How do i start living?

[montie1]

Hey all. This isn’t too much of a relationship thread but more of someone seeking guidance. My ex and I broke up last year, it was messy I was heartbroken and destroyed, but I learned to live without her, she contacts me off and on but I haven’t ended that yet. Im hoping to do that soon. the end of that relationship really took a toll on me, i just stopped existing.

 

This year I met another girl, a great girl, she really liked me but I never got to really get together with her because I just had too much problems at that time. I do like her, we talked a bit but I haven’t gotten around telling her how I feel, recently I’ve been doing the calling and messaging so I’m not sure if she’s still interested. She has exams right now so I just messaged her and told her to contact me when she gets the chance. If she messages me she does and if not well, just not, not to sure what I could do again about that. Any tips on that would be appreciated.

 

That situation isn’t my major concern though. I’m a 24 year old man guys and I’m really bothered by where I am. I’m in a job that I dislike so much, I use it just to get by. My biggest educational background is college, I didn’t do great but I did okay. I’ve become so lazy and unambitious, it’s like I don’t care about myself. Grew up in a hard life but I don’t want that to be an excuse.

 

I just can’t get out of this rut, my early 20s have gone by and I haven’t enjoyed any of it, kind of depressing when I think about how I’ve wasted my youth. To make things worst I got really unfit and I’m skinny fat. I eat like 3 times tops for the day, all small meals, I get tired a lot and not much sleep. Like 5-6 hours. Just a really bad lifestyle.

 

It’s like there’s a wall inside my head that’s stopping me from moving on and going further, I’m really sick of how my life is, I’ve felt this way 2 years ago and as of now nothing’s changed. I’m getting scared that I’ll end up really depressed and continue living miserably. I don’t want that life. I have no idea how to start a new one or make positive adjustments to the one I’m living.

 

I know its really up to me to change things around. I just have no idea how to begin climbing out of this whole I’ve dug for myself. I want to be successful and have a happy life, just simply enjoy living. Right now im not doing any of that, and it makes me really sad.

 

What can I do to fix this?

[Els]

Have you attempted to pursue other job options? IMO, you need to focus on that, and other things will follow. When you're in a better job that you don't hate and making decent money, you'll be able to get more sleep, eat better, be happier, have the option to do other things in life, etc.

[Mystyry]

You start small and you keep moving. The hardest part is getting started, the initial activation energy you need. After you do, the momentum will do a lot of the work for you.

 

Maybe you decide that every morning you'll cook yourself a healthy breakfast and you stick to that goal every day. Doesn't sound too bad, right? Maybe it's that you will go for a walk a couple times a week, or make an effort to make plans with friends once or twice a month. Maybe you join a non-profit organization and donate a couple hours a week to making someone's life, who might be struggling as you do, but in a different way, a little brighter.

 

The punchline is - it seems like sitting and waiting for something to change is a lazy and easy thing to do, but it is actually the hardest and it will eat you from inside. So try to get going and something *will* change. Good luck!

[Versacehottie]

Hey all. This isn’t too much of a relationship thread but more of someone seeking guidance. My ex and I broke up last year, it was messy I was heartbroken and destroyed, but I learned to live without her, she contacts me off and on but I haven’t ended that yet. Im hoping to do that soon. the end of that relationship really took a toll on me, i just stopped existing.

 

This year I met another girl, a great girl, she really liked me but I never got to really get together with her because I just had too much problems at that time. I do like her, we talked a bit but I haven’t gotten around telling her how I feel, recently I’ve been doing the calling and messaging so I’m not sure if she’s still interested. She has exams right now so I just messaged her and told her to contact me when she gets the chance. If she messages me she does and if not well, just not, not to sure what I could do again about that. Any tips on that would be appreciated.

 

That situation isn’t my major concern though. I’m a 24 year old man guys and I’m really bothered by where I am. I’m in a job that I dislike so much, I use it just to get by. My biggest educational background is college, I didn’t do great but I did okay. I’ve become so lazy and unambitious, it’s like I don’t care about myself. Grew up in a hard life but I don’t want that to be an excuse.

I just can’t get out of this rut, my early 20s have gone by and I haven’t enjoyed any of it, kind of depressing when I think about how I’ve wasted my youth. To make things worst I got really unfit and I’m skinny fat. I eat like 3 times tops for the day, all small meals, I get tired a lot and not much sleep. Like 5-6 hours. Just a really bad lifestyle.

 

It’s like there’s a wall inside my head that’s stopping me from moving on and going further, I’m really sick of how my life is, I’ve felt this way 2 years ago and as of now nothing’s changed. I’m getting scared that I’ll end up really depressed and continue living miserably. I don’t want that life. I have no idea how to start a new one or make positive adjustments to the one I’m living.

 

I know its really up to me to change things around. I just have no idea how to begin climbing out of this whole I’ve dug for myself. I want to be successful and have a happy life, just simply enjoy living. Right now im not doing any of that, and it makes me really sad.

 

What can I do to fix this?

 

I really want things to change for you:) I think you have been given a couple of great suggestions in the previous posts!! I think in general you need to think of ACTIVELY directing your life rather than PASSIVELY accepting what comes your way (that you don't really like). It really helps to start small but decisively on anything to get some traction. Like a healthy breakfast or whatever. Start small and ACCOMPLISHABLE. And go from there. One reason I picked up on the passive thing is that your ex-gf is still contacting you, it's destroying you and dragging out you moving on but you are still allowing her into your life in any way. I realize this might not be the first step you take but try to do it in the very near future. In order to leave space for someone/something better for yourself you need to leave the past in the past and do this for YOURSELF. It is not serving you. Let yourself exist in the way you want by CREATING the life you want. You don't want a person who broke you in your life so don't let them in. Make sure you are the guardian and creator of what happens to you WHENVER the choice exists and this is a perfect example of the choice existing.

 

I would leave dating a bit on the back burner for a bit until you feel in a better place yourself. And you should devote your attention to that right away so then you can get onto the harder but rewarding task of making new relationships. Your relationship with yourself is the most important one you will ever have so you need to take care of that first. I always think taking care of yourself physically first and foremost is super important. It reconnects you to yourself. You don't have to get to the perfect endpoint but even with some success in this area you will feel better about yourself, in turn carry yourself better, express yourself more confidently and so on and so forth so it will pay dividends where important. Get sleep that will allow you to be your best when awake and doing the things that take you toward your goals. It all works together. As soon as you have a bit of traction in this area, work on finding a better job and more enjoyable career path for yourself. Then you can keep building. Give yourself around 6 months, maybe a year for this. You need to do WORK, Don't just expect things to come to you or work out; you will be wasting precious time. When you are feeling better build friend relationships and then dating. You can do some of it simultaneously and overlapping but if you are in a bad place confidence-wise than you need to deal with that first so you can attract the best person and opportunities into your life. Keep posting & people will help!! Good luck

 

*ps I bolded the line you said above--that is really cool! One of the best things I heard in a while. I think it's really attractive when a guy talks like that--basically meaning the ambition and wanting to better yourself is something that I think a lot of girls find attractive. It was one of the most positive and encouraging things in your OP. yay!!

[SpiralOut]

What changes do you want to make for yourself? What type of job would make you happy?

 

Eating well and getting enough sleep makes a huge difference to your overall energy. IMO, that's a good place for you to start. Make small changes bit by bit. Maybe make it a goal to start drinking x amount of water each day (lots of people overeat when they are actually thirsty, not hungry). Do that for 2-3 weeks, then add another small change.

 

What makes you happy? Find something that gets you out at least once a week. For me, yoga classes gave me something to look forward to. Find something that you like to do that will change up your usual routine.

Edited December 8, 2016 by SpiralOut

[miltie1916]

How about going to the doctor for a complete physical? Next seek out a registered dietitian for a balanced health diet. Third begin a regular regimen of exercise. Perhaps a gym membership? Finally, you may want to seek professional counseling