I'm becoming the other woman

[BTDT2012]

Work on yourself. Figure out why you did this. Your former friend has experienced a double betrayal. She may forgive you one day, but it is unlikely that she will ever again consider you a friend.

[whichwayisup]

I commend your strength for coming clean and telling her the truth. Sadly, your consequence by choosing to have sex with your friends boyfriend is, you lost her friendship.

 

Time to get counseling and fix what's broken inside of you.

[LisaYoung]

I feel like crap.

I can't focus on anything.

This is the worst day even in my life.

I don't know what to say.

 

I don't even dare to talk to my own mother. Because my friend knows my mom. I'm so afraid that any one would be told. The first would be my mom if my friend hates me. I'm sure she does.

 

I'm so empty. Like a drum.

I don't know what I can do.

I was at work. I had to ask for a leave. My body was shaking. My mind was a mess. I don't even know what I'm typing now.

 

I don't know my feelings. Guilty, for sure. Some anger, Some shame, Some regret, lots of regret. And hope. Hope she talks to me again. Even if she wants to beat me. But it's so silent. Like dead.

 

OH MY GOD I wish I could know what's happening now.

[waterwoman]

It must be hell. So sorry for the misery you are feeling but you did the right thing and you were brave and honest with your friend. Stay strong x

[eye of the storm]

Lisa, get ahold of yourself.

 

Just breath. Remember, what you are going thru is part of the results of your actions. You may not ever get her back. But you will move on. You will grow. And if you are smart, you will always remember these feelings and never ever treat a friend like this again.

 

This is not something that is going to be done soon. If ever.

 

If you can afford it, talk to a therapist. If you can't, talk to your mom. She is going to be very disappointed in you but she loves you. She may chew your butt, but she loves you.

 

Right now, your friend is trying to process the fact that her live in BF, sweet talked (in 2 weeks) her best friend into coming over and having sex in her house. She has been betrayed by the 2 people she should have been able to totally trust. She is right now replaying every conversation she has had lately with either one of you. She is now trying to figure out how many times both of you have lied to her. She is looking at everyone she knows and wondering, "did they know?" She does not know who to turn to or who to trust. Because the people she trusted the most betrayed her. She is looking at everything in her house and wondering if you two had sex on it. She is angry. She is devastated.

 

And she has every right to be.

 

Talk to your mom or go talk to a therapist. But whatever you do, just keep breathing.

[gettingstronger]

You did right by telling her. However, calling her at 2 am with no regard to how that would effect her requires some self examination on your part.

[dreamingoftigers]

I feel like crap.

I can't focus on anything.

This is the worst day even in my life.

I don't know what to say.

 

I don't even dare to talk to my own mother. Because my friend knows my mom. I'm so afraid that any one would be told. The first would be my mom if my friend hates me. I'm sure she does.

 

I'm so empty. Like a drum.

I don't know what I can do.

I was at work. I had to ask for a leave. My body was shaking. My mind was a mess. I don't even know what I'm typing now.

 

I don't know my feelings. Guilty, for sure. Some anger, Some shame, Some regret, lots of regret. And hope. Hope she talks to me again. Even if she wants to beat me. But it's so silent. Like dead.

 

OH MY GOD I wish I could know what's happening now.

 

Give yourself a couple of days.

 

If your Mom is an okay person, talk to her about it.

[malvern99]

Take a deep breath OP. You did the right thing by telling your friend what happened. What's done is done, and we can't change the past. What we can do is shape our future. How do you want to see yourself 6 months, 1 year, 5 years from now? Whatever your vision is, set yourself goals and knock them down one by one. Many years from now, this incident will be just another chapter in your life you may not be proud of, but you will be forever grateful for the valuable lessons this chapter taught you about yourself and about other people. Your friend may or may not ever be willing to reconcile with you. You can not control that so do your best not to worry about that. Only worry about what you can control, and the only thing you can control is yourself. Work on that, and everything else will take care of itself. Remember, we are not judged by how badly we messed up. We are judged by how we bounced back from our mistakes. Best of luck to you.

[whichwayisup]

I feel like crap.

I can't focus on anything.

This is the worst day even in my life.

I don't know what to say.

 

I don't even dare to talk to my own mother. Because my friend knows my mom. I'm so afraid that any one would be told. The first would be my mom if my friend hates me. I'm sure she does.

 

I'm so empty. Like a drum.

I don't know what I can do.

I was at work. I had to ask for a leave. My body was shaking. My mind was a mess. I don't even know what I'm typing now.

 

I don't know my feelings. Guilty, for sure. Some anger, Some shame, Some regret, lots of regret. And hope. Hope she talks to me again. Even if she wants to beat me. But it's so silent. Like dead.

 

OH MY GOD I wish I could know what's happening now.

 

You should tell your mom what happened and what you did before she finds out from your (ex) friend.

 

Respect your friends wishes by leaving her alone. IF she decides to mend the fence with you that's up to her so please don't push or ask for forgiveness. She needs time and space to heal.

[LisaYoung]

So he called me today, yelling at the other end of the phone, calling me b**ch, shouting why the f*k I would want to destroy his future marriage, (he said that my friend is not marrying him anymore).

 

I felt very funny because I fell into his sweet words so easily. I didn't know what to respond to his words. I hanged up the phone. Still expecting some words from my friend.

 

Now seeing how ugly he is, I feel so shameful for what I did.

I'm praying that my friend would feel better for she knows what exactly man he is before they get married. But of course, I wouldn't expect her forgiveness.

 

So far, nobody (our mutual friends) seems to know what has happened...

[elaine567]

shouting why the f*k I would want to destroy his future marriage, (he said that my friend is not marrying him anymore).

 

 

HE destroyed his future marriage.

[Samhain]

So he called me today, yelling at the other end of the phone, calling me b**ch, shouting why the f*k I would want to destroy his future marriage, (he said that my friend is not marrying him anymore).

 

I felt very funny because I fell into his sweet words so easily. I didn't know what to respond to his words. I hanged up the phone. Still expecting some words from my friend.

 

Now seeing how ugly he is, I feel so shameful for what I did.

I'm praying that my friend would feel better for she knows what exactly man he is before they get married. But of course, I wouldn't expect her forgiveness.

 

So far, nobody (our mutual friends) seems to know what has happened...

 

It took him calling you names for you to see how ugly he is?!

 

Best thing to do now is accept that your friendship is over and forget about them both. Even though your friend is the victim in all of this, she will never be able to see you the same way again. For her sake you should stay out of her life completely and let her heal without you around reminding her of what you did, so easily, with somebody she thought she was spending the rest of her life with.

[eye of the storm]

Lisa, I hope this has taught you to listen to actions and not words. If you had listened to his actions from the beginning, you would not be here. You would have called your friend the first time he contacted you.

 

But, you can't go back. You can only go forward. Let the past teach you.

 

I agree with the other posters, don't contact your friend. If there is contact, it must come from her.

 

Work on why you did this. Work on strengthening yourself so this never happens again. And block his number.

[whichwayisup]

So he called me today, yelling at the other end of the phone, calling me b**ch, shouting why the f*k I would want to destroy his future marriage, (he said that my friend is not marrying him anymore).

 

I felt very funny because I fell into his sweet words so easily. I didn't know what to respond to his words. I hanged up the phone. Still expecting some words from my friend.

 

Now seeing how ugly he is, I feel so shameful for what I did.

I'm praying that my friend would feel better for she knows what exactly man he is before they get married. But of course, I wouldn't expect her forgiveness.

 

So far, nobody (our mutual friends) seems to know what has happened...

 

He is just as much to blame as you are, just right now it's easier to make you the bad guy. He knows he messed up but isn't ready to face himself in the mirror. HE chose to cheat on his fiancee.

[BTDT2012]

So he called me today, yelling at the other end of the phone, calling me b**ch, shouting why the f*k I would want to destroy his future marriage, (he said that my friend is not marrying him anymore).

 

I felt very funny because I fell into his sweet words so easily. I didn't know what to respond to his words. I hanged up the phone. Still expecting some words from my friend.

 

Now seeing how ugly he is, I feel so shameful for what I did.

I'm praying that my friend would feel better for she knows what exactly man he is before they get married. But of course, I wouldn't expect her forgiveness.

 

So far, nobody (our mutual friends) seems to know what has happened...

At some point your friend will feel better about not marrying him. I will reiterate that you should leave her alone. If she ever wants to speak to you she will initiate contact.

[sandylee1]

So glad she isn't marrying him.

 

Funny, how he said he didn't want to marry her, but he'd gone too far to back out. Now he's got what he wanted.

 

If only you'd told her when he sent you the first message.

 

Lisa , do you suffer from low self esteem or insecurities?

 

Do you have difficulties maintaining romantic relationships?

[l8estnews]

It took him calling you names for you to see how ugly he is?!

 

OP, put the phrase "Action Speaks Louder than words" to your very heart. It seems words are your weakness and your great basis for judgemen . You had sex with him just because he called you Gorgeous and Sexy. Now, he's ugly for you since he calls you the B word.

 

People can easily manipulate you if you don't "wisen up" a bit.

[dreamingoftigers]

So he called me today, yelling at the other end of the phone, calling me b**ch, shouting why the f*k I would want to destroy his future marriage, (he said that my friend is not marrying him anymore).

 

I felt very funny because I fell into his sweet words so easily. I didn't know what to respond to his words. I hanged up the phone. Still expecting some words from my friend.

 

Now seeing how ugly he is, I feel so shameful for what I did.

I'm praying that my friend would feel better for she knows what exactly man he is before they get married. But of course, I wouldn't expect her forgiveness.

 

So far, nobody (our mutual friends) seems to know what has happened...

 

I'm glad you see him for what he is.

 

Next time someone has a significant other and is speaking nice, flattery words to you, you will know EXACTLY what that means and what the fallout can be.

 

He's an idiot. A total, self-centered, predatorial idiot who goes around acting like a Vagina Collection Agent behind his girlfriend's back. He did a high-risk scenario and expected it to work out for him and to laugh at your friend.

 

Doing it right in their bed speaks volumes.

 

Never allow a guy like that near you again! I suspect you won't though.

[anika99]

So he called me today, yelling at the other end of the phone, calling me b**ch, shouting why the f*k I would want to destroy his future marriage, (he said that my friend is not marrying him anymore).

 

I felt very funny because I fell into his sweet words so easily. I didn't know what to respond to his words. I hanged up the phone. Still expecting some words from my friend.

 

Now seeing how ugly he is, I feel so shameful for what I did.

I'm praying that my friend would feel better for she knows what exactly man he is before they get married. But of course, I wouldn't expect her forgiveness.

 

So far, nobody (our mutual friends) seems to know what has happened...

 

Just goes to show how much cheaters lie and manipulate. At the very start he told you your friend wasn't a good match for him but he couldn't get out of marrying her because things had gone too far. Based on that you would think he would be calling to thank you for saving him from a marriage he didn't want. How funny that he's upset now because his fiancé dumped his cheating sorry ass. I sure hope she never takes him back.

 

You did the right thing in telling your ex friend the truth before she married the creep. You wronged her in the worst way and she won't forget that but telling her really was the right thing to do. You will both have to move on with your lives and her scars will be worse than yours. Not only will she find it difficult to trust another man (caused by her cheating ex) she will also struggle with trusting friends (caused by you) but you can't undo that now. You have to learn from it and use the experience to become a better person. Always maintain strong boundaries with husbands and borfriends of friends. Do not allow them to be a source of flirting and flattery no matter how good it feels or how harmless it seems.

[AlwaysGrowing]

So he called me today, yelling at the other end of the phone, calling me b**ch, shouting why the f*k I would want to destroy his future marriage, (he said that my friend is not marrying him anymore).

 

I felt very funny because I fell into his sweet words so easily. I didn't know what to respond to his words. I hanged up the phone. Still expecting some words from my friend.

 

Now seeing how ugly he is, I feel so shameful for what I did.

I'm praying that my friend would feel better for she knows what exactly man he is before they get married. But of course, I wouldn't expect her forgiveness.

 

So far, nobody (our mutual friends) seems to know what has happened...

 

Whether he is "ugly" or not is irrelevant.

 

You slept with the fiancé of a close friend. That is the "ugly" you have to own. You own 100% of it.

 

Any shame you feel, should be based on what kind of friend you were.

 

Any sadness should be based on how you treated a friend...a friend who would get out of bed at 2am because you needed them. You threw away a billion dollar friend for a run-of-mill-one-night-stand-cliche-worth-a-penny shag. In essence, you showed your friend her worth to you.

 

Being that you so easily and casually chose to betray your friend, you might want to invest in some IC, to figure out why.

[hannahph]

First of all, congrats for taking the first step and asking for some advice. This guy is bad news. I agree with many others on here who say to confess to your friend (you will feel better even though it will be hard, trust me, I have done it before) and stop ALL communication with this guy. He is hurting you and her and himself in this situation. No one wins. He is not respecting you or your friend, so try to block him or something of that sort. I hope you find some healing after this and only let a good, unattached man in your life after this. Best of luck.

[kckc]

Oh my gosh, this is TOTAL mess. You know what I'd do in your situation? No matter how handsome or hot my friend's boyfriend was I'd never ever flirt or sleep with him. Instead of this, I'd tell my friend how big piece of sh** he is messaging me, wanting to have sex with me and talking crap about her behind her back. You made a huge mistake, there's no going back, this can't be undone. You didn't think about consequences, your best friend probably won't be your friend anymore. You just DON'T DO stuff like that, she was, as you say, your BEST FRIEND. If I was you, I'd just run away fast as I can...

 

Ok, so I went through all replies and see that you told your friend. Good, very good. Now focus on yourself. Learn from this situation, it was a very tough but important lesson for you. You need to work on your self esteem, you need to be a strong, independent woman that knows what she wants. I really hope you will learn from it.

Edited December 4, 2016 by kckc