Smoke signals?

[FoundMyStrength]

I'm relatively new to the site, but have posted a thread with my backstory. I'm about 6 weeks NC from a relatively short but intense EA that turned into a PA.

 

I've seen the term smoke signals used on some of the NC threads. I was curious, what kind of smoke signals have OP and xMM or xMW sent out or received during NC?

 

This is really mostly coming from a place of curiosity, and also wanting to be vigilant about keeping NC and not inadvertently sending or opening myself up to any of these.

[BabyDont]

Liking a picture on social media. Posting song lyrics that the would understand your refference. Dropping hints or stories to people that you know will get it back to your AP.

[spideywoman]

we work in the same office though he's been away for some months, hence the NC / LC. started with emails disguised as professional ones that had clues embedded within for me. then he started calling. didn't answer or respond so the emails continued and expanded to more obvious wording and needless in nature. if you think it's a smoke signal, it is.

[freengreen]

First NC, I initiated after his responses became uninterested, but I could not go on after 8 weeks because i could not take not having a closure on why he pulled away. I messaged after 8 weeks, no response ( except one word 'sorry?'). Then I let it go ( my self respect went down the drain already)..after 4 months of nothing he came back saying he was afraid that we were falling for each other (well i thought he already did coz he was flirting heavily with me not flirting back). He pulls me in again.

 

Highs followed and then lows suck my soul out. I was having doubts to call it off, could not take the guilt and pain, DDay happens.

 

6 weeks NC, as of now. This time I knew what and why ( so no closure issues). He thinks he is a hot cake( he is a charmer and he knows it). I suspect he would not get into trouble by coming back after the DDay to me. He is capable of finding a new ego booster, sooner or later. So I think its over for good.

 

First time around,I had no smoke signals at all.. but he came back. This time too nada, but he wont come back. They are unpredictable and calculating their own gains, you cant rely on them.

Edited December 6, 2016 by freengreen

[HeCantBreakMe]

My xMM and I were both guilty of throwing smoke signals. Here are some we used:

 

*I posted "our" song on my facebook. We aren't facebook friends but i posted it public knowing he would see it - and he did.

*He would wear my favorite shirt if we had gone NC or would dress up as much as possible.

*He would change his facebook profile pic when he would get really angry with me

*Work emails that were not necessary

*Bringing things (that weren't necessary) to the other in their office

 

Those are just some of the ones that I can think of off the top of my head.

[Blu72]

When either one of us would go distant and go NC (without really saying that is what we were doing), he would send alot of smoke signals. To start talking again, he would always email me at work with some bogus request for information about work. We work for different companies but our companies do work together. Nothing he ever emailed me about was something he couldnt get from the more appropriate people in the know. Once he would initiate the email and I responded with his answer, he would ask how I was, etc. He always used work for his in to a more indepth convo. Wash, rinse, repeat. Another thing he would do is when we were in this phase he would "like" my FB stuff. When we were in constant contact he would not do this. Another way for him to insert himself in hopes I would make contact - i never would. He always was the one to reconnect first.

 

We saw each other last week - he has gone distant again and I am over it.

[CommittedToThis]

My xMM and I were both guilty of throwing smoke signals. Here are some we used:

 

*I posted "our" song on my facebook. We aren't facebook friends but i posted it public knowing he would see it - and he did.

*He would wear my favorite shirt if we had gone NC or would dress up as much as possible.

*He would change his facebook profile pic when he would get really angry with me

*Work emails that were not necessary

*Bringing things (that weren't necessary) to the other in their office

 

Those are just some of the ones that I can think of off the top of my head.

 

Too funny. Makes me think of Junior High School behavior. "Brad smiled at me! Maybe he'll take me to the prom!"

[FoundMyStrength]

Thanks to everyone who's been sharing their experiences with this. Given what's been described, I think xMM and I sent a few smoke signals during our brief time in LC. Things like changing statuses and profile pictures. Things I've been staying away from since NC contact started. (Same for him)

 

It really is like being back in middle school, isn't it?

[HeCantBreakMe]

Thanks to everyone who's been sharing their experiences with this. Given what's been described, I think xMM and I sent a few smoke signals during our brief time in LC. Things like changing statuses and profile pictures. Things I've been staying away from since NC contact started. (Same for him)

 

It really is like being back in middle school, isn't it?

 

Yes, the erratic behavior is so much like middle school/ high school behavior. It is interesting really.

[Outofmysystem]

Funny, my X accused me of "acting just like a teenager" in one of our last fights before she broke up with me, problem was SHE was the one acting that way....yes.....it's just like high school 30 years after your out, lol.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Here is a mind-f*ck. I cannot tell if the smoke screens are him or his wife. Things like looking at me on Linked In and he set up an instagram account with the screen name the same as his secret email he has used during our A.

I think it is his wife as he is not that smart.

[aileD]

Smoke signals sent my H's way by his OW....always just DAYS after him ending it (and it worked as they started up again each time)

 

-parents kicked her out of house (in reality they just said she couldn't stay IF she continued with him)...oh no now he's got to help her find an apartment

-church kicked her out...again, more of that she just can't be here if she is going to be with him....oh no, now she has no one but him. Lost all friends and family and church and is all alone woe is her.

-car accident, hurt wrist. Must help bandage her since has no friends/family

-car accident side swiped a car...mentally traumatizing, has no one to turn to

-just visiting her mother at work at the exact time she knows he leaves the same building.

-just dropping off all your stuff..oops keep forgetting things let's meet again so I can give them to you.

-you can't say goodbye in email I need to see your face to prove it's you, you owe me that much

 

Maybe not so much smoke signals but pure manipulation ?

[bewell]

Funny thread because I can relate!

 

My xMM would...

 

1.) Like photos on pinterest that remind him of me such as places I like, my style, songs we both like...etc

2.) Make song dedications to me and post it publicly on his FB or pinterest

3.) Change his Pinterest or twitter handle to something related to me in hopes that I'll see it

4.) Post memes, quotes on his profiles as if he's "talking" to me

5.) Follow the same people I am following on twitter

6.) Try to get in my accounts by guessing my passwords

7.) Try to add me on twitter, I delete, block, and he pops up again

8.) Send me a text or two saying something like "hi", "sorry", or a song dedication

 

It goes on and on...we were in speaking terms for a few days and he just disappeared cold again. I'm done and I hope he is too!

[Blu72]

Oh yeah - the quotes or song lyrics on FB. We both do that.

I admit I am majorly guilty of the quotes on FB thing. Ugh. So pathetic.

[drypuddle]

On the topic of smoke signals ...

 

He wore my favorite shirt to work on Tuesday and made a tweet the other day mentioning how he was out with his wife.

 

Classic narcissistic ways. I was his supply so he's not going to let me off that easy. Parts of me wants to strike back. I highly suspect that tweet was to get under my skin because he NEVER tweets.

 

My fault for checking.

 

Maintaining NC. So unsatisfying. ?

[HeCantBreakMe]

On the topic of smoke signals ...

 

He wore my favorite shirt to work on Tuesday and made a tweet the other day mentioning how he was out with his wife.

 

Classic narcissistic ways. I was his supply so he's not going to let me off that easy. Parts of me wants to strike back. I highly suspect that tweet was to get under my skin because he NEVER tweets.

 

My fault for checking.

 

Maintaining NC. So unsatisfying. ?

 

NC is way more satisfying than the alternative option.

[BluesPower]

Catching me in the elevator and Kissing me. How's that?

[HeCantBreakMe]

Catching me in the elevator and Kissing me. How's that?

 

Been there done that.

[Messy Lady]

Catching me in the elevator and Kissing me. How's that?

 

 

Ha! My MM ended things (again ) on Friday at work. A couple of hours later when talking about a work issue, he could see I was wound up so he offered me a cuddle! Not only has he never done this before if I've been stressed like that, he put his hand on my hip in a way that would be classed as inappropriate for friends let alone colleagues when cuddling (yes, I caved and accepted the cuddle )

[Blu72]

More smoke signals in the form of stupid FB likes.

We saw each 2 weeks ago...he went distant soon after. A few days after seeing one another, I had emailed him a career update that I thought he would be interested in knowing - Nope I got a half hearted reply. Then 3 days later he sent another reply asking how things were going. I sent a short reply which undoubtedly showed my annoyance with his hot/cold bs. Of course he hasnt responded (he hides when he thinks Im mad). But now he is back to liking every FB post hoping I'll reach out. (He never likes my posts when we are in constant contact, only when we are on the outs). I am sure I will get the work emails soon asking for some sort of assistance with work just ao he can break the ice. Wash/rinse/repeat.

[Chica80]

Smoke signals? Looking at the text we use to communicate, without saying anything...(it says when you were last active).

 

Bringing me "lunch" or tea, when we haven't really been talking.

 

Or texting me pics of things, that say you were thinking about me...without actually saying it. Or actually saying you miss me....Just a way to rope me back in.