Why has she kept me on Facebook/Instagram? Will she reach out?

[jamili]

So obviously we did something wrong during the course of our previous relationship and if we can't figure out what those mistakes were then it will happen again. Guaranteed. I sure as heck won't let that happen again, even if that means I must investigate the underlying issue because I sure as heck didn't see the problems before the breakup. And now that I've had plenty of time to reflect and educate I'm much, much more confident in my future behaviors.

 

I disagree. I'm sure there are some exceptions, but most of us were dumped because we were with the wrong person. This doesn't mean you necessarily did something "wrong" or made any mistakes. It means you weren't a good match for your ex. It wasn't right, and it's due to incompatiblity. Sometimes there is nothing you can do to change that outcome - she just wasnt the right one for you. As long as you were being 100% yourself in the relationship, then you can be confident of that, and continue on your search of trial-and-error to find the person who is compatible. No need to change who you are or any core aspects of your personality, or force an attachment style that you don't naturally have in order to appear "alpha" or not needy... just find a person who matches and pairs well with your attachment style.

[maxalton]

A bro, I follow Corey Wayne as well. Read his book twice. The guy indeed is legit. And I know this because I've seen and read pretty much all the other so called "relationship experts" online. I even did a couple of the things they suggest fresh off my breakup which worked totally against me sadly.

 

Corey Wayne's work on the other hand definitely intrigues me because I had a pretty nasty breakup due to my beta behavior and was in desperate search to figure out myself. I, unfortunately, found him after the poopoo hit the fan so it was too late with my ex and I at that point but looking back at my ex relationship, boy-oh-boy, did I make plentiful shameful mistakes. It's been 7 months now since the breakup and close to 4 months of NC but I'm still struggling to forget her man. Hell, it's been almost impossible, mostly due to the fact that I regret so bad how I acted towards the end and lost a beautiful woman:(

 

Corey Wayne indeed helped me to regain my confidence because I learned what was the cause of my downfall but it hasn't helped me get back my ex, that's for sure, because she has exhibited no behaviors indicating she wants to reconcile at all. She probably still thinks I'm the old me. I was blocked from her fb for several months and just recently she unblocked me but I get the feeling it's not due to the fact that she wants to reconcile but more that she is indifferent, which is sad. All I truly want is to have dialogue but I will never break NC unless she contacts me first, which is most likely slim to none.

 

Now, as far as your situation is concern this is what I'm getting. You're obsessed with your ex. Trust me, I know because that's how I feel now too. What's going through your mind daily is her. I bet all you're doing is thinking about your mistakes and how you could've done different and it's literally haunting you, wishing you could turn back time and doing it over. You're beating yourself over it too I bet and it's eating you up inside. You're probably also thinking of all the guys she's with, having sex with, kissing, having fun with, guys looking into her beautiful eyes while being penetrated and it burns you up inside. Even if it's for a split second something in your brain triggers, it's called anxiety.

 

Oh man, it hits the feels, I know the feeling.

 

But bro, listen. It's not that she was out of your league, just like my ex I believe she wasn't out of my league, but the fact that you and I are simply too insecure, probably mostly due to our upbringing and bad habits we picked up over the many years through social conditioning. This is what we need to work on most. Us. I've certainly come a long way. Yes, I still obsess over my ex but I know now without a shred of doubt that I will never, ever be the old me ever again. The old me is dead. I vowed myself this. I will never, ever put myself in a weak, unattractive position ever again. I'm going to do my part, as a man, to make sure my woman is happy, as much as possible, that way, she'll not need an excuse, ever, to go elsewhere, but to do this you and I MUST reach a point where we're absolutely confident that we won't behave like the past us ever again but in order to do this we must always be cognizant of our actions.

 

We must continually say to ourselves "Is what I'm about to do or say going to make me look good or bad in her eyes?" We MUST give our woman her space. We must make confident decisions. Speak to them if they feel down and raise their spirits when they need it. We must show them we care, but not to the point where it's annoying. We must listen, most importantly. Listen to them and watch their body language and make sure we pick-up on the subtle cues they're sending us and make necessary adjustments in order to make them feel safe and loved again if for some reason they're off balance. And it will happen, we'll make mistakes, we're human. I'm not saying that we act like robots or anything just saying that this should all come out naturally and with genuine love and affection. And even if for some reason your future lover decides to leave you, for whatever crazy reason, you can sleep comfortable at night knowing she'll most likely never find someone better because you did your part. And you know what that means? They'll eventually come crawling back.

 

But look, Just make sure to work on yourself bro. I know the emptiness of her being absent from your life is a frigging' nightmare at this point in your life because I can tell you want her bad, but bro, you must be patient and try to work on yourself first and foremost. It's hard. Trust me, I know. It's hard. I can't get my ex off my mind because I still continuously replay my past mistakes and beating myself up for it but at this point there is simply NOTHING I can do about it anymore because what's done is done. Just like you.

 

And believe me, our breakup was waaaaaaaaaay worse than yours. You at least stand a much better chance at reconciling with her but you can never contact her. Ever. And you know perfectly well why. She must contact you and I think you know this but I get the feeling you're getting really tempted at replying to your birthday comment. I will have to agree with the rest, she probably just did it to be nice because usually those birthday notifications are the first thing that pop up on your screen when you log into fb and so she probably just thought you are a cool guy and messaged you just to be considerate and thoughtful. I mean at least we know she thought of you and isn't bitter towards you so that's a great sign.

 

So just play it cool man. Reply "thanks" and leave it at that. That's it! Meanwhile, keep working on yourself. Post some cool pics of you on fb. Show some pics of you with other woman, if possible, working out, whatever, just so as long as it's something positive but under no circumstances you should contact her in any other way. You'll guarantee rejection. I know these are kind of immature tactics but I can tell you're really into her and you would like another chance so at least this gives you a slight increase in odds that her attraction level may start to rise over time. After all, she'll for sure see it because I take it she's still your fb friend? So you have a major advantage here bro. Who knows man, maybe down the line she'll shock you and give you a call. Just try not to get your hopes up too high. Date other woman meantime and just be cool. Nothing more, nothing less. Be a 3% man!!! haha:)

 

Look, woman are indeed like cats. Then, and only then, when they want to be loved they will come to us but to do this we must give them their space.

 

Until then, good luck brotha!

 

 

 

hey man, i appreciate your post. I just read through the thread you made a couple weeks ago and it seems you and I are very like-minded about our situations. Would you like to followup through email so we can discuss our situations with eachother one-on-one? thanks dude

[Standard-Fare]

Here's the bottom line, OP:

 

While you're overanalyzing all of this stuff, and trying to read great meaning into Internet cues, she is not thinking TWICE about any of it. It simply does not affect her emotionally.

 

It's easy for her to keep you on social media because seeing your posts doesn't cause her any pangs of sadness or regret —*the type of difficult emotions she'd have for someone she had true feelings for.

 

With you, she feels the same way she would about, say, the high school friend she keeps on Facebook but hasn't seen in real life in years and has no intention of ever seeing again. With that friend, she would probably also say "Happy Birthday" because that's just what people to do as a matter of polite convention on social media.

 

Don't read into her "Happy Birthday." Everything you've written here conveys very clearly that she is not only completely uninterested in reviving anything with you but also NEVER was all that into you to begin with.

 

And people here (including me now) are being blunt with you because it really is in your best interest to move on from this rather than letting it continue to torment you. You want to be the alpha male? Don't pine for months over the woman who's firmly rejected you.

[maxalton]

I disagree. I'm sure there are some exceptions, but most of us were dumped because we were with the wrong person. This doesn't mean you necessarily did something "wrong" or made any mistakes. It means you weren't a good match for your ex. It wasn't right, and it's due to incompatiblity. Sometimes there is nothing you can do to change that outcome - she just wasnt the right one for you. As long as you were being 100% yourself in the relationship, then you can be confident of that, and continue on your search of trial-and-error to find the person who is compatible. No need to change who you are or any core aspects of your personality, or force an attachment style that you don't naturally have in order to appear "alpha" or not needy... just find a person who matches and pairs well with your attachment style.

 

You say most of us were dumped not because of what we did/how we acted, but because we were with wrong person. How can you assume that about everybody here? That sounds like a harsh generalization

[maxalton]

Here's the bottom line, OP:

 

While you're overanalyzing all of this stuff, and trying to read great meaning into Internet cues, she is not thinking TWICE about any of it. It simply does not affect her emotionally.

 

It's easy for her to keep you on social media because seeing your posts doesn't cause her any pangs of sadness or regret —*the type of difficult emotions she'd have for someone she had true feelings for.

 

With you, she feels the same way she would about, say, the high school friend she keeps on Facebook but hasn't seen in real life in years and has no intention of ever seeing again. With that friend, she would probably also say "Happy Birthday" because that's just what people to do as a matter of polite convention on social media.

 

Don't read into her "Happy Birthday." Everything you've written here conveys very clearly that she is not only completely uninterested in reviving anything with you but also NEVER was all that into you to begin with.

 

And people here (including me now) are being blunt with you because it really is in your best interest to move on from this rather than letting it continue to torment you. You want to be the alpha male? Don't pine for months over the woman who's firmly rejected you.

 

Dude, you can say that for ANY dumpee that makes a post on a dating forum. That they're making a thread pining over the dumper when the dumper is off living their life. She DUMPED me, why would she need to delete me so "she doesnt feel the pain of seeing my posts"? She DUMPED me!! Obviously shes not feeling that pain!

 

 

I completely disagree with you when you say she was never into me to begin with. She was into me when I was being a man, and then lost interest when I became needy and beta.

 

And to say that what I said indicates she has no interest in ever reviving anything with me is a purely biased opinion. Yes, I havent heard from her in months (other than the birthday wish) but there isnt enough for you to definitively say she's deadset on never coming back. I feel like you're projecting your own negative experiences.

 

 

 

 

As for the happy birthday message, you completely gloss over it as if it means absolutely nothing. It seems people here believe that people tell others happy birthday like they're robots. Regardless of the terms they're on with eachother. No, im not her random friend from high school. She went cold and pushed me aside several months ago. No reason for her to send me a "random" happy birthday wish. If she was SO done with me as you claim, theres absolutely ZERO reason for her to leave a breadcrumb like wishing me happy birthday. ZERO. your excuse that "it doesnt mean anything" doesnt hold much water. And you know the funny thing about forums like this that Ive realized? If the dumper doesnt wish the dumpee happy birthday, people bombard the dumpee with responses saying "they didnt wish you happy birthday because theyve moved on and youre not important to them anymore. move on." But if the dumper DOES wish them happy birthday, people tell the dumpee that "it doesnt mean anything" (such as you just did.) Its pretty contradictory.

 

 

I was prepared to hear responses similar to yours. Because Im slowly beginning to realize that dating forums largely consist of two types of people; 1)dumpees and 2)people who have had negative experiences so they're on here giving advice due to THEIR personal negative experiences. Lets be honest, if people were enjoying successful relationships or successful second chance relationships, most of them wouldnt be on these forums to report it.

 

 

She may never come back. Then again, she may come back. Its a crapshoot. Im not trying to be filled with false hope, but at the same time, Im also not looking for people to project their negative experiences onto me

Edited January 4, 2017 by maxalton

[olivetree]

You say most of us were dumped not because of what we did/how we acted, but because we were with wrong person. How can you assume that about everybody here? That sounds like a harsh generalization

 

I think it's a mix of the two perspectives.

 

You should always work on yourself and strive to be the best version of yourself.

It's good to look back on your relationships and learn from them.

 

At the same time you should accept yourself as you are.

That may sound counter-intuitive, but it's not.

You are imperfect and improving.

Accept that that is your state.

 

So the ideal situation is this: you work on yourself and get to a place where you can accept yourself, flaws and all.

You get to a place where you are happy with yourself.

THEN you date.

If you aren't naturally an alpha male or have noticed you get a bit jealous and needy, date people who bring out those qualities less in you.

Find someone that doesn't give you reasons to be jealous and who meets your needs.

 

For now, accept that this relationship is over.

The fact that you are still holding on is preventing you from being the best version of yourself because you are moulding yourself around what she would want you to be.

Focus on you.

[Blanco]

A third category of people on these forums are the ones old enough/experienced enough to be able to speak from a place of personal experience versus simply hypothetical scenarios.

 

I've had exes wish me a happy birthday and have it mean nothing more than... happy birthday. Shoot, one offered to take me out to lunch for my birthday the night after she slept with the guy who would become her next boyfriend. If I had read more into her offer than someone simply trying to be kind to someone they had once cared about, I would've driven myself mad.

 

If you want to be more of a "man" in the sense of conducting yourself in a composed, mature way, that's great. But do it for yourself and not some ex who is almost certainly not poring over the details of your former relationship as you are.

[maxalton]

A third category of people on these forums are the ones old enough/experienced enough to be able to speak from a place of personal experience versus simply hypothetical scenarios.

 

I've had exes wish me a happy birthday and have it mean nothing more than... happy birthday. Shoot, one offered to take me out to lunch for my birthday the night after she slept with the guy who would become her next boyfriend. If I had read more into her offer than someone simply trying to be kind to someone they had once cared about, I would've driven myself mad.

 

If you want to be more of a "man" in the sense of conducting yourself in a composed, mature way, that's great. But do it for yourself and not some ex who is almost certainly not poring over the details of your former relationship as you are.

 

 

The point of my previous post was, wouldnt you agree that most people who are enjoying successful relationships or successful second chance opportunties are off enjoying them and not posting on here?

 

 

And it's no mystery that Im hurting over this and she's not. So lets get past that.

 

Not sure if this makes much of a difference, but she wasn't my "ex" per se, we dated and everything but we weren't in an official committed relationship, so we were more friends with benefits (or good friends) as she once said

 

 

Yes I do want to be more of a "man" and it stings really bad knowing that this may have costed me this girl, which ultimately, Ill just have to stick it out until when/if she ever comes back. Im not trying to be more of a man because of HER, I am doing it for me but not just for me as an individual, but so I dont slip up like this with women ever again. Be it her or any other girl I may meet in the future. A quote that I now like to go by is "If you continue to do what you've always done, you'll continue to get what you've always got"

 

 

Another great quote advocating non-needy behavior in dating is "If you look hungry, youll never be fed. But if you look fed, you're worthy of eating more."

 

 

As far as reconciling with her, some may tell me to steer away and that she did me a favor, but she's a bit of a trainwreck emotionally. She had a really tough life. And she has issues that affect her to this day. Physical and psychological. She's 30 years old now. Because of this, I feel like nothing may be totally of the table for her. So sometimes I have some hope for reconcilaton because things can be unpredictable with her. But, I know its not wise to sit here and hope for reconcilation. And I especially know I'll get bombarded on these forums for doing that. What I should be doing is to stay distracted with MY life and if she comes back around, then great. I will admit though, months later, I still cant stop these intrusive thoughts I have of her everyday. No amount of people telling me to "move on" can change that. And I honestly feel that any bit of hope I have of reconciliton is what keeps me going, sadly. That hope fluctuates for me. One day I may feel more hopefuly about my chances, the next day I may feel less hopeful. But speaking straight from the heart, I feel like I'll never be right until I get another chance to see her again and be a confident version of me, unlike how I was towards the end of our relationship. Afterall, confidence is a part of all men's masculine essence. Which is naturally what women are attracted to. Women want a MAN. Not a beta-male.

[maxalton]

I disagree with 'keeping people on social media whom i'm not interested in'. There is always a level of interest.

 

The people I keep on social media are the ones whom have a positive influence on me. That positive vibe surpasses the pain and hurt that they might have caused.

 

I have deleted an ex a couple of years ago, because I couldn't stand his new girlfriend. I really tried to make a go of the 'let's be friends'. But no, it was too hard.

 

Another ex has stayed on my social media, because the break-up ended friendly. And before we started dating we were friends for 2 years.

 

Now, there is someone whom i've left on my social media. We'll he's added me after he's asked me to add him multiple times. I never did and he got sick of it and finally added me. I don't really know what to do with that guy Anyway, it's just an example of 'grey area'.

 

And like previous posters wrote, I also disagree, no relationship is 'black and white', 'go or no go', or 'lover or friend'. Things can evolve through friendship. Maybe that girl you talk about is dating around and learning who she is. The relationship she's working on today is the one she has with herself. My gut feeling of why she kept you on social media is because she doesn't know what to do. The only thing you can do is live your life and not really bother about her like she's doing. Have really low expectations about her. Don't cling to her, let her come to you.

 

 

Thanks for your response. I agree, I dont know why she kept me on facebook and instagram. We weren't exclusive, but we were close and in one of our final conversations several months ago she referred to how we're "good friends." Maybe she kept me on social media to try to reinforce that point to me. I used to think maybe she kept me on social media to not seem like the bad guy. But she already did the dirty work by pushing me away and going cold on me, so it's a little too late to not want to look like the bad guy.

 

She went cold and pretty much dumped me in June. I managed to stopped contacting her ever since. Her birthday was in September, and I didnt reach out. My birthday was in December, and she wished me happy birthday on facebook. Which, alot of people on here tend to think she's some kind of robot who wishes anybody and everybody happy birthday, regardless of the fact that her and I have been on non-speaking terms.

 

 

I agree, I cant cling to her and I need to let her come to me (if she ever does.) I cling to her in my mind, but Ive had the strength to not reach out all these months. She recently broke the silence between us by wishing me happy birthday, but Im not going to use that as a lame excuse to be weak and reach out to her. As you said, she has to come to me. So this is where I am now.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, what do you hope will happen from here?

 

She wished you happy birthday. You were wondering if she would, and now she has.

 

I'm curious what you're waiting for at this point. Another message from her? News that she's dating someone so you can finally put this behind you? What is it that is keeping you in this self-imposed limbo?

[marky00]

After 5 mnths NC

 

 

Over, last week I got 2 texts from my ex gf.

 

 

One was asking me how I was going. I did not respond.

 

 

Next one wished me a Happy NY etc. I did not respond.

 

 

I wasn't expecting them that's for sure. But as you said, this is not enough legwork by the dumper.

[frigginlost]

Dude, you can say that for ANY dumpee that makes a post on a dating forum. That they're making a thread pining over the dumper when the dumper is off living their life. She DUMPED me, why would she need to delete me so "she doesnt feel the pain of seeing my posts"? She DUMPED me!! Obviously shes not feeling that pain!

 

 

I completely disagree with you when you say she was never into me to begin with. She was into me when I was being a man, and then lost interest when I became needy and beta.

 

And to say that what I said indicates she has no interest in ever reviving anything with me is a purely biased opinion. Yes, I havent heard from her in months (other than the birthday wish) but there isnt enough for you to definitively say she's deadset on never coming back. I feel like you're projecting your own negative experiences.

 

 

 

 

As for the happy birthday message, you completely gloss over it as if it means absolutely nothing. It seems people here believe that people tell others happy birthday like they're robots. Regardless of the terms they're on with eachother. No, im not her random friend from high school. She went cold and pushed me aside several months ago. No reason for her to send me a "random" happy birthday wish. If she was SO done with me as you claim, theres absolutely ZERO reason for her to leave a breadcrumb like wishing me happy birthday. ZERO. your excuse that "it doesnt mean anything" doesnt hold much water. And you know the funny thing about forums like this that Ive realized? If the dumper doesnt wish the dumpee happy birthday, people bombard the dumpee with responses saying "they didnt wish you happy birthday because theyve moved on and youre not important to them anymore. move on." But if the dumper DOES wish them happy birthday, people tell the dumpee that "it doesnt mean anything" (such as you just did.) Its pretty contradictory.

 

 

I was prepared to hear responses similar to yours. Because Im slowly beginning to realize that dating forums largely consist of two types of people; 1)dumpees and 2)people who have had negative experiences so they're on here giving advice due to THEIR personal negative experiences. Lets be honest, if people were enjoying successful relationships or successful second chance relationships, most of them wouldnt be on these forums to report it.

 

 

She may never come back. Then again, she may come back. Its a crapshoot. Im not trying to be filled with false hope, but at the same time, Im also not looking for people to project their negative experiences onto me

 

OP, I notice that you get extremely defensive when it comes to somebody indicating that her possible "no big deal" stance is presented to you. Why is that?

 

I get the feeling in reading your posts that you are hanging onto any sort of emotional scrap you can to justify your position. I am extremely good friends with my ex wife, yet we are not friends on social media. I am also friends with an ex who never unfriended nor unfollowed me after dumping me because in her own words "I consider you a friend, why would I?".

 

I recieved Happy Birthday messages from exes and see them for exactly what they are. A quick Happy Birthday message and nothing more. They don't mean anything beyond that. Your ex (or whatever she was) seems to have taken the exact position. Stop looking for something that isn't there. You'll drive yourself nuts...

[maxalton]

OP, I notice that you get extremely defensive when it comes to somebody indicating that her possible "no big deal" stance is presented to you. Why is that?

 

I get the feeling in reading your posts that you are hanging onto any sort of emotional scrap you can to justify your position. I am extremely good friends with my ex wife, yet we are not friends on social media. I am also friends with an ex who never unfriended nor unfollowed me after dumping me because in her own words "I consider you a friend, why would I?".

 

I recieved Happy Birthday messages from exes and see them for exactly what they are. A quick Happy Birthday message and nothing more. They don't mean anything beyond that. Your ex (or whatever she was) seems to have taken the exact position. Stop looking for something that isn't there. You'll drive yourself nuts...

 

 

Nobody is getting defensive. I think it's irrational to say it means absolutely nothing and that she probably wishes everybody happy birthday (as if she's a robot that just wishes anybody happy birthday.)

 

 

Friends? So she ditches me, we don't talk for several months, I ignore her birthday, then my birthday rolls around and we're suddenly friends? What are we just friends who wish eachother happy birthday and have no other contact with eachother?

 

 

Reaching for something that's not there? Are you a mind-reader and can say for certainy what her intentions are? Don't respond with "you're hoping for something that's not there" because that isn't what Im getting at. If you know what her intentions are, you should be some kind of fortune teller, no? This is what I mean when I talk about people projecting their experiences onto other people.

[maxalton]

OP, what do you hope will happen from here?

 

She wished you happy birthday. You were wondering if she would, and now she has.

 

I'm curious what you're waiting for at this point. Another message from her? News that she's dating someone so you can finally put this behind you? What is it that is keeping you in this self-imposed limbo?

 

Im asking what her intentions may have been. []

Edited January 6, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility and respect violation ~6

[ExpatInItaly]

Im asking what her intentions may have been. []

 

[]

 

All we can do is base our feedback on our personal experiences, and speculate based on the information you provided. I realize it's not what you were hoping to hear, but concluding that this girl is over you and not looking to reconnect is a far cry from trolling. It is an assumption drawn from the facts you gave us.

 

We are not mind-readers, just as you are not a mind-reader. We of course can't be 100% sure that she is 100% done, just as you cannot be sure of the opposite. Only she knows that.

 

I would still be interested in hearing your responses to the questions I asked in my previous post. You haven't really directly answered them. Instead of becoming dismissive and defensive, take a few minutes to reflect. I get the sense you're still here because you're hoping that someone will tell you that the reason you're still on her social media is because she is still interested. But OP, if we don't believe that to be true, would you prefer we are insincere and give you false hope? I don't see how that would be helpful in any way.

 

The bottom line is that if you don't hear anything else from her, you will have no choice but to begin moving on. What is the alternative, really? You can't wait around for years on end hoping to hear from her. So I ask again - where do you go from here?

Edited January 6, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
clean up ~6

[LargoLagg]

Maybe it is as simple as she wants to keep you around as a reminder of how "understanding and mature" she is, you know, by not being at all affected by your relationship. You know. Just like you are unaffected.

[frigginlost]

Nobody is getting defensive. I think it's irrational to say it means absolutely nothing and that she probably wishes everybody happy birthday (as if she's a robot that just wishes anybody happy birthday.)

 

Actually, yes, you are extremely defensive when it comes to someone giving their opinion that does not fall in line with what you are looking to hear. All it means is that she said Happy Birthday. That's it. There has been nothing more than that. It doesn't mean she doesn't care, and it doesn't mean she does. It just means she said Happy Birthday. You and only you are making it more than what it is.

 

Friends? So she ditches me, we don't talk for several months, I ignore her birthday, then my birthday rolls around and we're suddenly friends? What are we just friends who wish eachother happy birthday and have no other contact with eachother?

 

Honest opinion? You're an acquaintance, and nothing more.

 

Reaching for something that's not there? Are you a mind-reader and can say for certainy what her intentions are? Don't respond with "you're hoping for something that's not there" because that isn't what Im getting at. If you know what her intentions are, you should be some kind of fortune teller, no?

 

Her intentions were to wish you a Happy Birthday. There has been nothing more from her, so why are you trying to look for more than what has been presented to you? You're chasing butterfly's in a jungle.

 

This is what I mean when I talk about people projecting their experiences onto other people.

 

Then why are you on a board asking for advice, thoughts, experience, etc from folks who have been through it, if all you're going to do is think that any advice given to you that does not fall in-line with how you want it is nothing but projection?

 

Look, nothing we say here is going to change your mind. That much is readily apparent. The best we can do is put a pair of glasses on your face to give you some focus. But, if you keep your eyes closed, what's the point?

 

Best to you.

[jamili]

Look man...No one knows for sure. Only thing you can do is keep NC, move on with your life, and cross that bridge if and when you come to it. You have no other choice. If the happy bday message meant something more, you will eventually find out.

 

Plus its only been 4-5 months of Nc. That's not a lot of time. Could take years for people to try again.