feed up with the vicious circle

[dreamingoftigers]

I haven't cheated,

She says she doesn't feel safe around me shes not valued or appreciated

by me. I just assumed that was what she meant by trust

 

As for checking into things i have talked to lawyer i have it all set up

she moved out 5 months ago and switched her cell phone to her own plan

I have gone threw a years worth of phone bills house and cell that i could check i din't find anything to indicate another man.

 

I guess I am to stubborn to let it go yet

 

Hi, sorry to chime in late to the game but here's a few suggestions that help me in my train-wreck marriage.

 

(Not train-wreck anymore)

 

 

1. Divorce-busters. Not everyone agrees with their philosophies but I tried them and they really do get stuff done. They absolutely know what they are talking about. I had a divorce coach for a bit and he really cut through the garbage.

 

2. EFT therapy instead of traditional MC. 80% success rate. Barring that, the book Hold Me Tight outlines the EFT principles and I'm sure you could learn from it A LOT. And apply some of it before it's too late. I've learned that even when these things are at Death's Door, that they can be pretty fluidic. The lady who wrote Hold Me Tight is, well, a middle-aged woman and writes like one, but she gets it right, especially the conflicts portions.

 

3. Anything by Gottmann. Great researcher and nails it.

 

4. How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. Great for understanding gender differences in conflict.

Also, When Mars and Venus Collide is alright for conflict. Not great, but alright.

 

It's a tough go, but many men give up right on the threshold of change because they misread the expression of anger or sadness as a sign of failure.

 

If she's actively expressing anger or sadness, my advice to you is: DRAW CLOSE. Often she just wants to feel safe and feel heard.

 

I'm sorry it's been so difficult.

 

Plus check if she's cheating. They all say they aren't.