Does your AP give you compliments?

[lftbehind]

Do you get compliments from your AP? Mine used to tell me that I looked good sometimes, but doesn't seem to give me any recently. I give him some, but he doesn't give any back. Maybe it's his personality, but I would like to get compliments sometimes.

[l8estnews]

Do you get compliments from your AP? Mine used to tell me that I looked good sometimes, but doesn't seem to give me any recently. I give him some, but he doesn't give any back. Maybe it's his personality, but I would like to get compliments sometimes.

 

I assume he gave those compliments to you in the early days of your affair, right? Well, consider it as his way of boosting your ego for you to give him what he wants: Sex.

 

Did he get a lot of that from you already? If yes, that's why he stopped.

[basil67]

He was caught up in the infatuation phase. What you're seeing now is the real him. And probably the same guy his wife sees.

[lftbehind]

I assume he gave those compliments to you in the early days of your affair, right? Well, consider it as his way of boosting your ego for you to give him what he wants: Sex.

 

Did he get a lot of that from you already? If yes, that's why he stopped.

 

He did give me that compliment early on. I don't understand why he doesn't give me any. Was wondering about others' experiences.

[lftbehind]

He was caught up in the infatuation phase. What you're seeing now is the real him. And probably the same guy his wife sees.

 

It could be. He's not married, but has a girlfriend.

[freengreen]

In season1 he complimented on my looks.. then NC then in season 2, on my personality. Well, no actions just words, it says a lot isnt it.

 

Actions are hard, they need some effort physical, mental and sometimes includes money. We can only act towards few not all. Words are like easy, yet right words bring the same outcome as actions in women. He kinda fooled me that way. Well, no more.

[Forever broken]

It could be. He's not married, but has a girlfriend.

 

He has a girlfriend means he is in a committed relationship. And if she's just a girlfriend, why doesn't he just leave her for you then?

 

He's not giving you compliments because he doesn't have to work harder to be with you anymore.

[Chica80]

In the beginning yes. But it's been almost two years now. It's not so much the physical. It's compliments in other forms.

 

How long has your A been? Are you married?

[lftbehind]

In season1 he complimented on my looks.. then NC then in season 2, on my personality. Well, no actions just words, it says a lot isnt it.

 

Actions are hard, they need some effort physical, mental and sometimes includes money. We can only act towards few not all. Words are like easy, yet right words bring the same outcome as actions in women. He kinda fooled me that way. Well, no more.

 

That's true, words are easy, but they definitely work on women. I'm sure that probably meant the compliments he gave you, even if he didn't take an actions. I'm sure that you wanted actions, too.

[lftbehind]

He has a girlfriend means he is in a committed relationship. And if she's just a girlfriend, why doesn't he just leave her for you then?

 

He's not giving you compliments because he doesn't have to work harder to be with you anymore.

 

He doesn't talk about his girlfriend and I'm M. No, he doesn't have to work hard to be with me, but he could still compliment me. I compliment him.

[lftbehind]

In the beginning yes. But it's been almost two years now. It's not so much the physical. It's compliments in other forms.

 

How long has your A been? Are you married?

 

I guess that the compliments fade after a while for a lot of people. That's good you get compliments in other forms. I have been talking to him on and off for about 10 months. We have had a physical A, since September and have only been together 2 times. I am M.

[AutumnMoon]

Mines all about the compliments.

I credit him with teaching me how to learn to take them.

[freengreen]

That's true, words are easy, but they definitely work on women. I'm sure that probably meant the compliments he gave you, even if he didn't take an actions. I'm sure that you wanted actions, too.

I like the way you read and reply to the posters..

 

Well, I did feel the same for a while that may be he did mean them but also kept wondering on how many women he used them on in the past or along side of me. Because those compliments were like addictive.. word to word and so nice to hear. If I think that way I dont actually feel good about those compliments which are 'one size fits all'.

 

I did see his comments over his female friends in fb, equally charming. But one thing, his wife would have seen all those flirty charming comments thou, rest what they have between them, i dont know, not my monkeys ( although he said his marriage wasnt all rosy).

 

Yes actions would have made him genuine but there were none at all. Even when I had put up so many of my words into actions for him. Now in NC I sit here wondering how I got no clue for what he really is , but then I think... let em go, again not your monkeys. God but its hard.

[RecentChange]

Oh yeah sure they did. Tons of them. I did it for the sex and flattery. Without either I wouldn't have been game.

 

I enjoyed the ridiculous amount of smoke he blew up my ass.

[lftbehind]

I like the way you read and reply to the posters..

 

Well, I did feel the same for a while that may be he did mean them but also kept wondering on how many women he used them on in the past or along side of me. Because those compliments were like addictive.. word to word and so nice to hear. If I think that way I dont actually feel good about those compliments which are 'one size fits all'.

 

I did see his comments over his female friends in fb, equally charming. But one thing, his wife would have seen all those flirty charming comments thou, rest what they have between them, i dont know, not my monkeys ( although he said his marriage wasnt all rosy).

 

Yes actions would have made him genuine but there were none at all. Even when I had put up so many of my words into actions for him. Now in NC I sit here wondering how I got no clue for what he really is , but then I think... let em go, again not your monkeys. God but its hard.

 

Thank you

 

I can understand how the compliments were addictive for you. He may have complimented other women, but just think that it's nice that he cared enough to compliment you, too. I think that he thought they were true.

 

He sounds like he knows what to say and is a charmer. It must be hard to see him making comments about other females, of course you want to be the only one he is complimenting. He sounds like he likes to get attention. I can imagine that it would cause problems in his marriage.

 

By reading your post it made me realize that my AP is not a charmer like that. It's not his style to give a lot of compliments. He does get flirty with me and tells me that he wants me and I do take that as a compliment. I would like some other compliments sometimes. That's too bad you have to go NC, but it sounds like it's best for you. I know that it's hard, but time definitely should help you.

[aileD]

 

...it made me realize that my AP is not a charmer like that. It's not his style to give a lot of compliments. He does get flirty with me and tells me that he wants me and I do take that as a compliment. I would like some other compliments sometimes. That's too bad you have to go NC, but it sounds like it's best for you. I know that it's hard, but time definitely should help you.

 

Sweetie. If the only compliments he gives you sexual in nature, that should be a giant red flag to you. It's not that he's not capable of other compliments, it's because he only sees you as sex. He doesn't even try for any other compliments.

 

Where is your self worth? You're settling for a cheater who doesn't give you what you need emotionally and is most likely using you for sex. You're worth more than that.

 

Get your head out of the sand, or the clouds or wherever it is and wake up! Treat yourself better then this!

[lftbehind]

Sweetie. If the only compliments he gives you sexual in nature, that should be a giant red flag to you. It's not that he's not capable of other compliments, it's because he only sees you as sex. He doesn't even try for any other compliments.

 

Where is your self worth? You're settling for a cheater who doesn't give you what you need emotionally and is most likely using you for sex. You're worth more than that.

 

Get your head out of the sand, or the clouds or wherever it is and wake up! Treat yourself better then this!

 

I don't think it's as black and white and he only sees me as sex, although that's part of it. We also have good conversations. Some guys aren't demonstrative as far as giving compliments. I would like more emotionally, but it is what it is. I do need to treat myself better and work on my self worth.

[aileD]

I don't think it's as black and white and he only sees me as sex, although that's part of it. We also have good conversations. Some guys aren't demonstrative as far as giving compliments. I would like more emotionally, but it is what it is. I do need to treat myself better and work on my self worth.

 

"It is what it is". Let's see...what IS it?

 

-Another woman's husband

-Doesn't give you what you need emotionally

-You've accepted that as okay even though it bothers you

-Lies about you to his wife

-Hides you away.

- Good conversation

-compliments you on your sex, sexy looks, how much he wants to **** you. But can't say you're intelligent, smart or a nice person

 

If you want to know what he really thinks about you. Tell his wife about your affair.

 

It iS black and white and if you read here you will see that all the MM that have acted like yours aren't in it for love. You will see how you will get hurt. You will see how you will get tossed aside and made into the bad guy. You will see why WORDS MEAN NOTHING.

 

What is your end game here? Are you looking to have a fun fling with no expectations or do you see yourself with this guy long term...meaning he will leave his wife?

 

Why are you settling for breadcrumbs?

 

Why are you lowering yourself to this level to sleep and pursue another woman's husband?

 

Are you that moral-less? Look in the mirror at yourself and tell yourself who you really are as a person.

 

I bet it's not who you are being now.

 

It isn't what it isn't

[sandylee1]

He did give me that compliment early on. I don't understand why he doesn't give me any. Was wondering about others' experiences.

 

 

Whilst I don't normally think As are comparible to normal relationships ... The trying to impress and complements reduce in regular relationships over time.

 

You show your best side when you first meet someone.

[RecentChange]

OP, how does he make you FEEL? What do you get out of this? What is he giving you, and what do you give him?

 

For me, and affair was about validation. It was about the compliments, the ego boosting. It made me feel vivacious, sexy and alive.

 

And I know it was the same for him. I was generous with my compliments, and he too was getting validation and ego boosting.

 

Ours wasn't an emotional affair - we weren't particularly close, but we did get more out of it than just the sex. We openly admitted that we were using each other. We would never say "I love you" but would say "I love the way you make me feel about myself".

 

I kinda don't understand the point of being the OW if you aren't getting that at least.

[Lady2163]

I was with MM for seven years and we are still phone buddies. We really were kind to each other. I knew he wasn't going to leave his wife and he knew I wasn't going to stop looking for Mr. Right.

 

It's the best non relationship I could have had. But it wasn't "real". We didn't have to face day to day challenges together. We never fought, we never lectured the other. We didn't have to make decisions together.

 

We asked about each other's day and projects. We asked what plans were for the evening and weekend. We complimented appearance, sexual prowess, work kudos. We said please and thank you. We didn't use communication as a weapon and didn't play head games with each other.

 

As God as my witness, I will find that again - and he will be single.

[lftbehind]

"It is what it is". Let's see...what IS it?

 

-Another woman's husband

-Doesn't give you what you need emotionally

-You've accepted that as okay even though it bothers you

-Lies about you to his wife

-Hides you away.

- Good conversation

-compliments you on your sex, sexy looks, how much he wants to **** you. But can't say you're intelligent, smart or a nice person

 

If you want to know what he really thinks about you. Tell his wife about your affair.

 

It iS black and white and if you read here you will see that all the MM that have acted like yours aren't in it for love. You will see how you will get hurt. You will see how you will get tossed aside and made into the bad guy. You will see why WORDS MEAN NOTHING.

 

What is your end game here? Are you looking to have a fun fling with no expectations or do you see yourself with this guy long term...meaning he will leave his wife?

 

Why are you settling for breadcrumbs?

 

Why are you lowering yourself to this level to sleep and pursue another woman's husband?

 

Are you that moral-less? Look in the mirror at yourself and tell yourself who you really are as a person.

 

I bet it's not who you are being now.

 

It isn't what it isn't

 

I said in this thread that he's not M, but has a GF.

 

I get it, you think that he doesn't care about me and is just using me. Does he really care about his GF if he's involved with me? Does your WH really care about you if he cheated on you? Tough questions, aren't they?

[lftbehind]

OP, how does he make you FEEL? What do you get out of this? What is he giving you, and what do you give him?

 

For me, and affair was about validation. It was about the compliments, the ego boosting. It made me feel vivacious, sexy and alive.

 

And I know it was the same for him. I was generous with my compliments, and he too was getting validation and ego boosting.

 

Ours wasn't an emotional affair - we weren't particularly close, but we did get more out of it than just the sex. We openly admitted that we were using each other. We would never say "I love you" but would say "I love the way you make me feel about myself".

 

I kinda don't understand the point of being the OW if you aren't getting that at least.

 

I get a friend to talk to and sex once in a while. With our schedules it's hard to get together much. It's hard not to get attached, though.

[aileD]

I said in this thread that he's not M, but has a GF.

 

I get it, you think that he doesn't care about me and is just using me. Does he really care about his GF if he's involved with me? Does your WH really care about you if he cheated on you? Tough questions, aren't they?

 

He might really care for you but it's not enough is it? If it was you wouldn't be here.

 

All I'm saying is don't you deserve more?

[MidnightBlue1980]

Do you get compliments from your AP? Mine used to tell me that I looked good sometimes, but doesn't seem to give me any recently. I give him some, but he doesn't give any back. Maybe it's his personality, but I would like to get compliments sometimes.

 

Proverbs 29:4-5 – Beware the man who comes bearing gifts and invoking flattering words.…they may inflame your ego, but in the end ensnare your soul.

 

I'm am no bible rocker, but for some reason this stuck in my head.

 

To answer your question, xmm pretty much talked about my body. That's about it. But to be honest, my H also mainly talks about my butt or boobs. I do not mind as he is my husband. Maybe it is a man thing. I do have males who say things about my intelligence but they are platonic friends or business associates.

 

The reality is, the people who mostly give complements to women - are other women!