Compatibility issues? Is my relationship doomed?

[kismetkismet]

I haven't read your other threads so I will answer with just this in mind.

 

Not wanting to show PDA because you are not sure how your place of work is going to react to it, is completely different from hiding the relationship for any other reason. It's not at all personal, it's 100% professional (or at least it can be, not sure if you have other reasons).

 

The fact that he doesn't understand that is immature, and it's something that you should have discussed and decided on beforehand.

 

My fiancé and I work together as well, but similar to you we were in different enough departments that our days never overlapped. I was nervous about how my bosses and managers would react as well and didn't want to disclose it until I knew it was going to be serious/long term, whereas he was gung ho with going public straight away. We discussed repeatedly how we were going to deal with it and decided on how to roll it out together. at 3 months we started talking about it with people, at 4 months we went to the xmas party together, then when we moved in together at 5 months he started visiting me at my desk on his breaks (just to say hi).

 

this is something you need to decide together based on your relationship and based on your work situation. You can't hide it forever, but you need to decide how serious it is, and then find out what the company policy is. If the relationship is worth the risk and you trust him not to compromise your career then you'll have to 'come out' at some point.

[DeeplyMissHer]

I don't think wanting to show to much PDA is a bad thing. But from the sounds of things your boyfriend sounds clingy and I can see that being a turn off.

[Sweetfish]

Sarah, I want to talk to you from a guys perspective.

 

(and not all men are like this, so if you do have a comment were talking about men similar to the OPs relationship.)

 

You have to understand that he is addicted to video games. On a good note its not drugs or alcohol. However, it is in the same realm and because its not viewed as "toxic" as the other two it kinda gets a pass as 'being OK'

 

Why video games? Because its a challenge to him and this challenge stimulates him. He has taken you for granted and the video game is literally his "arousal" If the video game had boobs and can give him sex, he would leave you in a minute, but as of right now.. ALL HIS NEEDS ARE BEING MEET.

 

You need to treat this as any other addiction. It flies under the radar because it doesn't have the ill affects like other addictions

 

Your needs have changed. You said you liked video games and now you don't anymore. This is a dynamics I see in many relationships. Men tend to stay consistent and women change and evolve(with the exception of depression or other mental issues). The other exception is the person real true nature shines and it was simply dormant.

 

How do you treat an addiction. With a shock and sadly the only way I personally believe to do this... is to breakup with him.

 

Please read the other threads in the coping section and see how almost every single men copes there. They see that they screwed up and literally move mountains to fix the problems. Every man is different. Some will follow thru and some will not.

 

The only way he will reflect on his bad behavior is to be dumped and he will either grow or he will not. Personally, if you REALLY want to be with him this is the only way, but it will change the dynamics of the relationship for ever. It maybe for better or it maybe worse..but its better than purgatory.

 

When you breakup with him (because you will. I promise you..you will) You'll need self reflection and personal time to reflect on your bad behavior as well (IE. putting up with some of this crap) This is when you will fully know if you really want to be with him. What your doing is systematically falling out of love with him by giving him chances to the point you will ultimately not love him anymore or lose respect for him..which is already in the process.

 

When you breakup with him he will promise you the world and he won't live up to those promises because people cannot change at the flick of a switch. It will take him months for this to sink in and do not take him back until it sinks in...if you do;)

 

He needs to understand he can have a healthy dose of videos games, his gf, and wealth with proper balance.

 

If you want to keep what ever little love that is left. My personal opinion is dump him.

Edited December 10, 2016 by Sweetfish

[sarah999]

Sarah, I want to talk to you from a guys perspective.

 

(and not all men are like this, so if you do have a comment were talking about men similar to the OPs relationship.)

 

You have to understand that he is addicted to video games. On a good note its not drugs or alcohol. However, it is in the same realm and because its not viewed as "toxic" as the other two it kinda gets a pass as 'being OK'

 

Why video games? Because its a challenge to him and this challenge stimulates him. He has taken you for granted and the video game is literally his "arousal" If the video game had boobs and can give him sex, he would leave you in a minute, but as of right now.. ALL HIS NEEDS ARE BEING MEET.

 

You need to treat this as any other addiction. It flies under the radar because it doesn't have the ill affects like other addictions

 

Your needs have changed. You said you liked video games and now you don't anymore. This is a dynamics I see in many relationships. Men tend to stay consistent and women change and evolve(with the exception of depression or other mental issues). The other exception is the person real true nature shines and it was simply dormant.

 

How do you treat an addiction. With a shock and sadly the only way I personally believe to do this... is to breakup with him.

 

Please read the other threads in the coping section and see how almost every single men copes there. They see that they screwed up and literally move mountains to fix the problems. Every man is different. Some will follow thru and some will not.

 

The only way he will reflect on his bad behavior is to be dumped and he will either grow or he will not. Personally, if you REALLY want to be with him this is the only way, but it will change the dynamics of the relationship for ever. It maybe for better or it maybe worse..but its better than purgatory.

 

When you breakup with him (because you will. I promise you..you will) You'll need self reflection and personal time to reflect on your bad behavior as well (IE. putting up with some of this crap) This is when you will fully know if you really want to be with him. What your doing is systematically falling out of love with him by giving him chances to the point you will ultimately not love him anymore or lose respect for him..which is already in the process.

 

When you breakup with him he will promise you the world and he won't live up to those promises because people cannot change at the flick of a switch. It will take him months for this to sink in and do not take him back until it sinks in...if you do;)

 

He needs to understand he can have a healthy dose of videos games, his gf, and wealth with proper balance.

 

If you want to keep what ever little love that is left. My personal opinion is dump him.

 

thank you for the insightful info. I realize this is really what I am heading towards, and I know a breakup will really really hurt me, and him. But if this relationship is heading into oblivion, then maybe I should take the first step. But I just don't want to do anything hotheaded.

[sarah999]

So the next move. Can I just email him the spreadsheet? Yesterday I showed it to him on my phone and he seemed pretty interested in it but the text was so small and hard to read, he might've glossed over it. I just want to set the record straight. Is this a bad move? I just want to treat him the way I am treated.

[basil67]

So the next move. Can I just email him the spreadsheet? Yesterday I showed it to him on my phone and he seemed pretty interested in it but the text was so small and hard to read, he might've glossed over it. I just want to set the record straight. Is this a bad move? I just want to treat him the way I am treated.

 

This would only bring you down to this level.

 

If you're at the point of treating him badly because that's what he does to you, then you need to leave while you're still a good person.

[basil67]

I am reluctant to ask now, because last time I asked him to pay me half of the groceries from Costco, I apparently ended up upsetting him.

 

Actually yesterday, when he denied being calculating, I said I didn't feel that way. When he denied it the first time, I said, "no, I feel you care about [the expenses] very much." Then he said he really didn't care about expenses. I might have repeated myself once more, I don't remember, but in the end he kept denying it and said he would pinky swear it and told me to stop worrying about it. I finally relented because I figured just saying I didn't believe his denials wasn't getting us anywhere.

 

Too bad if you upset him! He owes you the money, now do something about it.

 

Response to his denials "You can deny and explain all you want, I simply don't believe you". If he keeps arguing, repeat yourself. Repeat the phrase as many times as you wish until he gives up on it.

 

Sarah, you're walking on so many eggshells with this guy lest you upset him. Do you know that this isn't what good relationships look like?

[sarah999]

Yeah I did upset him, , because he barely texted me and just texted me to tell me he won't be seeing me tonight and tomorrow he has plans (I knew about his plans tomorrow a while ago), even though his plans don't take his entire day, he told me that he'll be busy the entire day tomorrow.

 

I assume he is still upset at me, even though we discussed the expenses issue and the party pda issue yesterday, he did apologize for the expenses issue and I apologized for the pda issue. To be honest I am still feeling sad about this whole thing. I am not sure if I want to see him again quite yet.

 

How should I treat him right now? Should I stop reaching out to him or something. I don't want to come across as too needy, or too "nice" (i.e., take cr*p and still act nice).

Edited December 10, 2016 by sarah999

[basil67]

How should you treat him right now? Take our advice and end it with him. Put this awful relationship out of it's misery.

[sarah999]

Too bad if you upset him! He owes you the money, now do something about it.

 

Response to his denials "You can deny and explain all you want, I simply don't believe you". If he keeps arguing, repeat yourself. Repeat the phrase as many times as you wish until he gives up on it.

 

Sarah, you're walking on so many eggshells with this guy lest you upset him. Do you know that this isn't what good relationships look like?

 

Well to clarify he doesn't owe me money quite yet. I included the past two months of gym payments that I paid for him as part of the "debt" I was paying back. So next month's gym payment, he will owe me. I figured if he's calculating with me I can be calculating with him.

 

I was actually tempted to keep repeating the statement. It's funny, several weeks ago, we were watching a movie in which a girl kept repeating the same thing to a guy because the guy refused to listen to her. And my bf made a comment about how he hated her and she's annoying because she keeps repeating the same line. Again, you're right, too many eggshells I'm walking on. My head is going to explode. You said a long time ago that I would eventually get fed up, well right now, I am starting to get fed up.

Edited December 10, 2016 by sarah999

[sarah999]

How should you treat him right now? Take our advice and end it with him. Put this awful relationship out of it's misery.

 

I am afraid because it is scary even though I know I have to do it sooner or later. There is still some good I will miss in this relationship, esp since it's my first one.

 

Also I am afraid if I end things with him, I might end up jeopardizing my career as we work for the same company. An incident happened 2 weeks ago where my bf had a grudge against one of his coworkers (100% unrelated to me) and he actually reported the coworker to my company's human resources. He said he wanted to get the coworker fired. I convinced him not to do it because it's best not to make enemies but my bf still went ahead and did it. HR didn't do anything, said the accusation could not be proven.

 

I am afraid that if I end things with my bf, he will hate me to hell and beyond and he might do something to jeopardize my career, as he'll lose face in front of his coworker friends.

 

I almost feel like if I end things I will need to quit my job, go elsewhere. And I don't want to.

[SwordofFlame]

I am afraid because it is scary even though I know I have to do it sooner or later. There is still some good I will miss in this relationship, esp since it's my first one.

 

Also I am afraid if I end things with him, I might end up jeopardizing my career as we work for the same company. An incident happened 2 weeks ago where my bf had a grudge against one of his coworkers (100% unrelated to me) and he actually reported the coworker to my company's human resources. He said he wanted to get the coworker fired. I convinced him not to do it because it's best not to make enemies but my bf still went ahead and did it. HR didn't do anything, said the accusation could not be proven.

 

I am afraid that if I end things with my bf, he will hate me to hell and beyond and he might do something to jeopardize my career, as he'll lose face in front of his coworker friends.

 

I almost feel like if I end things I will need to quit my job, go elsewhere. And I don't want to.

 

Unless he's somehow senior to you, I don't see how he can get you in trouble. And if he can actually get you in trouble, that should tell you all you need to know about the quality of the company you work at.

 

Oh and do you really want to date someone that vindictive?

Edited December 10, 2016 by SwordofFlame

[basil67]

No relationships are all bad - this is what makes ending them tough. It's about recognising when there is sufficient bad to make you not want to continue.

 

His behaviour at work and your fear of his vindictiveness is yet another reason you need to end it.

 

At this point in time and with a breakup looming, I wouldn't be putting his gym payment on your card at all. I guarantee that if the relationship ends, you won't be getting any money that he owes you.

[OatsAndHall]

Like people have said, it looks like you'll have to just split everything down the middle if he is going to be like this. You two will have to figure out something with the groceries.

 

It sounds like there is a lot of resentment being built up around this as well. You see something you'd think he'd like but you won't buy it because he's being strange with money. That is completely understandable and I would do the same. I've been in your shoes there and it's hard.

 

We had a lot of money troubles in my marriage as we had a ton of medical bills to deal with. We had zeroed out the bank account three times while married, even though we were pulling in over $70k between the two of us. My ex-wife was used to financing vehicles which I refuse to do: I WILL not pay interest on something that's depreciating in value. Especially when you can find a reliable used vehicle and pay for it outright. She had picked up a POS SUV before we were married and we sank a few grand into it before it finally crapped out. She decided that she desperately wanted another SUV but we absolutely couldn't afford a reliable one without financing it. It turned into a massive fight even after I compromised and said that we could find something that had zero interest for a year and that we could pay off quickly. That didn't fly as, to be blunt, she didn't get her way. So, I compromised again told her that she could buy whatever the she wanted but that she I wanted her to pick up more money with her side business to cover the extra bill. This just infuriated her even more and I came home to her packing up her bags.

 

She wasn't planning on leaving because had been nasty in our conversations but because she felt like I "didn't care about her feelings!!"(i.e. not letting her have what she wanted..) I talked her off of that ledge but I wish had I just let her walk out. She could have gone to her friends and family, complained about it all she wanted and been told how ridiculous she was acting. There's no way to put a spin on that one that would put her in a good light. We ended up with a mini-van that I still drive as it's the most reliable vehicle I have ever owned. That one fight bred so much resentment in me that any talk of buying vehicles would set me off. She half mentioned wanting to buy a pick-up truck at the end of our marriage and I immediately thought back to seeing her pack up her bags over a damn SUV. That turned into another fight. One of the fights that started us down the road to our divorce.

 

So, that long diatribe can show you just how bad things can get if you two take things a step further and your finances become intertwined. I asked my ex-wife to just open up separate bank accounts on many occasions and split our bills down the middle. It would have solved many other financial issues as we had very different views on finances. Split the shared finances down the middle and then what's left over in the separate accounts is ours to do what we want with individually. She would have nothing to do with it.

Edited December 10, 2016 by OatsAndHall

[sarah999]

This is stupid, I don't know why I'm still posting here. I didn't want to break things off yet so I thought I'd just see where this takes me. For the past month I thought things got better. We did some fun things over the holidays, I met his family for the first time and they were great, we seemed to be moving towards "living life". Like cooking together, going to the gym, he even stopped gaming for the most part because he says he'd rather be with me (I never told him not to play, I even said he's free to play if it makes him happy, as I don't want to seem needy and controlling). He cooked for me and seemed to have upped his game in terms of being (less) lazy.

 

Then yesterday he brought up the early retirement idea and I was feeling strongly about it so I voiced my opinion about it. Maybe I talked too much or seemed too critical. I don't know. He said again that he wants to save $30k a year. I just said I believed that accumulating $1mil total and then quitting a job and living off investment income of 4-8% a year isn't practical for me. I said there are many expenses like buying a house, mortgage, car, kids, etc. then I also said investment is not guaranteed and it goes up and down. Then he got all defensive and accusatory, saying he has no idea what I'm talking about and I make no sense. Then he said I don't know anything about finance and showed me the standard and poors index for the past 100 years and how the average return is 10%. Then he said why I'm so negative (in getting out of my apartment and wanting a house) and so pessimistic about the stock market (in saying that i don't think you can always win the stock market). I don't know why he got upset. Then he said why I am accusing him about retiring early, then he did a 180 and said he never said he was going to go with early retirement. Which makes me confused because I thought he was all for it. Did I say anything wrong? It was like he was scoffing at what I said. But later he apologized for his attitude towards me but I am still upset.

 

You guys probably think I'm crazy for not just leaving right now and why I'm always coming here to vent. But I feel what we had for the past month was good, but suddenly now this?

[Gaeta]

Then yesterday he brought up the early retirement idea and I was feeling strongly about it so I voiced my opinion about it. Maybe I talked too much or seemed too critical. I don't know. He said again that he wants to save $30k a year. I just said I believed that accumulating $1mil total and then quitting a job and living off investment income of 4-8% a year isn't practical for me. I said there are many expenses like buying a house, mortgage, car, kids, etc. then I also said investment is not guaranteed and it goes up and down. Then he got all defensive and accusatory, saying he has no idea what I'm talking about and I make no sense. Then he said I don't know anything about finance and showed me the standard and poors index for the past 100 years and how the average return is 10%. Then he said why I'm so negative (in getting out of my apartment and wanting a house) and so pessimistic about the stock market (in saying that i don't think you can always win the stock market). I don't know why he got upset. Then he said why I am accusing him about retiring early, then he did a 180 and said he never said he was going to go with early retirement. Which makes me confused because I thought he was all for it. Did I say anything wrong? It was like he was scoffing at what I said. But later he apologized for his attitude towards me but I am still upset.

 

I work in finance and what he told you is a collection of BS an idiot sold to him. There are NO 4-8% returns on investment these days. You can have up to 1 million at the bank and no one will give you more than 1% for it, it's been like this for years, and expect it again for many years.

 

The 10% return over 100 years is just a joke. This is 2017, if someone convince you to give them your money for a promise of return of 10% it's because they want to fraud you.

 

To save 30K a year he'd have to get up from his arse and start working instead of playing games.

 

Doesn't he embarrass you?

[sarah999]

I work in finance and what he told you is a collection of BS an idiot sold to him. There are NO 4-8% returns on investment these days. You can have up to 1 million at the bank and no one will give you more than 1% for it, it's been like this for years, and expect it again for many years.

 

The 10% return over 100 years is just a joke. This is 2017, if someone convince you to give them your money for a promise of return of 10% it's because they want to fraud you.

 

To save 30K a year he'd have to get up from his arse and start working instead of playing games.

 

Doesn't he embarrass you?

 

Well to his credit he does work and earn enough to save $30k a year, which he has been doing for the past 2 years, granted being frugal, as I am too. but where I live houses are insanely expensive and down payment runs $150 to 200k for a decent single family house. And last year he did some mutual fund or stocks investment that flipped $20k into $25k. But I said the market is a gamble and he got upset and said he never said that investment returns are guaranteed and I am accusing him of things he didn't say. But isn't saying 4-8% returns implicitly implying that returns are "guaranteed"?

 

Either way I don't know why he needed to be so defensive. Maybe he felt I was criticizing his investment ideas or him as a person? I'm still trying to figure out where or if I did anything wrong.

[SwordofFlame]

I think he's upset that you have so little faith in his retirement plan so to speak. Who knows if it can or can't work? Neither you, nor him work in financial planning. I think it's way too soon to know anyway.

[No_Go]

Sorry but you've been totally reasonable and he exhibits con artist traits. I would never have financial ties with a man like this. I did in the past and it costed me thousands of dollars and my pride. I basically believed my con artist ex that he'll get money out of thin air and in the meanwhile I was his sugar momma paying all his bills (he started with taxi bills and ended with me paying his rent, divorce expenses, medical bills, food etc).

 

Get real. If it looks like a duck...

 

Well to his credit he does work and earn enough to save $30k a year, which he has been doing for the past 2 years, granted being frugal, as I am too. but where I live houses are insanely expensive and down payment runs $150 to 200k for a decent single family house. And last year he did some mutual fund or stocks investment that flipped $20k into $25k. But I said the market is a gamble and he got upset and said he never said that investment returns are guaranteed and I am accusing him of things he didn't say. But isn't saying 4-8% returns implicitly implying that returns are "guaranteed"?

 

Either way I don't know why he needed to be so defensive. Maybe he felt I was criticizing his investment ideas or him as a person? I'm still trying to figure out where or if I did anything wrong.

[sarah999]

I think he's upset that you have so little faith in his retirement plan so to speak. Who knows if it can or can't work? Neither you, nor him work in financial planning. I think it's way too soon to know anyway.

 

 

Yeah I don't know, maybe I am too critical. Maybe I'm biased against it as my parents lost tons in the stock market. I don't know...

 

Sorry but you've been totally reasonable and he exhibits con artist traits. I would never have financial ties with a man like this. I did in the past and it costed me thousands of dollars and my pride. I basically believed my con artist ex that he'll get money out of thin air and in the meanwhile I was his sugar momma paying all his bills (he started with taxi bills and ended with me paying his rent, divorce expenses, medical bills, food etc).

 

Get real. If it looks like a duck...

 

I hate being so cynical but he has been "weird" with money, which prompted one of my first posts on page #1 of this thread.

 

Over the last month he's been less weird with money, he's been paying for outings and I chip in too so we're establishing the rhythm of taking turns paying which I think is cool.

 

However he has been spending most of the time/nights at my place, we are essentially living together. (He is still paying rent for his apartment since his lease doesn't expire for a few more months.) I've been going out and buying groceries and paying for his gym. But then last week he said if he could go buy eggs at the grocery store but he forgot his wallet, I said OK. Then he went and picked up a bunch of stuff that he knew I don't like to eat and had me pay the $20. And then he was really sweet afterwards like "Thank you for paying for the stuff, even though I know you don't like to eat it." I don't mind paying but I felt upset as if I was being manipulated. I mean I'd feel ashamed if I pulled the forgot-the-wallet trick on him.

 

I admit, I am frugal too. And we both make six figures which makes quibbling over money stupid. I know he cares a lot about $. I do too. But then I feel resentful all over again. Right then and there I asked him to chip in for his gym and groceries. I absolutely didn't say how much he owed me, he went ahead and wired me $200 via Venmo. I said I would apply it for future gym payments/groceries, he said OK. Then he said he doesn't want to budget and split dollars. Making it sound as if I am the one being calculating (OK, I admit, I am being calculating now.) But otherwise I'd just keep paying for his gym and food? And he'd also pull the wallet trick on me?

 

What in the world do I do about splitting expenses?

 

 

This is so fricking dumb. For a month I felt happy like we were OK together again. And now this.

[sarah999]

Ok he has been a bit weird with money, for his family at least. Like he wanted to buy a plant for his mom's bday but went to the store, saw it was $20, and didn't buy one. Then he said he could give a plant to his mom if I had one to spare. Then he bought pants to a wedding that he wore once and didn't want to wear again, he tried returning it but the store refused, then he came back to me upset.

 

This makes me nervous. Maybe the same fear/anxiety of spending $ is going on in his head whenever he pays for something for me? But when I bring it up he just says he doesn't care about money and implies that I am caring about money for wanting to split expenses.

Edited January 10, 2017 by sarah999

[sarah999]

Also, a month ago I was really thinking of breaking up, then I went to see a counselor to talk about my relationship issues, and she told me that I am probably overreacting and don't sweat the small things. That's one of the reasons I decided to stay and see how things would go.

[No_Go]

Ooooh. Don't hate me for the advice but ... I'd be VERY careful with this man.

 

My conartist ex was 'keeping his rental place' and living with me nearly from the jump, rent free of course. So his 'rental place' was his exGF place - she kicked him out because he was living off her, so he transferred to me.

 

My good earning newer ex (we both were making 6 figures) was calculating but never agreed to budget. I was wondering why... So he can go where he wants, buy what he wants (groceries etc) without my input on the choices, and then charge me 50%. If I voiced a desire to buy something or go somewhere by my choice - I'd be paying for both of us. He also pulled the wallet trick early on, and started paying more only after o expressed my concerns.

 

The first guy behavior was straight con, the second one - just an opportunistic dude (he'd do the same with his family and friends, hope they pay unless they remind him). First one I had to run the hills else he'd have decimated me. Second one - just resentment over time accumulated and ruined the RL, which was actually good in other aspects.

 

Your guy is somewhere in between my 2 exes. Better than the 1st, worse than the 2nd. I honestly don't see this going for long term unless you tolerate it, and I don't think you should...

 

Yeah I don't know, maybe I am too critical. Maybe I'm biased against it as my parents lost tons in the stock market. I don't know...

 

 

 

I hate being so cynical but he has been "weird" with money, which prompted one of my first posts on page #1 of this thread.

 

Over the last month he's been less weird with money, he's been paying for outings and I chip in too so we're establishing the rhythm of taking turns paying which I think is cool.

 

However he has been spending most of the time/nights at my place, we are essentially living together. (He is still paying rent for his apartment since his lease doesn't expire for a few more months.) I've been going out and buying groceries and paying for his gym. But then last week he said if he could go buy eggs at the grocery store but he forgot his wallet, I said OK. Then he went and picked up a bunch of stuff that he knew I don't like to eat and had me pay the $20. And then he was really sweet afterwards like "Thank you for paying for the stuff, even though I know you don't like to eat it." I don't mind paying but I felt upset as if I was being manipulated. I mean I'd feel ashamed if I pulled the forgot-the-wallet trick on him.

 

I admit, I am frugal too. And we both make six figures which makes quibbling over money stupid. I know he cares a lot about $. I do too. But then I feel resentful all over again. Right then and there I asked him to chip in for his gym and groceries. I absolutely didn't say how much he owed me, he went ahead and wired me $200 via Venmo. I said I would apply it for future gym payments/groceries, he said OK. Then he said he doesn't want to budget and split dollars. Making it sound as if I am the one being calculating (OK, I admit, I am being calculating now.) But otherwise I'd just keep paying for his gym and food? And he'd also pull the wallet trick on me?

 

What in the world do I do about splitting expenses?

 

 

This is so fricking dumb. For a month I felt happy like we were OK together again. And now this.

[No_Go]

I did the same, my counselor told me to 'communicate more' and it just prolonged the RL with an Year making the inevitable break tremendously painful because I've attached to him, we lived together for year+.

 

Also, a month ago I was really thinking of breaking up, then I went to see a counselor to talk about my relationship issues, and she told me that I am probably overreacting and don't sweat the small things. That's one of the reasons I decided to stay and see how things would go.

[No_Go]

Nono, the more I read the more it reminds me my stories - see my threads to see how it went

 

He's just opportunist who will pay only if he has no choice, i.e. you complain. Mine was like this with everyone, it wasn't just with me. See how he reacts when he has to buy something with/for family/friend and make your conclusions...

 

Ok he has been a bit weird with money, for his family at least. Like he wanted to buy a plant for his mom's bday but went to the store, saw it was $20, and didn't buy one. Then he said he could give a plant to his mom if I had one to spare. Then he bought pants to a wedding that he wore once and didn't want to wear again, he tried returning it but the store refused, then he came back to me upset.

 

This makes me nervous. Maybe the same fear/anxiety of spending $ is going on in his head whenever he pays for something for me? But when I bring it up he just says he doesn't care about money and implies that I am caring about money for wanting to split expenses.