I think she might be cheating

[Nitro83]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

 

So what is she going to do to prove she is worthy of your trust again?

 

We are going to figure it out. Go to therapy or something. I obviously did something wrong for her to cheat.

[LexiCat29]

We are going to figure it out. Go to therapy or something. I obviously did something wrong for her to cheat.

 

This is silly. Her cheating is not your fault. Even if you did do something wrong, the correct way for her to handle it would have been to talk to you about it rather than running into her exes bed.

[Nitro83]

This is silly. Her cheating is not your fault. Even if you did do something wrong, the correct way for her to handle it would have been to talk to you about it rather than running into her exes bed.

 

I work like 60 hours a week, I do have a part in our breakdown in communication.

[Art_Critic]

I work 60 hrs a week also, I have a wonderful kid and wife who doesn't cheat.

60 hrs a week is nothing that should cause any issue in a relationship...

 

Time for HER to look inward to figure out why SHE cheated.. it wasn't anything you did, this is ALL on her...

 

She shouldn't have been in contact with her EX.. is she still in contact with him ?

[Nitro83]

I work 60 hrs a week also, I have a wonderful kid and wife who doesn't cheat.

60 hrs a week is nothing that should cause any issue in a relationship...

 

Time for HER to look inward to figure out why SHE cheated.. it wasn't anything you did, this is ALL on her...

 

She shouldn't have been in contact with her EX.. is she still in contact with him ?

 

She said she would cease all communication with him immediately. I guess going to couples therapy will bring out why she really cheated, the root of it.

[Friskyone4u]

We are going to figure it out. Go to therapy or something. I obviously did something wrong for her to cheat.

 

That statement is the surest way that it wil happen again. So far do you know anything about how, when, how many times. And it appears she has done a great job convincing you it was your fault.

 

So what is she suggesting doing to convince you that she has broken contact with OM?? She told you so and you believe her???

 

And now you are off to MC where some genius will tell you to forget about her cheating and concentrate on what you did wrong. I guess she deserved the fun.

[eightytwenty]

Me and my fiance work 60 hours a week, there is no cheating here...

 

The girl just told you everything you wanted to hear, put the blame on you, and you are taking that BS? Man...

[BluesPower]

You need to think about what you are saying.

 

Your long term GF, serious enough to buy a house together, cheated on you with an ex.

 

OK, that is bad enough. She had unprotected sex with an ex.

 

You have no idea how long this has been going on.

 

You don't realize this yet, but you will, she is not telling the whole truth to you about anything.

 

Why would you just take her back like that?

 

You are out busting your hump 60 hours a week. Your long term GF is out screwing her ex BF without so much as a rubber. You believe everything that she is telling you.

 

Why is that exactly???

[Nitro83]

You need to think about what you are saying.

 

Your long term GF, serious enough to buy a house together, cheated on you with an ex.

 

OK, that is bad enough. She had unprotected sex with an ex.

 

You have no idea how long this has been going on.

 

You don't realize this yet, but you will, she is not telling the whole truth to you about anything.

 

Why would you just take her back like that?

 

You are out busting your hump 60 hours a week. Your long term GF is out screwing her ex BF without so much as a rubber. You believe everything that she is telling you.

 

Why is that exactly???

 

I was ignoring her needs. I acknowledge that. Relationships take two people, and I was absent. We are not back, but we are speaking and willing to work it out.

[eightytwenty]

I was ignoring her needs. I acknowledge that. Relationships take two people, and I was absent. We are not back, but we are speaking and willing to work it out.[/QUOTe]

 

This is a lesson we all learn the hard way, I'm sorry, but it will happen again

[Nitro83]

This is a lesson we all learn the hard way, I'm sorry, but it will happen again

 

I am sorry, but you don't know that for fact.

[h0000]

OP reminded me of the old saying, Whoever is pitiful must have a cause to be despised

[eightytwenty]

I am sorry, but you don't know that for fact.

You're right, I don't. But I'm 99.9999% sure it will. You allow yourself to be a rug, she'll keep using you as one.

[Nitro83]

You're right, I don't. But I'm 99.9999% sure it will. You allow yourself to be a rug, she'll keep using you as one.

 

Everyone deserves a second chance, no one was killed.

[BluesPower]

Listen, I realize that this is really hard for you to take. Most of us have been there and it is just horrifying.

 

But through that, we have all learned something.

 

1) The betrayed spouse (you) is never, ever, whatever you have done, responsible for the wayward spouse's affair/cheating. Never.

 

2) When caught, cheaters lie. She left you and went straight to he ex's house and screwed him again. Yes, yes she did.

 

3) It does not matter if it was once or a 1000 times, she betrayed you and your relationship. She showed zero respect for you, and more than that she disrespected you in the worst way possible, she gave herself to another man. A man that was not relationship material, he was just a good screw.

 

4) She has probably cheated with other men and she certainly cheated with her ex multiple times, as if that mattered.

 

5) She will cheat again, she has no respect for you at all. And if you take her back, she never will. Ever.

 

Look, you guys don't have kids, you have a house. Please dump this woman and save yourself just a ton of heartache.

[Nitro83]

Listen, I realize that this is really hard for you to take. Most of us have been there and it is just horrifying.

 

But through that, we have all learned something.

 

1) The betrayed spouse (you) is never, ever, whatever you have done, responsible for the wayward spouse's affair/cheating. Never.

 

2) When caught, cheaters lie. She left you and went straight to he ex's house and screwed him again. Yes, yes she did.

 

3) It does not matter if it was once or a 1000 times, she betrayed you and your relationship. She showed zero respect for you, and more than that she disrespected you in the worst way possible, she gave herself to another man. A man that was not relationship material, he was just a good screw.

 

4) She has probably cheated with other men and she certainly cheated with her ex multiple times, as if that mattered.

 

5) She will cheat again, she has no respect for you at all. And if you take her back, she never will. Ever.

 

Look, you guys don't have kids, you have a house. Please dump this woman and save yourself just a ton of heartache.

 

We have been together for five years. I am infertile. WHO IS GOING TO WANT ME ? Do you now damaged I am ? It is better to work things out.

[DKT3]

Listen Nitro, your only looking at the tip of the iceberg, tons more to find look deeper.

 

Don't make the mistake of taking the blame for her cheating, it was all on her. Believe me, I understand that desire to do so. If you blame yourself then it means (in your mind) that by controlling your behavior you can control her fidelity. It simply doesn't work that way. What you're doing is setting the stage for some major rugsweeping.... Which is why some predict it will happen again.

 

Just to clue you in on the behavior you can expect....first off, she most likely ran to this other guy when you busted her...she will continue to contact him, most likely continuing the full affair...

 

Maybe the best thing you can do is just take some time, limit your contact with her. Absolutely do not start any kind of therapy together right now, it's a waste of money. You first have to see if you can shallow that sh#t sandwich, ensure that the affair is over. No sense in going with someone still hanging another guy. And you may not want to hear it but most women absolutely can stop cold turkey, odd are if she could, she would have already done it.

 

PROTECT YOURSELF--VERIFY EVERYTHING--KEEP YOUR EYES AND EAR OPEN AND MOUTH SHUT.

[eightytwenty]

We have been together for five years. I am infertile. WHO IS GOING TO WANT ME ? Do you now damaged I am ? It is better to work things out.

 

Lots of women would want a hard working man, that loves, has a house and ctakes care of his business. Some women can't have kids nor do they want any. You're perfect, no birth control, and don't have to worry about oops. Realize there are more of us with those issues than you think...

 

You aren't damaged at all!!! You have to be strong and confident. You think any one likes telling you this negative stuff? No! We are outsiders that have seen, dealt, and read it on here so much it's sad.

[frus69]

We have been together for five years. I am infertile. WHO IS GOING TO WANT ME ? Do you now damaged I am ? It is better to work things out.

 

This mentality is exactly why she will cheat again and you will let her

[LexiCat29]

We have been together for five years. I am infertile. WHO IS GOING TO WANT ME ? Do you now damaged I am ? It is better to work things out.

 

Ah. Well this explains it! You have extremely low self esteem and you don't think you deserve any better than her.

 

Nobody is saying that you shouldn't give her a second chance. What I think people are getting at is that you are acting like a doormat by taking the blame for her bad behavior.

 

60 hours is not that much. My fiance and I both work at least that and neither of us cheat.

 

There is no excuse for her cheating. If you sweep it under the rug then you're teaching her that her behavior is ok with you. You teach people how to treat you. She's the one who needs to be sorry right now, not you.

 

Infertile or not, you still have balls. Take them out of the jar she keeps in her bedside table and stand up to her! Make her explain herself. Make her think about herself and why she would do this to you.

[kgcolonel]

At least make her drive you to get STD tested.....this will send a message to her that she has put you in danger.....OP, the fact that you can't biologically produce a child doesn't devalue you in any way.....if she has contributed to that, you really need to look at her in a brighter light....you did not cause her to spread her legs, she chose to do that. That, by her actions, is her level of commitment to you....please think about this.

[BluesPower]

You know you feeling like you are not man worthy of love because you are infertile is just wrong.

 

The fact that you cannot father a child has nothing to do with your worth as a man. Would you say to a woman that is infertile the she is worthless? I don't think anyone would say that.

 

There are plenty of women out there that do not want children or that are infertile and know they will have to adopt.

 

Brother, I can only imagine how hard that is for you, but you can get busy living or get busy dying. You have some challenges in front of you no doubt. But are you just going to lay down and die?

 

If you take this woman back you are letting yourself die. You are setting yourself up for misery and heartbreak.

 

You have not fully excepted what she has done. You don't know the truth and you don't want to know it.

 

Don't do this to yourself. You, or any human being in the world, is worth more that this.

 

I will leave you alone now. I really hope you will heed the words that I and other posters have given you in good faith, out of concern for your self worth.

[Space Ritual]

She came home tonight. She wanted to talk. So we spoke. She is not pregnant but did cheat on me with her ex bf. She said she would never do it again. We are going to try and work past this. I love her and cannot imagine life without her.

.

 

You are playing the Pick Me Dance, pal, and you are going to get screwed over bigtime.

 

You do realize that if she was so upset by the lack of communication that she would have actually come to you. She made a conscious decision to go have sex with her ex.

 

Because you are not showing her any consequences for her actions, deep down she has lost a boatload of respect for you. hell, she already did when she banged her Ex. And you know, when people have no respect for someone they purport to love, they go back to the well to have a sip...so rest assured if you show her no consequences and rugsweep this and blame yourself and try to "Nice" her back, you will fail miserably.

 

I know I am being very harsh on you, but I have been in your position before, and doing the things you are about to do will make this process not only harder, but it will lead to her doing it again.

 

I'm sorry but those of us that are telling you thats she is going to do it again are right. As far as she is concerned she can throw a fit and shed a few crocodile tears and hoodwink you into thinking her spreading her legs was your fault.

 

She needs a sinking to her knees blubbering, mascara running, praying for the world to suck her into a vortex moment in order for you to really have any impact on her.

 

Anything less than that is Bullschnitt at it's finest.

 

I feel bad for you, and you seem like a nice guy, which is your downfall, because she will do it to you again the next time she she feels like it. Because she knows you are not going to do anything about it.

 

I used to b a nice guy and got run over like a dumptruck for many years until the scales fell from my eyes and I turned into a not nice guy at all. And I'm glad I did.

 

Find your strength and refuse to rug sweep this. Or you are doomed for a repeat performance. You are in for about a 4 to 6 year rollercoaster if you let her slide on this

 

 

Good Luck.

[Space Ritual]

You know you feeling like you are not man worthy of love because you are infertile is just wrong.

 

The fact that you cannot father a child has nothing to do with your worth as a man.

 

Absolutely this 100 percent, Blues Power!!

 

OP you need to read this over and over....