Why does he hang out with girl that likes him when he know it makes me uncomfortable?

[Electrogrrl]

I am so confused by my b/f's behavior on a consistent basis. He does things that he knows are rude or that make me feel uncomfortable but he just doesn't care. He has this odd female friend who is an artist that keeps inviting him to all of these things. He dragged me to her art exhibition a few weeks ago and I had to watch her flirt with him all that evening. She calls him at odd hours (like 9 am on a Saturday morning) and yes he leaves the room when he takes her call. I told him after her art exhibit that she's very obviously into him but he denied it.

 

Now this weekend I am going to take a 5 hour class on Sunday and he just informed me via email that he's going to her art studio so that she can show him around. Huh? All my b/f ever does is make fun of "artsy" people and tell me how much he dislikes artists. In fact he's not even really that into art. What gives? I wrote him a reply to his email saying that I was shocked that she was still after him to which he said that she didn't like him. I wrote back that yes she did like him and he knew it whether or not he wanted to admit it. Then he wrote back "so?"

 

I am really over this kind of treatment. After I had planned a really nice special date for us on Saturday because we haven't had any time alone in a long time, he goes and pulls this kind of crap when he knows it makes me uncomfortable.

 

Why do people pull crap like this with someone that they supposedly "love"?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Are you planning on staying with him while he sees this girl on the side?

[Electrogrrl]

This is the other part that drives me crazy!! I don't know if I am just being paranoid and insecure (cause that's what he tells me I am when I address this issue) or if he's fooling around. Are these obvious signs of cheating and I am just refusing to accept it? It's not like he would ever admit to cheating and I have no way of proving it unless I stalk him or something, which I'm really not into.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Oh, something's going on. You betcha. Is it full-blown messing around? Maybe, maybe not - or not yet, I should say. It sounds pretty mutual to me, and when a guy and an OW are into each other nothing stops it from happening. I hate to say it, but it probably already has given the level of familiarity and boundary crossing between the two.

 

What to do now? Can you arrange to take the class at a different time and drop in on the gallery for a surprise visit?

[Cecelius]

He's basically dating her on the side, except he would swear she's a friend and that they're not doing anything wrong.

[Electrogrrl]

Yeah, I just got this totally nasty email from him saying that every girl he's around likes him (okay ego) and should he quit his job too cause a woman that he works with likes him. And why should I expect him to sit around at home alone on a Sunday when I'm off at this class (something that I'm doing so that I can get a better job). Then he said that I totally pissed him off. We were supposed to see each other tonight but he just said that he'll be in the office till at least 8pm--basically telling me to piss off.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Yeah, I'd say for sure he is after seeing this.

 

See how he managed to make this look like your fault? That's part of what cheaters do to try to make themselves feel less guilty, and justified in what they are doing.

[confused21]

Was he friends with her before he started dating you???

[Electrogrrl]

He met her through an old room mate, before we started dating, and then she freaked out on him one day cause she wanted to meet his family--why I have no friggin' clue, seems odd to me and it seemed odd to him too "cause they were just friends" and so she stopped contacting him for over a year until very recently she just popped back into his life again.

 

I'm sure some of you have read my other posts about my b/f and are wondering 'what the hell is this woman doing with him still?' cause I am starting to think that myself. I'm going to go pick up my stuff from his place while he's working late tonight and cancel that date I had with him on Saturday..I give up. I have to let go. This is not good for me anymore. I think I need to cut off contact with him to save my sanity.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I'm going to go pick up my stuff from his place while he's working late tonight and cancel that date I had with him on Saturday..I give up. I have to let go. This is not good for me anymore. I think I need to cut off contact with him to save my sanity.

 

Bravo! A sister with a strong backbone and a good head on her shoulders.

 

The problem is…if you somehow find the dignity and inner courage to follow through with your newly acquired self-empowerment, you'll never get rid of the cad. He'll be back once he's reconciled with his stubborn ego…asking for another chance. I've seldom seen it fail.

 

The lady's got "game" and doesn't even know it. Hopefully you'll be able to give yourself some permanent closure by shutting that door and locking it behind you...

[aprilbabe75]

well honey I would go to his office when he said he was working late. He picked a fight with you so he had an excuse to see the other bimbo.

 

I would have to catch him for my own sanity.