rant

[healthyhopes]

ya know, i brag about not having been in a relationship for so long, because of all the work that goes into it, and all the terrible people (abusive, narcissistic, et cetera) i've dated or otherwise been with. And I admire my freedom. But on the other hand I have never been with a nice guy who genuinely liked me. And maybe it's human to be this lonely, and maybe it'll pass tomorrow like it usually does when I feel down. But it does mean that in the moment, I'm still lonely.

 

This is so unlike me to ask but-- and quoting the words of the last guy who sadistically broke my heart last year (I posted all about that in these forums)-- "I'll find someone eventually, right? Everyone gets their happy ending, right?"

[Heatemyheart89]

Make sure you have a happy ending! Get yourself into a good place then actively seek new connections.

I have never been with a nice guy either, but they are out there, I believe it. Good luck!

[Satu]

It is absolutely possible to find someone nice to be with.

 

There are a lot of really good men out there.

 

Open mind, open heart.

 

 

Take care.

[salparadise]

This is so unlike me to ask but-- and quoting the words of the last guy who sadistically broke my heart last year (I posted all about that in these forums)-- "I'll find someone eventually, right? Everyone gets their happy ending, right?"

 

 

I can relate –– I dated a few doosies too. I found my happy ending, or at least it seems that way now, and she tells me she feels the same.

 

My suggestion is to be realistic, and do what you can to enhance your prospects. Don't do the euphemisms with "everybody, always." Just get clear in your head what you're looking for in terms of emotional intelligence - availability, get rid of the superficial criteria (mostly - still need attraction), and refuse to fall into something less just to fill the void. Meet a lot of people. Go on dates. Test for emotional intelligence - availability, and next'em instantly if they're narcissists, borderline, sociopaths, histrionic, etc. So you have to learn to assess quickly and accurately.

 

I remained single and sexless for a year after I got rid of a narcissistic woman that I started dating mostly as a matter of convenience. In one sense I'm thankful (yes, to narc woman) because she helped me to understand what I don't want and how to recognize it. I had a lot of first dates during that year (and no second dates). No hooking up (well, maybe once).

 

When I met my wonderful, emotionally healthy girlfriend the match wasn't hard to recognize. I'll be very happy if I never have to go on another first date.

 

You have to hold out for what you want (women have a natural inclination to) and recognized it when it comes around. It takes some experience and heartache to acquire skills. I think all of my painful life experiences were preparing me to appreciate Ms. Wonderful when she finally showed up. You're going to have to lose that thing for bad-boys, ya know.

Edited December 4, 2016 by salparadise

[kckc]

Healthyhopes, last year I was in the same place as you. I was feeling lonely and down because I couldn't build a long, healthy relationship. At that time I was single and was craving a new guy. What happened was me finding a new hobby, new work, I met so many people. I stopped being miserable, but yes I was hoping I'd find that special person. And I did, we met at work. It started from a friendship.