Chica80 Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Today is another first. First thanksgiving without my kids. Although thanksgiving had never really been a big holiday for me, I usually work, as I am today. There was still the possibility that I would spend some time with my "family". I won't be alone. Technically I have friends to see. And also work. But it's not the same. I'm guessing this is why people stay married. So you don't split your time. So you don't split your children. So you're not "alone". Can I also say these days make me a bit angry. Although the ultimate choice to not be married anymore was the best choice for me. Not to say that I'm a victim.....but days like this is when I feel my whole life changed my whole world changed. And his MM is still the same. He's with his wife, happy life and I'm here without my kids. Just ranting today thanks for listening.... Link to post Share on other sites
Jemima1234 Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Sending you lots of happy peaceful thoughts today. I still struggle with days like this when my child is with his dad. But make what you can of it- and enjoy when the kids are back 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 (((((((((((((((((((((big hugs sunshine))))))))))))))))))) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
msoptimistic Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Hi, I am not a big poster but I wanted to say that i think it bothers every OW to know that MM is happily spending holidays with his BS. This is really really hard for me because i want him to hurt like I do and for some strange reason I despise her for "having it all", like she set out to hurt me instead of just living her life. Know that no matter how much it seems that you are the only one paying such a high price, their world is far from perfect. It will all catch up to them. I hope we have some kind of karma on our side! And your kids will always love you. Not that it makes it any easier but so much emphasis is placed on holidays and remember that you can make your time with them as wonderful as a holiday on any day. This is all so hard and so unfair but not impossible. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Lillyp32 Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 This is why I stayed with my STBXH for so long! The thought of sharing my kids was heartbreaking. I did finally leave and although I do have the kids today, I can't help but feel sad for him that he doesn't. Divorce sucks. Affairs suck too. It all just sucks. Ugh. Sending you lots of hugs tonight. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chica80 Posted November 25, 2016 Author Share Posted November 25, 2016 Thank you all. I did get to spend some time with my kids tonight after all. It's just been an adjustment. Yes. Affairs and divorce suck. Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 This is why I stayed with my STBXH for so long! The thought of sharing my kids was heartbreaking. I did finally leave and although I do have the kids today, I can't help but feel sad for him that he doesn't. Divorce sucks. Affairs suck too. It all just sucks. Ugh. Sending you lots of hugs tonight. Same here Lilly! It sounds like we are all in the same boat here ugh. I am not looking forward to sharing my time with the kids, but I also don't want to be miserable for the kids either! (((Sunshinechica))) I am glad you got some time in with the kiddos! It does all suck (these A's and Divorce) I am feeling the same. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chica80 Posted November 25, 2016 Author Share Posted November 25, 2016 Same here Lilly! It sounds like we are all in the same boat here ugh. I am not looking forward to sharing my time with the kids, but I also don't want to be miserable for the kids either! (((Sunshinechica))) I am glad you got some time in with the kiddos! It does all suck (these A's and Divorce) I am feeling the same. Yes it does...but despite the divorce I would rather be here where I am than where I was.. How are you LadyA? Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted November 26, 2016 Share Posted November 26, 2016 Hi, I am not a big poster but I wanted to say that i think it bothers every OW to know that MM is happily spending holidays with his BS. This is really really hard for me because i want him to hurt like I do and for some strange reason I despise her for "having it all", like she set out to hurt me instead of just living her life. Know that no matter how much it seems that you are the only one paying such a high price, their world is far from perfect. It will all catch up to them. I hope we have some kind of karma on our side! And your kids will always love you. Not that it makes it any easier but so much emphasis is placed on holidays and remember that you can make your time with them as wonderful as a holiday on any day. This is all so hard and so unfair but not impossible. Good natured grumbling....I'm just fine that he is having/had a great holiday with wife and kids. I'm not fine that I was all alone. I'm pretty miserable about that and had one of the worst Thanksgivngs ever. Now, that should please some people I've pissed off in the past... None of it was his fault. I have a family member who was just moved into a nursing home on Tuesday. The buck stops with me when it comes to their well being. Nursing home Thanksgivings suck rocks. Horribly depressing, tears from some of the other residents as they talked about how their lives used to be. Bewilderment as this is what their lives have become. Totally horrifying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chica80 Posted November 26, 2016 Author Share Posted November 26, 2016 Good natured grumbling....I'm just fine that he is having/had a great holiday with wife and kids. I'm not fine that I was all alone. I'm pretty miserable about that and had one of the worst Thanksgivngs ever. Now, that should please some people I've pissed off in the past... None of it was his fault. I have a family member who was just moved into a nursing home on Tuesday. The buck stops with me when it comes to their well being. Nursing home Thanksgivings suck rocks. Horribly depressing, tears from some of the other residents as they talked about how their lives used to be. Bewilderment as this is what their lives have become. Totally horrifying. I'm sorry Lady...that does sound very depressing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted November 26, 2016 Share Posted November 26, 2016 Yes it does...but despite the divorce I would rather be here where I am than where I was.. How are you LadyA? I am doing good while away on vacation, but will soon have to return home to the in-house separation until I can find a place to go and I need to meet with a lawyer this coming week to discuss legal separation of finances etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chica80 Posted November 26, 2016 Author Share Posted November 26, 2016 I am doing good while away on vacation, but will soon have to return home to the in-house separation until I can find a place to go and I need to meet with a lawyer this coming week to discuss legal separation of finances etc. ughh...that is not fun...I know.... enjoy vacay Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted November 26, 2016 Share Posted November 26, 2016 The first few holidays without the kids are very painful. Really tough. It's hard not to feel lonely, tearful and like a failure. The thing that has worked for me in the past is to plan ahead (which you will be able to do in the future) to make the holidays fun. Spend time with other single friends. Go on a retreat. Volunteer to help those less fortunate. Maybe travel to a place where the holiday doesn't carry the same significance. It's never painless, but it can be less pain. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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