BluesPower Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 Did not see the house thing. If she knows he is infertile there is no reason for the preg test. She is screwing someone on the side. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 Did not see the house thing. If she knows he is infertile there is no reason for the preg test. She is screwing someone on the side. LOL yes as I said before I wondered why Op didn't just grab the Pregnancy Tests when he saw them, and wondered aloud if she would say she was keeping them for a friend. For some strange reason I could imagine her stating exactly that. lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 Why didn't you check the test result, OP? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ElizabethIII Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 I think a PI is a step too far. What if the PI doesnt find anything? Will the OP just drop it and stay. A total stranger paid to stalk someone? The signs are there: pregnancy, lack of intimacy, guarding her phone, working late, withdrawing, it is obvious she is cheating. So if the PI doesnt find anything, OP will continue to put up with this behavior. I would just call on her at work one day when she is working late. Show up to the building and find out she isnt in there. Take a day off and hang around after work and see her leaving on time and where she goes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nitro83 Posted November 28, 2016 Author Share Posted November 28, 2016 Well, that escalated quickly. Like I said in a previous post, that I do not have a good poker face. To my surprise, earlier she asked me what was wrong. I said nothing, but she poked and prodded. Well, I told her about the unopened pregnancy tests that I found hidden in her car and her face turned beet red. She immediately went on the defensive and accused me of rifling through her car, when in reality I was moving it, moving the seat back as I am tall. I asked her why she was in possession of the tests, and she started to cry and stormed out, and has not returned yet. I didn't yell, I didn't freak, I remained calm the whole time. My gut tells me that she is in panic damage control mode which is why I need to seek the help of a PI who can gather facts, pictures, and even possibly identify whoever it is she is cheating with. No we are not married, but I will have to seek an attorney since we both are on a mortgage/deed together. I left the house too, and am staying at my sisters. I am numb right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 Well, that escalated quickly. Like I said in a previous post, that I do not have a good poker face. To my surprise, earlier she asked me what was wrong. I said nothing, but she poked and prodded. Well, I told her about the unopened pregnancy tests that I found hidden in her car and her face turned beet red. She immediately went on the defensive and accused me of rifling through her car, when in reality I was moving it, moving the seat back as I am tall. I asked her why she was in possession of the tests, and she started to cry and stormed out, and has not returned yet. I didn't yell, I didn't freak, I remained calm the whole time. My gut tells me that she is in panic damage control mode which is why I need to seek the help of a PI who can gather facts, pictures, and even possibly identify whoever it is she is cheating with. No we are not married, but I will have to seek an attorney since we both are on a mortgage/deed together. I left the house too, and am staying at my sisters. I am numb right now. I was going to ask any chance she is late for her period and is thinking maybe she is having your baby. But after such a reaction. those chances are gone. She is definitely cheating. Why do you need to know who he is cheating with though? Not like you can use it in court? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Area57 Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 Sorry man. Stay strong. I think everyone here agrees. Cheating. Sucks man. I feel for you. You sound like a nice guy that deserves better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 I was going to ask any chance she is late for her period and is thinking maybe she is having your baby. The OP knows he cannot have any children hence the significance of the pregnancy tests. I guess by her reaction here it is fairly conclusive she is cheating. Now, you have to go into damage control mode and protect your assets. There is a time for grief but it needs to be put on hold, until after you are certain your finances are protected. I am glad you remained calm, that is important as the last thing you want are court orders banning you from your own home. I do not know when you are in the world but if you are in the UK, you cannot throw her out and she likewise cannot do the same, as you jointly own the property. The only way you could be thrown out is if you behave aggressively and violently so keep it civil at all times, do not let her wind you up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 Her reaction is your answer. I am so sorry for you buddy. I know how much it hurts. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. So sorry... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 Her reaction tells you everything you need to know. It confirms she is cheating on you. Nobody who is innocent would react like that. Don't waste your money on a PI, spend it on a lawyer to untangle your house ownership instead. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 You got you answer. Her accusing you of going through her car is typical cheater script. "How could you invade my privacy to cheat"???? Never ceases to amaze me. I'd bet she's pregnant as well from her reaction Sorry man, better get all your ducks in a row 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 You got your answer. Her accusing you of going through her car is typical cheater script. "How could you invade my privacy to cheat"???? Never ceases to amaze me. I'd bet she's pregnant as well from her reaction Sorry man, better get all your ducks in a row You can't control her. Just let her go. You don't need this in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
ElizabethIII Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 Her reaction told you everything you needed to know. Dony waste your money on a PI. Just end it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME! It's not your fault. Save the money for a lawyer, whom you should see ASAP. Your relationship is over. If you expect her to tell you the truth about anything at this point, I would bet the farm she won't do anything but minimize, justify, an blame her entire affair on you. Go No contact with her now and only have communications regarding division of assets or other financials. It will do you no good to seek closure in this instance. She is too far gone for you to ever get it. Sorry this happened to you, but you'll be ok. Let her be this other guy's problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 Nitro, Not surprising news but in time you will see it beats limbo. Unless it benefits you financially to prove adultery, I cannot see why you would waste money on PI. You know damm well when she left she went right to OM or is certainly in contact with him. Now, if she is actually pregnant, you know damm well it is not yours. But do not be surprised if OM does not want instant family if you all of a sudden get slobbering begging and told she wants you. DO NOT BITE ON THIS unless you are prepared to have OM in your life in one way or the other for a long time. Now move into real anger stage, play hardball, and end this sham. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 You don't need to wast any money on a PI. She has told you all you need to know. She is definitely cheating. All her behaviors point to it. She's not your wife. Dump her and move on to someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nitro83 Posted November 28, 2016 Author Share Posted November 28, 2016 What a day it has been. I met with the private investigator this morning. Before I get into the details, some people have been questioning my usage of such a mechanism. I have no doubt in my mind that she is cheating. With that being said we own property together, and lawyers are going to have to get involved at some point to hash things out, like me buying her out, etc. It is not about me wasting money. It is about me having a file full of her misdeeds in front of me, for personal and legal purposes. I came back to the home to get some things before work, and it seems like she also took some belongings. I have no idea where she is staying. I fought every iota of my being not to contact her after she abruptly left. No contact so far. It hurts but my sanity, well-being, and emotional health are a priority, that much I know. I gave the Private Investigator everything he needed. Work, make, model, license plate of her car, work schedule, etc. In about a week we will reconvene and I will have my proof. I will do my best to stay no contact. But what if she comes home ? I really DO NOT want to talk to her. I forgot to thank everyone for all the advice and encouraging words. How do I rebuild after this? This is like a metaphorical life tsunami. Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 Get down on your knees and thank God you did not marry her and that she showed you her true colors before you did. You dodged a bullet, even though it may not fee like it. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 Many courts do not take "misdeeds" like infidelity into consideration at all when making judgements, so whilst it may make you feel better if you know more about her affair, it may indeed be wasted money if you are doing it thinking it may gain you some advantage. Do you really think this will even reach a court? NO mortgage lender is going to worry about infidelity or who did what and when, they are only worried about who is going to pay the mortgage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ElizabethIII Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 Many courts do not take "misdeeds" like infidelity into consideration at all when making judgements, so whilst it may make you feel better if you know more about her affair, it may indeed be wasted money if you are doing it thinking it may gain you some advantage. Do you really think this will even reach a court? NO mortgage lender is going to worry about infidelity or who did what and when, they are only worried about who is going to pay the mortgage. This is true. I don't know what the law is where the OP lives but in my country, even in marriage, adultery is not taken into account when settling finances. If one spouse was having an affair, they are not penalised financially, they get an equal split. The OP does not need proof of an affair for any reason. They are not even married. He is entitled to break up with his girlfriend for any reason at all. Cheating is not taken into account in a divorce and will not be in just a break up. Thank goodness they are not married though as there would be a presumption that the child would be his as they are married. As they are not married, if she is pregnant then is has nothing to do with him. He seems to determined to know the details of what she has been doing. If he wants to torture himself, so be it. Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 This is true. I don't know what the law is where the OP lives but in my country, even in marriage, adultery is not taken into account when settling finances. If one spouse was having an affair, they are not penalised financially, they get an equal split. The OP does not need proof of an affair for any reason. They are not even married. He is entitled to break up with his girlfriend for any reason at all. Cheating is not taken into account in a divorce and will not be in just a break up. Thank goodness they are not married though as there would be a presumption that the child would be his as they are married. As they are not married, if she is pregnant then is has nothing to do with him. He seems to determined to know the details of what she has been doing. If he wants to torture himself, so be it. IMO...This would be more for closure than anything else...yes, to those of us standing on the sidelines, it is clear but the final nail is important just as it is important in sports to play to the last second as a sign of commitment..... We should go easy on him and not criticize him for the course he has chosen... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ElizabethIII Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 IMO...This would be more for closure than anything else...yes, to those of us standing on the sidelines, it is clear but the final nail is important just as it is important in sports to play to the last second as a sign of commitment..... We should go easy on him and not criticize him for the course he has chosen... I just hope knowing the details doesnt make him feel worse..... Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 I just hope knowing the details doesnt make him feel worse..... Understood, but sometimes the pain is what keeps us from returning for more....I get you though..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nitro83 Posted November 29, 2016 Author Share Posted November 29, 2016 She came home tonight. She wanted to talk. So we spoke. She is not pregnant but did cheat on me with her ex bf. She said she would never do it again. We are going to try and work past this. I love her and cannot imagine life without her. Link to post Share on other sites
Formerfiveo Posted November 29, 2016 Share Posted November 29, 2016 I'm so sorry you're going through this. So what is she going to do to prove she is worthy of your trust again? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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