Divorced...almost

[RebelSoul]

Hey all I'm new here. I am just about divorced (not finalized yet..soon). I was with my ex for a decade and married for half of it.

 

He decided one day he didn't want to be with me anymore because he couldn't take my personality (ENFP for sure) and that I wouldn't give up things I was passionate about.

 

When it first happened, I was devastated. After some time away from him, I have come to realize that I am so much better off without him. I can be myself, I don't have to dull my personality for him, and I have been able to find myself again.

 

Counseling opened my eyes to this (I went alone, he refused to go). The fact that there was nothing wrong with me and that the reason he treated me the way he did (narcissist, self centered) was because of flaws in himself he wasn't happy with and projecting on me. I always made excuses for his behavior and blamed myself for it when it wasn't my fault at all.

 

Just wanted to share that it is ok and you will be ok! There is someone out there who will love you for you and not try to change you as a person.

 

I have to ask...if you are also divorced/going through it how did you commemorate this time in your life?

[Mr. Lucky]

(ENFP for sure)

 

Extra Nice Friendly Person?

 

Sometimes the acronyms get to be a bit much...

 

Mr. Lucky

[LancasterAmos1966]

 

When it first happened, I was devastated. After some time away from him, I have come to realize that I am so much better off without him.

 

 

I have to ask...if you are also divorced/going through it how did you commemorate this time in your life?

 

 

The devastation happened to me too --- that part seems fairly common.

 

The next part, "commemorating" our time spent with another fellow human doesn't seem to be as popular in separation/divorce.

 

For me, I'm "only" estranged from my wife but it's more of a divorce without the legal paperwork.

 

I look back with fondness on my marriage.

 

Why??

 

Because once I got it in my head that she is a fellow human with wants and desires just like me, I was able to truly set her free with love.

 

And like you RebelSoul, my life is way better without her!! But I will not forget those 20+ years I spent with a special person.

 

Anyway, it might sound crazy, but I commemorate my anniversary day by going out to eat and having a fun day with my kids. I'm always looking for an excuse to eat out so I'm planning on doing this for awhile.

Edited November 27, 2016 by LancasterAmos1966

[LancasterAmos1966]

Extra Nice Friendly Person?

 

 

Hi Mr Lucky,

 

It probably means this:

 

ENFP is an abbreviation used in the publications of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator to refer to one of sixteen personality types. The MBTI assessment was developed from the work of prominent psychiatrist Carl G. Jung in his book Psychological Types.

 

Extraversion (E), Intuition (N), Feeling (F), Perception (P)

 

Haha, I learned a new abbreviation too!!

[Just a Guy]

Hi Lancaster, I guess the OP herself can shed light on that particular abbreviation. I find the multitude of abbreviations that people just throw out there assuming that everyone like themselves will be familiar with them is a tad frustrating. When I come across an abbreviation I am not familiar with I immediately start wrestling with it trying to break it down to understand what it stands for in the context of the sentence where it was inserted. The simpler ones are easy to deconstruct but the more difficult ones( like in this post) just defy deconstruction. I'm amazed Mr. Lucky came up with something that actually makes a lot of sense in the context of it's usage. The OP does seem to be an intrinsically nice person. Too bad her ex did not find her so.

 

Of course divorces are sad business regardless of how they came about. Maybe I am the perennial romantic but I think that when two people merge their common destinies toarry and live together as a couple then divorce is an ugly word. I would rather a person live as a singleton than get married and then divorce. I think a lot of marriages break up these days because for one thing people do not do their due diligence in establishing whether a particular person is actually compatible with them. Sometimes they get swayed against their better judgement and sometimes it is the effect of rose coloured glasses. Whatever the circumstances, it is very sad when something like this happens.

 

Rebel, I am sorry that you find yourself single after having had a relationship for the last ten years. While it is sad that your marriage has broken up the positive factor is you are now free to be yourself and pursue your own interests and have your own friends. This time around, with 20/20 hindsight you can choose any future partner to be completely compatible with you. Do your due diligence so that the person in your life in the future complements you fully. Wishing you all the very best. Cheers.

[PegNosePete]

Most 4-letter abbreviations in the context of "I am a XXXX" are Myers-Briggs personality types. Personally I find boxing your personality into 1 of 16 pre-defined types to be dumbing it down too much. We are all individual and it's no more possible or useful to categorise ourselves into a Myers-Briggs type than it is to categorise ourselves into 12 Zodiac signs.

 

But then I'm a Virgo and Virgos usually say that.

 

Anyway back to the OP. How did I commemorate it? I didn't, I wrote it off as a bad patch and got on with living the rest of my life as happily and as well as I could.

[DKT3]

Most 4-letter abbreviations in the context of "I am a XXXX" are Myers-Briggs personality types. Personally I find boxing your personality into 1 of 16 pre-defined types to be dumbing it down too much. We are all individual and it's no more possible or useful to categorise ourselves into a Myers-Briggs type than it is to categorise ourselves into 12 Zodiac signs.

 

But then I'm a Virgo and Virgos usually say that.

 

Anyway back to the OP. How did I commemorate it? I didn't, I wrote it off as a bad patch and got on with living the rest of my life as happily and as well as I could.

 

Actually human behavior isn't as varied as many think, and most people do in fact fit into these categories. There are exceptions, but very few.

[salparadise]

Personally I find boxing your personality into 1 of 16 pre-defined types to be dumbing it down too much. We are all individual and it's no more possible or useful to categorise ourselves into a Myers-Briggs type than it is to categorise ourselves into 12 Zodiac signs.

 

But then I'm a Virgo and Virgos usually say that.

 

Anyway back to the OP. How did I commemorate it? I didn't, I wrote it off as a bad patch and got on with living the rest of my life as happily and as well as I could.

 

 

Oh, c'mon Pete. You know the MBTI is not about limiting individuality. It's about categorizing the full range of personalities. You know, like putting all the red marbles in one group, all the blue in another, etc., based on observable differences and similarities, and giving each group a logical name.

 

Human beings classify everything. Why would you think it's not possible or useful to classify personality characteristics? Not useful to you personally I can accept (with some cynicism), but it certainly is possible... and useful to most I think.

Edited November 28, 2016 by salparadise

[LancasterAmos1966]

I'm amazed Mr. Lucky came up with something that actually makes a lot of sense in the context of it's usage.

 

Good morning Just a Guy.

 

Haha, yes, Mr Lucky did a great job for sure!! But the Experts would not want to make it that easy -- they use words that require a dictionary for people like me.

 

 

I would rather a person live as a singleton than get married and then divorce. I think a lot of marriages break up these days because for one thing people do not do their due diligence in establishing whether a particular person is actually compatible with them.

I understand what you are saying, but quite frankly, if I had to choose a lifetime of singleness vs having my wife walk away --- I'd choose getting married and then having her walk.

 

 

 

 

Sometimes they get swayed against their better judgement and sometimes it is the effect of rose coloured glasses. Whatever the circumstances, it is very sad when something like this happens.

Yes, it is sad.

 

And in my opinion, a divorce that happens within the very early stages of marriage is even more sad.

 

But anything over maybe 3 years, is probably not the fault of any "due diligence" or background check for compatibility.

 

For instance, I really don't know how a pair of pants or shoes will fit until I wear them.

 

And I think marriage is similar. We can get a general feeling that we are compatible, but until we really share life together for awhile, we don't know how we are going to be together.

 

And that's why I think the marriage vow covers all bases -- for better or worse, in sickness and health, in riches or poverty until death do us part -- it's an attempt to have us work on the relationship, instead of giving up.

 

Some employees stay for 30 years, others make it 3 years.

 

Some of my neighbors have lived in their house forever, while others are moving after a few years.

 

I see the similarities in marriage too.....some last a lifetime, others last just a short season.

[LancasterAmos1966]

I find boxing your personality into 1 of 16 pre-defined types to be dumbing it down too much.

 

Yes, I hear what you are saying PegNosePete; but I'll even make it worse.....by narrowing it down to 1 out of 4 categories.

 

Many years ago, I came upon a book talking about the 4 primary temperaments in many humans. It was probably at a yard sale for a nickel, so I bought it.

 

It was about the 4 predominate temperaments, and then I remember those 4 primary categories were expanded to include variations of other temperaments. I don't have the book any longer, so I'm going from memory.

 

I don't think we were boxing ourselves in -- I think it really helped us to understand the differences in each other. For instance, it helped us understand that she was an extrovert and I was an introvert.

 

So, instead of condemning me for being quiet when I enter a room full of strangers, she would understand that is who I am.

 

And instead of condemning her for going into a room looking for an opportunity to talk and introduce herself, the book helped me understand that she felt very normal going into a room full of strangers and talking to them.

 

I really don't know much about the newer types of classifications; I just happen to like what I learned years ago about those four temperament categories.

Edited November 28, 2016 by LancasterAmos1966

[Mr. Lucky]

ENFP is an abbreviation used in the publications of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator to refer to one of sixteen personality types. The MBTI assessment was developed from the work of prominent psychiatrist Carl G. Jung in his book Psychological Types.

 

Extraversion (E), Intuition (N), Feeling (F), Perception (P)

 

Haha, I learned a new abbreviation too!!

 

I'm familiar with the personality types though have to admit I didn't recall all 16 acronyms for the classifications. I just find dropping a relatively obscure reference like that to be unhelpful, for lack of a better word.

 

Maybe it's just me. Half the time, can't understand what my 18-year old is saying either ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Just a Guy]

Hi folks, seems like Rebel said her piece and scooted. No responses to the many comments on her thread. Maybe she is celebrating or 'commemorating' her new found freedom with full abandon having been recently freed from the shackles of a confining relationship. Well, all we can do is wish her well. Have a good day folks.