Emotional Affair Just Became Physical

[drypuddle]

This really hit home for me. This is what I long for. If too much time has passed between texts I panic. I question and over analyze every conversation. I am driving myself insane. I would like this relief.

 

I know it's a hard path to get there, but you can get there!

[BuddyX]

You keep repeating how you want your freedom but you can't stop talking to the MM. Here's some advice. Start dating. Dating is fun. If you don't like the guy you say No. As a woman, you have so much power, you just don't know it.

 

Start thinking with your head. You're on the brink of destroying a marriage and family. You think it's worth it?

[anika99]

"That is not so easy when this man makes me feel so good about myself, loved, and wanted."

 

He may not be using you just for sex. He may also being using you for the same reasons you are using him. Perhaps you also make him feel good about himself and wanted. Your affair is all about yourself and very little to do with him and it's probably much the same for him. It feels good, liking taking a drug can feel good, or binging on junk food can feel good. Alcohol and junk food are not good for us but they can be downright irresistible when we want something to make us feel good.

 

Affairs mostly seem to be about self pleasure. The participants are addicted to the good feelings they get out of it, it's got little to do with the person providing those feelings. Sure there are lows too, just like there are with any addiction but that just makes the next high so much sweeter. It is never easy to give up something that makes you feel good but that is also not good for you. Giving up an addiction is never painless. If you are waiting for a time to come when it won't hurt that will never happen. It only gets harder. The sooner you end this the better.

[bewell]

You can't be friends. END OF STORY.

 

About two weeks ago I posted a question asking if it's possible to ever be friends with xMM/AP and let me tell you the answer was unanimous. I am just realizing that now after he went cold on me almost a week ago. We were talking and taking it slow when suddenly he went silent. So I am back to NC with him and I hope he leaves me a lone for GOOD!

[adna89]

What does he say about his wife? does he even mention her

[Friskyone4u]

My husband was controlling and had a lot of anger issues to the point where I could not be myself around him. I was walking on eggshells all the time and not comfortable in my own home. Lawyers were involved early on in our separation and the divorce petition has been drafted and is in his lawyer's hands for signatures. It will then be filed. The divorce is simply a formality at this point as there is a separation agreement in place. The nature of my relationship with my husband is part of the reason I thought MM was perfect for me. I am happy living my own life. He's not around to tell me what to do. I have my own freedom and peace, yet the knowledge of knowing someone loves me. I always thought the only thing missing was intimacy, but since that happened I realize that I'm missing more.

 

I have read every response and like many others my brain and my heart are telling me two different things. If I was on the outside looking in the only logical decision would be walking away. That is not so easy when this man makes me feel so good about myself, loved, and wanted. You don't need to tell me he also has the ability to make me feel low and used. I understand that as well but it's so hard to walk away from the good.

 

He has already suggested a time and place to meet privately again. I told him I'm not sure if I can. I want to but I don't. I see that every person, even other MM, are warning me that I must stop, that I'm going to cause myself more pain. I do believe you but part of me says to stay just a little while longer, just til Christmas, just til I meet someone new, just til whenever...

 

If I choose to continue this relationship, is this a spot for support or will I get a lot of "I told you so" and "You should have listened". This is a serious question as I can see that there is a lot of support her for NC, but what if I'm not ready?

 

 

You will NOT meet someone new because you will be hanging around on hold waiting for him to want to use you again and you will be emotionally unavailable. And if by chance you do, then what do you do, ? Start a new relationship by cheating on him with this OM??

 

it is obvious you are not going to take any of this advice. You will learn the hard way

[HeCantBreakMe]

My husband was controlling and had a lot of anger issues to the point where I could not be myself around him. I was walking on eggshells all the time and not comfortable in my own home. Lawyers were involved early on in our separation and the divorce petition has been drafted and is in his lawyer's hands for signatures. It will then be filed. The divorce is simply a formality at this point as there is a separation agreement in place. The nature of my relationship with my husband is part of the reason I thought MM was perfect for me. I am happy living my own life. He's not around to tell me what to do. I have my own freedom and peace, yet the knowledge of knowing someone loves me. I always thought the only thing missing was intimacy, but since that happened I realize that I'm missing more.

 

I have read every response and like many others my brain and my heart are telling me two different things. If I was on the outside looking in the only logical decision would be walking away. That is not so easy when this man makes me feel so good about myself, loved, and wanted. You don't need to tell me he also has the ability to make me feel low and used. I understand that as well but it's so hard to walk away from the good.

 

He has already suggested a time and place to meet privately again. I told him I'm not sure if I can. I want to but I don't. I see that every person, even other MM, are warning me that I must stop, that I'm going to cause myself more pain. I do believe you but part of me says to stay just a little while longer, just til Christmas, just til I meet someone new, just til whenever...

 

If I choose to continue this relationship, is this a spot for support or will I get a lot of "I told you so" and "You should have listened". This is a serious question as I can see that there is a lot of support her for NC, but what if I'm not ready?

 

I am never one to say I told you so. I believe people have to come to their own conclusions and in their own time. Maybe it just isn't your time yet- maybe the hurt hasn't brought you to your knees or maybe the limerence just hasn't worn off. Whatever it is, from this poster, you will never hear I told you so. Though I am not sure you will get a ton of support since most of us on LS have been ripped to the bottom of our souls because of an affair.

 

I can tell you- keep posting and keep reading. Even in throes of the affair and regardless of how he makes you feel stay here and keep reading. This place is a bottomless pit of real life examples of affairs from every angle.

[eye of the storm]

If I choose to continue this relationship, is this a spot for support or will I get a lot of "I told you so" and "You should have listened". This is a serious question as I can see that there is a lot of support her for NC, but what if I'm not ready?

 

I got quite a few "I told you so"s and "you should have listened"s. They did tell me and I should have listened. I thought I was ... unique. I wasn't. My A wasn't. Neither is yours.

 

I tried to be friends after the A ended. It just restarted. I don't hate my MM. But I wish I would not have put my life in a holding pattern for 6 years while I was dating him.

 

Don't put your life on hold for someone who puts someone else first.

[somanymistakes]

I think people come here and see the same story played out over and over and over. The same games played and the same things said. The same excuses given. The same treatment when exposed to wife...

 

Then they start to see things a little different and he brain starts to say "wake up idiot" to the heart

 

I think there's also the problem that because people have seen the same story so many times, they insist on applying every part of it to every case without actually looking to see if it's true.

 

It's true that most affairs will end in heartbreak. It's not true that MM never leave their wives for their APs, you don't have to read this forum long before finding counterexamples.

 

It's true that some men are serial cheaters just looking for sex wherever they can find it. It's not true that every MM is looking for women to use and discard. Plenty of them are on the emotional rollercoaster too and think they're in love.

 

But since most affairs are going to go badly at some point, it's very easy to convince an OW whose heart is breaking that she's been intentionally targeted and used, even if that wasn't true. (Sometimes it is! But not always.)

 

As for going back to being friends when you're in love AND have slept together? Probably not without several years of buffer and a happy relationship of your own to keep you from feeling too tempted, and even then you might need to make sure you don't get near each other physically.

[eye of the storm]

I think there's also the problem that because people have seen the same story so many times, they insist on applying every part of it to every case without actually looking to see if it's true.

 

It's true that most affairs will end in heartbreak. It's not true that MM never leave their wives for their APs, you don't have to read this forum long before finding counterexamples.

 

It's true that some men are serial cheaters just looking for sex wherever they can find it. It's not true that every MM is looking for women to use and discard. Plenty of them are on the emotional rollercoaster too and think they're in love.

 

But since most affairs are going to go badly at some point, it's very easy to convince an OW whose heart is breaking that she's been intentionally targeted and used, even if that wasn't true. (Sometimes it is! But not always.)

 

Some people win the lottery, but most just spend all their money chasing the dream. Like the Hunger Games, the odds are not in your favor.

 

Yes, there is the rare WS that leaves their BS. But to often, even in those cases, the WS does not end up with the AP. And even fewer still try to have a relationship with the AP post D. Taking the numbers even smaller are the ones that actually work out.

 

Yes there are some posters who have married their AP and seem to have a good M. But they will say to not listen to words only to actions.

 

Telling the OW whose heart is breaking to wake up and get out of a bad situation is much kinder than giving false hope.

[somanymistakes]

 

Telling the OW whose heart is breaking to wake up and get out of a bad situation is much kinder than giving false hope.

 

I totally agree, I just think we can do it without having to say that the man is DEFINITELY a serial user when we don't know that. Because it doesn't really matter whether he is or isn't, the situation is probably doomed anyway.

 

Even if it's the first time, even if he meant well, it's almost certainly going to end badly.