earlier, I allowed this to happen.. My friend I don't know how many times I've heard "I trust her". Ignorance is bliss until it isn't. Check your phone bill online. From what I've seen people in your situation get taken advantage of the most. Your life can and should be what you make of it. Life gets a lot simpler and better when you learn to stand up for yourself and stop taking crap from anyone. It's not as hard as you think. Get moving!!! You can do this. Anyone can Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Married only one year. If you continue down this path you'll be a complete doormat and your life won't be worth living. Find your manhood now. If that's the best she'll ever be divorce her. There are better out there. Weakness, passivity and codependency is nothing but long term he'll. You are to young to settle for this. Get moving Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 (edited) Marriage counselling! Start immediately. With the help of the counsellor, work together to figure out how you can reasonably share the load of family life. And yes, it's perfectly reasonable to expect her to be doing the domestic work while you bring in the $$$ Edited November 24, 2016 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
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