Still not over it 👎

[bubbles1993]

I'll start from the beginning. In 2014 I was in an unofficial relationship with a guy I liked. I was 20 and he was 19. At first I wasn't crazy about him but he grew on me as I got to know him. In April 2014 I fell pregnant. It was very unexpected but I told my parents and family and they were all very loving and supportive. He on the other hand.. Was not. He was disgusted that I got pregnant. (As if I did it all by myself) and his first response was to get rid of the baby. As I was fully supported by my family I didn't want to get rid of the baby, in fact over the next few weeks they all got very excited about this new baby. He said things like "I'm not ready to be a daddy".. "I don't want a baby".. "don't tell people its mine" and "don't put my name on its birth certificate" . I was very hurt by him and he would not even tell his family that i was pregnant until an hour before my first ultrasound even though he had 7 weeks to tell them.. At my first scan i was 12 weeks pregnant. I was accompanied by my mam and sister. This is when I found out that my baby had lost his heartbeat and I was going to miscarry. I had a very traumatic 2 weeks of hospital visits, infections and 2 procedures to remove the baby. To be honest I was so doped on painkillers I was hazy the whole time. He rang once when I told him the baby had died. We texted a few times, it felt like he was texting only because he had to and he showed no affection or real empathy for me even though he said sorry, I felt it was fake and I had a feeling that he was relieved. 2 weeks after my miscarriage he blocked me off social media. He has since moved away with his dad. I've seen him a few times when he's been home, he just pretends not to see me. I really grieve for the loss of my baby and what could have been. Now all I want is to be a mother am I wrong for wanting to speak to him again ? Sometimes I just want to scream into his face about all I've been through And how I felt when he wasn't there for me. It was our baby he should have been there. Other times I just want to fall into his arms and hear that he's sorry and feel the way I used to. How am I still so heartbroken over this? Why is he still avoiding it? I haven't had a relationship since, anything close to one has turned bad and I find it hard to trust people. Is it bad that I haven't Properly moved on? He moved on a month after my miscarriage, with a girl that has 2 kids from 2 different fathers.. They've since broken up but I was gutted that he was willing to Love her kids but not ours? Why am I still crying over this feeling so lost... Any advice or Other perspectives would be amazing!!

Edited November 30, 2016 by bubbles1993

[LastAcorn99]

I’m so sorry for your loss and for the pain you’re going through. Anyone in your position would find it hard to move on. I would suggest that you seek the help of a counselor -- I’m sure that it will do you a lot of good. Sending you hugs and prayers, my dear friend. Please stay strong, okay?

[LargoLagg]

I'll start from the beginning. In 2014 I was in an unofficial relationship with a guy I liked. I was 20 and he was 19. At first I wasn't crazy about him but he grew on me as I got to know him. In April 2014 I fell pregnant. It was very unexpected but I told my parents and family and they were all very loving and supportive. He on the other hand.. Was not. He was disgusted that I got pregnant. (As if I did it all by myself) and his first response was to get rid of the baby. As I was fully supported by my family I didn't want to get rid of the baby, in fact over the next few weeks they all got very excited about this new baby. He said things like "I'm not ready to be a daddy".. "I don't want a baby".. "don't tell people its mine" and "don't put my name on its birth certificate" . I was very hurt by him and he would not even tell his family that i was pregnant until an hour before my first ultrasound even though he had 7 weeks to tell them.. At my first scan i was 12 weeks pregnant. I was accompanied by my mam and sister. This is when I found out that my baby had lost his heartbeat and I was going to miscarry. I had a very traumatic 2 weeks of hospital visits, infections and 2 procedures to remove the baby. To be honest I was so doped on painkillers I was hazy the whole time. He rang once when I told him the baby had died. We texted a few times, it felt like he was texting only because he had to and he showed no affection or real empathy for me even though he said sorry, I felt it was fake and I had a feeling that he was relieved. 2 weeks after my miscarriage he blocked me off social media. He has since moved away with his dad. I've seen him a few times when he's been home, he just pretends not to see me. I really grieve for the loss of my baby and what could have been. Now all I want is to be a mother am I wrong for wanting to speak to him again ? Sometimes I just want to scream into his face about all I've been through And how I felt when he wasn't there for me. It was our baby he should have been there. Other times I just want to fall into his arms and hear that he's sorry and feel the way I used to. How am I still so heartbroken over this? Why is he still avoiding it? I haven't had a relationship since, anything close to one has turned bad and I find it hard to trust people. Is it bad that I haven't Properly moved on? He moved on a month after my miscarriage, with a girl that has 2 kids from 2 different fathers.. They've since broken up but I was gutted that he was willing to Love her kids but not ours? Why am I still crying over this feeling so lost... Any advice or Other perspectives would be amazing!!

He never loved her kids. He never loved yours. He never wanted you to be the mother of his children. You got pregnant from the wrong guy. Use reliable birth control until such time as you've gotten married to a man who wants you to be the mother of HIS children. All the rest will follow.

 

Don't do it in any other order, and you will have maximized your chances for getting what you want.