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I think he's cheating on me

bpdmcd

By bpdmcd,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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bpdmcd

bpdmcd

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He and I were on a friends with benefits kinda thing for awhile. We'd try a relationship, but he'd usually end up calling it off after a couple weeks. This went on for about two years.

 

I called off the last time we tried dating. He was in serbia for work recently and messaged me out of the blue claiming he loved me and wanted to be with me, that he didn't understand why I didn't believe he had feelings for me.

 

We've been dating for two months and everything has been fine. Had Thanksgiving with his parents and such. Last Monday he went to a friend's house for the night, and I know this to be true because he took his PC. He was missing for a few hours the following day and wasn't very forthcoming with where he was. Fast forward to Friday and he says he's going to the same friend's house again, but without his PC. His friend was on a VoIP program and the boyfriend wasn't around. So, I text him about it.

 

"I'm getting your xmas present, he was supposed to cover for me."

"At 9pm on a Friday and you have no money?"

"I already bought it and I was driving to pick it up, but hey get that jealousy going. (10min later) I can take it back if you want."

 

I don't respond because I don't know what the truth is. He deletes his Facebook, which is our means of communication. So, I message him elsewhere.

 

"You blocked me?"

"I deleted my facebook all together, I can't handle the string of distrust lately. You're killing me. Facebook makes you insane towards me"

"It's not Facebook, it's you telling me you're going to be somewhere and you aren't."

"I can't deal with this tonight. I'm going to bed. I was trying to do something special."

 

He was up until 230am, hadn't been home...or at the very least, never touched his PC. (He's a gamer, he's always at his PC)

 

The next morning, after I apologized he hadn't responded. I asked if I could take him out that night to apologize in person and talk to him.

"No thanks. I'm not going anywhere today. Please give me a little space today."

 

What are your thoughts on this?

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WhatYouWantToHear

WhatYouWantToHear

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What are your thoughts on this?

 

Who cares if he's cheating? Is that the only reason you'd leave him?

 

I mean this relationship isn't that great, regardless of cheating/not-cheating. Break it off.

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smackie9

smackie9

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He's not cheating...now I know why he was the one that usually called it after two weeks of dating....you are insecure and you keep sabotaging any hope for a relationship. You can only ask for forgiveness so many times...

 

You have a really problem if you have to keep monitoring his whereabouts.

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bpdmcd

bpdmcd

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He's not cheating...now I know why he was the one that usually called it after two weeks of dating....you are insecure and you keep sabotaging any hope for a relationship. You can only ask for forgiveness so many times...

 

You have a really problem if you have to keep monitoring his whereabouts.

 

I agree 100% on your statements of me, but that is not why he would call it. He called it because he would meet someone and want to sleep with them. His words.

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smackie9

smackie9

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I agree 100% on your statements of me, but that is not why he would call it. He called it because he would meet someone and want to sleep with them. His words.

Well then why the hell would you ever have anything to do with him???? This is still on you.

 

He didn't cheat, he broke up with you to pursue someone.....so if he wanted to bang someone he would would just breakup with you again. He wasn't cheating.

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l8estnews

l8estnews

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I agree 100% on your statements of me, but that is not why he would call it. He called it because he would meet someone and want to sleep with them. His words.

 

Too many words. Let me summarize it for you:

 

You are his doormat. *bow*

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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My thoughts are that I cannot grasp why you've allowed this to go for two years.

 

Girl, it's time to call a spade a spade and realize he's not your boyfriend nor does he want to be.

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bpdmcd

bpdmcd

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My thoughts are that I cannot grasp why you've allowed this to go for two years.

 

Girl, it's time to call a spade a spade and realize he's not your boyfriend nor does he want to be.

 

Perhaps you're right. I had just hoped he had gotten over the, "sleep with a lot of girls" phase and might have been ready to commit. He has been great to me the past two months, but my trust issues are strong because of the past. I love the guy, but I guess it's just not meant to be.

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Formerfiveo

Formerfiveo

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He also still hasn't talked to me. So, that's not helping any hope I had for this. Any tips on the most tactful way to end this?

 

If I understand correctly, in the last communication you had with him he asked for "a little space."

 

I would take that as your ending and not reach out to him anymore. If he does contact you (and he will eventually) you can tell him to take all the space he needs because you're moving on.

 

I read your first post as him being passive aggressive with the whole deleting fb thing and accusing you of being jealous. That, or he's gaslighting you. Whatever the case, he absolutely does not want to be in an exclusive relationship.

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bpdmcd

bpdmcd

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If I understand correctly, in the last communication you had with him he asked for "a little space."

 

I would take that as your ending and not reach out to him anymore. If he does contact you (and he will eventually) you can tell him to take all the space he needs because you're moving on.

 

I read your first post as him being passive aggressive with the whole deleting fb thing and accusing you of being jealous. That, or he's gaslighting you. Whatever the case, he absolutely does not want to be in an exclusive relationship.

I do consider him to be a narcissist and likely a sociopath. Gaslighting is very likely. He turned his facebook back on yesterday, but turned chat off for me. I don't see him caring about my feelings on the matter. (Even if I am being crazy, if you love someone like you say, you work it out) Two days is too long to go without working on an issue in a relationship. Really, though...my gut is just telling me this isn't good and he isn't telling me the truth. Who goes to get a gift at 9pm on a Friday? When you have all day to do it. Your friend doesn't live close to anywhere you would get a gift and I doubt you're making 20 minute trips just to get something and go back to hang with your friend. Why tell me you're going to bed at 11:30 when you aren't?

 

Anyway. I guess it's not worth speculating on anymore. I was hoping to hear more "trust him, maybe he did change" but since that's not the case, it's just time to end things.

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whichwayisup

whichwayisup

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I do consider him to be a narcissist and likely a sociopath. Gaslighting is very likely. He turned his facebook back on yesterday, but turned chat off for me. I don't see him caring about my feelings on the matter. (Even if I am being crazy, if you love someone like you say, you work it out) Two days is too long to go without working on an issue in a relationship. Really, though...my gut is just telling me this isn't good and he isn't telling me the truth. Who goes to get a gift at 9pm on a Friday? When you have all day to do it. Your friend doesn't live close to anywhere you would get a gift and I doubt you're making 20 minute trips just to get something and go back to hang with your friend. Why tell me you're going to bed at 11:30 when you aren't?

 

Anyway. I guess it's not worth speculating on anymore. I was hoping to hear more "trust him, maybe he did change" but since that's not the case, it's just time to end things.

 

Then why would you want to be with someone like that?

 

You two may have feeling for one another but the relationship itself is NOT working. You don't trust him, he makes you feel bad and question him. That's not healthy nor is it a loving relationship.

 

Bail now. He isn't worth it.

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bpdmcd

bpdmcd

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In case anyone is wondering, he did respond finally:

 

"You really need to work on this jealousy thing. And this creepy stalking thing. Darryl told me he didn't even play any wow that night. So I don't know where your getting your info from. But if you're going to jump to conclusions Everytime I am doing something then this not going to work at all. I don't want it need that kind of stress in my life.

 

You know how I feel about you. Why can't that be enough for you. Why do you constantly need me to talk to you. Why do you all of a sudden become an investigator everytime I go out. It isn't very fair to me to have to put up with that all the time"

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whichwayisup

whichwayisup

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Honestly I think you need to end it and work on your own insecurities and fears before you can be in a relationship, especially this one. No matter what he does or doesn't do you're gonna question and wonder if he is playing you for a fool or cheating on you. He is sick and tired of the accusations and seems angry too. Not a good feeling to have for either of you.

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