What_Did_I_Do Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 Hugs ((Iam)). How about this way of thinking: I will NEVER be second fiddle to anyone again. I will NEVER be someone's dirty secret. I will NEVER be known as a 'mistress' again. I am FREE of all of those mind mucking ups and downs. The self doubt, crippled self esteem, confusion, worry, loss of a 'normal' life. Free of this now. Breathe. It's going to be ok. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 Hugs ((Iam)). How about this way of thinking: I will NEVER be second fiddle to anyone again. I will NEVER be someone's dirty secret. I will NEVER be known as a 'mistress' again. I am FREE of all of those mind mucking ups and downs. The self doubt, crippled self esteem, confusion, worry, loss of a 'normal' life. Free of this now. Breathe. It's going to be ok. Quoted so you can read it again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 OP, there was a point in your life when you had NEVER seen him or spoken to him. You were fine then. You will be just fine again! This world is filled with men you have never met. Wait for the one you have never met whom you will meet and he will never leave. He will always put you as the first and only lady in his life. HE is the one you can never do without! This other guy, pfffft! Let your mind release him as time enables you to do so. You can get totally over him and live a wonderfully happy life without him! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 OP, there was a point in your life when you had NEVER seen him or spoken to him. You were fine then. You will be just fine again! This world is filled with men you have never met. Wait for the one you have never met whom you will meet and he will never leave. He will always put you as the first and only lady in his life. HE is the one you can never do without! This other guy, pfffft! Let your mind release him as time enables you to do so. You can get totally over him and live a wonderfully happy life without him! This is such a good way of looking at things. Try it! Poppy. Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 (edited) WE WILL BE FINE!... out of pain and filled with life!... this is what we were remember?.. so buckle up and pull the plug! Edited November 16, 2016 by freengreen Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 2 months in NC and... I am feeling so depressed at the thought that I will never see him again for WHOLE life. We will NEVER talk. We will NEVER see each other. We will NEVER call each other. We will NEVER touch each other. Everything is just gone............ GONE!!! The feelings will be buried deep in heart for rest of my life and will leave after I die. This will go till my grave...... I don't know how to tell that life will move on definitely but with a very big void which will only end after this life ends............ You are over-romanticizing. It was an affair, he was just an old married guy getting some extra. YOU knew he was just using you, so you left him. BUT I have a sneaking suspicion you left to force his hand but that didn't work, hence your distress now. YOUR ego took a huge hit, he chose to be with his "old and wrinkly" wife. YOU have to keep seeing this for what it was. It was no great love story, the only love story was in your head. Sorry to be blunt, but STOP wallowing and pick yourself up off the floor. No-one died here. You are young, free and single, get out and live your life is my advice. Life is too short to mope about over MM. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 I'm not a MM, but you should NEVER allow another human being to have that much power over your happiness, self worth and existence on earth. Don't let this man define you. It's not as if you're 95 years old and can say your time here is nearly over. Even then, I'd be saying I'm going to be happy with the little time I have left. I've been heartbroken once in my life .... and I vowed that no other man would leave me feeling that way and that I owed it to myself to find happiness. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 Elaine and Sandylee... I might not be inexact same feels as OP but i am struggling with NC too.. Thankyou for reminding me on 'one life'.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 OP, Can I ask why you think you are the person who loved him the most? Did his wife tell you that she doesn't love him? How are you measuring this love? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iaminnocentgul Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 This thread is for people who supported me in my journey on this forum. Updates from me. Last date of complete NC from me 4 weeks before. I blocked him. He tried to contact I didn't pick up. We work in same office. I regularly check his calender to see what is he upto. I saw he was on leave for 2 weeks. The last attempt he made was nearly 3.5 weeks before and then he left for his holidays. He never called me or tried to contact me. He came back in office 4 days before. He never talked to me or chase me. Only once he walked in front of me and winked without any smiles or hi-hellos. Honestly, I do try to eye him, without him noticing. And I also tried to call him but I had hidden my caller ID - just to hear his voice. He has never attempted to talk or call after his holidays. He has never attempted even to talk in office. But I am very hurt. Like old times he is not coming back even for offer of friendship or talks. Forget love or affair. I thought he will talk to me once he back. But he didn't. Rather I am stalking him. Why I am doing this? I was never a stalker. He was the one who use to stalk and call and talk. I don't want to do this. I am turning out to be a hopeless character. I miss him. I still love him. I want to talk to him. I feel like breaking the NC. Cry 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 You're not going to heal until you get distance from him. You're not in NC, because you see him every day at work. Sorry to say, but if you want try closure and to move on you are probably going to have to find a new job Stay strong! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
freengreen Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 Affair cycle Get high Get hurt nc break nc repeat This can go on forever with no positive effect on you. NADA. I mean why? I am 4 weeks NC too training myself to never go back. Its not about him being an ars3( may be he is may be isnt).. but its about me being not being a dodo. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iaminnocentgul Posted December 2, 2016 Author Share Posted December 2, 2016 Affair cycle Get high Get hurt nc break nc repeat This can go on forever with no positive effect on you. NADA. I mean why? I am 4 weeks NC too training myself to never go back. Its not about him being an ars3( may be he is may be isnt).. but its about me being not being a dodo. I am trying!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HeCantBreakMe Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 You have to just stop the 'stalking' and start the moving forward. You are still living in the past- start looking forwards. If you break a little it is okay but don't give up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 You're not stalking him....you're creeping. :-) It sounds like maybe part of what you're doing is just to know where he is. Since you aren't showing up where he is, that's a good thing. I did the phone thing years ago before caller ID with an ex boyfriend. I don't know if it's healthy or 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted December 2, 2016 Share Posted December 2, 2016 You cannot get over someone you have to continually see. Take it from someone who tried it for a year. It doesn't work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iaminnocentgul Posted December 3, 2016 Author Share Posted December 3, 2016 You cannot get over someone you have to continually see. Take it from someone who tried it for a year. It doesn't work. Oh god! I am trying my best to avoid him. I swear. Totally! The reason I am telling on this site whenever I get the urge to talk, people here motivate not to and then I don't. All the replies have added to my confidence not to talk to him and end this misery and 'creeping'.... Thanks guy! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 (edited) Here comes reality: What you feel for him isn't love. It's a dysfunctional and obsessive addiction. If you can admit that to yourself, you'll move forward. Love brings out the best in people. Love doesn't make you feel like you're going crazy. Love makes you realise whats important in life (and what isn't). Love creates safety and trust. Love always involves kindness. Love is more about giving than getting. Move on from this nonsense and find love. You deserve that. Take care. Edited December 3, 2016 by Satu Link to post Share on other sites
Somedaymaybe81 Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 Here comes reality: What you feel for him isn't love. It's a dysfunctional and obsessive addiction. If you can admit that to yourself, you'll move forward. Love brings out the best in people. Love doesn't make you feel like you're going crazy. Love makes you realise whats important in life (and what isn't). Love creates safety and trust. Love always involves kindness. Love is more about giving than getting. Move on from this nonsense and find love. You deserve that. Take care. I really really needed to hear this today. It's so hard. I'm going through the same thing 6 weeks NC. Its hell. I also see him everyday. All I can say is I'm hoping the best for you. When I feel like breaking NC I just come on here and read stories and get motivated to move forward and not backwards. Take care 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 I really really needed to hear this today. It's so hard. I'm going through the same thing 6 weeks NC. Its hell. I also see him everyday. All I can say is I'm hoping the best for you. When I feel like breaking NC I just come on here and read stories and get motivated to move forward and not backwards. Take care Its very important to keep telling yourself that you deserve better. Because you really do. All the best, Satu Link to post Share on other sites
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