This other girl

[knight192]

Hi,

 

I am in a "relationship" since 3 months with this girl. So far it has been alright, we had few argue though. Also a main problem has always been present. I am allergic to cat and she has one at hers that she doesn't let go out since years. The cat is locked in the flat 24/7, and the flat/air is infected from it. Also there is a carpet on the floor.

Basically I can't breath in her flat and had to get a ventolin inhaler for asthmatic to be able fix my breathing when I really struggle.

 

She will not get rid of the cat or even let him go out.

 

I live in a sharehouse, which is quite convenient, but I am going to tell her that from now on I would rather her to come to mine, I mean me picking her up and dropping her off as she doesn't have a car.

 

At the meantime I met this other girl that I keep seeing weekly at painting. I do like her and we went out a couple of time together to know each other a bit better after the session and I can tell she is interested.

 

Moreover my current girlfriend is working Saturdays and Sundays untill 9pm (she will go back to normal working hours after christmas though) and during the week I struggle to get available. So, it is really tempting for me to want to get closer and closer to this other girl as I can't see my girlfriend much in this period and also when I see her I get sick in her flat which can really bring me in a bad mood...

 

I am not sure what I should do. End it up with my girlfriend now? wait ? Forget this other girl ?

 

What do you think ?

[freengreen]

The cat seems to be doing a favour for all of you..

 

Let your current girlfriend know about the seriousness of issue. Sort it out and then decide it with new girl.

Edited December 5, 2016 by freengreen

[eye of the storm]

Nobody on this site is going to tell you to date both of them till you pick your favorite. To many here have been damaged by that kind of behavior.

 

I will say, she is right to not get rid of her cat. She has a responsibility to it and she loves it.

 

I would be honest. Tell your GF that you are having second thoughts and would like to date others. She can to.

 

Your GF deserves to be with someone who cares about her and is not shopping for her replacement.

 

And, in your defense, I can't be around cats to long either so I choose to not date people who own them.

[knight192]

So in my position you would say to your GF "shall we just be sexfriends at the end?" ? doesn't it sound even worse than telling her you want to break up ...?

 

I am agree about with you about the cat. That's exactly why I just asked her if she wouldn't take into consideration to let it go outside. She said no, as she scared him to get killed by a car.

But to me it is not an excuse. When you have kids and you let them go and get back from school, there is a risk that something wrong happen at any time. However it's not a reason to lock them at yours just in case is it ?

Also she wants me to come over (and I want as well) but I can't because of the cat. I am allergic to cat, I can't stay around cats. To make a relationship work sometimes you have to find a compromise or problems will never get solved and that's how you start looking somewhere else and do your "shopping" as you said.

 

We should have met tomorrow, I told her I'd rather her to come to mine as my breathing problem is a real issue. The answer I got is I've got things to do at home. So I asked what and she said clean and do dishes. So I asked if it couldn't wait the next day and she said she just wants an evening at home.

[eye of the storm]

So in my position you would say to your GF "shall we just be sexfriends at the end?" ? doesn't it sound even worse than telling her you want to break up ...? I don't recall anyone saying that. I said to tell her you should both date others. That way you can shop in peace and she can know that she is not in an exclusive relationship (which she currently isn't)

 

I am agree about with you about the cat. That's exactly why I just asked her if she wouldn't take into consideration to let it go outside. She said no, as she scared him to get killed by a car. It could get hit by a car, or attacked by a dog or taken home by someone

But to me it is not an excuse. When you have kids and you let them go and get back from school, there is a risk that something wrong happen at any time. However it's not a reason to lock them at yours just in case is it ? Kids and cats....you do know there is a difference, right?

Also she wants me to come over (and I want as well) but I can't because of the cat. I am allergic to cat, I can't stay around cats. To make a relationship work sometimes you have to find a compromise or problems will never get solved and that's how you start looking somewhere else and do your "shopping" as you said. You don't want a compromise, you want the cat outside. You don't care what happens to the cat, you want it gone. Be honest. And you don't shop, you end the current relationship or at least tell the current GF that you are now dating.

 

We should have met tomorrow, I told her I'd rather her to come to mine as my breathing problem is a real issue. The answer I got is I've got things to do at home. So I asked what and she said clean and do dishes. So I asked if it couldn't wait the next day and she said she just wants an evening at home.

 

Dude, just end it. She is picking the cat over you. Which considering you are dating around behind her back is probably the smart thing to do.

 

Not every relationship is meant to be. This one isn't. Let it go. Put on your dating profile "no cats".

[eye of the storm]

Oh, I can't even go to most houses with indoor/outdoor cats. I still react. So her putting the cat out for a couple of hours a day will do nothing to help your allergies. But it could kill her cat. She is being a responsible pet owner.

 

Find a cat free girlfriend and let this one go.

[FoundMyStrength]

Dude, just end it. She is picking the cat over you. Which considering you are dating around behind her back is probably the smart thing to do.

 

Not every relationship is meant to be. This one isn't. Let it go. Put on your dating profile "no cats".

 

Agreed. I was a very loving cat owner who once chose a man over my cats (of course, I found them a loving new home with friends). It broke my heart to do it, and we tried other options to help his allergies, but I loved him too much to let him go. So, yeah, agreed, it seems like she may be picking the cat over you.

[eye of the storm]

FMS, if it came down to my pups or a guy....bye bye guy.

 

For your sake, I hope that guy is the love of your life and you two are together forever.

 

Can you imagine dumping your animal and then finding out the guy is a cheater? That would be horrible!

 

I hope she sends him packing.

 

ETA: FMS, please tell me you didn't dump your animals for your AP. Please tell me, you didn't dump loyal loving animals for an AP.

Edited December 6, 2016 by eye of the storm

[winny]

You seem selfish... Meeting other girls behind her back.

I dont think you deserve it that she should get rid of her cat for you.

[typingrandma]

I am deathly allergic to cats as well and I do know that I am worse with people whose cats go outside because they bring in the dust and weeds, etc. on their coats when they come back inside. So I don't think that is a good solution for you.

 

I wonder if you should let this relationship go. Maybe find someone with no pets??