No kids - including nieces and nephews - at wedding?

[Driver]

Getting married in May and still trying to figure out the guest list.

 

To be honest I don't really want any kids at the wedding. I've been to weddings when a baby cries the whole time and it's so awkward and totally ruins the ceremony. Then the kids run around the ceremony all night knocking into people and playing tag...which is cute for immediate family but distracting and annoying to other guests. I wanted a more mature atmosphere and for everyone to relax. Somtines it is hard to do that with kids.

 

I've got two nephews who I love but are a huge handful - and they're ages 2 and 4. My fiancé has seven nieces and nephews all under the age of 9. One of them is a 1 year old baby. So if we invited all the nieces and nephews we would have nine kids. The idea is kind of stressful to be honest. We have a very elegant venue and costs are about 120.00 a person. So we have a max and right now I am unable to invite anyone from work including my bosses due to the kids.

 

I told my sister we were thinking no kids and she was horrified. Like many people she thinks weddings are about family and why would you exclude family? I completely see that side of things. I don't know what to do because in my heart I. Just would rather have an adults only event but I fear ticking off my fiancé family. Don't want to start off on the wrong foot with them and I KNOW it will probably bother my very family oriented mother in law.

[basil67]

I'd do it without kids. But nobody in my friend or family list would worry about it.

 

My only advice if you do a wedding without kids is that you don't do an all day thing with a wedding in the morning and the dinner in the night. We were invited to one of them once - it wasn't near home so we would have needed a sitter for an entire day and night. We ended skipping the ceremony and just attend the dinner.

[Gloria25]

I agree with you about the kids. Weddings aren't Chuck E Cheese's. Also, it's YOUR wedding. You have the right to ask everyone to come dressed as dolphins.

 

To avoid ignoramouses and rubbing certain people the wrong way - just tell them you two ran over the budget and it only allows for a certain amount of guests so, they gotta leave kids behind. People can't be mad at you if you can't afford more people.

 

I am rolling my eyes. Tired of people with their kids, who think it's everyone's job to tolerate their kids and worst these same people usually have kids with bad manners. Just cuz you have kids doesn't mean that your life is now revolving around your kids. In other words, if mommy and daddy wanna go see a movie - then they get a babysitter and go watch "Nocturnal Animals"...they aren't condoned to watching "Trolls" cuz it's the only kind of movie they can bring the kids to - or worst, like some people, they brought their freakn' kids to watch "Furious 7". I mean, my family and I are sitting in the movie theater watching Vin Diesel and all of a sudden we hear a baby cry

[aileD]

I didn't have kids at my wedding and it was fabulous

[Driver]

Good thoughts - there. But what about the "how could you exclude family" argument?

[Gloria25]

Good thoughts - there. But what about the "how could you exclude family" argument?

 

Again, do like basil67 and I suggested - blame your decision to exclude kids on something else, like "budget" or time of day you can get the place. Or shoot, even tell them the place doesn't allow kids or you gotta pay a deposit if kids come.

 

Unfortunately in life, some people can't be reasoned with - and some of them are family members. Try to be "smarter", not work "harder" at issues with them.

 

Yes, children are family - but there's a time and place for everything. So, I gather while the parents are having sex, the kids are in the bed with them? No, I don't think so, cuz although kids are family - they aren't to be in marital bed when mommy and daddy are getting it on.

 

I have the same frustration about my recent birthday. I wanted to do a dining out, but no, was pressured to do a family get-together. We do family get togethers for Thanksgiving, Xmas, New Years, birthdays (especially decked out birthdays for the kids) and I just wanted something "adult" this time around and classy....NO KIDS and typical annoying relatives/friends. And, they freakin' ruined it for me. I'm still planning an all-girls thing to make up for it with my gfs.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Driver I totally see your point believe me I do. A kidless wedding will definitely be more civilized because of the very things you pointed out.

 

But when have you ever witnessed a wedding being ruined because a baby was crying doing the ceremony? Ruined a wedding! Isn't that a bit extreme? And the not being able to invite work people because of the kids? You can't invite your boss because when counting heads you would have to invite a 3 year old instead? Kids barely eat and you pay half a plate per kids and you don't pay for alcohol consumption. It's actually cheaper to invite kids. Typically under 3 they don't even pay per head.

 

No child is going to take away from your chance to shine during the ceremony or the reception. So don't worry about the kids knocking into others at least not from the guests' perspective.

 

I get it it's your special day but it's also the one time you will be seen in action from both sides of the family.

 

Consider this: you will always be remembered for the "bridezilla" who didn't want kids at the party than the couple who had an awesome fun party. Weddings are political whether you like to see that or not.

 

I would find it incredibly rude if I were invited to a family wedding and they said to me leave your kids at home. Weddings are supposed to be for family it's not a night club.

 

I went to a wedding a few years back in Europe (my good friend got married) and it was more of a nightclub atmosphere but posh, this was a kick-ass party in a chalet in the mountains and they invited children as well but after dinner around 9pm they had hired nannies who took all the children away to one of the chalet cabins for games and a big slumber party. We all partied at the reception until the wee morning hours. Win-win.

 

Not suggesting you should the same but you are bound to piss family off if you exclude kids and rightly so. What does your fiance think?

[Driver]

No exaggeration - the ceremony WAS ruined by a screaming kid. No one could hear the vows and people around me looked incredibly uncomfortable. The same thing happened at my graduation ceremony. people who have young kids grit their teeth through it but for people who don't have kids it's just downright distracting and makes you feel bad for whoever is in the spotlight.

 

That said - you make a good point and that's the last thing I want to do, come across as.a bridezilla. My fiancé and I have both been pretty neutral. About kids but now that my mom, who is paying for the wedding, just had a long talk with him about how she didn't want kids at what she thinks should be an adult only affair... he is now telling me that his family is just gonna have to get over it.

 

Part of me thinks it may be a good idea to reluctantly (lOL) have them at the ceremony and then when cocktail hour and reception time comes, have then shuttled down the road to a hotel with a nanny? Or will that be perceived as rude and kicking them out?! Seems like someone will always be offended.

[Sunkissedpatio]

I see what you mean. Poor baby, no pun intended, it's the case of the a-hole parents that are so self-centred. Crying babies need to be taken outside until they calm down, most adjusted parents know to do this. Make sure to invite non-ahole parents That's a good start.

 

Well that's true, no matter what there are always going to be people that are going to complain and have their beef. That's the funny thing about weddings you can go all out and think of every detail to make it a spectacular night and the talk of that town will be how the appetizer had too much salt. People are funny at weddings.

 

If you are comfortable making that decision no matter what the reaction is on both sides then it is your wedding after all. And if your fiance is on-board then go for it. If he's on the fence however you know that is coming back to bite you somewhere down the line.

 

Part of me thinks it may be a good idea to reluctantly (lOL) have them at the ceremony and then when cocktail hour and reception time comes, have then shuttled down the road to a hotel with a nanny? Or will that be perceived as rude and kicking them out?! Seems like someone will always be offended.

 

Depending on where the wedding is you might be able to get away with that. The example I gave was in a chalet lodge banquet hall where people had to drive out quite a ways and stayed over night so that sort of made sense and they could get away with it because kids were going to bed before the adults were anyway.

Edited December 5, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

[Art_Critic]

No kids is okay, you have to be ready for some people to not come to your wedding though, for different reasons but the main one would be having to pay +-100 bucks for a sitter.

[PegNosePete]

I am a firm believer in it's YOUR wedding so you get to invite or not invite whoever you damn well please! If you want it kid-free then that is YOUR choice.

 

If someone queries it then you can tell them if you invite their kid then you have to invite everyone's, which is LOTS. And that would put you significantly over budget, not just the per head expenses but also kids entertainment, supervision, different menu choices, kid friendly ornaments and decoration, insurance, etc.

 

If they ask you to make an exception for their angelic little Beatrice because butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, then say you're sorry but you can't make any exceptions because if you do then you will find every other guest and their brother hitting you up with "how come their child is allowed but mine isn't".

 

If it's someone really close to you then you can explain it as you have in this post. If they truly respect you then they will respect your reasons and your decision and YOUR right to have the wedding that YOU want. If not, then well, ...

 

Be prepared for some people to not turn up because they can't (or don't want to) get a sitter. Or because they take issue with you not inviting kids. Whatever. It's your choice to invite them or not, and it's their choice to accept the invitation (and its terms) or not. If they choose not to attend just on principle that you want an adults only wedding then it's their loss.

 

Invite your bosses, why not? Don't let "oh they have kids" put you off inviting people you'd like to be there. Just make it clear in the invitation that it is adults only (politely!!!). Don't chop and change. Choose a kids policy and stick to it, make it very clear right from the start, no exceptions.

[O'Malley]

I've been to several adults only weddings. If you and your fiance prefer to not have children attend, communicate it politely but don't feel guilty about enforcing it.

 

Send out the invites early and state that in order to allow all of the guests an evening to relax and enjoy themselves, you are unable to accommodate guests under the age of 18. Some people might decide to skip the whole thing, or attend either the ceremony or the reception, but others will appreciate the chance to have some adult time.

[aileD]

Listen. It's your wedding. Who cares what people think?

 

I've been married 17 years and didn't have kids at my wedding, when people asked why I was excluding them I said because I wanted the adults to have fun and for it to be a grown up good time.

 

A few people whined behind my back. They got over it before the wedding even happened and no one cares 17 years later.

 

You don't need an excuse. People ask, you say "because that's the decision we made for our wedding"

[GunslingerRoland]

I've never been to an adult only wedding, there are always kids at weddings, and they are usually part of the fun. I've never seen kids ruin a wedding.

 

Especially excluding your direct nieces and nephews is a big thing. I'm not surprised you have a backlash from your family over it. It's your choice, but remember that your nieces and nephews are going to be the people that you are seeing 40 years from now, not your coworkers.

[mrs rubble]

I'm getting married in February and don't want kids there. My fiancé has 3 grandchildren under 6 and 2 nieces aged 1 & 6. He has invited them, I've just gone along with it, I don't feel I can deny him his family attending.

I'm thinking they'll probably leave early anyway, because we're having it at a beach and the parents are going to have to be super vigilant in watching them.

[Lady2163]

I had a no toddlers and under school age wedding ceremony. One of the uninvited guests was my dear two year old nephew. My mother arranged for and paid for the babysitter.

 

Which is kind of what I think you should consider. My nephew had a blast with his new friend. He went to the park, got ice cream and then joined us for the casual reception.

 

I don't know how long your ceremony will be, but this is your day.

 

I would personally call the people with children and explain to them. I'd be honest.

 

I mean, come on. Why would someone think it is okay and necessary to bring young children to a wedding? They have their whole lives to sit in church and go to weddings. The crying toddler and baby aren't going to remember this day.

 

I'm also of the mind you don't force children to go to funerals. I've volunteered as a baby sitter many times for people.

 

As far as the reception, eh....that one you have to make a choice. Is adult time more important than across the generations family time?

[basil67]

I've never been to a wedding with young children in attendance. Quite surprised at how many of you see it as a normal thing to do.

 

Must be cultural.

[Shepp]

I've never been to an adult only wedding, there are always kids at weddings, and they are usually part of the fun. I've never seen kids ruin a wedding.

 

Especially excluding your direct nieces and nephews is a big thing. I'm not surprised you have a backlash from your family over it. It's your choice, but remember that your nieces and nephews are going to be the people that you are seeing 40 years from now, not your coworkers.

 

I was going to say this too! Yes its your wedding, you CAN make it anything you want. I've also never been to or been invited to an adult only wedding, i thought weddings were about family so i would find it odd.

 

That said I'm not one for "adult only" things really.. hotels, holidays, etc

 

We had all the kids who were part of our lives at out wedding, but we specifically wanted it to be geared to adults and kids having fun, it was outdoors and we had an adult bouncy castle, coconut shy, wellie throwing, all those country fete type games.

I know that that is a extreme in itself, it wouldn't be for everybody, weddings are personal things!

 

But do consider that in that in the future, you probably will find yourself sat round the table with your now adult nephews and nieces, maybe you'll spend xmas with them, maybe they'll fix your car, maybe they'll have you over for dinner - they will be your family. But they wont remember your wedding, they werent there. And when you crack out the wedding album years from now you'll see the guy you went to uni with or the girl who used to work in your office, but you wont see you're nieces and nephews as kids, you wont be able to show them pictures of themselves, you wont be able to show your own kids pictures of their cousins at your wedding.

 

I just think a wedding means less if its not about family.

 

But you are entitled to do whatever you want, people will just have to like it or lump it. However you might have to accept some people not coming if they cant get a sitter etc.

[GunslingerRoland]

I've never been to a wedding with young children in attendance. Quite surprised at how many of you see it as a normal thing to do.

 

Must be cultural.

 

I've been to a number each of east Asian style, European and more plain North American weddings and they've all had kids. And I know Indian & Middle Eastern weddings have lots of kids at them too. (I haven't had the pleasure to attend one of those yet personally though.)