My night out with the ex

[blackendangel13]

Ok so here are the vital back-story tidbits. We broke up almost a year ago, stopped seeing each other completely in early August. It was a mutual break-up; we were both at a very hard point in life and needed to work on ourselves. I felt strung along so I ended all contact with him. I moved on (as best I could), got in a new relationship, and around October he started emailing me. I had a lot of anger towards him and hurt left so I asked and told him to leave me alone. I lashed out at several of his emails because he would just not let it die and let me live my life without his presence. So after I broke up with my other ex about 2-3 months ago (only a 6 month relationship) I got an email from him again. I was seeing things a little more clearly then and responded with a not so mean response back. We have been talking via email ever since. We have talked about the past and he has acknowledged his mistakes and apologized, as have I.

 

So yesterday we went to a concert together. It was one of his favorite bands and the first time we have actually hung out with any alone time together in almost a year. I was so nervous when I picked him up. My coworker was making it worse all day by calling it a date, which it wasn't. As soon as he got in the car and we started talking it seemed like nothing had changed. I immediately felt comfortable and there was no weird silent moments the whole night. I bought him a beer and we chatted and laughed about old memories and fun times we had together.

 

When the band that we came to see was setting up, we got in the pits and were talking. We talked about where we were in life and the past a little. He said he pretty much replaced me with five things he will never accomplish; I replied that I replaced him with five things that I will accomplish. We all had a good laugh. Somehow we got to talk about relationships and he went on about how sorry he was again. I had to literally put my hand over his mouth to stop him because I didn't want to have that conversation everytime we speak. He said that right now he is trying to get comfortable enough with the idea to have a girlfriend. I said the same. He said that we just don't like people, and he doesn't like many females. I don't know if he said that as a hint to me positively or negatively because it came out of left field after he profusely apologized about what happened with us.

 

I was on my way to another bar but he wanted to go home because he had to be up early for work and what not. I really admired that because he was never one to put his foot down on anything regardless if he wanted to do it or not. It was nice to see how much he is learning to stand on his own now. So I took him home and the whole way we were laughing. He was talking about how he was going to go home and make food. I was begging him to stop because it was making me so hungry but he was getting a kick out of picking on me, and I really didn't mind. I thought it was funny. He said he'd open a can of soup and give me a spoon for the ride. Then we were talking about the cooking that we missed of each other's. He said he would make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and win me over like last time. I fell in love with him over 3 years ago on New Years Eve when I was crying (I had a horrible horrible day) and he made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at his house. We had a good laugh. He said he missed f*****g with me and the fun we used to have.

 

So I stopped to drop him off. He thanked me for going with him to the show. I said since I invited and drove him he technically went with me. I called him on it and laughed about it. He said "Peace" and I called him a sell-out and he flipped me off in a playful way. He sent me the pics from his cell phone today.

 

It was scary because at times during the show I wanted to kiss him and hug him and have him hold me. Thats how much it felt like it did before. It felt like I'd be perfectly justified doing so. We laughed about a lot of old memories. We laughed a lot actually. It was nice. At this point, I am trying to prepare for the worst thinking that he meant he wanted to move on with someone else by that speech but he never talks to me about other girls, so it makes me wonder. Not to mention when we broke up he said he never wanted to be with anyone else and I was probably the last girlfriend he would ever have. I don't want to get my hopes up though. I still do love him but I am not ready to take that hard a fall when it doesn't happen you know.

[BLF04]

That sounded like a hell of a time. It sounds like you both still love being with each other. I would keep in contact. Feel it out from there.

[clynn]

Sounds like you two should be spending more time together.

 

In fact, I didn't read into the situation that he was all that interested in other girls at all. Not at all.

[blackendangel13]

Thanks for all the support guys. I can't describe how good I am feeling right now. I have a great calm about me. Even if it was just this one night it was still a great night. I am going to let him sit for awhile. I am not going to contact him and wait for him to contact me, give him a little time to miss me and ponder the fun we had. We didn't make any promises to hang out again but he did hint about it and invited me to a few parties in a non-challant way and told me where he'd be for the next few weekends.

 

I am almost positive I will see him at a show next Friday. So even if we don't talk till then we will talk next week. He has started to go to places where I am on weekends now that he knows it doesn't upset me. Its really amazing because when we broke up I never thought we'd be hanging out again a year later. I was"all or nothing".

[clynn]

keep us posted!

 

who knows? maybe timing is better now.

[blackendangel13]

Well here is an update.

 

Its been almost two weeks since me and the ex went out. I sent an email to my friends and included him, about wanting to see a movie that I knew he wanted to see. All of my friends blew me off that night and he emailed me saying he had seen it, wanted to see it again, and would go if he wasn't so busy that weekend.

 

So I said cool, I was expecting to see him on Friday but he didn't come out. I was disappointed but no big deal. Today he emailed me asking if I had gone to see the movie. I told him that everyone bailed and I didn't go. He knows my taste and said that I'd really like it so I said I would go by myself tomorrow since the movie was $5. He knew I'd be going alone obviously because I said so, and said he wished he could go with me but he is so busy lately. I handled it well and said that was cool maybe some other time.

 

So I have invited him out a few times but he has been busy. The second time I didn't really ask him, he volunteered he couldn't go. So I guess I am at a loss now. Keep casually inviting him or let him come to me, which may not happen. I am still seeing what is out there in the world. I went on a date the other day and it didn't work out so I am not holding up my life for him.

[clynn]

Rats!

 

....and it sounded so promising!

 

Not that it maybe isn't but, geeze, he doesn't seem too motivated, does he?

 

Why is he so busy? What with? Work? Friends? Other things?

Is this expected to change at all?

[blackendangel13]

Thats kind of where I am at. Confused. I know he is busy. He was usually a busy beaver and he did say that he replaced me with five things he will never accomplish. I have no clue what he is filling his time with or if he will be free soon. I haven't really asked because I don't want to seem like I am trying to "win" him back.

 

He just doesn't seem very motivated in general. When I asked him to the concert he was rightfully confused and we agreed we were both crossing a line, but didn't know what line. He told me he had only been thinking about getting me to talk to him again and now that he accomplished that he wasn't really thinking of anything further. Then at the show and after he dropped all these hints about missing me and bla bla bla. I don't know. I have set myself a reasonable goal of September. If things aren't on a clear route I am going to have to be done, but for now I don't know what to do.

[blackendangel13]

Ok so here is my little update on my situation.

 

The ex and I are still talking. Friday I had a party and he came. We chatted, hug out, had fun, etc. Well after the keg had ran out and everyone was slowly dispersing, I took him in my bedroom to see the cat. The cat is sort of a mutual cat. I prefer to think of it as our child because the cat means that much to us. The kitty recognized him immediately and was so happy to see him. Its been a year since he has seen the cat. We were in my room with the door closed (so the cat would not be scared, he is not a people cat at all) for 15 minutes and were just talking and laughing. As soon as we stopped for a minute we heard silence. When we got up and out of the room the entire party was gone!!

 

Well by now it was about 2:30 am. I knew if I stayed home I'd be a cleaning machine and actually just wanted to crash. So I asked if I could walk the ex home just to tire myself out a little, he lives a good 14 city blocks away. He said sure. So we walked from my house to his and laughed and talked the whole way. When we were almost to his house I asked if I could use his bathroom because thats a long walk back crossing my legs the whole way. He said of course and when I got there I asked if his offer to make me a sandwich (which he suggested on the walk) still stood. He said sure. So I hung out at his house and we talked about relationship failures and what we had. He again went on his little rant about how I wasn't the problem and he was sorry. I said I knew and apologized for the mean way I tried to push him away and explained my logic in doing so.

 

After a few hours at his house he was yawning and it made me yawn. I knew I had a long walk ahead of me so I said I should be going. Now here is the part that confuses me. He looked in my eyes and asked "are you confortable walking home this late?", which I am going to place the time about 5 a.m. Now he doesn't have a bad neighborhood and has never really worried about me in the first place, at least not outwardly. I wish to God I wasn't so out of it or I would have probed behind this statement more. Basically I said yeah no problem and left. I am wondering, do you think he asked because HE wanted me to stay, because he thought thats what I wanted (since I walked so far to his house), or was he just being nice. I really wanted to stay but I am trying to take my time. But DAMN I want him back so bad. But I am sure if I had stayed and we had sex I'd be a wreck. I doubt that would have happened and probably would have opted to stay on his couch, but I am thinking worst case scenerio.

 

We may be going to a movie tomorrow just me, him, and the friend I referred to in another post. He has also been suggesting we do more together and sent me an email about how nice it was to see me and the cats and he had a great time. Hope it works out. I have already decided that if it isn't going anywhere in the next few months (2 max) than I am going to sit him down and tell him I can't be friends, its just too hard. I don't know if he is trying to be friends or more. He makes statements about not looking for anyone which I don't know if it means anyone or "anyone else". Any advice here would be great!

[clynn]

Aaaah, sounds like a tough one indeed.

 

I think you're doing a very good job at being friends with him and hmmmm, yes I wonder if he was inviting you to stay or would have invited you to stay and what would have happened....??? You're right though, probably it would've been harder had you slept with him (it might have been hard not to if you'd stayed)....and then you may both still be in a place of uncertainty now anyhow.

 

I can't tell. Does he want more? It seems as if this is definitely a "feeling out" stage.

 

I hope the movie goes well with the friend.

 

Keep us posted.

[blackendangel13]

To be honest, thinking as rationally as possible here, I think he wants me too. I just don't think he knows if he wants me sexually, emotionally, or just wants me back. He invited me out with his friends this week which is a good step since I have been doing all of the inviting lately.

 

Being friends is killing me. I wanted to hug him and kiss him so bad last weekend. I have set myself a deadline of early Novemeber and if his intentions are not clear I am going to lay it all out on the line and tell him I can't be just friends. Being friends is just not possible for me and he knows this, so I wonder what he is thinking.

 

Had I stayed at his house it could have been very good or very bad. I have replayed the outcomes in my head and I think I made the right choice because had he kissed me or anything I might have false hope. He seems as confused as me so I need to stick it out a little longer. I think so far I am doing a good job of making him fall back in love with me. He has told me he never stopped. We are both feeling each other out to see if we can make it work I guess, whether as friends (which I can't) or more. I am hoping for the best but right now I am not digging the friend thing.

 

No word on whether he is going to the movies with me and friend tonight.

[blackendangel13]

So I am feeling pretty low and need to rant a little. Not only did my ex bail on the movie he invited himself to go to with me but he invited me to another movie, which his brother bought on bootleg and he is going to watch without me. So he flaked on me twice this week. I am going to go back to no contact and try to move on. He pulls this **** all the time with watching movies I want to see without me or without giving me a second thought. Guess I am seeing how little he has changed and need to get far away before I get hurt all over. Hopefully for my sake he will not contact me because I am not very strong. It just seems I am getting my hopes up too high here.