Extremely emotional and crushed from online girl

[TheGuy599]

I don't believe in online relationships, but I found a girl that had deep conversations with me and we shared things in common.

 

So I was on this voice chat server and I meet her. We start to become friends

and hang out a bit talking and watching movies/videos online together with some other people. At this time I had fell in love with another girl at school,

but she has a boyfriend for almost 2 years now. This is about 6 months in and I still think about the girl in real life.

 

I saw this girl online is a cool girl and because I was already in love with another girl and I don't believe in LDR, I just see her as a friend. But I realized she has this personality I like and I can really talk to her. I never talked to a girl like this before (very comfortable, laughing together at anything) so I sorta started to like her. I would go to her for advice and stuff. I told her how I'm sad in real life for the girl I'm in love with and wanted to know what she thinks. I'm also sorta not very confident about how I look and want a nose job, but she thought I was being funny (lol) and told me I'm fine and look handsome and shouldn't be worried about how I look. The girl online also told me she was in a relationship with a guy for 2 years and it's going good, (later tells me she lied, read later).

 

With this girl online, we were good together and out of all the boys on the voice server, she was more closer to me than the rest of them. Pretty weird, but she would give a picture of herself topless with a bra on to boys and she would come back to me and tell me what the guy sent her and we'd laugh together at how desperate the guy is. At some point, she jokingly asked if I was pimping her out lol when I sort of flirted with her and told her what to send to the boys next (told her to take a picture with a sex toy or something, that was overboard I think). I honestly felt like she was my Harley Quinn. I honestly started to believe that God had put the best girl in front of me in the right time of my life to help me be happy. I am sad for 10 months and counting.

 

One day, in a private chat message, I ask this online girl how she's doing and she said she's not feeling well. I asked what's wrong and she said she was feeling sick to her stomach and wanted to end her life and feels worthless. She told me she feels bad about sending pictures of herself to the boys. She also told me her sadness is a combination of daddy issues and traumatizing experiences. She also admitted to me that she is an escort because she feels she will never have a father figure in her life. I asked her about her boyfriend and she says she has no boyfriend and doesn't wanna talk about what happened to that previous guy. She said she has no friends, no parents or family, nobody. I at this time told her that I also feel really sad because I thought coming to engineering school would make me happier, but it didn't. She told me she would turn in tests blank because she was so sad (I would do the same but didn't tell her). She said she wants to move overseas, but doesn't have a work visa.

 

This is still all in a chat message btw.

 

Later I told her this message.

Idk if you should go overseas

I think you just need

people to talk to

I was gonna say something to you

but since you brought this up I'm gonna say it now.

The main reason I came to this voice server

is to meet other people so I can get away from real life ****

like I can't tell a real life friend

certain things

well a few people I can but

I'm not really close to any girls

because idk

i know a few girls, but I'm not that close to them

and I found you here

you honestly provided me with comfort and helped me overcome my feelings a bit over the girl I really like

like

idk

you made me happier than previously I was.

because I just needed a girl to talk to

and I found you

Don't kill yourself (her name)

You're putting a burden on my shoulders too

Just know that

I can talk to you if you wanna talk about this stuff

I'm really sad

as well

If you find a right person or friend

You might be happy

just maybe

but I'm honestly shocked you said that

You always seem happy

and seem outgoing

After that message she said

 

 

 

 

Just wait a sec thats really sweet to say

im glad you feel better

We talk and she asks for my real name and everything and she seems fine I guess. Then she tells me she's still sad , etc.

 

After some more talking, she stops responding and I write paragraphs of information because I'm worried she did something to herself and 15 minutes later she tells me if I can drink with her and stuff. At this time I notice she just wants to get drunk and starts talking to a bunch of people. 10 minutes later, she tells me she sent pictures of her nudes to one of the guys on the server. I remember she told me she always thought that "guy is mysterious" or something and wanted him. At this point I'm extremely crushed and disappointed that I was the one there for her and she is chasing some guy that doesn't know her that well. I tell her she made a mistake giving him pictures of herself because it's gonna hurt her again.

 

Anyway after that day, I start to get desperate and send her "cringy" love messages like this.

 

[FONT=Calibri, sans-serif][sIZE=3]I'm feeling sick to my stomach right now[/sIZE][/FONT]

]I'm gonna be fine, but I'm not feeling well.

](Her name) I need to tell you something

I'm glad I honestly found you

I needed a girl I can open up to about my problems.

And honestly you tell me your experiences shocked me

No girl ever came up to me and said that

I honestly want to have a deeper relationship with you

this is cringy as **** to say, but I want you to look me up as a boyfriend figure type of thing. I don't give a **** if you cuck me or whatever, I just need your shoulders to lean on because I feel you helped me a lot.

You're legitly an important person in my life now, like no joke.

Idk how I am, but I don't think I'm attractive enough to you and I'm sorry because you didn't have any decent relationship with a guy in over a year and I wish I can fix that for you because I think 2 people coming together for some type of relationship are there to help each other and sorta need one another. Just promise me I can talk to you whenever I feel this way because you make me much more relaxed.

I love you (her name) I'm stupid as ****, but I'm also not feeling well at all.

Your story made me cry (her name). Maybe I'm a cuck now, but you got me really hard. I can't believe you actually got me somehow, this is crazy lol.

But what the **** am I saying, you dont need me I guess, but I wish I can have a deeper relationship with you, where we can just talk to each other and make each other feel better.

Good night pretty lady.

Even before she came to me about her wanting to kill herself, I started to call her princess and stuff, but she didn't really show any reaction to me calling her that and , now she sorta ignores me when I show these big cringy love messages.

 

Long story short, she really likes the guy she sent her nude pictures to and they seem to actually start dating. I told her I need to talk to her in private (in voice) and I told her that I can't sleep at night and I think about you often while fighting tears to tell her that I love her and want to be in a relationship with her. I get cringy and say if she finds me cute and stuff and she avoids that topic and says that different girls have different tastes in men. I asked her when she called me handsome, did she really think I am that handsome and she told me I am but she's not gonna be like oooo I'm some really hotshot Hollywood guy.

 

After I tell her I loved her, that "boyfriend" privately messaged me saying he's not actually dating her and realized he needs to tell her he's not serious. I realized this girl was nowhere to be seen and I message her on somewhere else and found from somewhere that she was heartbroken and cried for 2 days over this online guy.

 

One time my friend and I are playing around talking to her and my friend asks her for a "pussy pic" and she blocks me off and I thought I hurt her so I stopped talking to her. I realized she wanted to find a way to block me off. I talk to that "boyfriend" that I am in love with her and he told me he wanted to see if I'm on the right track. He also told me she was not interested in me at all and I'm scaring her.

 

For 2 and a half months I get off that voice server because I was too sad to talk to anyone. I didn't really wanna talk to any girl even that girl in real life I didn't really wanna talk much because I didn't wanna be disappointed by another girl. No one understands how hard this is for me. First of all, I never had a girlfriend before. I am now starting to go after girls because I feel I matured. I feel very disappointed because every girl has a boyfriend around here and when I fall in love , I just hurt myself badly. For that 2 and a half months, I miss the online girl so much that I cannot sleep well at night, had nightmares. In class I would have to hold my tears back and my friend turns to me and asks if I'm alright. Even when I visit my family from college and eat dinner with them, my mom notices I make a sad face and I tell her I'm okay.

 

Anyway, I never saw how that girl looked and I asked for her face picture and she never wanted to give it. Later, she releases pictures and people show me how she looks like and she is really beautiful to me, but I fell in love with who she is. Apparently I found out that she told people who asked what happened to me and if I got the girl irl and told them that "He cried and told me he loves me after I only talk to him for 5 minutes, he didn't get any girl." She basically thought I didn't actually love her and I guess I looked desperate to her.

 

Long story short, after 3 months I came back to the voice server thinking that the girl will be surprised I'm back and wanted to talk to me. Apparently this girl is so desperate, she bought the "boyfriend" 800 dollars worth of stuff to buy his love and they actually started dating. This girl didn't block off communication completely, I give her a video explaining everything and she said "You're fine, I know your friend said that to me, don't worry about anything." So I thought I'm on good terms with this girl again, but when I notice she is ignoring me I told her I'm sorry I scared her and stuff and put my emotional burdens on her shoulders. But what she tells me is exactly "I'm just busy with my life. I don't have time to make friends right now." She cold-heartedly told me that and I'm crushed again.

 

Honestly at this point, I don't feel pain anymore because it feels normal to me. I still want to go after this girl because I know the guy she is with is gonna hurt her and apparently people told me he freaked out at her for "talking to another guy" and thought something was going on but they are fine again.

 

I still love this girl even though she is avoiding me. It's rare for me to find a girl like me who is sad who shares things with me like has problems with a father figure, turned in tests in school half blank, has periods of sadness, and most importantly I could talk to this girl so comfortably like she is my wife.

 

Right now, she can't hurt me by trying to make me feel bad so I go away. I have had my grades fall (I'm a college senior), cried myself to sleep, nightmares and dreams about her, wake up every morning thinking about her and being empty-hearted. I also freeze every day for an hour or 2 to think about her . I listen to love music every day to overcome my emotions. She also told me she was married and divorced before and the guy she is with I know for a fact their relationship won't go far because she had to buy him things to take her serious and she wants to get a passport to see him overseas and if she gets hurt again by this guy, that's a lot for her because she literally probably wants to move overseas to be with a guy just to be heart broken again. I wanted to do everything for this girl. I wanted to give her a family again and I would have my mom treat her as her own daughter. When you care for someone, I believe you should put in every effort for that person because when this person is rare to find, I will do anything I can. I would want to meet her irl to see her first obviously before I do anything, but I'm pretty sure she would be down for that if she dated me.

 

I think I need to seek a therapist at this point.

 

Thank you for reading this and God Bless for any help. I want to get this girl and I need help from other people to help me talk to her. My friends told me this girl just wants to use up men for attention then move onto another guy. I'm strong-hearted enough to not feel pain from this girl if we break up if we dated. I believe I need to do something really special for her to believe me that I love her and I really do mean that I care for her. I want to make a video of a "Draw my life" and put her at the end and show her that she's an important person of my life for teaching me to love myself and had made me happy in a long time that I was sad.

Edited December 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language~T

[TheGuy599]

BTW this girl said she recently graduated from college with a business degree. She ran away from home at age 17 and was on her own ever since. She obviously escorted to make a lot of money. She had a lot of wisdom to tell me and I found her a strong-hearted woman. Her college degree might be fake, but the information she tells people later and tells me it all matched up. Her pictures weren't fake because they were at different angles in different places and it's the same person, she had to have been good finding fake pictures of that unless she's using her friend. The guy that had her nude pictures and her face had this description of her and it later matched the pictures she showed people 2 months later.

 

I remember when people would tease her if she wants me (before she came to me about killing herself) and she would say she doesn't want me at all, but I guess it makes sense when you were being friends at the time.

Edited December 6, 2016 by TheGuy599

[TheGuy599]

That guy she is with has to be controlling her to make sure she doesn't talk to other guys closely. She knows I want to be close to her, no doubt. But anyway, I'm pretty sure I scared her. Things were hard for me and I never had a girlfriend before so I talked to her desperately.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, this girl is a disaster.

 

Stay away from her. Nothing good will come of continued contact with her.

 

That's really the only advice there is for this situation. Focus on forming healthy, real-life relationships.

[TheGuy599]

OP, this girl is a disaster.

 

Stay away from her. Nothing good will come of continued contact with her.

 

That's really the only advice there is for this situation. Focus on forming healthy, real-life relationships.

 

I know your answer is what everyone says, but I just realized something. I just remembered that boyfriend acted weird to me. He randomly said some "playful" racist comments to me and I didn't show any reaction. He didn't want her at all at first but saw how attached she is to him so he gave her a chance. And now she put herself in a very vulnerable position to a guy who seems desperate not to lose her (pretty sure he doesn't want her to talk to other guys) and she's desperate herself. Pretty sure they are 2 very desperate people and I'm not like that so it's best to leave the situation.

 

I just feel bad for the girl because she might kill herself because she put too much energy on a guy who turned out to be some desperate guy.

 

I'm just gonna give her my best advice then tell her bye bye.

[TheGuy599]

Huge twist in this situation. The guy hurt this online girl and she left him. I talked to her again and we had a nice conversation. Not gonna lie, a part of me still wants to be with her. Do you think there is room for us as a couple if we share things in common? Still gotta have her love me.

[ExpatInItaly]

Have you ever even chatted live with her, on webcam?

 

Where does she live?

 

No, I don't think there's a chance. Why would you want one? She isn't a well person, she's not girlfriend material and I don't think she is who she says she is, at all. I also don't believe a lot of what she has told you is true. Why would want to be with a person like that? I don't see any benefit in this for you.

 

Why don't you date local women?

[TheGuy599]

Have you ever even chatted live with her, on webcam?

 

Where does she live?

 

No, I don't think there's a chance. Why would you want one? She isn't a well person, she's not girlfriend material and I don't think she is who she says she is, at all. I also don't believe a lot of what she has told you is true. Why would want to be with a person like that? I don't see any benefit in this for you.

 

Why don't you date local women?

 

I used to talk to her on voice chat all the time. The only thing she lied about is having a boyfriend. I'm also skeptical about her having a professional job she says she has. other than that, everything should be true because it matches up over the time of 3 months i know her. She always said how she doesn't have a father figure and the boyfriend said how he wants to be her father or something , so there's a good chance that is true. She is in NY. I mean if I can meet up with her irl and see how she is I mean I don't think there should be a problem. I try to date local women, but I always see they have a boyfriend, at least the girls I like. I probably should be looking more though, to be honest.

Edited December 8, 2016 by TheGuy599

[ExpatInItaly]

So it is correct that you have never actually seen her face live, while talking to her?

 

I also don't grasp how you can conclude everything she's said over the last three months matches up - matches up with what? I don't see that you have any way to verify that what she is telling is you is true. She could be using anyone's pictures and passing them off as her own. This is very easy to do in the digital age. That is why it's suspicious that she won't show her face live to you. Hearing her voice means very little; you still don't know who is really at the end of that voice.

 

Aside from all of that, she sounds completely emotionally and mentally unstable. This is not someone who you should be trying to attach yourself to.

[TheGuy599]

So it is correct that you have never actually seen her face live, while talking to her?

 

I also don't grasp how you can conclude everything she's said over the last three months matches up - matches up with what? I don't see that you have any way to verify that what she is telling is you is true. She could be using anyone's pictures and passing them off as her own. This is very easy to do in the digital age. That is why it's suspicious that she won't show her face live to you. Hearing her voice means very little; you still don't know who is really at the end of that voice.

 

Aside from all of that, she sounds completely emotionally and mentally unstable. This is not someone who you should be trying to attach yourself to.

 

Well the boyfriend had made comments about how she looks months before and I'm pretty sure he saw her face live because they are so close to each other that she wants to visit him and they share many things together. She told me a bunch of times she doesn't trust anyone. One time, this girl that became her friend put a real life picture of her to play around in front of everyone and this girl got so angry that she be-friended her.

 

I talk to this online girl like my wife. We share deep conversations and it's hard to break free from it. It really is because I never met a girl as strong-minded and wise as her. I really don't mind getting an airplane ticket to come see her. She said she will move places etc because she has no one. If she lies about that, then I don't want to be with her at all because I don't want to keep a long distance relationship.

 

Anyway, I'm so disappointed at how I can talk so close and deep like she's my wife but nothing is happening. She went back to that guy she gave multiple chances for and still wants to go to him. I'm just disappointed. I think it's just best for me to stop chasing girls. Ever since I tried to love someone, it's just disappointment after disappointment.

 

I'm just gonna stay single for a little while until I can overcome all this.

 

Thank you for your help, but I think it's best to stay single. I shouldn't go after this girl either because I'm pretty sure she doesn't want me at all. I had another deep conversation with this girl again last night and I think it will be my last.

 

I go to her when I'm sad. These are the things she tells me.

you'll be ok.. no one said it was easy

I told her how I need to man up and this is what she tells me.

Being a man that's not a thing. That's a silly term. Everyone has emotions and you can show them. No need to be afraid.

and then ended with this.

If you ever want to share whats going on or what has happened I'm here to listen. Have a good night.

This girl had messaged me back instantly the second I messaged her about me being sad. I was really surprised that when I told her "we need to talk, it's important" she sorta stopped what she was doing just to talk to me on voice this one time.

 

I just wish I'll find another girl like this one.

 

Thanks again for your help.

Edited December 8, 2016 by TheGuy599

[benpom]

I don't believe in online relationships, but I found a girl that had deep conversations with me and we shared things in common.

 

Thank you for reading this and God Bless for any help. I want to get this girl and I need help from other people to help me talk to her. My friends told me this girl just wants to use up men for attention then move onto another guy. I'm strong-hearted enough to not feel pain from this girl if we break up if we dated. I believe I need to do something really special for her to believe me that I love her and I really do mean that I care for her. I want to make a video of a "Draw my life" and put her at the end and show her that she's an important person of my life for teaching me to love myself and had made me happy in a long time that I was sad.

 

You need to see a therapist. There is a reason you are attracted to her. It is not a healthy reason. Finding out the source and work on it. It will help you down the road in life.

 

This girl is broken. There is nothing wrong with loving someone who is broken. An element of love is sacrifice. But considering that you don't even know her in real life, the distance issue etc., it is just too much for you to sacrifice for love.

Edited December 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ExpatInItaly]

You need to see a therapist. There is a reason you are attracted to her. It is not a healthy reason. Finding out the source and work on it. It will help you down the road in life.

 

This girl is broken. There is nothing wrong with loving someone who is broken. An element of love is sacrifice. But considering that you don't even know her in real life, the distance issue etc., it is just too much for you to sacrifice for love.

 

I was going to post the same thing.

 

OP, you are throwing around words like "wife" and "love", but you've never even laid eyes on her in real life. Surely you can see that this isn't normal.

 

A qualified and experienced therapist can help you figure out why you're doing this, and give you tools to develop healthy relationships.

[TheGuy599]

First off thank you all for the help. I completely agree. I think I need a therapist, this isn't healthy at all. It's just that this is the first girl I ever can talk to like this and she makes me happy talking to her and I feel better. I am sacrificing too much for her. I think therapist is the best solution. Thank you all.