Living a true and authentic life

[Hopeful714]

I had a horrible thanksgiving and its all my fault.

 

Some friends invited me out for drinks the night before thanksgiving and I overdrank. This happened for several reasons. One, because I didn't want to go in the first place, and two because I was with a group of people that I really don't fit in with. I therefore had anxiety about the evening from the beginning and drank way too much. It was bad. Thankfully I made it home with out incident however I was sick all the next day at my families and couldn't even keep down food. They thought I had the flu. I am overridden now with guilt and anxiety over what I did, and ruining my holiday. I'm still not feeling 100% well. It's awful.

 

While I was out (at a neighborhood bar) I ran into some other people I knew from years ago. All asked if I ever got married and once again I had to explain myself and say no. I don't get why people can't comprehend that marriage just never happened for me and its not the end of the world. For the most part I'm fine. But it gets so tiring being made to feel like less than, or incomplete, or like something is wrong with me just because I'm not married. Seriously, at this point (I'm 51) i had my share of bad relationships so I'm not even sure id want to be.

 

My life is far from over. I'm educated, have a decent job, I keep myself fit, and I'm still somewhat pretty. Earlier this year I had my eyes done because I felt I looked tired. And, because people at work were always telling me I looked tired. Isn't that messed up? Well that didn't turn out as well as I hoped so I'm very self conscious of it now. Although my family didn't say anything, (I didn't tell anyone) I'm sure they notice I look a bit different and I sense their disapproval which only makes me feel worse about it, and my choice.

 

I feel like I'm suppose to fit into all these molds that people have for me. I'm supposed to be the same person I was in high school with my friends (and I'm sooo not). I'm supposed to be the same little girl that's supposed to gain approval from my older siblings (which I'm not). But because these are all the people I know...and it's hard to meet new people at my age, I feel stuck. And like I am not being my authentic self. How the heck do I break outta this?

 

I need to make changes but I'm set in my ways and scared to venture out...I'm finding I spend more and more time alone and its not healthy. Yet if I stay in these confines that people have me/or see me in I'm going to wither and die.

 

Is this a common feeling for this age? What to do? How can I reinvent myself at 51 and feel happy again?

 

 

.

[losangelena]

Well, why do you care so much what others think of you? High school friends, acquaintances, coworkers—their opinions shouldn't hold much weight.

 

I mean, I think everyone has this to some degree, but at a certain point you have to be able to say, "so what?" So what if your coworkers think you look tired? So what if you're not the same as you were in school (I would NEVER expect that of someone, by the way)? So what if you're not seeking the approval of your older siblings? What will happen if you eschew these things? What's the worst that could happen?

 

It does take courage to stand up and be your own person. There may be consequences to your actions. But consider the alternative: a life wracked with guilt and anxiety. I took that step a few years ago. I'd grown up in a very Christian household, and as an adult I continued to go to church and be involved in Christian community. However, as I'd gotten older, I started to really question those beliefs, and realized that I was not living an authentic life by continuing to act religious, so I took a big step back from all that. Was there fallout? Yep, you bet. I lost some friendships and my mother was/is upset. But, I don't feel the anxiety I used to feel, nor the guilt. I feel happy and free, and able to be more authentic. I look back on it and regard it as one of the best decisions I've ever made to improve my quality of life.

 

Have you ever gone to see a therapist or counselor? They're not a cure all, but they could help you delve into some of the reasons why you carry these burdens around with you. I've found mine to be very helpful.

[Expectmore]

Its not easy sometimes.

Im 46 and used to be in my own little bubble.

Also in great shape ...good job...

It took listening to some of the most successful people on earth and changing the way I think of myself.

You sound as if you are proud of your self and know your value as a Woman. Now just let it out bit by bit till your comfortable.

U tube tedx and find some motivation.

We all have value. Others try to take it away for no real reason that serves any good purpose.

I have found my best by helping people and sometimes just saying a few extra words when exchanging with a stranger during my normal day opens me up to feel better about myself.

I personally find 51 an attractive age for many women.

Good luck and feel great about yourself!!!!

[Hopeful714]

Yea, I think I got some more work to do. I just wish things were different. Yet I'm not quite sure how to get from where I am to where/who I want to be.

 

I am proud of myself. Not in an arrogant way but I had a tough childhood yet I was able to make something of myself...even if that means just keeping my nose clean, earning an honest living and not screwing people over or taking from people. it just blows my mind that these "friends" are potheads, ex drug addicts, had multiple marriages, tons of self created problems and claw and scrape to get by. I just don't fit in with them. I shouldn't be in that crowd. I need better friends.

 

Why do I care about what people say about me? I'm not sure. I know I shouldn't. I suppose it's because I'm all alone, without a close positive support system that sometimes what people say to... or about me affects me a bit more than it may affect others.

 

I'm sure if anything the effects from my alcohol binge, along with the holiday season isn't helping much with how I'm feeling today. I really could pass on this whole time of year.

[dichotomy]

About 6-8 years ago I decided I was a tired of "me" - my true self - and set out to change and grow. Fitness was the first stop, but there was a whole series of things I decided to explore, things that were difficult, I got some plastic surgery (actually went back when I was not happy with results), got some therapy for some long standing hurts over losses, got some adjustments in medications, joined a MMA school, and tried to open up my thinking. Its been a slow change - at first it was like putting on a new coat - pretending to be someone else - but then it started to be a part of me. Fake it till you make it - was one of my therapist suggestions.

 

I was always a late bloomer and felt I took the next step in growing. I am 51 now and get a little depressed over being older sometimes, wishing I had tried this earlier in life, wishing I had this fearless approach, and wondering whats next for me. However I am open to what ever comes my way to try. Really anything that presents it self - I am willing to consider giving it a go.

Edited November 27, 2016 by dichotomy

[BluesPower]

You no what I think, at our age, just be yourself.

 

If you want to be fit, be fit. If you want to get work done, do it.

 

If you want a relationship, find one.

 

If you want new friends, go get them.

 

Whatever it is, at our age I think we have earned the right to do whatever we want to.

[Satu]

One of the most important principles I live my life by is:

 

 

Be exactly the same person on the outside, that you are on the inside.

 

 

I honestly can't imagine living any other way.

 

 

Take care.